


Play Upon Me Like This Piano

by Elleberquist6



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), RobertIDK - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Music, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, BBC Radio 1, Bars and Pubs, Falling In Love, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Little Mermaid Elements, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Pianist Dan Howell, Radio Host Phil Lester, Sirens, Smut, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-06-07 11:56:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 44
Words: 100,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15218645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elleberquist6/pseuds/Elleberquist6
Summary: In many ways, Phil's life is perfect: he loves his life in London, he has a wonderful brother and parents, and he has a great job  as a radio DJ for BBC Radio One. There's only one thing missing in his life... A rumor reaches an executive at the BBC about a talented local piano player named Daniel. The executive decides that Daniel would be the perfect guest on Phil's radio show, so she sends Phil to speak with the evasive and mysterious piano player. When they finally meet, Phil starts to think that he has found the person who will make his life complete. Unfortunately, Dan has a secret that will make getting close to him difficult.





	1. Chapter 1

Excerpt from “The Soul Cages **”** By T. Crofton Croker:

_The Merrow, of if you write it in the Irish, Moruadh or Murúghach, from muir, sea, and oigh, a maid, is not uncommon, they say, on the wilder coasts. The fishermen do not like to see them, for it always means coming gales._

_Jack Dogherty lived on the coast of the county Clare. Jack was a fisherman, as his father and grandfather before him had been. Like them, too, he lived all alone… Many a strange sight, it may well be supposed, did Jack see, and many a strange sound did he hear, but nothing daunted him. So far was he from being afraid of Merrows, or such beings, that the very first wish of his heart was to fairly meet with one._

_Accordingly, one day when he had strolled a little farther than usual along the coast to the northward, just as he turned a point, he saw something perched upon a rock at a little distance out to sea. It looked green in the body, as well as he could discern at that distance. Jack stood for a good half-hour straining his eyes, and all the time the thing did not stir hand or foot. At last Jack’s patience was quite worn out, and he gave a loud whistle and a hail, when the Merrow (for such it was) started up, put the cocked hat on its head, and dived down, head foremost, from the rock._

_Jack’s curiosity was now excited, and he constantly directed his steps towards the point; still he could never get a glimpse of the sea-gentleman with the cocked hat. One very rough day, however, when the sea was running mountains high, Jack Dogherty determined to give a look at the Merrow’s rock, and then he saw the strange thing cutting capers upon the top of the rock, and then diving down, and then coming up, and then diving down again. Jack he wished now to get acquainted with the Merrow, and even in this he succeeded._

_One tremendous blustering day, before he got to the point whence he had a view of the Merrow’s rock, and there, to his astonishment, he saw sitting before him. It had a fish’s tail, legs with scales on them, and short arms like fins. It wore no clothes, but had the cocked hat under its arm, and seemed engaged thinking very seriously about something._

_Jack, with all his courage, was a little daunted; but now or never, thought he. So up he went boldly to the cogitating fishman, took off his hat, and made his best bow. “Your servant, sir,” said Jack._

[http://www.sacred-texts.com/neu/yeats/fip/fip21.htm]

# CHAPTER ONE

 

 

It would have been any hole-in-the-wall bar, except there was something special about this place. That special thing was what had Phil Lester walking through the doors tonight, sent on an errand by his boss.

At first glance, the bar was much like any other small establishment of its sort in London. Even the fact that it was in a historic area was nothing to boast about – there were hundreds of bars in London that could brag that they had been sliding beers across their counters for hundreds of years. While the atmosphere of an old place could be charming at first glance, all polished wood and quirky decor, after lingering for a moment it quickly became apparent that the yellowed wallpaper had been discolored by the cigarette smoke of patrons from long before the laws had changed, and the smell wouldn’t quite fade, no matter how often it was scrubbed. And there was nothing charming about that.

Phil had arrived a bit earlier than he had intended, so he took a seat at the bar, which was mostly empty. He wasn’t much for going to places like this, but he was more accustomed to stereotypical pubs with a cluster of men shouting at a rugby game on a tv near the bar. However, this bar was different – it was classier. There were tables where couples could enjoy a meal, though only a few people were there at this early hour. Soft jazz music was playing from speakers mounted near the ceiling.

Phil smiled. This place might be a hole in the wall, but it was nice. He usually avoided bars because they were loud and packed with rowdy people, but this place was more his style. As the bartender arrived to serve him, Phil gave him a broad smile.

The bartender said, “Hi there, I’m Johnathan. What can I get you?”

“A cocktail. Um…” Phil looked around for a menu but didn’t see one nearby. “Something sweet.”

“I make a mean Hurricane.”

“I’ll take it,” Phil said with a grin. “Thanks, Johnathan.”

“I’ll pay for it,” said a man who slid into the barstool beside him.

Phil’s eyebrows rose, since he hadn’t been expecting that, and it took him a few seconds to recover from the shock. He was single, so there was no harm in accepting the drink and talking to this guy for a moment, so he composed his face and turned to the bold stranger with a smile.

The first thing that Phil noticed was that the stranger’s hair was styled in a similar way to his own. Well, it would have been similar, but Phil had recently started combing his black fringe back from his face in a quiff. The stranger had his brown fringe combed across his forehead, and Phil liked it, thinking that they might have a common emo past. Maybe they liked the same kind of music.

“Thanks for the drink,” Phil said.

“You’re welcome,” the brown-haired stranger said. He bit his lip, hesitating before saying, “I don’t want this to be weird, so I’ll just come out and say this: I know who you are.”

Phil stiffened. “Oh? Who am I?”

“You’re Phil Lester. You host a show for BBC Radio 1. I know you probably get people coming up to you all the time, but I hope the fact that I’m upfront about why I’m talking to you has earned me some points. Please? I’ll go away if I’m annoying you.”

Phil’s Hurricane arrived at this time, and the stranger stopped talking while the bartender was nearby, wiping a spot on the countertop. Phil took the opportunity to enjoy a sip of the cocktail, savoring the sweetness of the grenadine with the smooth rum. He turned back to the stranger with the smile. “You’re not annoying me. It’s okay. And I appreciate that you’re being honest – I thought you came over to flirt at first.”

The stranger’s cheeks flushed. “Sorry, I like women. You’re cute though. I’d be into you if I liked men.”

Things were a bit awkward now and Phil regretted mentioning it. So, he decided to change the subject, as he asked, “What did you want to talk about?”

“Okay, about that…” The brown-haired man took a deep breath as he tried to relax. Once he’d steadied himself, he said, “I just wanted to talk to you about my music.”

Phil kept his face carefully composed. This wasn’t the first time a hopeful musician had randomly approached him, and it wouldn’t be the last. Some people in his position would be annoyed and snap that they had no control over what was played on the radio, but Phil had resolved to be polite, listen, and then direct the man to where he could submit his music. So, he said, “What kind of instrument do you play?”

“Acoustic guitar. And I sing!” The man answered excitedly. “I do a lot of covers of songs, but original work as well. Actually, I recorded a single. I have it on a CD in my car. If you wait here, I can go get it and—”

This was where Phil drew the line, so he held up his hands, hoping that he wasn’t crushing this guy’s dreams. He hated disappointing people, but there was nothing he could do. “Um, actually… I’m sorry, but I don’t accept submissions. I’m sure your music is great, but I don’t have control over what is played on the radio. The BBC has a PO Box where they accept CDs. They also accept things online in MP3 format if you send in a form. I can give you the form, but there’s nothing else I can do.”

“Oh,” the man said as he sagged in his seat. “Yeah, that makes sense. I get that your job isn’t to find new talent.”

Phil bit his lip, since that wasn’t exactly true. His boss had heard about a piano player who regularly worked as an entertainer at this bar, and she had sent Phil here to listen. If the guy was as good as the rumors said, Phil was supposed to approach him to offer an appearance on his radio show. It was unlike anything he had ever done for the BBC before, and his boss wouldn’t be pleased if he brought her a CD from a stranger he met at a bar, so there was nothing he could do for this guitar player.

Phil rolled the cocktail between his palms. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be more help. I feel guilty drinking this now.”

“Oh, don’t be. Enjoy it. Accept it as payment for putting up with my annoying presence,” the man said with an awkward smile.

“You’re not annoying.”

“Seriously?” The man snorted. “Have you heard my voice?”

Phil laughed before enjoying another sip of the cocktail. “I like your accent. Are you Canadian?”

“Yup. Oh! I haven’t told you my name, have I?” He extended a hand to Phil. “I’m Robert. Thanks for being so nice.”

Phil shook his hand, feeling fingers calloused by the musician’s trade. “Nice to meet you, Robert.”

After he let go of Phil’s hand, Robert gestured to a stage across the room, near the tables and chairs that were slowly filling as the night crowd entered the bar. “Phil, I know you’re not here for the music, but I hope you’ll stick around. Just for the entertainment value of the evening. I’m planning to put on a good show tonight.”

Once more, this stranger had surprised him. Phil asked, “Oh, are you performing?”

“Yeah, I work here regularly as an entertainer. I’m opening tonight, so you wouldn’t have to stick around for long to hear me.”

“I’m going to stick around,” Phil reassured him with a smile. He was supposed to stay here to listen to the piano player anyway, so he might as well make this stranger happy at the same time. Robert was the kind of guy who he could see himself being friends with anyway – if this whole encounter hadn’t been so awkward. But maybe they could get past that.

“Great! I look forward to seeing you in the crowd.” Robert slid off the stool and then walked away, leaving Phil to enjoy the last of the Hurricane.

Until the live music started, Phil passed the time by sitting at the bar, playing Animal Crossing on his phone. It wasn’t long before he heard a microphone screech as it was turned on. Phil shifted on the barstool so that he could see the stage.

Robert was sitting on a wooden stool with a guitar resting on his knees. He was messing with the microphone to adjust its height, which made it screech again. He leaned in to say, “Sorry about that. Um, hi there. I’m Robert. I’m going to sing a cover for you tonight. This is an awesome song that I used to perform live a lot at my school. It’s a classic, really. This song was pretty much the song that would get the most audience interaction, so… yeah, I always enjoy that.”

After clearing his throat, Robert began strumming his guitar in the familiar rhythm and tune of _I Would Walk 500 Miles_ , and Phil settled against the bar as he enjoyed Robert’s rendition of it. Robert did a good job of filling the room with energy, and soon the people watching were clapping to the beat of the music. As the crowd got into it, Robert relaxed and his awkwardness faded. Phil was enjoying it, so he applauded enthusiastically after the song.

Robert’s set continued for a few more covers, but then his time on the stage came to a close. He leaned into the microphone. “I want to thank you all. You’ve been a lovely audience and I’ve had a lot of fun tonight. I’m going to turn the stage over to my colleague, Daniel Howell. Be sure to give him a warm welcome.”

Recognizing the name of the piano player who his boss had sent him here to see, Phil sat up straighter in his seat as he focused on the stage. Robert stepped down from the stage and exited through a staff doorway to the left with his guitar. A moment later, another man stepped through the door.

Most of the people in the room like Phil were expectantly tracking the piano player’s entrance, but he didn’t look up as he walked up the steps. This was in stark contrast to Robert, who had entered with a nervous smile and an eager wave to the audience at the tables. The piano player just acted oblivious to it all. Without even glancing at the people in the room, he glided towards a piano near the back of the stage. The piano was angled so that he faced the audience when he sat on the stool behind it, and there was a microphone mounted on top of it.

Without a word, he started playing a tune that Phil didn’t recognize. The notes drifted softly through the room, just as noninvasive and unimposing as the man who had drifted into the room to play them. The music wove around the room until it transformed the atmosphere, softening it, and Phil found himself letting out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding.

Phil looked around the room, seeing other people relax. Unlike the guitar player who had perched on the edge of the stage, demanding the audience’s attention, this performer allowed his audience to listen passively as they returned to whispered dinner conversation. This made Phil frown as he focused on the piano player – Daniel Howell was talented, sure, but so far he hadn’t done anything extraordinary. Nothing that would stir a rumor prompting an executive at the BBC to send Phil here to investigate. It made him curious, so he looked closer for something he might have missed.

The man was dressed in black from head to toe, like he wanted to blend in with the shadows in the room, but that wasn’t likely to happen. His face was stunning, which Phil could note even at the considerable distance from the bar to the stage. He had dark eyes with long lashes that splayed across his cheeks as he looked down to focus on the keys which he worked with his elegant fingers. Daniel’s hair was lovely, too. It was a mass of tousled brown curls that was swept to the side across his forehead.

When Daniel looked up suddenly and his eyes scanned the crowd, Phil’s heart skipped a beat when the piano player’s eyes passed over his face. Maybe there was something to the rumors about this man? Phil had expected Daniel’s attention to return to the keys after a moment, but he continued playing without looking down. Instead, he leaned towards the microphone mounted on top of the piano. He started to sing.

For many hours after this moment, Phil would try to recall what Daniel had sung. He would never be able to remember a single word of it. If Daniel’s piano playing had drifted softly through the room, then the notes of his song sparked along the synapses of Phil’s brain. The music invaded his mind. His head felt funny, almost like he was drunk with the music.

Everything in the room was fuzzy – everything but the lovely man who was singing as he sat behind the piano. All Phil could see was Daniel’s beautiful face, glowing in the soft yellow lighting that was strung from the ceiling above the stage. His dark eyes were sparkling. The slight tan of his skin was radiant.

And his voice… Phil still couldn’t say what the words of the song were, but he found that his heart had started beating in time with the rhythm of the music. It felt like Daniel was holding his life in his hands – Daniel was his master, and Phil’s heart was only allowed to beat at a certain pace decided by the singer. And Phil couldn’t have been happier about that fact.

Time had ceased to have meaning, so it felt like both an instant and also a lifetime had passed when Daniel stopped singing and took his hands away from the keys. Phil’s heart stuttered in his chest before resuming its normal rhythm, and he blinked a few times before shaking his head to clear it. When he reopened his eyes, he saw several other people in the room trying to shake off the spell that Daniel had cast over them. Gradually, the normal noises of the bar resumed, which seemed obscene in comparison to the beautiful music that had filled the space a moment before.

As Phil shook his head once more and rubbed his eyes clarity finally arrived, and he remembered that he came here to talk to the piano player. When he looked up, he saw that the stage was now empty and Daniel had left the room. Phil rose from the bar stool and walked towards the staff door, thinking that since Robert had walked through it after his performance, perhaps Daniel went that way, too. As he approached the door, the bartender from earlier pushed through the door carrying a towel, and he blinked in surprise to see Phil standing outside.

“Um, hi again, Johnathan. Is Daniel Howell back there? Could I speak to him?”

The bartender shook his head. “Sorry, man. He left right after he got off the stage. Maybe you could catch him tomorrow? He’s performing again.”

“Thanks,” Phil said with a sigh. Then he headed for the door and started walking home.

 

 

When Phil turned on his laptop later that night, there was an email from his boss asking him if he went to see Mr. Howell’s performance tonight. Phil bit his lip as he contemplated emailing back now. While he had hoped to accomplish more before reporting back to his boss, the whole thing had been phrased as more of a friendly request than a job. Also, he had made some progress, so he had something to report. Phil typed:

  
_Hi, Gina._

_I saw the piano player, and he was everything you’d been hoping for. He’d be great to have on the show. I wanted to invite him on as soon as I heard him, but he left right after. Apparently he’s performing tomorrow, so I’m going to go back to try again. I’ll let you know how that goes._

_-Phil_

After a quick trip to the kitchen to microwave some popcorn for a late-night snack, Phil settled before the tv. He left it on a cooking show while he enjoyed his popcorn. His laptop was still open on the coffee table, and it _pinged_ with a notification to let him know that he had a new email. He saw that his boss had responded to his email, and he pulled his laptop closer to read it:  
           

_Phil,_

_Thanks for doing this. I know that none of this is a part of your usual job duties, so I want you to know that I appreciate the fact that you’re going above and beyond. I hadn’t explained earlier why I sent you down there, when this isn’t our usual process. I’d like to explain now._

_Daniel Howell has been very evasive. We have tried contacting him by phone, email, even snail mail, but no response. I’m hoping that Mr. Howell has a different reaction when the offer comes from the mouth of an actual radio show host._

_So, he really was as good as I’d been told? What did he perform? Thanks again!  
-Gina_

 

Well, there was no avoiding that question, and putting off answering wouldn’t help. Phil’s face was flushed as he typed and sent his reply:

_My memory is a bit hazy at the moment, but yes he was very good. Sorry I can’t give you any specifics._

_-Phil_

 

Gina’s response came in only a couple minutes later, but it took Phil a few more moments to find the courage to see what his boss said. Finally, he read:

_You were a bit sloshed? :D I’m not going to judge you for having a drink – you were off the clock. I’m glad you enjoyed yourself. Good night. Don’t forget to drink some water._

_-Gina_

 

Phil exhaled in relief. Not that he had expected Gina to be upset with him. He tried to keep things professional with her, but Gina was a friendly boss who had always tested that barrier and assured Phil that he could be casual around her. In moments like this where he felt he hadn’t done his best at work – though her comment about being off the clock had been true – he appreciated that she was understanding. She was so understanding that she often pointed out to him that he was a workaholic.

Sighing, Phil closed his laptop and settled onto his sofa, intending to go to bed once he finished his popcorn. He was off work tomorrow and he had the whole day to himself until he had to go back to the bar tomorrow night. He’d sit on the sofa, try to relax on the internet, and not think about things that he could do to prepare for his radio show. He needed to remember how to have fun. Tonight had really shown him that.

Phil had forgotten how to do normal things like go to a bar, have a drink with a guy who might become a friend, and admire a beautiful face across a room. It had been a long time. And it had also been a long time since he looked forward to the plans he had tomorrow night; he could almost forget that it was sort of for work. All he could think about was the fact that he was going to finally talk to the captivating singer who he couldn’t get off his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think of chapter 1 please! I have much more written, but am unsure yet when I want to post chapter 2 since I'm very busy at the moment, but if people are enjoying this I'll try to post the next chapter soon <3
> 
> ____  
> Special thanks are especially in order, since this is the first time I've worked with betas. Thank you so much to:
> 
> \- to msdorebom on tumblr for beta reading the first couple chapters, I was honored to be her first time beta-ing :)  
> \- to hydrangea-fireheart on tumblr for also reading the first couple chapters, and for having the discussion with me that led to chapter 3  
> \- and to AmazingDandroid for beta reading those chapters and the rest, and for being especially helpful with the stuff about music and listening to me whine about things like wanting to change the title for 2 weeks
> 
> Also to:  
> \- to PastelSkysz, for having the discussion with me about mythology that led to me have this idea!


	2. Chapter 2

_Siren fact: Homer doesn’t describe the Sirens’ physical appearance in his epic poem. They [sirens] inhabit the water, the air, and the earth. They’re also associated with song; they have voices that are not human voices, and kinds of movement that are not the same as human kinds of movement. [https://www.audubon.org/news/sirens-greek-myth-were-bird-women-not-mermaids]_  

 

 

The water he was resting in was cooling, but Dan made no effort to move. The room was filled with lavender-scented steam, and Dan had managed to clear his mind, freeing himself of his anxieties, pointless contemplations, and stress – if only for a moment. The bath bomb he had tossed into the tub had been expensive, but he knew now that it had been worth the money as his tense shoulders relaxed.

Dan was startled when his phone chimed to let him know he’d received a text. He opened his eyes to glance at the phone where it was resting on the edge of the tub. The incoming text was from ‘Robbie’ – Robbie was Robert, a guitar player who frequently performed at the same bar as Dan. And he also hated the nickname ‘Robbie’. When they first met they’d both been networking, which was a good thing to do in the music industry. So, they both ended up as contacts in each other’s phones, and as soon as Dan learned of Robert’s hatred of nicknames, he’d updated Robert’s contact info accordingly. Just as a reminder of this useful fact.

They weren’t friends. If Dan were feeling childish, he would almost call them rivals, kind of like Ash and Gary, and they had yet to have their bonding moment over a broken Poké Ball during which they’d realized they were friends all along. Robert didn’t like Dan. So, it was curious that Dan had just received a text from him.

Dan lifted his hand from the bath and shook off some of the water before picking up his phone. He held the phone over the side of the tub so that he didn’t drop it in the water – he was naturally clumsy enough to do that, but there was also the fact that his hands were impeded by webbing at the moment. Dan wasn’t human and an odd side effect of this was the fact that webbing appeared between his fingers and toes when he submerged them in water. The webbing was thin, see-through skin that shimmered iridescently in the light. It was also annoying as fuck as he tried to unlock his phone with his awkward hands, but eventually he opened the text from Robert.

 _Where are you? You should be here, getting ready for your set,_ Robert had written.

Dan checked the time and cursed. He’d apparently zoned out in the bath. He might make it on time for his performance, but he would have to hurry. Dan hastily replied to Robert, _thnx_

Then he leapt from the tub, splattering water across the floor, and he grabbed his hairdryer. Dan wouldn’t have bothered with it for the mess of curls on his head, which would air-dry before long. He turned on the hairdryer and aimed it at the webbed skin between his fingers and then his toes to dry the skin, since the webbing needed to be gone in time for him to appear in public.

His phone chimed again. Dan frowned, seeing another text from Robert, who wasn’t usually this talkative. The text said, _Did you leave with him last night?_

 _who_ Dan replied

Another text came almost instantly, _The BBC guy. You both disappeared around the same time last night. Did you leave together?_

Dan rolled his eyes and responded, _not that its any of your business but no and i have no idea who you are talking about i have to get ready or ill be late bye_

Usually, Dan liked the fact that he didn’t get along with Robert. He was used to people liking him, by nature of his voice. His boss had heard him sing, so he always invited him back to perform again. The people who came to the bar to listen were drawn back again to hear Dan, though they didn’t understand why. Meanwhile, Robert had never stuck around to watch Dan’s performance, preferring to run to the back room to unwind after being on stage from his own set. As a result, Robert was one of the few people Dan saw regularly who wasn’t under the spell of his voice, and Dan enjoyed this.

He wasn’t enjoying it at the moment as he reread Robert’s messages and snorted before putting down his phone. So, Robert thought Dan was fucking someone from the BBC? All Dan could do was take a calming breath as he continued getting ready for work. But his hands were shaking in anger as he tried to arrange his damp fringe and he ended up fisting the curls in rage, tugging until it started to hurt as he stared at his reflection.

Robert wasn’t actually what was bothering him. Dan sympathized with the guitar player – he really did. While Dan got to drift through life on his supernatural talents, getting gigs offered to him and tips from the audience, Robert only had his natural talent. He had to work his ass off to be in the same position as Dan, and Dan admired him for it. So, he couldn’t blame Robert for hating him. Dan hated himself sometimes, too.

But Dan had never asked for any of this, and the accusation about the man from the BBC hit close to home. He wasn’t fucking to advance his career – he didn’t need to since he had his voice. The thing was that Dan’s life could be so much different if he had no self-respect. With his voice, he could walk in the door of any recording studio and receive offers, but that wasn’t the way he wanted to make his career. So, he learned to play the piano. He made a modest living performing in bars.

Yet people like Robert still assumed that his minimal success wasn’t his own, as if Dan was cheating at the game. He _was_ cheating, but only because he had no other choice. He hadn’t decided to be born a siren. He couldn’t help the fact that he had a passion and love for music, so much so that he wanted to make his music career as honest as he possibly could. None of this was fair. Sighing, Dan left the bathroom to get dressed for work because whoever said life was fair?

 

 

When Dan walked into the back room of the bar, a little breathless since he had to run to get here on time, he saw that Robert was here too, and Dan frowned. As he was about to ignore Robert and turn his back on him, Robert gave him a bashful smile and crossed the room with his hands in his pockets. He huffed out a sigh as he stopped to stand before Dan, but he was having trouble meeting Dan’s annoyed glare.

“Hey, Dan. Umm…”

Dan could tell that Robert was sorry, so he offered by way of truce, “Thanks for reminding me about work. I zoned out in the bath, and if you hadn’t texted I would probably still be in there right now.”

“Sure.” Robert looked up with a hopeful smile. “About the other text I sent… I want to say I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have accused you of leaving with that guy.”

Dan shrugged. “No worries. I sleep with guys, so I wasn’t offended.”

Robert’s cheeks flushed. “I didn’t mean… I meant, I was sorry if I offended you by implying that you left with that man because he works for the BBC and could help your career. That was shitty of me to suggest.”

“Oh, that. Yeah, I was a bit upset about that,” Dan admitted. “Thanks for apologizing. I forgive you. Well, maybe I should wait before saying that… I don’t even know what this guy looks like, so I don’t know how pissed with you I should be right now. Who was I allegedly messing around with last night? Is he old enough to be my granddad?”

Robert let out a breathy laugh and relaxed with Dan’s teasing tone. “See for yourself. He’s the guy in the denim jacket sitting at the bar. Um, I’ll see you later. I’m supposed to be on the stage in a minute, so…”

“Yeah, see you later. Good luck,” Dan said, as Robert slipped past him and out the door. Once he was alone, Dan thought about what he should do in preparation for being on stage soon. He ran his tongue across his chapped lips, and then grimaced because his mouth felt dry after running to make it here on time. He normally carried a water bottle, but he’d accidentally left it at home. So, he left the room and headed to the bar.

Dan leaned against the end of the bar and waved to get the bartender’s attention. “Hey, Johnathan. Could I just get a glass of water?”

“Sure, one sec,” he half-shouted to be heard from across the room and over the noise of the people chatting excitedly before the live music started. A moment later the bartender was placing a glass of ice water before Dan. With a nod to the stage, Johnathan said, “Good luck up there tonight.”

“Thanks,” Dan said with a nod before picking up the glass. A hush fell over the room as Robert started strumming his guitar. As Johnathan walked away to serve another person, Dan looked over the other patrons at the bar. He was only looking for denim jacket guy out of curiosity, wanting to know who he had been accused of sleeping with last night.

Then Dan saw him, sitting a few stools away. He was intently watching the stage and he hadn’t noticed Dan’s attention on him, so Dan was able to get a good look. The man in the denim jacket had marble-white skin, dark hair pushed back from his forehead, and his eyes were the color of the ocean.

Dan swallowed heavily. He certainly had no reason to be offended by the accusation that he had left last night with a man who looked like this – the guy was gorgeous. The bar stools between them were empty, and Dan found himself fighting the desire to slip into the stool beside the lovely man. All he wanted to do was to see those eyes up close, to see if they were really that blue, and to feel what it was like to be captured by that gaze – what emotion would fill those eyes if they were resting on Dan’s face?

Dan’s grip tightened on the glass of ice water he was still holding. It had been a long time since he had felt drawn to a person like this. Casual hookups were one thing and Dan had no problem finding someone interested in sharing his bed, whenever he felt that urge.

This was different, though. He didn’t just want to hook up with this guy, and the stakes felt higher somehow. Dan wanted to talk to this man, but he felt like he had nothing interesting to say; his brain would go blank when those pretty eyes finally shifted to his face. He would be left alone, cringing whenever he thought about the fact that his awkwardness spoiled what could have been a good thing.

After taking a long swallow of the water, Dan sighed. Yeah, this was why he didn’t have anyone in his life. He didn’t know how to connect with people. Usually he was fine with being alone, but at times like this he wished he knew how to have a conversation with a cute guy like a normal person.

As Dan accepted that this was never going to happen, he finished the glass of water while waiting for his turn on the stage. Robert was finishing his set with his version of Elvis’ _Can’t Help Falling In Love With You_ , and while Dan liked it he would have much preferred it if Robert had chosen a song that was less romantic and could distract him from his current situation. Finally, the song ended and Dan clapped.  

“Thank you all, you’ve been a wonderful audience. I’ve had a great time and I hope to see you again sometime,” Robert said into the mic. He accidentally bumped the mic stand, making it screech with feedback that made Dan wince. “Um… sorry. I’d like to pass the stage over to Daniel Howell. Make him feel welcome. Good night everybody!”

Dan pushed off the bar and started in the direction of the stage as the crowd seated at the tables clapped. It was soft, but Dan heard a gasp over the clapping, and he turned around. When he walked away from the bar, denim jacket guy had apparently just noticed him – the ocean-blue eyes were locked on Dan’s face.

After wondering what it would be like to have this man look at him, Dan paused in place as he enjoyed it for a moment. The eyes were wide with surprise and recognition as they rested on Dan’s face. Then the eyes quickly flicked up and down, making Dan wish that he had worn more than a black t-shirt and jeans. As the eyes settled once more on his face, denim jacket guy gave a slight wave in greeting and he smiled softly, almost like he was apologizing for being awkward.

Dan knew something about being awkward, so he returned the smile. Then because he had already stood here for too long, he turned around and started walking to the stage again. He settled behind his piano, took a deep breath, and started playing. He always liked to start with the piano before he sang because he was entertaining the audience with his talents earned by hard work, rather than the supernatural talents he couldn’t help being born with.

The atmosphere of the room was relaxing to the soft melody that he was playing, and Dan looked up, peeking at the audience through his long lashes. The denim jacket man was still watching him, which made Dan smile again. He could get used to the feeling of those eyes on him.

Dan didn’t want this moment to end. As he leaned forward to start singing into the mic on top of the piano, Dan locked eyes with the man with the ocean eyes. It didn’t matter what song Dan sang because this audience wouldn’t remember it – all they would remember was the hypnotizing effect of the siren song, which cast a spell across the room. As he sung to them, his audience stared at him with blissed-out expressions on their faces.

Dan continued singing, but he frowned when he saw that denim jacket guy now had an expression identical to everyone else in the room; he had liked it when the man gave him that awkward smile because that had been genuine. The look of adoration on the man’s face was artificial now, just an effect of his siren voice which caused a release of endorphins in the brain of whoever heard it. Dan was nothing special, not really, and no one would ever look at him for real like that. Not when he wasn’t using his voice.

Dan turned away from this distraction as he returned his attention to the keys of the piano. He continued singing as he finished his set, but he didn’t glance at the audience again. Finally, his performance was over and he rose from the piano. Unlike Robert’s listeners, his audience didn’t usually clap as they were startled when the singing abruptly stopped and they needed a moment to return to the present.

Dan felt like he was in a bad place mentally at the moment. He had spent too much time tonight reflecting negatively on himself, and now he just wanted to go home so that he could clear his head. He had just climbed off the stage and he was eyeing the door when he heard a voice.

“Hey.”

Dan turned to face the man with the pretty eyes and the denim jacket – he wished he knew the man’s name, but Robert hadn’t shared it. Dan just swallowed heavily and stared at the man, unsure what he wanted.

“Um,” the man glanced at the bar over his shoulder. “Did you…”

He understood what the man wanted, so Dan followed the man to the bar where they sat. Johnathan came over and asked denim jacket guy if he wanted another Hurricane. That sounded good, so Dan ordered one, too.

As Dan sipped on the drink, he saw that the man staring at him. The ocean eyes were still wide with adoration, the emotion lingering as an aftereffect of the siren song. Dan wished that this could to be real, but all he could do was pretend and enjoy it for as long as it lasted. He smiled over his drink at the man, pretending that this man really did like him.

“Um, I wanted to ask you something, but I can’t remember what,” the man admitted with a sheepish smile.

That was normal – confusion was a common lingering effect of Dan’s singing. Dan smiled reassuringly. Then he licked his lips, tasting the sugar of the drink that lingered on his skin. Finally, he decided that he didn’t want the effects of his song to completely fade because when they did this man wouldn’t care about him anymore. There was something that he could do. Dan didn’t need to sing to use the power of his voice – he could slip a bit of it into normal speech and still entrance the person he was speaking to. That was what Dan did as he asked, “Could you tell me your name?”

The pretty eyes dilated as he was hit once more with the effect of Dan’s voice. Then he stuttered to respond, “Ph-Phil. Phil Lester. Philip Michael Lester.”

“It’s nice to meet you Phil. I’m Dan,” he said, but then he decided to dial it back a bit, since it seemed like he had hit Phil a bit too hard with the full force of his voice – he wanted to talk to this man, not make him a stammering fool. He asked, “Are you here by yourself tonight?”

Phil nodded. “Yes, I’m here alone. If that was your way of asking if I’m single, I am.”

Dan smiled. His voice usually evoked blunt responses, so he wasn’t surprised by this. Dan responded, “I am, too. I like you, Phil. Do you like me?”

Phil gaped at him for a moment before nodding enthusiastically.

That wasn’t exactly what he wanted to hear – he wanted a clear response from this man. Dan had never used his voice in this way before. He wanted Phil, but he didn’t want to take away his free will, so he needed to make sure that Phil truly wanted this. In his normal voice, Dan asked again, “Tell me, Phil… Do you really like me? Would you want to go somewhere with me?”

“I do. Yes,” Phil insisted. “I would go anywhere with you.”

           

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't heard Robert's music before, here is the song I had him perform in this chapter:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3RfyYAWPn8  
> and the previous chapter:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkCOx6j-a0E
> 
> I felt I should link some of his music since I'm portraying him as this awkward guy (in my defense, he was an original mc who just sort of "became Robert" as I was writing him, but I really do love Robert and I felt I knew enough about him to write him into this fic :) )
> 
>  
> 
> Also, I was stung by a wasp today :( I know, completely unrelated to anything, but my arm really hurts and I feel like whining about it...  
> The next update will be out late on Friday night!


	3. Chapter 3

_Siren fact:_ _“O, train me not, sweet mermaid, with thy note, / To drown me in thy sister’s flood of tears.” —William Shakespeare, The Comedy of Errors_

_In A Nutshell: Somewhere along the literary and mythological road, mermaids and sirens got confused into one creature: a half-woman, half-fish creature known for her beautiful singing voice. Originally, it was only the mermaid that was a half-human, half-fish creature, and a singing voice wasn’t mentioned in early myths. Sirens were the singers, and they were actually half-woman, half-bird creatures. [https://knowledgenuts.com/2014/02/05/the-difference-between-mermaids-and-sirens/]_

 

**~ two months ago ~**

 

 

“Are you up for another round?” Phil asked his brother, Martyn.

They were sitting on Phil’s sofa, both holding controllers as they stared at the game’s menu screen. Phil bit his lip as he looked at his brother, who hadn’t been playing as well as he usually did and he’d seemed a bit off all day. There was obviously something bothering him, but Phil hadn’t decided how to ask about it yet. He was just hoping that Martyn had had a stressful day and unwinding with Mario Kart was helping.

“Maybe in a minute,” Martyn sighed as he put down the controller. “Philly, could we talk about something?”

As Phil also placed his controller on the coffee table and turned to face his brother, he asked, “Is something wrong?”

“No, not wrong,” Martyn said with a breathy laugh. “There’s something I’m going to give Corn later tonight, and I was hoping to get your opinion on it because I’m kind of nervous.”

“Oh,” Phil said as he exhaled in relief, glad it wasn’t something more serious. “Is it her birthday?”

“No. Actually, it’s…” Martyn grinned and shook his head as he reached into his pocket. “I should just show you what it is.”

When he saw the blue velvet box in his brother’s palm, Phil gasped. “Is that what I think it is?”

“Yup. I’m going to ask her tonight.” Martyn pried open the ring box, revealing a simple but elegant diamond set in a silver band. He held it out to Phil. “What do you think?”

“It’s beautiful.” Phil took the ring box and examined it closer. He raised his other hand, but he stopped before removing the ring from where it was nestled in the blue velvet cushion. It seemed perfectly placed where it was, and Phil had a horrifying mental image of Martyn presenting Cornelia with an engagement ring that was crooked in its box because Phil had put it back wrong. That was when it really hit him how big this moment was. Oh my God, his brother was going to get married. He looked up from the ring with wide eyes. “Mar…”

Martyn smiled. “I know. So, you think she’ll like it?”

“She’ll love it. She loves you,” Phil said as he handed him back the ring box. As Martyn closed the box and slipped it into his pocket, Phil bit his lip as he thought about how he wanted to phrase the questions on his mind. Finally, he asked, “Mar, how are you feeling? Are you nervous?”

Martyn snorted with laughter as he nodded. “Yeah, but I’m looking forward to it, too. I think I’m going to be nervous until the moment comes and I know it’s time to show her the ring. Until then, I’m thinking about all the things that could go wrong, despite the fact that I don’t think she’s going to say ‘no’. The thing about Corn is that she makes me feel safe and sure of things, so once I’m with her tonight I know that she’ll make me feel calm enough to do this.”

“When did you make up your mind to propose?”

“A couple weeks ago,” he said with a smile. His eyes got a far-away look. “I was lying in bed beside her. It was just a lazy Saturday morning, so we were sleeping in. I woke up first, rolled over, and saw her. The sun was coming through the curtains, and all I could do was stare at the way her face was glowing in the light. I knew then that her face was the first thing I wanted to see every day for the rest of my life.”

As Phil smiled because he was honestly so happy for his brother, he also felt a familiar empty aching sensation in his chest. Phil said, “I’m so glad you found her. You deserve this.”

“Thanks,” Martyn said. They returned to the game and played for a while, but this time Martyn was the one who sensed that something was off with his little brother. He kept shooting Phil concerned glances, and then Martyn hit ‘pause’ on the game.

“Hey!” Phil protested. “Why did you do that?”

“I can tell something is wrong. Talk to me.”

Phil looked away and shook his head.

“ ‘No’, nothing is wrong? Or ‘no’ you don’t want to talk to me?”

Phil sighed. “I’m sorry. I just don’t want to distract you today. What’s bothering me isn’t important right now. You should focus on getting ready for—”

“Phil,” Martyn said in a stern voice. “Talk to me.”

“It’s stupid,” Phil said before biting his lip. At his brother’s stern look, he opened up. “It’s just… I’ve been thinking lately that there’s something wrong with me. I haven’t found anyone. I’ve tried, but I don’t like anyone in the way you like Cornelia. So, there’s something wrong with me. I’m 31. I should have found my other half by now.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” his brother insisted. “It just takes longer for some people to find each other. Besides, you’re _only_ 31\. Don’t stress out about it. It will happen.”

Phil shook his head. “Mar, I’ve never even been in love.”

Martyn’s eyes widened. “What? Not with any of the people you’ve dated? None of them?”

“No. And that’s why most of them broke up with me – the recent ones anyway. Whenever things started getting serious and the subject of how much we liked each other came up, I was honest. I’ve never loved anyone I’ve dated. I liked them, but that was it. There’s something wrong with me.”

Martyn was shaking his head. “There’s nothing wrong with you. And are you sure? You’re not just thinking of the way it is in movies, are you? The movies get it wrong.”

“Oh?” Phil said curiously. “How so?”

“They oversimplify it a bit,” he said slowly as he rubbed his chin while he thought, choosing his words carefully. “Especially if you’re talking about the old Disney movie type of love, where you see someone and it’s like you’re struck by lightning. The cartoon character knows instantly that he’s in love just by the sight of someone’s face. I’m not saying that never happens, but that wasn’t my experience.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think that was how it happened. What was it like for you?”

“I’m going to go with the boiling frog analogy,” Martyn said with a laugh. “Don’t tell Corn I said so, but it was like being put in a pot of warm water, and then someone slowly turned up the heat. Then the water was boiling and I woke up one day like, _holy shit I’m in love_. It takes time.”

Phil nodded. “Anything else the movies get wrong?”

“Yeah. Now I’m thinking of Rom Coms.” He made a face. “I hate cheesy Rom Coms. They’re all unconditional devotion. Total happiness. It’s not like that. You don’t have to be happy all the time with the person you’re in love with. Sometimes the person you love pisses you off and all you can do is glare at them. You hate them and love them at the same time, and that’s okay. Humans can feel two intense emotions at the same time – movies always forget that. And these emotions change how you love. There are different types of love you can feel for the person you’re with. You might be lying in bed beside them at 4:00AM having a deep conversation. Or having breakfast with them before they’ve combed their hair or the coffee has kicked in, and all you can think about is how perfect they are. And you might be planning your week, and your mind keeps coming back to them and all the things you want to do with them this week – and then you realize that you want to do more and more things with them for the rest of your life.”

Phil waited while his brother took a deep breath and organized his thoughts. He was struck in that moment by how absolutely besotted Martyn was with his girlfriend. Love was real. Phil wanted to feel that, too. Until he did, all he could do was be happy for his brother.

Martyn smiled as he continued, “So, that’s what it’s like. Falling in love. The movies act like it’s this one shining moment, one emotion, but that’s not true. It’s a series of events and emotions that build and build until you realize you’re in love. And the amazing thing about it is that if you’re lucky, it doesn’t stop. The longer you’re with this person, the deeper you fall in love. So, that’s why I’m proposing tonight. I realized that I never want to let go of her.”

Phil beamed at his brother. “I really am so happy for you.”

“Thanks,” Martyn said with a smile, but it faltered. “Philly, are you going to be okay? I’m worried about you now.”

“Oh, don’t be. I’m fine. I’m happy. I used to be stressed out about this and the things that I don’t have in my life, but recently… like in the past couple years or so? Um, I’ve just accepted it. I don’t even date that often anymore. I’m happy on my own. I don’t think I’m ever going to fall in love, and I’m just learning to be okay with that.”

Martyn frowned. “Well, okay then. I’m glad you’re happy. I’m not going to tell you you’re incomplete or that you need someone. You’re perfect as you are. Still, I hope you’ll keep your heart open. I’d love it if someone would come into your life the way Cornelia has come into mine, just because you deserve to have someone, too.”

“I’ll keep my heart open,” Phil assured his brother with a smile.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me for what might at first glance seem like a boring backstory chapter. Yes, while this does provide a backstory, this chapter has another purpose that will soon become clear. Thank you for your patience <3


	4. Chapter 4

_Siren fact:_ _It’s possible that the Sirens sang to avenge the wrongs against them. Abused by life, they decided to become monsters and destroy the lives of others. It’s also possible that the Sirens sang to express their grief. As they told Odysseus, “We know of all the sorrows in the wide land; we know all things that come to pass on the fruitful earth.”_

_This truth was something that they needed to share, even if it was more painful than mortals could bear to hear. Finally, the Sirens may have been desperately lonely and used their songs to tempt men to join them on their island. [https://mythology.net/greek/greek-creatures/siren/]_

 

 

Phil wasn’t sure where they were going, and he was simply following Dan like a lost puppy as they left the bar. The London streets were less crowded than usual at this hour, and most people were hurrying to get to their destinations and out of the cold. As a chilly breeze swept past them, Dan tucked his chin into the collar of his zipped jacket. Phil was a bit cold too, but he barely noticed as he stared at Dan. They were just passing under a streetlamp, the yellow glow of it rimmed Dan’s face in gold light and shone in his soft curls that shifted in the breeze.

As they walked, Dan kept glancing over his shoulder to make sure he was still being followed. This time when he looked, he saw that Phil was staring at him and he gave him a shy smile. “We’re almost there. I hope you’re not too cold.”

Phil shook his head. Honestly, he liked it. His head had felt so fuzzy in the bar, and the cold seemed to be helping to clear his thoughts. “I’m fine,” he told Dan. “I’m from the North. This is nothing to me.”

“Oh?” Dan said with a bright smile. “That’s interesting. Where up North?”

Phil smiled too. He liked that this lovely man wanted to know more about him. “Rawtenstall. It’s near Manchester.”

Dan made an interested noise, but then stopped walking. They were standing before the door of an apartment building now, and Dan turned to face him. “Um, Phil… this is where I live. Did you want to come inside?”

Phil’s eyes widened. Perhaps he shouldn’t have been surprised, but his thoughts had been so muddled when he agreed to leave the bar with Dan. He had just wanted to spend more time in Dan’s company, happy to just walk beside him. Now that they were actually here in front of Dan’s home, Phil was unsure what he wanted to happen next.

Dan bit his lip as he took in Phil’s expression and lack of response. He broke the silence, “I’m sorry, did I make you uncomfortable?”

Phil gave a breathy laugh. “No. I mean, I just followed you here from a bar. That probably made a certain impression… but you should know I’m not the type to casually hook up. I’ve never done that before and I’m not sure if I want to start tonight. I’m not saying ‘no’ though because you’re so…”

Dan took a step closer, and as he sighed heavily Phil could feel Dan’s breath on his face, which made him shiver. Dan was biting his lip again and he was looking at Phil through his long dark lashes. In the yellow light of a nearby streetlamp Phil could now see that the eyes were a rich shade of brown, like coffee.

Phil asked softly, “Dan?”

“Sorry,” he said, as he released his lip from his teeth and gave Phil a quick smile. “I didn’t mean to give the impression that I wanted you to come inside so that I could tear your clothes off. We can have a drink. Ribena, or maybe coffee to warm you up? We can talk. That’s all tonight has to be if you don’t want more.”

“Oh. Yes, that sounds nice.”

“You’re cute,” Dan said with a smirk. Then he slowly leaned in.

Time seemed to have stopped, and Phil felt entirely in control of this situation as Dan’s face slowly came closer to his. He could tell what Dan was about to do by the angle he was going for – he intended to place a soft kiss on Phil’s cheek. At the last moment, Phil turned his face a bit, and the kiss connected with the corner of his mouth. Dan froze in surprise, but then he shifted so that his lips were fully against Phil’s. 

As their lips moved together, Phil felt his skin tingle where it touched Dan, and his heart did something funny in his chest. When they pulled apart, Phil rested his hand on his chest. “Hmm, your lips are soft,” Dan sighed. Then he noticed Phil’s hand and he asked, “Are you okay?”

Phil nodded and dropped his hand to his side. “I’m okay. My heart did a flippy-over thing. It was nice.”

Dan didn’t look like he knew what Phil was talking about, but he let it go and glanced at the door of the apartment building. “We should probably go inside where it’s warm.”

“Okay.” Phil started following Dan again, and when his back was turned Phil rubbed his chest once more, thinking about the thing his heart had done when Dan kissed him. His heart had never done that before. It was like a thing out of a movie. It had been perfect.

 

 

When they walked into Dan’s kitchen, he waved in invitation to a stool by his breakfast bar. Dan said, “You can have a seat if you like.”

“Thanks,” Phil said as he sat. Then he enjoyed the sight of Dan moving about his space. Dan’s apartment was small and the kitchen was cozy. His appliances were stainless steel, but the rest of the room was filled with personal touches: colorful utensils, postcards held to the fridge by magnets (apparently Dan knew someone who traveled around the US?), and when Dan opened a cupboard Phil saw that it was filled with nerdy mugs. Phil smiled when Dan selected a Lego mug for him, and he said, “That’s really cool.”

“I was hoping you’d like it,” Dan said. He opened another cupboard full of items to make drinks. Dan started pulling things out and placing them on the counter, as he said, “Um, so what would you like? I’ve got tea, cocoa, instant coffee… or did you want something cold to drink? I’ve got Ribena in my fridge.”

“I’d love some coffee,” Phil said, smiling broadly though Dan’s back was turned to him. The seductive man from the bar who had invited Phil into his home was slowly being replaced by someone softer and sweeter – and Phil liked this version of Dan even more. 

Dan filled two mugs with hot water and placed them in the microwave for a minute. When they were ready, Dan placed the mugs, two spoons, a packet of cocoa and the canister of instant coffee before Phil. He smiled shyly as he sat in the stool across the breakfast bar.

As Dan started to reach for the canister of instant coffee to mix it into Phil’s drink, Phil took it and a spoon. “I’ve got it. Go ahead and make your cocoa before the water gets cold.”

“Okay,” Dan said as he tore open the packet of cocoa and poured it into his mug. As he stirred, the mini marshmallows in the mixture floated to the surface. He watched Phil take a tentative sip of the hot instant coffee. “Sorry I don’t have anything better.”

“Mmmh.” Phil shook his head as he swallowed before saying, “I love this. This is the same kind I have at home. My mum raised me on instant coffee, so I love it. It reminds me of my childhood.”

“Childhood?” Dan raised his mug so that he could sniff the sweet steam rising from his cocoa. He smiled at Phil over his mug. “So, you were raised on caffeine? Isn’t that supposed to stunt your growth?”

Phil smirked into his coffee as he took a sip. They were both unusually tall men – it was rare that Phil met someone like Dan who was a bit taller than him. He said, “I’ve heard that. Maybe I would have been 7-feet tall if I hadn’t had coffee when I was a kid. But then I would have to duck to go through doorways, and that would be no fun.” Dan made an understanding noise and they both took sips of their hot drinks, enjoying each other’s company in the silence for a moment. Then Phil said, “I really loved your performance tonight. You’re amazingly talented.”

Dan’s cheeks flushed slightly and he looked away. “Thank you.”

Phil frowned, since he sensed that he had made Dan uncomfortable somehow. He wanted to shift the subject a bit, so he asked, “Um, did you go to music school? Because I really admire people who can do what you do. I tried to learn the violin once and it was a disaster. I can only imagine how difficult learning the piano was.”

“You liked my piano playing?” Dan asked with wide eyes, as if Phil hadn’t said that a moment before. Then he smiled. “Thanks. I’m actually self-taught. I’m a college drop-out. I had piano lessons when I was a kid, but the teacher traumatized me, so I had to teach myself. I still have a lot to learn, but I’m proud of what I can do because it’s something I accomplished on my own.”

“You definitely should be proud,” Phil said before taking another swallow of coffee.

Dan leaned across the counter and said in a hushed voice, “Hey, can you keep a secret?”

Phil felt arousal curling in his belly, which made goosebumps rise on his arms. He barely heard what Dan was saying as he was intoxicated by how close Dan’s face was to his. It was unbelievable that the face he had admired from across the room was even lovelier up close: the multitudes of brown in his eyes, the freckles and dimples on his cheeks, and the tousled curls on his head which looked like they would feel so soft under Phil’s fingers. Belatedly, Phil hummed in response to Dan’s question, “Hmm?”

“I don’t know how to read sheet music.”

“That’s so sexy,” Phil said without thinking, and then he felt his cheeks get hot. “I meant…”

“It’s okay,” Dan said with a giggle as he leaned closer.

Phil was eager to feel those lips again so he also leaned in. When their lips brushed, the kiss went on for much longer this time. As the taste of coffee mixed with hot chocolate, Phil’s heart started doing funny things again. He had never felt anything like this before.

Dan leaned back when he was a bit breathless. “Um, did you…? It’s okay if you don’t want to, but I was wondering…”

“Yes,” Phil said without hesitation. After having this taste of Dan, he wanted more. Kissing Dan made his heart flutter, and he wanted to know what his heart would do if he had more of Dan. 

Dan nodded. “Me too. I want this.”


	5. Chapter 5

_Siren fact: In the wine-dark expanse of the Aegean Sea, far from the halls of civilization, there was once a small island—or so Homer, the famed poet of Ancient Greece, wrote in his epic The Odyssey. No buildings occupied its flowery meadows; no fisherman worked its shores. Those who passed in their black ships heard only voices, twining over the windless waves, singing a song that promised knowledge of all things. Once they heard it, they were enchanted; they had no choice but to land and seek out the singers. Those who did never left the island; their bodies remained, rotting amid the flowers, for none who heard the Sirens' song could escape it. [https://www.audubon.org/news/sirens-greek-myth-were-bird-women-not-mermaids]_

 

 

 

As Dan led Phil to his bedroom, his hands shook with nervous energy. It had been years since he felt this level of excitement in anticipation of that they were about to do. Why did this man make him feel like an inexperienced teenager all of the sudden? Why had it been so long since the idea of sex made him feel this overjoyed? He didn’t understand what it was about Phil, but he liked it.

When they walked through the door and Dan turned on the light switch, Phil’s eyes flicked over the room. Dan had decorated in a monochromatic grayscale theme, and he hoped Phil liked it. He didn’t say anything though as they both sat on the bed. They didn’t know each other well yet and it seemed like things had become awkward again on the walk from the kitchen.

Dan didn’t want it to be awkward. For a brief moment, Dan opened his mouth as he thought about saying something in his siren voice to relax Phil. But no, he closed his mouth as he realized that he didn’t have to use his voice. It seemed like Phil relaxed whenever they kissed. He leaned in to brush their lips together, and he felt Phil melt against him as his tense muscles relaxed. Dan relaxed too as he placed his hands on Phil’s broad shoulders.

Phil started exploring Dan’s body as he slipped his hands under the hem of Dan’s t-shirt, making him shiver. Phil’s fingertips stopped moving on the sensitive skin over Dan’s ribs as he leaned back to look at his face. He asked, “Are you okay? Is this good?”

“Yes,” Dan said, and his lips were still tingling from the kiss. “Your hands feel nice. They’re soft. But would you like me to take off my shirt?”

Phil nodded enthusiastically and his mouth dropped opened slightly at the sight of the skin that was revealed as Dan tossed his t-shirt onto the floor. After a moment, he raised a hand between them, seeming unsure if it was okay to touch Dan and where he wanted to start. But then he moved the hand to the buttons of his own shirt and asked, “Would you like me to take off my shirt, too?”

“Please,” Dan requested with a smile. He watched as Phil unbuttoned his shirt, displaying pale skin flecked with moles, and Dan was taken by a sudden desire at the sight. They were still both a bit nervous, so he hoped that he didn’t alarm Phil as he leaned in and placed a kiss on a mole near Phil’s shoulder. Phil shivered under his lips, so Dan didn’t stop as he started sucking a mark into Phil’s pale skin.

“Oh my gosh, your mouth,” Phil moaned.

Dan couldn’t stop from chuckling, but he kept his lips latched on, hoping that the vibrations and breath ghosting across his skin just added to the good sensations. He placed a few more kisses on Phil’s mole before pulling away with a smirk. As he stared into Phil’s ocean eyes, he said in a husky voice, “You haven’t even seen the most incredible thing I can do with my mouth yet.”

Phil swallowed heavily, so loud that Dan could hear it. Then he asked, “And what would that be?”

Dan opened his mouth as wide as he could – which was pretty wide – and then he inserted his fist into his mouth. As he fit his whole fist easily inside, the corners of his lips twitched in what would have been a smile if his mouth weren’t so full because Phil was gaping at him.

It took Phil a couple seconds, but he shook off the shock of what he was seeing, and his eyes glinted with amusement. He said with a smirk, “That is the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Dan laughed as he removed his fist from his mouth, but he was taken off guard when Phil leaned in to kiss him. He placed a hand on Phil’s bare chest to stop him from deepening the kiss. “Ngh, Phil,” he complained as he quickly used the back of his hand to wipe some excess saliva from the corner of his mouth. “Putting my fist in my mouth like that made me slobber a bit. Don’t want to get spit all over you.”

“I don’t care,” Phil insisted as he reconnected their lips, and he was an amazing kisser, so Dan quickly forgot his worries about the kiss being too wet. Dan exhaled sharply in surprise when Phil pushed him so that he was lying flat on his back in the bed. Phil crawled on top of him and then propped himself up on his elbows so that he could look at Dan’s face as he asked, “Is this okay?”

It took Dan a moment to be able to respond because his breathing was ragged and his heart was racing, but then he nodded. “More than okay. I don’t want you to stop.”

“Oh, good,” Phil said, as his gaze shifted from Dan’s face to his bare chest. “Because I want to kiss you all over.”

Dan was expecting it after where Phil had looked at him, but he still gasped at the feeling when lips connected with his right nipple. Phil started by placing a few soft kisses there while his hand rose to give Dan’s other side some attention, circling the areola with soft fingertips. Then he sucked the nipple into his mouth, running his tongue across the bud while his fingers rubbed over the other.

The sensation made Dan squirm under the attention. They were both still wearing their jeans, but the friction was just making him harder as he writhed while pinned beneath Phil. When Phil pulled his lips off the bud that had hardened in his mouth, Dan thought that he was going to finally remove their jeans, but he just moved to the left side and started again, making Dan gasp in surprise. He had been making soft pleasured noises the whole time, but as he saw Phil’s hand gliding over his sensitive, spit-soaked right nipple, he started moaning loudly.  
  
Dan started shifting his body under Phil’s weight, moving his hips rhythmically to rub the fabric of their jeans together. It seemed like Phil had wanted to take his time, but Dan wanted this so badly that it was starting to hurt, so he was doing everything he could to encourage Phil to get on with it. Just when he was starting to worry that Phil was going to make him beg, Phil released the hard bud from his mouth and stared up at him with wide blue eyes. He looked worried. Dan’s voice was a bit raspy from moaning as he asked, “What’s wrong?”

“I didn’t bring anything with me,” Phil said. “I don’t have condoms or lube. Do you have any? If not we could do something else, but I was hoping…”

Dan grinned. “I have everything we need in my bedside drawer. Why? What were you hoping? Tell me what you want to do to me, Phil.”

Phil’s cheeks flushed, but he said, “Could I have you, Dan? I want you.”

“Hmm, then I think I should get out of these jeans,” Dan said as his grin widened.

They kicked off their jeans when Phil rolled off, leaving them both in their pants. Phil rested a hand on Dan’s stomach, fingertips playing with the waistband of Dan’s pants. He bit his lip as he hesitated before saying, “I only just met you. It feels odd to take the pants off of someone who I only started talking to tonight. I’ve never done this before, not this fast.”

Dan had moved fast with people before and it had never bothered him, but Phil felt different for some reason, so he understood. He offered, “We don’t have to. We can do this later, once we know each other a bit better. Whatever you’re comfortable with.”

Phil gave a breathy laugh as he touched Dan’s cheek softly. “I _am_ comfortable with you. Absurdly so. I want to keep going.”

It made him a bit uncertain to hear Phil say that he was absurdly comfortable with him – was that the lingering effect of the siren song? Was none of this real? But Dan didn’t want to think about that now, so he pushed the thought from his mind as Phil removed Dan’s boxer-briefs and then his own.

As Dan was casting quick glances between their bodies, Phil was looking at Dan’s nightstand. He asked, “Did you say that you keep your lube and condoms in there?”

“Um, yes,” Dan said, tearing his gaze from Phil’s hardening erection to see him reaching into the bedside drawer for a condom and bottle of lube. As it took Phil a few fumbling attempts to get the bottle open, Dan stared curiously at his hands. Was he just naturally clumsy? Or did this moment also make Phil feel like a nervous teenager? Dan found either possibility cute, so he smiled reassuringly as he asked, “How would you like me? What would you like me to do?”

Phil’s tense shoulders relaxed as he returned Dan’s smile. “How about if I sit up and you crawl into my lap? Would that work?”

“Mmmh, sounds nice,” Dan sighed at the thought; he was already so into this, and they hadn’t started yet. He waited as Phil crawled off of him and then sat up. Then Dan braced himself on Phil’s shoulders before straddling his thighs. As Phil reached behind him to press a lube-coated finger into Dan’s body, Dan saw how carefully Phil was watching his face for signs of discomfort.

Dan found himself returning Phil’s intent gaze, having trouble believing that Phil was real. The first time he saw Phil, he had wondered what it would be like to have those eyes on his face. Now Dan knew, and it was better than he could have imagined as he saw the ocean eyes full of care, tenderness, and desire. And Phil’s hands, too… he hadn’t bothered to think about Phil’s hands before, but they were so soft and gentle as he worked a second finger into Dan’s body. It made Dan wonder what Phil’s cock would feel like inside him.

“Phil,” Dan groaned. “Need you. Please, I’m ready.”

“You sure?” Phil asked, as he continued moving his fingers in and out of Dan for a moment. When Dan nodded, Phil removed them. Then he rolled the condom onto his length and slicked himself with lube. “Okay, come here.”

As Dan steadied himself by gripping Phil’s shoulders, Phil held Dan’s hips, lifting him up until he was over his waiting cock. He allowed Dan to set the pace as he lowered himself slowly onto Phil, and the feeling of it made his mouth fall open. The image seemed to be too appealing for Phil, who leaned in for a kiss. Dan was motionless for a moment, his brain short-circuiting from the stimulation he felt below, so it took him a few seconds to realize that he was being kissed. Then he blinked a couple times, sucked in a breath, and moved his lips against Phil’s. He continued lowering himself until Phil’s cock was completely inside his body, but Phil was large and he didn’t feel ready to move yet. Neither of them seemed to mind though as they enjoyed each other’s mouths for a moment.

Then Dan started to shift his hips. He wasn’t lifting himself up and down on Phil’s cock yet, just rocking softly as he enjoyed the sensation of feeling full. He sighed against Phil’s lips, “Mmmh, you feel so nice.”

“You too,” Phil whispered between kisses. “So warm.”

Then Phil started running his hand up and down Dan’s sides, making the skin tingle as he explored, and Dan sighed again as he rested his face in the crook of Phil’s neck. He inhaled, and noticed how good Phil smelled – was everything about this man perfect?

Phil’s hands settled on Dan’s hips, which he held in a firm but gentle grasp. “Dan, could we move to a different position?”

“Sure, did you want me to get off your lap?” Dan offered, as he stopped shifting his hips.

“No, stay, I’m just going to…” Phil started to say before he gripped Dan’s hips tighter. Then he moved forward, pushing them back against the pillows. He didn’t pull out of Dan’s body, and the changed in positions drove him deeper into him.

Dan grunted loudly as he saw stars.

“Did I hurt you?” Phil asked as he ran a soft hand across Dan’s cheek.

“No,” Dan said in a breathy voice. He felt Phil shift uncertainly on top of him and he gripped Phil’s hips with his thighs to stop him from pulling out. “Phil, there. Stay there.”

“Oh?” Phil chuckled as he finally understood, and he positioned himself to make sure that he continued to hit that spot as he began thrusting in and out of Dan, slowly at first until he started pounding with a steady rhythm.

As Dan gripped the sheets in his fists, his mouth dropped open, letting out an incessant stream of moans – he couldn’t help it, since Phil was hitting his prostate just right. His cock had been leaking for a while, though neither of them was touching it. He usually needed stimulation there to finish, so he wasn’t expecting anything to happen, despite the fact that he felt heat pooling in his belly and a tingling sensation running up his spine. Then his orgasm hit him so hard that it knocked the breath out of his chest.

His body tightened around Phil, making Phil groan as he thrust hard once more. When he became very still, Dan realized that Phil was coming, so he held him close. Phil rested his face on Dan’s shoulder while Dan stroked his black hair. They stayed liked that for a moment, both breathing heavily as they came down from their highs.

Then Phil placed a soft kiss on Dan’s shoulder before slipping out of his body. He removed the condom from his soft cock before tossing it in the trash. When he rolled back to Dan, he had an odd expression on his face and he was holding himself stiffly. Dan’s voice was rough from moaning, but he asked, “What’s wrong?”

Phil shook his head. He tried to smile, but it didn’t sit well on his face and his brows were furrowed with worry. “Um… nothing is really wrong. It’s just… this isn’t something I normally do. Go home with someone from a bar. So, I don’t know what you expect of me now. Dan, do you want me to leave?”

Dan snorted. “Fuck, no.” He held his arms open in invitation. “Come here.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, writing this was a new experience for me! I've only ever written slow burns before where the relationship is established emotionally before a scene like this. In my original outline, the smut happened in chapter 3, but I kept adding things and it got pushed back :D this was as early as I could make it happen, and even this was a challenge. Not that I'm complaining -- I enjoyed trying to write something new!  
> ___  
> upload schedule for next week: July 30th, Aug 2nd, and Friday night <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday, Alex (Arishipsphan)! I hope that you enjoy this present and have a great day :)

_Siren fact: “Now stop your ship and listen to our voices. All those who pass this way hear honeyed song/poured from our mouths. The music brings them joy/and they go on their way with greater knowledge."_

_Folklore and mythology move on, given enough time. Today, the Siren is just another word for mermaid, and is likely to remain so. But there’s something richly thematic about the Sirens of Classical Greece that deserves to be remembered: in-between creatures on a lonely island, floating between the boundaries of life and death, and offering an irresistible song of both. Water-temptresses are a dime a dozen; the Sirens offer wisdom. [https://www.audubon.org/news/sirens-greek-myth-were-bird-women-not-mermaids]_

 

 

The sheets were soft and warm, and so was Dan as Phil settled beside him. The lights were off and they stared at the shadows on the ceiling. Phil was still unsure of this situation, but in a different way than he had been before.

Before, he had been worried that his role as bar hookup had been fulfilled and Dan would want him to leave. Now, he wasn’t sure what he was doing here. Was this still a hookup? Did people usually sleep beside each other after hooking up? Phil didn’t think so. Also didn’t want this to just be meaningless sex. He wanted it to be more, but he was unsure how to make that happen.

So, Phil stared at the ceiling since he didn’t know what to say. Then he noticed something else unusual about being in Dan’s company – he really didn’t feel the need to say anything. There was no pressure to fill the long stretches of silence with words. No building sense of awkwardness in this moment. There was just a sense of ease and familiarity as he relaxed in Dan’s company.

Dan shifted beside him. “Phil, are you tired or do you want to talk for a bit?”

Phil smiled in the dark, though Dan wouldn’t be able to see it. “Sure, we can talk. What are you thinking about?”

“Hmm,” Dan sighed. “I don’t know. I’m just thinking about how nice it is to lie in bed beside someone in the dark. I’m used to falling asleep alone, and this feels so much nicer. I’m such an insomniac because my brain does weird things at night. Like, I see shadows on the wall and freak out thinking there’s a demon in my room. So, I have to turn on the light. That means it takes a long time to fall asleep at night.”

Phil tried to muffle his chuckles in his hand before saying, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh. But did you really say that you thought there was a demon in your room?”

“Just for a few seconds,” Dan mumbled. “You would have thought so too if you saw that shadow. It was freaky.”

“Okay, I believe you. But does seeing shadows as demons mean that you subscribe to the traditional Christian view of the apocalypse?”

“Uh uh,” Dan said, and his hair made a soft _swishing_ noise against his pillowcase as he shook his head. “I believe that Artificial Intelligence is the doom that is coming for us. _The Matrix_ was a prophecy.”

“Really? You believe that there will be a robot uprising? I’ve always just thought that we could program the robots to be nice to us and to like us.”

Dan smirked, flashing his white teeth in the darkness. “You’re very trusting, aren’t you? The robots are going to un-program the program. It’s called a ‘singularity’ and that’s why we are all doomed. I’ve accepted my fate and you should, too.”

“Hmmm, no, sorry. The aliens are going to come for us before our technology advances enough to become dangerous.”

Dan’s grin widened. He rolled a bit more so that he was on his side while facing Phil. “You believe in aliens? Me too. I think that it’s so unlikely that in the entire universe we are the only intelligent beings.”

“Yeah, I think they’re definitely out there. I don’t know if they’re just bacteria or if they’re sentient, but I believe they’re out there. Maybe they’ve even been spying on us for years. Maybe the stories we’ve heard about alien abductions are real.” He raised a hand, moonlight edging his hand as he held up a finger. “There’s only one thing I don’t get.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, what’s with all the probing? Why do they want to probe people? What do they get out of it?”

Dan groaned and buried his face in his pillow. His voice was a bit muffled as he said, “Don’t talk to me about probing. Not after you make my ass ache.”

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Phil asked, horrified by the thought.

“No,” Dan insisted with a smile as he looked up from the pillow. “It’s a good kind of ache. Or it was until you brought up probing. Maybe we should go to sleep? Assuming I don’t have nightmares about alien abductions after this conversation.”

Phil glanced at the bedside clock. “Yeah, it’s almost 4:00AM. We should get some sleep. I have work tomorrow.”

“Okay. Night.”

“Good night, Dan,” Phil murmured, and he became distracted as he continued staring at the clock. Almost 4:00AM… then he shook off the thoughts and rolled to face Dan, hoping he hadn’t thought Phil was ignoring him. It didn’t appear that he had noticed anything.

Phil’s eyes had adjusted a bit to the dark by now, so he could see that Dan’s eyes were closed, long lashes feathered across his cheeks. Phil settled against his pillow, wishing he could see more of Dan’s face in the dark. He was so lovely.

 

 

Sunlight was peeking around the edge of a curtain. Phil blinked. He didn’t recognize that curtain. He also didn’t recognize the bedside table on which sat a candle – he could smell the lingering scent of sandalwood, since the candle had apparently been lit recently. Sandalwood was one of his favorite scents, and he had a candle just like that at home. As he inhaled deeply, he relaxed because it was nice, comforting, and familiar in this strange setting.

Then a warm arm made its presence known by tightening around Phil’s middle. Phil tensed until he looked over, seeing a head topped with wild brown curls. Last night came rushing back, and he relaxed under Dan’s grasp. He wasn’t used to waking up in an unfamiliar bed, but this was welcome. Dan didn’t really feel like a stranger and Phil wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else right now.

Perhaps the feeling of him shifting under Dan’s arm had roused him, because a moment later Dan’s eyelids were fluttering and he focused on Phil’s face. His eyes were a lovely rich shade of brown in the morning light. Phil couldn’t imagine that his own eyes looked as good – he had fallen asleep in his contact lenses, and his irritated eyes felt bloodshot. He desperately wanted to get up to splash some water in his eyes, but he felt just as reluctant to leave Dan’s bed. He felt so warm where they were pressed together.

This moment didn’t feel entirely real. It was so shiny and fragile, and Phil was afraid that it would pop like a soap bubble if he so much as touched it with a tentative fingertip. So he stayed still, breathing softly as he stared at Dan, wondering if Dan was thinking the same thing. Eventually though, his contacts were bothering him too much, so he had to lift a hand to rub his eyes, and this broke the silent spell that had settled over them.

When he dropped his hand from his eyes, he saw that Dan had sat up. As Phil took in Dan’s body language, he saw that the soap bubble really had popped. Dan was holding himself stiffly as he drew his knees up to his chest and stared at an empty corner of the room.

Phil swallowed heavily. Last night had seemed perfect to him – had he missed something? Had he done something to make Dan uncomfortable? It wasn’t uncommon for people to regret sex the morning after, but he’d thought that last night had meant something special. He cared about Dan so much already that the sight of him in obvious distress made Phil’s throat tighten. He croaked, “Dan, are you…?”

“We should get some coffee,” Dan said.

The words were said casually as Dan continued staring at the corner, but at the sound of them Phil’s head swam. _Coffee, coffee, coffee_ … echoed in his head and there was nothing in the world but that word and the enchanting sound of Dan’s sweet voice. It was mouthwatering. It sent tingles up his spine. He moaned with pleasure and buried his face in Dan’s pillow.

As Phil breathed deeply against the fabric of Dan’s gray pillowcase, he slowly returned to his senses as he smelled Dan’s scent on the fabric. It made him realized that there was so much more about this man besides his voice. Why had Phil stopped looking at him when he could be savoring him with his eyes? Why was there so much space between them when Phil knew for a fact how smooth and warm Dan’s skin felt under his hands? How good he tasted? Phil looked up from the pillow, wanting everything.

Dan was looking at him too and giving him a sad smile. He sounded almost apologetic – and Phil’s head was too fuzzy to wonder about that – as he said, “How does that sound? Coffee?”

Phil was worried that if he tried to talk that the sound would just come out as another moan, so all he did was nod in response. They got up, and after locating their discarded boxer-briefs from the floor they left the room. Phil took a quick detour to Dan’s bathroom to splash some water in his scratchy eyes.

Then he stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror for a long moment. Splashing water on his face had cleared his mind enough that he could focus a bit, and he noticed in the mirror that his blue eyes were wide. He wasn’t entirely sure why they were so wide, as his mind was racing. He seemed to be feeling a few different things at once. Excitement and fear and anticipation all rolled into one.

Slowly, Phil walked to the kitchen. He found Dan there, placing a mug of steaming coffee on the kitchen counter for him while holding another. As Dan held his own mug to his mouth, he noticed Phil standing in the doorway and smiled at him as he took a sip of coffee. His brown curls were a tousled mess atop his head. Dan was absolutely stunning.

The sight made Phil’s hands shake at his sides while his heart pounded in his chest. There was a feeling rushing through him that was terrifying because it was unfamiliar, yet he recognized it. He had never felt like this in his entire 31 years of life, but he knew what was happening. For the first time in his life, Phil was falling in love. He was falling in love with Dan.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday Heather (Septic84)! I hope you like this chapter and have a wonderful day :)

_Siren fact: The Sirens were a deadly bunch; there’s no use for argument there. According to Homer, “They bewitch any mortal who approaches them. They sit in a meadow; men’s corpses lie heaped up all round them, moldering upon the bones as the skin decays.”_

_A search of the sea floor around their island would turn up entire ships, wrecked as they tried to get to the Sirens. Yet, the Sirens may not have been evil by nature. Few stories describe the temptresses physically attacking humans, which leaves the possibility that their songs weren’t designed to kill. [https://mythology.net/greek/greek-creatures/siren/]_

 

 

 

Since joining Dan at the kitchen counter for coffee, Phil found that he couldn’t stop staring at him. He had thought that Dan had coffee-colored eyes the first time he saw them in the dim light of the bar, but as he saw them up close now as Dan sipped from a mug of the substance, Phil realized how wrong he had been. They were more of a mahogany with a richer, lighter shade near the pupil – not at all a boring shade of brown. Phil wanted to drink in every feature of Dan’s face, so he kept staring long after he knew it was socially acceptable, but Dan didn’t say anything and just smiled softly whenever their gazes met.

Dan got up from the table briefly to pop some crumpets into the toaster, and the whole time his back was turned Phil stared at him, watching the shift of his shoulders under the fabric of his grey t-shirt as he put pats of butter on a plate. He memorized the placement of a freckle on the back of Dan’s neck that was just visible above the collar of his shirt.

When Dan returned to the table with two warm crumpets – one for each of them – he caught Phil watching him, but he didn’t say anything about it. He just picked up his crumpet and commented, “You know, there’s only one proper way to enjoy a crumpet.”

Phil’s mouth had gone dry and he had to lick his lips before asking, “And how’s that?”

Dan picked up a knife and used it to spread one of the pats of butter across the crumpet in his hand as he said, “With an entire pound of butter melted into it.”

Phil laughed and shook his head with mock disappointment. “That is not a pound of butter. That’s not even a tablespoon. I dare you to melt a pound of butter into that crumpet and eat it.”

Dan grinned broadly, flashing dimples before taking a bite of his crumpet. He shook his head, swallowing before saying, “An actual pound of butter? Okay, you can call me a liar. I’m not desperate enough for attention to put something that disgusting into my mouth.”

“You don’t need to do anything to get my attention,” Phil said with a smile. “You already have it. I really like you.”

Dan stiffened slightly. He looked down at the plate and there was a delay before he said, “I like you, too.”

Phil wasn’t blind to the signals Dan was giving off. Over the years, Phil had given off the same signals to every partner he had ever had as they broached the topic of feelings. That meant Phil was practically an expert in this situation – the only thing was that he had never seen it from this perspective.

He had never been the one falling for the other person, falling so hard and fast that he didn’t want to see what Dan was showing him with body language. This was the first time Phil had ever felt like this for another person. How could he stop himself from leaping into this amazing thing, when it all felt so good and new? He couldn’t resist, despite the red flags Dan was giving him.

Phil asked, “Dan, could I see you again?”

As he continued to stare at the plate of crumpets, Dan shrugged as he said nonchalantly, “I don’t see why not. If you come into the bar again, you’ll probably see me there – I perform a lot.”

Phil had to hold back a wince. He tried to keep his tone neutral as he asked, “You said you liked me, but be honest… Was this all really a hook up to you? Did it mean nothing to you?”

A muscle in Dan’s cheek twitched. He looked like he was fighting to keep his composure. He shook his head and said, “Phil, don’t ever think that. It meant something to me. And I like you. A lot. It’s just…”

Phil could tell Dan was uncomfortable, but he had to know this, so he insisted, “What? Are you not single? I know you said you were last night, but if you lied just—”

Dan snorted and he finally looked up to meet Phil’s eyes, and the corners of his eyes were creased with amusement. “No. That’s just it. I’m very single. I don’t date.”

“Oh,” Phil said simply as he finally understood, and he would be lying if he said it didn’t hurt.

Dan’s eyes widened as he hurried to correct what he seemed to think was bothering Phil, “I don’t screw around! Please don’t think that I’m some kind of slag – and it’s not that I’m worried what you think of me so much as I don’t want you to think that some slag used you. That’s not what I meant when I said I don’t date. It’s just that I’m not looking for a relationship.”

Phil nodded because he hadn’t needed the explanation to understand what Dan meant the first time – it had all been too clear the moment he said it. Phil had finally found the one person in the world who he wanted to be in a relationship with, yet this person didn’t date. Forcing a smile onto his face for Dan, Phil said, “It’s okay. I understand.”

“Thanks,” Dan sighed in relief before returning to his breakfast. After swallowing a bite of crumpet, he said, “I’m glad you understand. You’re great. If I did date, I’d date you. I mean it. But I don’t.”

Phil had been sipping coffee as Dan said this, so he wasn’t sure if the warmth pooling in his chest was from the drink or from Dan’s words. Phil didn’t want to be some hopeless and desperate romantic trailing after Dan, but he wasn’t ready to give up on his feelings for Dan yet. What better thing was there to hope for than this one shot at love? Phil put down the mug of coffee. “So, if you don’t want a relationship, then how about a friendship? Would you want to be friends?”

“I don’t really have friends either.” He glanced at the postcards from the US on the fridge before looking back to Phil with a smile. “Unless you count my mum, I don’t really talk to anyone.”

“That counts. My mum is my friend,” Phil said with a soft laugh. “Dan, you don’t need to make it sound so serious. I’m not asking you to spend your life with me, just be friends. Hang out sometimes. I like spending time with you, and I hoped you like it too. Could we do this again?”

Dan looked down at the top of the table, but he nodded.

Phil could tell that he was making Dan uncomfortable, so he quickly drained the last of his coffee from the mug before saying, “Um, I have to go to work soon. I’d like to stop at home and change my clothes before then, so I should probably leave now.”

Dan finally looked up with wide eyes. “Oh. You have to leave?”

Dan’s voice was so soft and small that Phil almost said he could stay. He couldn’t though, so Phil had to nod in answer. He was transfixed by the way that Dan’s face fell. Despite everything that Dan had said, it seemed like maybe he wanted Phil here. Or maybe even Dan didn’t know what he truly wanted?

Phil got up from the table. “Thanks for the coffee.”

“Sure. I’ll walk you to the door,” Dan offered. Once there, he gave Phil a lingering hug and said, “I hope I see you later.”

 

           

 

“How did last night go?” a woman asked.

Phil’s face flushed as he looked up at Gina. He was at the radio station in one of the lounges, planning his next show on a laptop. He closed the laptop as Gina sat beside him. “Last night…” Phil stammered. “You mean at the bar?”

Gina nodded. “Did you go back last night? Is he going to appear on the show?”

Phil’s cheeks got hotter. “Oh, I’m sorry Gina.”

“Are you feeling well?” she asked as she placed a hand on his forehead. “Do you have a fever?”

“I’m fine,” Phil said, and Gina lowered her hand. Then he admitted, “I went back last night, but I didn’t get a chance to ask him.”

It wasn’t exactly true. Now he realized that he had completely forgotten about asking Dan onto the radio show. He wasn’t sure how that was possible, so he didn’t know how to explain that to his boss.

“No need to be sorry,” Gina said with a sigh. “I asked this of you as a favor. If I asked too much of you, let me know. Because I want to have him on the show soon. Should I send someone else to speak with him?”

“No!” Phil said a bit more loudly than he’d intended. He tried to soften his harsh tone with a smile. “No, I’ll speak with him. In fact, I’ll give the bar a call right now. Maybe someone there can help me speak to him, so that I don’t have to wait until the next time he performs.”

Gina nodded and got up from the chair. “That sounds like a plan. Good luck. Let me know how it goes.”

Phil sighed in relief when she left, though the feeling of warmth didn’t fade from his cheeks. Now that he remembered why he had been in that bar last night, he was shocked with himself and he could only imagine what his boss would think if she knew the truth. He had been so unprofessional. What had compelled him to go home with the person who he had gone there to see about a business proposition? That was so unlike him.

Phil was determined now to get Dan on the radio show, and he looked up the bar’s phone number, like he had told Gina. He didn’t have Dan’s cellphone number, which just seemed like another bad sign about their possible friendship or relationship – it seemed like if Dan had wanted to talk to him, he would have offered it.

Someone picked up on the third ring, “You have reached The Oasis Bar and Grill. This is Troy speaking. How may I help you?”

“Hi, may I speak with Dan Howell?” Phil asked. He didn’t think that Dan would be at the bar this early, but it was worth a shot.

“He’s not here right now,” Troy answered, sounding a bit suspicious. “Daniel Howell is my employee. May I ask what your business with him is?”

“I’m with BBC Radio One. I’m trying to get in touch with your employee to offer him a chance to perform live from our studio. Would you know how I can get in touch with him? My boss is eager for this to happen as soon as possible.”

“Sure, that sounds like a great opportunity!” Troy said excitedly, probably thinking about how having a regular singer perform on the radio might draw more patrons to his bar. “He comes in early most nights to practice on the piano before performing. The bar is closed then, but I could let you in early so that you can talk to him. Would that work? I have his phone number, but I don’t feel comfortable handing it out…”

“No, that works,” Phil hurried to say. “I’ll come in to speak with him. Thank you!”

As the call ended, Phil jotted a note down on a legal pad as a reminder to go to the bar as soon as he got off work. Everything was going according to plan and Dan would agree to be on the show. Phil’s pen froze on the legal pad in midsentence. What plan? As he was trying to be professional again and do his job, he had forgotten a very important detail…

The most important thing to him right now was getting his relationship – be it platonic or romantic – with Dan on the right tracks. And how was Dan going to react when he learned that Phil had come into that bar last night to offer him a business proposition?

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

_Siren fact: According to Ovid (Metamorphoses V, 551), the Sirens were the companions of young Persephone and were given wings by Demeter to search for Persephone when she was abducted. Their song is continually calling on Persephone. The term "siren song" refers to an appeal that is hard to resist but that, if heeded, will lead to a bad result. Later writers have inferred that the Sirens were anthropophagous, based on Circe's description of them "lolling there in their meadow, round them heaps of corpses rotting away, rags of skin shriveling on their bones."_

_Of "The Ker as siren:" "It is strange and beautiful that Homer should make the Sirens appeal to the spirit, not to the flesh. For the matter of the siren song is a promise to Odysseus of mantic truths; with a false promise that he will live to tell them, they sing. Once he hears to his heart's content, sails on, a wiser man. [http://www.crystalinks.com/sirens.html]_

 

 

           

Just as Dan was pulling on the black shirt with gold stitching that he was going to wear to work tonight, he heard his phone ring. He hastily tugged the shirt the rest of the way over his head before diving onto his bed where his phone was lying. Belatedly, he remembered that Phil didn’t have his number, so of course he shouldn’t be expecting a call from him.

Then Dan checked the caller ID, which said ‘Mum’. Pushing down his disappointment, he readied a cheery tone so that she wouldn’t know he wished he was talking to someone else. Dan answered the call, “Hello? Mum? How are you?”

“I’m wonderful, darling! How about you?” She was half-shouting to be heard over the sound of waves and playfully shrieking children in the background.

“Fine,” Dan said shortly, though honestly he wasn’t fine and couldn’t even fake it. He bit his lip, worrying that she had heard it in his voice. If she asked, would he admit that he met someone who he was considering letting into his life, but he didn’t know how to do that and he was scared?

“That’s nice, dear. Oh, guess! Guess what! Guess where I am?” She asked, suddenly speaking very fast. He would have said ‘the beach’, but she didn’t wait for his reply. “I’m in Malibu!”

“Oh, you finally made it out to California!” Dan replied. His mum had been traveling across the country with this goal, and she had been sending him postcards along the way.

“Yes! I am. I’m currently talking to you while lounging in a recliner in the sand. The sun is shining, the view is stunning, and I have a cocktail and Kindle within reach.”

He smiled at the mental picture that she painted. “That sounds amazing. Aren’t you worried about the water, though? You know… what if it splashes on your feet? Everyone would see.”

She snorted in dismissal. “Don’t worry, I’m far enough away from the water. And honey, you can’t live your life in fear of water. Not when there are beautiful sights out there to be seen like the ocean. Hold on one sec – I’m going to send you a picture.”

After a few seconds his phone buzzed with a notification, and he pulled his phone away from his ear to see the photo his mum had sent him. The sandy beach wasn’t visible and it was just the water shimmering with light and a clear blue skyline. His stomach flipped as all he could think was that the blue of the water was the same color of Phil’s eyes, yet he’d never seen water like this in real life. He’d held himself back from experiences like this, too terrified that his trip to the ocean would end somehow with him in the water. His webbed skin would be visible and the humans nearby would see and know he was a freak. Really though, he had to ask was this childhood fear justified? Was he living the life he wanted, when he avoided experiences like this just because there was a slight chance it could end badly? All he wanted to have was that blue before him, so he could drink it in with his eyes.

Mum started talking again, and he hastily returned the phone to his ear to hear her. She was saying, “Yes, so I’m here with Nathaniel.”

“Do I know Nathaniel?” Dan interjected quickly before she could continue.

“No, not yet. I’d let you say ‘hi’ on the phone, but he’s having a swim. When he asked me to come, I told him that I didn’t want to get my hair wet and that I’d rather lie on the beach and tan. See? It’s easy to avoid the water. So, I’m watching him swim instead. Oh! I can see him. He’s waving. _Hi, Nathaniel!_ ”

Dan cringed at the shout. Not only because his mum had shouted into the receiver and consequently screamed into Dan’s ear, but also because he heard the telltale lilt of a siren’s voice. Now he knew Nathaniel was under Mum’s spell.

Not that he was surprised. Dan had been raised around this sort of relationship, watching the boyfriends come and go. His mum viewed relationships as her form of employment. Sometimes all it took was one lunch date to get a piece of jewelry out of a man using her voice, and then they would part ways and Dan’s mum would be able to pay her rent after she sold the necklace. The men had always left with smiles on their faces and a siren’s voice ringing in their ears, so no one was hurt. Dan never judged her for it – that would be horrible of him to judge, since she had supported him for the 18 years he lived with her and also paid for the couple semesters he took at university.

The only thing was that after years of watching his mum, Dan decided that he wanted to lead a different sort of life. He didn’t want to use his voice to get a free pass. He would make his own money and he wouldn’t seduce people using his voice. The thing was that after keeping this vow for his whole adult life, his resolve had crumbled last night at the sight of Phil’s eyes.

Hearing Mum seduce this Nathaniel guy with a cheerful shout in her siren voice just made it all the more undeniable, and Dan cringed. How could he judge her when he did the same thing last night? Were they both awful people? He honestly didn’t know. Morality was a strange concept. His world had never been black and white – everything had always been shades of gray. Only now there was a bit of blue swirled into the gray…

Dan tried to keep contempt out of his voice as he asked, “What’s Nathaniel like?”

“Oh, you’ll love him! He owns a vineyard in Napa Valley. You might actually be meeting him someday soon if he becomes your new father.”

Dan smirked a bit at that. This wasn’t an unfamiliar scenario either, and he’d had several ‘new fathers’ over the years. The marriages lasted a few years, but they were usually good years because his mum never married someone unless she was truly happy at the time. So, he told her honestly, “That’s wonderful, Mum.”

“Thank you, sweetie. Oh, I’ve got to go now. Nathaniel is coming over. I think we’re going to get something to eat now. I’ll give him your love. Bye!”

The line went dead, and he shook his head with a fond smile for his mum. Before slipping his phone into the pocket of his jeans, Dan checked the time. It was time to go. He sat on the edge of his bed to slip on his shoes. As he did, he thought about what it would have been like to live a different life – to be raised in a normal house with a mum who had a stable job, to not bounce around from city to city, to have a father figure who would be in his life for more than a few years, and to see a relationship that was based on love and not lies. What kind of person would Dan be today, if he hadn’t been raised around this? A very different person, likely. 

Dan dismissed the thought. His life wasn’t perfect, but he wouldn’t want any other. He wouldn’t want another mum, either. He loved the one he had.

 

 

           

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why does my car's battery die every month? ;'(


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if anyone would like to watch this video either before or after reading this chapter, but the piano playing in this scene is inspired by this liveshow from 2012 where Dan and Phil play the piano together https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_vmhjhBp-Y&t=234s

_Siren fact:_ _Today, mermaids or beautiful sea nymphs replace the dark, winged Sirens of ancient times. The Sirens likely got consumed, too, by the explosion of seductive mermaid iconography during the same period. The Sirens—and their fateful songs—then offered a glimpse behind the veil, a chance to hear how earthly glories would echo in eternity. The question of what song the Sirens sing, what is this forbidden knowledge, what's wrong with it, what's the temptation—the text leaves a lot of open space there. Therein lies the seduction._ _[https://www.audubon.org/news/sirens-greek-myth-were-bird-women-not-mermaids]_

 

 

           

As his shoulders relaxed, Dan reflected on how different performing in front of an audience felt in comparison to practicing on his own. He was seated at his piano in the bar, but the bar was empty and closed at this early hour. It was just him and the music. These notes were only for his ears. It felt like he was in his own little bubble, separate from the rest of the world, and the bubble was filled with the song he was playing. It didn’t matter if he fumbled part of the song; everything was fine. He was alone. He was happy.

“What is that you’re playing?”

Dan gasped and whirled around, seeing Phil leaning against a support beam next to the tables in front of the stage. He was dressed in a blue and green plaid shirt, his hair was pushed back from his forehead, and he was wearing glasses. Dan swallowed heavily at the sight.

“I’m sorry, did I scare you?” Phil asked with a frown. “I didn’t mean to sneak up on you.”

“It’s okay,” Dan said in a breathy voice, though honestly it wasn’t. He watched Phil warily, since it was unexpected to see him so soon after this morning. Sadly, this situation wasn’t entirely shocking – Dan’s singing had done this to listeners before. It just depended on the person who heard it.

The mildest reaction that people had to his singing was a lingering sense of high, and perhaps they would want to hand him a tip in appreciation as they rode the euphoria, but those people would go home with foggy heads and start to forget about Dan the next day. The next level up were the people who were drawn back to the bar to hear him sing again. They craved the endorphins his voice released, and when they went too long without hearing it they felt it like an unscratchable itch – they needed another hit of his song.

Lastly, the most severe reaction his voice had evoked in a small population of his listeners was obsession. Dan had been stalked before by people. Usually, these people were a bit unbalanced before they heard him, and his voice had just offered them something to fixate on, but still he blamed himself when this happened to his listeners. He pushed unbalanced people over the edge and into insanity sometimes; it wasn’t their fault.

Dan hoped that this wasn’t why Phil was here now. Phil hadn’t seemed like he had an addictive or obsessive personality last night, so Dan’s voice shouldn’t have brought out a bad reaction. Still, Dan had hit him pretty hard with his voice last night, and then again this morning, which was probably a mistake. This morning Dan had been worried that Phil would regret going home with him, so he’d brought Phil back under the spell of his voice. Was that why Phil was here now? Had he already been drawn back for more? 

The silence had already gone on for too long, so Dan decided to be straightforward as he asked, “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, I guess this does look odd,” Phil admitted as he looked around the empty bar, and his cheeks got a bit pink. As his eyes returned to Dan’s face, he asked, “I had something to ask you. Can I come up there?”

Dan nodded and watched as Phil climbed up onto the stage. His footsteps echoed loudly in the empty space as he walked closer. Dan slid over on the piano’s bench, and he waved in invitation for Phil to sit beside him, which he did with a smile. Immediately, Dan’s head swam at the feeling of the warm body only a couple inches from him and the scent of him that had become so familiar after only one night. Phil seemed distracted too, and he stared at the piano keys. Dan said in a soft voice, “Beyer no. 8.”

“What did you say?” Phil looked up with wide eyes.

“Beyer no. 8,” Dan repeated before clearing his throat. “You’d asked me what I was playing when you came in the room.”

“Oh, it was pretty. I liked it.” Phil bit his lip before saying, “Dan… there’s something I need to tell you. I probably should have said this last night, but I forgot, and you were so… Well, I have to confess that I wasn’t just randomly here in the bar. I came here to talk to you. I work for BBC Radio 1.”

“I know.” Dan gave his best reassuring smile because he could see how stressed Phil was about this.

Phil’s eyes widened. “You knew? The whole time?”

Dan shrugged. “I knew you worked for them. Another performer, Robert, pointed you out to me. You said you came here to talk to me though? I wasn’t sure about that. The BBC has sent me a few messages which I’ve ignored. Then when you approached me you said something about wanting to talk to me. I thought those things might be connected, but I wasn’t sure.”

Phil’s shoulders sagged as he relaxed. “Oh. This is good. I was worried that you’d be angry with me when I told you this. Like, you would think that I’d deceived you.”

“No, I don’t think that,” Dan said with a smile. “And I hope you won’t think that’s why I took you home with me last night, just because I knew about your job. It had nothing to do with that. I like you, not what you do for a living.”

Phil was staring at him, and Dan’s face flushed under the intent gaze. He remembered what he said this morning about not wanting to date Phil, yet he just admitted to liking him. It was the truth, but he didn’t want to send mixed signals. But he didn’t want to censor himself and lie either. Unsure what to do, Dan reached for the keyboard and lightly tapped a key. A soft note rang out.

Chuckling, Phil reached for his side of the piano before him and also pressed a key. This note was much lower, and Dan smiled, thinking of the way the notes echoed the contrast in their voices. Dan asked, “Want to play something?”

“What? Really? Oh, but I don’t know how,” Phil whined, his voice going high with anxiety.

“I’ll show you. Put your hands like mine,” Dan said, holding both of his hands in demonstration, and he nodded in approval when Phil mirrored his movements and placed his fingertips on the appropriate keys. “Now copy this melody.”

They spent a couple moments on this – Dan playing the tune and Phil copying him – until Phil had it memorized. He made a couple mistakes and became flustered, yelping out little startled _ahh_ s when the wrong notes rang out, but Dan giggled and told him to keep going.

Finally once it seemed like Phil had a good grasp on the short piece of music, Dan said, “Good. That’s really good. You’re a fast learner. Do you think you’ll be able to keep doing that while I play the piece that accompanies this?”

Phil nodded. His brows were furrowed with concentration as he stared at the keys below his fingers, and he looked so cute that Dan had to bite his own bottom lip to stop himself from leaning in for a kiss. Instead, Dan started playing his part of the music, while Phil maintained the melody in the background. They both smiled, enjoying the music as well as each other’s company for a few moments until the song was over.

After sitting in silence for a minute, Phil said, “Dan… about what I came here to ask, the BBC would like to offer you an appearance—”

“I know what they would like,” Dan said, cutting him off. Then he gave Phil a soft smile to soften the harsh words. “If it’s anything like what they wrote in their emails, I know what you came here to say. I’m sorry, but I’m not interested. I’m sorry for wasting your time.”

“Not a waste of time at all,” Phil said. Then he bit his lip as he stared at Dan.

Dan looked away. “The bar will be open soon. I should be…”

“Oh, right, I’m bothering you while you need to be getting ready for work.” Phil pulled his phone out of his pocket to check the time. After unlocking his phone, his finger hovered over ‘contacts’ as he asked Dan, “Hey, do you think I could get your number?”

Dan sucked in a sharp breath. Honestly, he knew that this shouldn’t have caught him off-guard. If he hadn’t hypnotized Phil with his voice this morning, Phil probably would have asked for his number then. He thought about it for a moment – what would it be like to get regular phone calls from Phil? What would they talk about? He imagined himself sitting on his sofa into the small hours as he chatted with Phil, perhaps as they watched the same movie on their tvs and commented on it. He could even invite Phil over if he was lonely… but no, Dan didn’t have anything interesting to say. Phil wouldn’t want to talk to him. If he wanted to keep Phil’s attention, he would have to say something in his siren voice. That wouldn’t be fair to Phil.

Phil noticed something in Dan’s expression. “I’m sorry, did I say something that upset you? I didn’t mean anything by asking for your number. I know you just want to be friends, but I was thinking we could text.”

“Text?” Dan asked in a breathy voice.

“Yes. I have yet to impress you with my use of emojis,” Phil said in a teasing voice. But then his brows creased in concern as he saw the alarm on Dan’s face. “Are you okay?”

“Um, no. I have to go to the back. I have to get ready for tonight. I’m sorry.” Dan got up quickly from the bench, but Phil grabbed his wrist to stop him from running away.

“What did I do wrong?” Phil asked in a small voice.

Dan looked away because he couldn’t meet Phil’s eyes as he said, “Nothing. It’s just that this isn’t a good idea. Let me go, Phil.”

Phil released his wrist but said, “What do you mean ‘this isn’t a good idea’?”

Dan shook his head. “Just… everything. You and me. I have to go.

 

 

Phil didn’t say anything else, and Dan turned away and silently walked to the back room. There was nothing he could do back there to prepare for his performance, but he planned to hide in this room until it was time to go on stage, not wanting to risk another encounter with Phil in case he hadn’t left.

“Hey.”

Dan had leaned his back against the door when he closed it, and he was furiously rubbing his forehead to stave off the headache he could feel coming after that conversation with Phil. At the sound of a voice, Dan dropped his hands from his face and finally looked around the room, since he hadn’t bothered when entering a moment before. Dan blinked in surprise. “Robert. Sorry, I didn’t see you.”

Robert shrugged and came closer. He leaned against the wall beside the door, tucked his hands into his pocket, and gave Dan a slight smile. “Are you okay, man? You look a bit…”

Dan looked away. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? You know I’m here if you need someone to talk to,” Robert offered. When Dan didn’t respond after a moment, he continued, “I hope you don’t mind me admitting this, but I couldn’t help overhearing some of that conversation… That’s a helluva amazing opportunity you’re throwing away.”

Dan looked up with wide eyes and his bottom lip caught between his teeth. Was Robert saying that Phil shouldn’t be thrown away? Dan didn’t need someone to say it – he knew that Phil was the chance of a lifetime, but the thing was that Phil deserved to be in a relationship with someone so much better. Someone normal. Still, Dan thought it might be nice to hear, so he asked Robert, “You think so?”

Robert nodded. “Yeah, I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but the BBC wants to talk to you! They actually sent a radio show host to speak to you in person.” Snorting and shaking his head, Robert said, “I honestly don’t know what you’re thinking. I’d kill for a chance like this. But you told him you’re not interested? I don’t know what game you’re playing, Dan. I always got the impression that you were serious about music.”

As he felt his shoulders stiffen, Dan stood up straighter and turned to face Robert. He felt his lips twist, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to give Robert a phony smile, a more genuine scowl, or if he just wanted to spit in disgust – his emotions were all over the place after that conversation with Phil, and now Dan felt ready to explode. He snapped at Robert, “Oh, you got that impression, did you? What impression does this give you?”

For a moment, Robert just gaped at the middle finger raised before his face. Then he shook his head. “Fuck you, too. Let me get past you.”

Dan stepped to the side, gladly letting Robert exit the room so that he could finally be alone. He took a deep breath in an attempt to steady himself. It didn’t help much.

Later that night, Dan was unsure why he was doing it as he scanned the faces of the patrons of the bar when he approached the stage. Phil was gone. Dan shouldn’t have been surprised or disappointed, but he was. Maybe Phil finally realized that he wasn’t worth all the trouble.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic just passed 1000 hits!!! Thank you <3 that makes me so happy :)


	10. Chapter 10

_Siren fact:_ _The Sirens of Greek mythology began specifically as a group of creatures who looked like beautiful women, but were really man-eating beasts. They sat on the shore and sang with voices so seductive and compelling that anyone who heard their song became absolutely mesmerized with them. So mesmerized, in fact, that they became obsessed with reaching the shore to get closer to the sound. And then the Sirens would eat them._

_The term "siren" is used both in ancient and modern mythology, as well as in modern language in general, to describe something that is simultaneously dangerous and compelling. In later myths and legends, any creature that lured a man in only to cause harm might be considered "a siren" in the general context of the term. [http://www.gods-and-monsters.com/sirens-mythology.html]_

 

 

 

When Phil went home that night, he went to bed and pulled up Netflix on his laptop, hoping to distract himself from his thoughts. But then Phil just stared at the screen of his laptop, unsure what he wanted to watch, as it seemed like nothing would get his mind off Dan. He thought briefly about opening his email to report back to his boss on his conversation with Dan about the radio show. What would he say though? To put it simply, Dan wasn’t interested.

Phil sighed and closed his laptop without doing anything on it. He turned off his bedside lamp as he decided to go to bed early despite the fact that he knew his brain was going to torment him. The thing he thought about telling his boss… that was just the issue, wasn’t it? Dan wasn’t interested. Not in anything to do with Phil.

It was time to move on and forget about the enchanting piano player. But that was easier said than done. After tossing and turning that night in bed, Phil finally fell asleep when his sheets were a tangled mess. Then he dreamed.

 

           

_Phil’s eyes were closed as he stretched out a hand. His fingertips connected with warm skin, and he smiled.  
_

_“Hmmm,” the person beside him sighed. “You’re awake?”_

_Phil opened his eyes, seeing Dan in bed beside him. His smooth chest was bare, and Phil’s hand was atop it. The skin of his hand looked milky in comparison to the golden glow of Dan’s chest, and he loved the contrast of their skins. Phil moved his fingertips, softly stroking Dan’s skin._

_“What did you want to do today?” Dan asked._

_Phil hummed in response. The sight of Dan shirtless beside him gave him some ideas, but he didn’t just want Dan’s body – he wanted to go places with Dan and do things with him. Phil said, “Well, we have the whole day together. We could go to the zoo. Or maybe the aquarium.”_

_“Both of those sound like fun. I can’t even pick one. Hey, maybe we could do both!”  
_

_“I love that idea,” Phil said with a laugh before snuggling closer to Dan. “I love you.”_

_“I love you, too,” Dan said before kissing him._

 

Phil woke from his dream with a pounding headache. The red lights on his bedside clock sent a spike of pain into his brain as he checked to see what time it was – it was earlier than he’d planned on getting up to get ready for work, which was why his alarm hadn’t made a noise yet. Sighing, Phil flipped the switch on his clock so that the alarm wouldn’t go off. He wasn’t going to try to go back to sleep, not when he might have another dream about Dan. He needed aspirin. And coffee. And a nice cool shower to clear his head.

An hour later after the medication had kicked in and the headache had abated slightly, Phil felt a bit more human as he finished getting ready for work. He stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror and he took a deep breath, feeling himself calm. He watched the way his stiff shoulders relaxed, and he nodded at his reflection. He looked totally normal, and he could get through this day.

There was no reason for the aching sensation he felt in his chest. Dan was just a guy he knew for a couple days. Phil had thought that Dan was someone he could see himself loving one day – something Phil had never thought before about anybody – but Dan didn’t want that, so it was over now. This was fine, though. It had ended before it had ever started. Phil was accepting this.

He turned off the light in his bathroom and left his apartment to go to work, determined to get Dan off his mind. Once he had work to distract him, he did a good job of focusing on other things up until he took a lunch break, during which he daydreamed about Dan. Then he had to shake off the thoughts and go back to work, eager to throw himself into his job and forget things for a bit longer.

“Phil!” Gina said with a warm smile as she walked into the studio where he was chatting with a sound technician – the girl was a new hire, fresh out of university – and Phil was having trouble remembering her name. “I don’t mean to interrupt, but could I have a word when you’re free?”

Phil looked to the sound technician, who was staring at him with wide eyes, seeming a bit intimidated in the presence of an executive. Wanting to let the nervous technician escape, Phil nodded to the girl and said, “I think we’re done here.”

The technician gave him a small smile and Gina a nod before she scurried away. Then Gina leaned against the table beside Phil, crossed her arms, and gave him a wry smile. She said, “You know, I found it kind of odd that it’s almost the end of the day and I hadn’t heard from you yet. Hadn’t seen you either. It made me wonder… could you be avoiding me?”

Phil had to smile at that – Gina was far too observant. He admitted, “Sorry, it’s nothing to do with you, but yes. I just haven’t been having a good day.”

She frowned in concern and her gaze intensified as she scanned his face, perhaps looking for signs of an illness.

This wasn’t what he had wanted. He could honestly admit that he’d had a headache earlier, but that was misleading. He didn’t want to worry or deceive Gina. So, Phil said, “It had to do with that piano player.” He saw Gina’s eyes light with curiosity, and he went on before she could ask anything, “He’s not interested. I asked him about it, and he said he got your messages. He’s just not interested.”

Gina nodded in understanding. She bit her lip, looking like she wanted him to elaborate on that, but instead she asked, “And you haven’t been having a good day because of Mr. Howell?”

Phil bit his lip and looked away. Normally, her concern would make him smile. Gina had a warm heart and he wished that he could talk to her like any friend, but she was also his boss. How could he admit that his relationship with Dan had been less than professional? Phil shook his head as he said, “Um, sorry, I know I brought it up, but that’s personal. I’m not comfortable telling you about that.”

“Oh, okay, I’m sorry.” Her blonde brows knit together with concern. “I won’t ask you anything else about it. I hope whatever it is gets better.”

Phil nodded and didn’t say another word.

 

  
When he went home, Phil managed to think of other things as he distracted himself with pizza and tv. He kept his laptop open too, browsing the web long after he would have usually gone to bed. Finally, he was forced to return to the tangled sheets in his bedroom. He closed his eyes, and he couldn’t help it. He dreamed of Dan.

The dreams wouldn’t stop. No matter how much he distracted himself during the day, Phil kept returning home that night to dream of Dan. Some dreams were innocent. And even more were not. Either way, he saw brown eyes and tousled curls in his dreams, and he woke from them sweaty and frustrated.

This went on for almost a week until he couldn’t take it anymore. Phil knew what was bothering him: the last time he saw Dan, so many things had been left unresolved. Phil needed closure, so on Friday night he went back to the bar.

Phil arrived around the time that he knew the live music would be starting. His eyes scanned the bar first, since one time he saw Dan there on the night that they first talked; however, the only familiar face at the bar now was Johnathan. Phil started to walk over to ask the bartender if he knew where Dan was, but then he changed his mind and went to the door to the left of the stage, where the performers seemed to go when they weren’t on stage. 

As he realized that the last time he saw Dan was when he walked through this door, a funny sensation rushed through his body. He’d come here for closure, but now another idea had come to mind. Phil couldn’t help it since the piano was nearby – all he could remember was sitting there beside Dan, laughing as they played a duet. That moment had seemed perfect. Phil wanted to pick up where they had left off. As he knocked on the door, he hoped that might be possible.

Phil blinked in surprise as someone other than Dan opened the door. Then the man’s face started to seem familiar, and he gave a small wave. It took him a second since it had been six days since they spoke, but he remembered the man’s name. “Hi, Robbie.”

The man stiffened. “Actually, I go by Robert. And hey, Phil.”

Phil winced. “Sorry.”

Robert shrugged and leaned against the doorway. “Don’t worry about it. Can I help you with something?”

He glanced behind Robert, trying to look into the room, but he couldn’t see much at this angle, just a pile of sound equipment being stored in the room. Returning his attention to Robert, Phil asked, “Um, is Dan around? I actually came to see him.”

Robert looked away as he muttered under his breath, “Of course you did…”

“Excuse me?”

Robert hardened his expression as he repeated, “I said, of course you did. You came to see Dan. I overheard the conversation you two had the other day at the piano.”

Phil’s mind was whirling. He only had a second to register that maybe he should be offended as he asked, “You were eavesdropping on us?”

“I’ll admit it, but I’m not going to apologize for it. It certainly put my first conversation with you into perspective.”

Phil just blinked at Robert as he tried to remember what they had talked about. He only recalled bits of it, like the moment when Robert tried to give him a CD.

As Robert looked at him, he shook his head. “You barely remember me, do you? You were only ever here for Dan.”

There didn’t seem to be any way to salvage this situation, so Phil just sighed. “Look, I’m sorry I offended you. If it’s any consolation, Dan doesn’t like me much either at the moment, but I need to talk to him, so…” Phil glanced past Robert again, but Dan still hadn’t materialized. Was he overhearing this whole conversation.

“That does make me feel better,” Robert said. Then he shook his head as he mused, “Honestly, I couldn’t believe that conversation. He doesn’t want to be on the radio? What is he thinking?”

“I don’t know because we haven’t talked since then!” Phil shifted in place, debating just running past Robert into the room. “Please, is he back there? I need to see him.”

“Hmmm?” Robert hummed as his attention finally returned to the moment. “Oh, sorry, no. He isn’t here today. He’s sick.”

“What?” A sinking sensation started in Phil’s gut. “What’s wrong with him?”

Robert shrugged. “I don’t know. All I heard was that he’s sick, so I’m performing on my own tonight. Actually, I should probably…”

“Yeah, thanks!” Phil said hurriedly before racing from the room without a glance back at the guitar player.

 

 

After a short walk that left Phil slightly breathless, he was at the door of Dan’s apartment. He knocked for a few minutes without getting a response and started pacing before the door. How sick was Dan? Was he at the hospital? There was no way for Phil to know. He didn’t know what to do. Feeling helpless, Phil pounded once more on the door, knowing that if no one answered he would have to leave soon and go home, where he would worry about Dan all night.

A lock clicked and the door swung open. Dan regarded Phil with wide eyes, which were emphasized by the dark circles under them. He was wearing gray sweats and his hair was a tangled mess. His skin looked clammy.

When Phil went to the bar tonight, he had wondered what it would be like to see Dan after spending so many days apart. Before, Dan had been like a sweet dream from which he didn’t want to wake, but now he knew that it couldn’t last. He had hoped that going to the bar tonight would give him some perspective. Dan couldn’t have been that lovely – Phil’s memory had to be flawed somehow. No one had skin that glowed that way, or hair that was that soft, or eyes that sparkled so much. The Dan in his memories wasn’t real, and he would see that the next time they were standing before each other.

Like they were now. Phil looked at him, and it was true. Dan was different. He wasn’t the enchanting performer from the stage. He was just human, and it looked like he might have a cold. The thing was though that he was no less real. In fact, he looked more real than Phil had ever seen him before, and Phil wanted this version of Dan, too.

They had been standing here staring at each other for a while now, and Phil wasn’t sure what Dan was thinking, so he decided to break the silence. “Are you okay?” Phil asked. When Dan didn’t respond, he prompted, “I heard you were sick.”

Dan swallowed heavily, and it looked like it might have hurt because he lifted his hand to rub his throat.

“Dan?” Still, he didn’t respond, so Phil went on, “I hope you don’t mind me coming here, but I was worried. I needed to know that you were okay. Are you? Please say something.”

Dan opened his mouth. No sound came out.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you see where I'm going with this? :)


	11. Chapter 11

From _The Little Mermaid_ by Hans Christian Andersen (1836) _:_ _“I will do it,” said the little mermaid, and she became pale as death._

_“But I must be paid also,” said the witch, “and it is not a trifle that I ask. You have the sweetest voice of any who dwell here in the depths of the sea, and you believe that you will be able to charm the prince with it also, but this voice you must give to me; the best thing you possess will I have for the price of my draught. My own blood must be mixed with it, that it may be as sharp as a two-edged sword.”_

_“But if you take away my voice,” said the little mermaid, “what is left for me?”_

_“Your beautiful form, your graceful walk, and your expressive eyes; surely with these you can enchain a man’s heart. Well, have you lost your courage? Put out your little tongue that I may cut it off as my payment; then you shall have the powerful draught.” [http://hca.gilead.org.il/li_merma.html]_

 

 

 

“Dan?” Phil prompted again, his voice going high with concern. His ocean eyes were wide and there were creases appearing on his forehead the longer the silence stretched on.

Dan took his cellphone out of his pocket and opened the memo pad. He typed and then showed it to Phil, _i lost my voice_

Phil looked between Dan’s face and the message displayed on the phone before asking, “You have laryngitis?”

Dan nodded in response. He almost swallowed nervously as he met Phil’s gaze, but he stopped himself since he knew it would hurt. Not that the pain in his throat would make much difference – he already hurt all over. His joints ached, his congested head was pounding, and he felt as weak as a kitten. Already, he was starting to sway in place from the strain of holding himself up on his aching, shaky legs, and this was longer than he had stood up all day. He was still holding the door from when he opened it, and he began leaning against it for support.

Phil seemed to notice. “Are you tired?”

Dan nodded and he closed his eyes for a moment. He just wanted to be back in his bed right now.

“Can I come in?”

Dan’s eyes snapped open in surprise. He stared at Phil, wanting to ask him _why,_ but he was unable to utter a word.

Somehow, Phil understood and he smiled softly as he said, “I’d like to come in so I can help you.”

Dan’s brows creased in confusion because he wasn’t sure what kind of help Phil was offering, but he was too exhausted to question this anymore right now. He pushed off the doorway to stand straight, but then he swayed in place.

Phil rushed forward and grabbed him by his arm to steady him. “Dan! Are you okay? You shouldn’t be on your feet if you feel this bad. Let’s get you somewhere so you can rest, alright?”

Dan nodded and let Phil guide him into the apartment. By the time they were in the living room, Dan was leaning most of his weight against Phil, so he noticed when Phil stopped walking. Glancing at his face, he saw that Phil was staring down the hall where the bedroom was.

Phil asked, “Bed or couch?"

As Dan pictured his bedroom, his cheeks flushed. The trashcan beside his bed was overflowing with dirty tissues, the bed was unmade, and the room was a mess. He didn’t want Phil to see that, so he nodded at the couch.

Phil helped him the rest of the way there and settled him gently onto the sofa. There was a brown fuzzy faux fur blanket folded on the end of the sofa. Phil picked it up, shook it open, and wrapped it around Dan up to his chin so that he was warm and snug. Then he glanced at Dan’s kitchen, which was visible from the living room since only a breakfast bar divided the two spaces.

Phil turned back to Dan with a smile. “I’m going to make you something that will help your throat, okay? I’ll be back in a moment.”

Dan nodded and then watched, perplexed as Phil moved around his kitchen. His flu-foggy brain hadn’t yet processed what was going on. He wasn’t sure why Phil was in his home, acting so nice. The effect of the siren song should have faded by now, so was Phil just drawn here to hear more? If so, he would surely be leaving soon as Dan couldn’t sing right now.

Knowing where Dan kept his mugs and teabags from his last visit, Phil quickly located what he needed to make a cup of tea, which he brought to Dan. He handed Dan the warm mug, saying, “I stirred in a spoonful of honey. This should feel good on your throat.”

As he took a sip of the steaming tea, Dan looked curiously over the mug at Phil, who was still standing before him. Was he going to leave now? There was nothing keeping him here, as Dan couldn’t even say ‘thank you’ for the drink. Noticing the intent way he was being watched, Phil just smiled. Then he said, “Have you had anything to eat today? Would you like some soup?”

Dan blinked in surprise before nodding in acceptance of the offer. He wasn’t that hungry despite not eating anything substantial today – mostly he just wanted Phil to stay. And even as Phil headed to his kitchen, Dan couldn’t quite believe it as Phil located a can of instant chicken soup and pots started clattering. Phil wasn’t leaving. Phil was staying to take care of him. No one had ever done anything like this for him before, not even his mum. If Dan had wanted chicken soup when he had a cold as a kid, he had to go to the kitchen and make it himself.

After years of taking care of himself, Dan wasn’t sure how to let someone else do that for him. The concept was foreign and almost scary, but also thrilling. Or was it just that Dan found anything involving Phil to be thrilling? As he sat here, tucked snugly into his sofa with a cup of tea and a happily humming man in his kitchen, Dan decided to accept anything Phil was willing to offer. Honestly, he felt too lousy to turn down help right now anyway.

Belatedly, Dan realized how gross he probably looked. He put down his cup of tea and picked up his phone from the coffee table. Then he turned on the front-facing camera. There was nothing he could do about the dark circles under his eyes, and he just gratefully noted that there was nothing nasty stuck to his face. The worst part was his hair – the curls were dirty and clumped with sweat from his fever. He frantically ran his fingers through it, trying to comb out some of the knots.

A laugh drew his attention to Phil, who had returned to the living room and was watching him. Dan’s cheeks flushed and he hastily put away his phone, but Phil just shook his head. He was carrying a bowl of instant chicken soup and a glass of Ribena. Phil put the soup on the coffee table, but he held onto the glass that he apparently made for himself, as he took a sip while sitting beside Dan on the sofa. Then Phil reached out to stroke his curls, making Dan twitch in surprise.

Phil just smiled and said, “You didn’t need to check how you look. You’re lovely.” Phil’s smile only widened at Dan’s skeptical look, and he moved his hand to Dan’s cheek in a caress. “Really, I mean it. You’re so lovely.”

Dan shook his head but leaned into the touch. If he could talk now, perhaps he would confess. Instead, all he could do was try to say it with his eyes, _Really, I’m not. I hypnotized you. It’s not real. I’m not what you think I am._ Dan felt like screaming in frustration as Phil continued to look at him in adoration. If only he knew the truth. Dan sighed.

Phil chuckled fondly before dropping his hand from Dan’s cheek. Then he gestured to the soup steaming on the coffee table. “Have some soup, Lovely. It will make you feel better.”

Dan blinked in surprise. Had he just gotten a nickname? It was sweet. Phil was sweet, so Dan smiled in thanks as picked up the bowl. He started eating, and it really did feel good on his sore throat. They sat in silence while Dan ate, and Phil took his phone out of his pocket.

As Dan saw Phil reading a text from a man named Martyn. He felt a stab of jealousy until he read the text, which seemed to be about their mutual mum – so, Martyn was Phil’s brother? That filled him with an irrational flood of relief, though Phil could be texting a dozen guys and it wouldn’t be any of Dan’s business. He’d refused to give Phil his number when Phil asked.

Was now too late? Impulsively, Dan picked up his phone and typed on the memo pad, _this is my number,_ which was followed by the number of the cellphone he was holding. He showed what he had written to Phil.

Phil beamed at him and didn’t wait a second before closing the conversation with his brother and adding the new contact into his phone. Then he raised the phone quickly and before Dan’s flu foggy mind had realized what was happening there was a clicking noise. Dan blinked in surprise because that wasn’t what he thought it was… was it?

Phil grinned mischievously and his fingers started moving across the keyboard of the phone. A second later, Dan’s phone buzzed and he saw that an unknown number had sent him a text, _Hi, how do you like your contact photo?_

Dan opened the photo and he gave a high-pitched strangled whine that sent a stab of pain into his throat; he looked just as bad in this photo as he did in his front-facing camera. Looking up at Phil, he shot him a glare. He replied to the text, _i hate you_

 _I’m not positive that you do,_ Phil typed in response, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Dan wanted to see that smile reach his eyes, which would sparkle like the ocean struck by sunlight. So, he admitted, _okay maybe i dont hate you at all and maybe im really happy that youre here and i want to say thank you but i also want to ask you why phil why did you come here_

Phil stared at the text on his phone for a long time. His eyes weren’t sparkling, and Dan bit his lip because his anxious fingers had taken over towards the end and all he wanted to do now was undo the text or tell Phil to forget about it – surely Phil would be leaving now because Dan was nervous and needy and not at all the sexy, seductive man that Phil met last week. The screen of Phil’s phone went black since he hadn’t started to type a reply. He looked up and his lips twitched as he met Dan’s eyes.

Slowly, Phil started, “I guess since there’s nothing wrong with my voice I should just talk… Um, I remember what you said about not dating and this being a bad idea. So, I tried to respect that and forget you, but I couldn’t. The thing is that I felt something for you, so I went to the bar tonight looking for closure, or maybe something better if I got lucky when we talked and you felt something, too. I don’t know… I just came here to figure out if we had something. I know that I care about you, and part of that means that I’d like to take care of you right now if you’ll let me.”

Dan bit his lip as he thought about it. He knew that the feelings were going to fade and that Phil would soon realize that there was nothing here because the only thing he had been attracted to was Dan’s voice. It seemed like if Phil wanted closure, then the best thing he could do was allow Phil to see who he really was and become disenchanted. He owed Phil that much, so he nodded in acceptance of the situation. Then Dan silently mouthed the words, “Okay. Thank you.”

Phil read his lips and his smile widened. Finally, the smile touched his eyes and the blue sparkled.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, about nicknames... if you've read my other works, you may have noticed that I like to give Dan a nickname in my chaptered fics. In Stray Cat, Dan was "Kitten" and in Believe in Me he was "Sweetheart". The thing that you might not have notice was how the nicknames connected to the central conflict of the stories. 
> 
> In Stray Cat, Phil called him Kitten (he was one of the few people who saw Dan as a person, not an animal) and in Believe in Me Phil called him Sweetheart (he saw Dan's true kind nature despite the dark influence of the fox in him). So, as Dan's nickname evolves in this story, I hope you'll see why I chose it and how it connects to the conflict of the story :)


	12. Chapter 12

From _The Little Mermaid_ by Hans Christian Andersen (1836) _:_ _The prince asked her who she was, and where she came from, and she looked at him mildly and sorrowfully with her deep blue eyes; but she could not speak. Every step she took was as the witch had said it would be, she felt as if treading upon the points of needles or sharp knives; but she bore it willingly and stepped as lightly by the prince’s side as a soap-bubble, so that he and all who saw her wondered at her graceful-swaying movements._

_She was very soon arrayed in costly robes of silk and muslin and was the most beautiful creature in the palace; but she was dumb and could neither speak nor sing. Beautiful women, dressed in silk and gold, stepped forward and sang before the prince and his royal parents: one sang better than all the others, and the prince clapped his hands and smiled at her._

_This was great sorrow to the little mermaid; she knew how much more sweetly she herself could sing once, and she thought, “Oh if he could only know that! I have given away my voice forever, to be with him.”_ _[http://hca.gilead.org.il/li_merma.html]_

 

 

 

After taking the empty soup bowl and mug to the kitchen, Phil returned to the living room. He was just opening his mouth to ask Dan if he needed anything else, but then he saw that Dan had fallen asleep. Smiling, Phil tucked the fuzzy blanket under Dan’s chin. Then he looked around the room for something to do, wanting to be helpful. Finally, he thought of something. Whenever Phil got sick, the first ones to suffer as a result were his houseplants. He thought that perhaps Dan’s plants might also be neglected, since at the moment Dan was struggling to take care of himself.  

There were no plants in this room, but he remembered from his last visit here that Dan had some succulents in his bedroom. Phil quietly walked to the bedroom and pushed open the door. His eyes flicked quickly across the room. Dan’s laptop was resting closed on the bed. The room looked very messy and lived-in, like Dan had spent most of his time huddled in here during his cold, which was understandable. Phil usually did the same thing when he was sick: made a nest of covers and pillows, grabbed something to keep himself entertained, and kept a box of tissues and a glass of water within reach. 

Stepping over a pile of dirty laundry, Phil walked over to Dan’s dresser where some succulents were resting in clay pots, and one was nestled in a glass terrarium. He leaned over the plants, inspecting them. The succulents looked like they hadn’t been tended to in a while, or even seen the sun, and Phil made a mental note to open the curtains tomorrow so they could get some light. There was a small watering can beside them, and Phil picked it up. He carried it to the bathroom to fill it, but before he could take it to the succulents, he noticed something else while standing in the hallway.

There was another room in this apartment that he had never been in before. The door was open, and Phil peek inside – it looked like this small room was being used as an office. He saw books, an electronic keyboard, a DDR pad leaning against the wall, a VR helmet, and a computer with headphones plugged into it that it looked like Dan used for online gaming. Phil wasn’t going to go into the room, but then he noticed a bonsai tree next to the computer on the desk. The tree was looking a bit crispy, so Phil went into the room to give it some water.

Then he went to the bathroom to refill the watering can, and he returned to the succulents in Dan’s bedroom to give them some much-needed attention. Just as he finished and was returning the empty watering can to where he found it on the top of the dresser, a soft footstep drew his attention to the doorway. Phil turned around to see Dan in the doorway, staring at him.

In that moment, he realized it might be odd that he’d invited himself into Dan’s bedroom, and his cheeks got pink. Dan’s cheeks were pink too, as his eyes darted to the tissues overflowing from the trashcan and the tangled sheets on the bed. He seemed so worried that Phil was in here, but Phil really didn’t mind the mess, especially since there was a very good excuse for it all.

Wanting to explain what he was doing, Phil gestured to the plants he had just watered and said, “They looked thirsty. So, I just came in here to take care of your plants.”

Dan’s wide eyes returned to Phil’s face. He swallowed heavily and then crossed the room. As Dan pulled him into a tight hug, Phil was stiff with surprise at first since he hadn’t been expecting that, but then he chuckled softly and also wrapped his arms around Dan.

After a moment, he felt Dan start to sag against him in exhaustion. Phil rubbed soft circles into Dan’s back. With his face resting against Dan’s shoulder, he asked, “Would you like to go to bed? It’s getting a bit late.”

He felt Dan nod against his shoulder before he stepped out of the hug. Then Dan sat on the edge of his bed, looking up at Phil with a sleepy smile – somehow, he made eyebags and mussed hair look adorable, and Phil wanted nothing more than to lean closer for a kiss, unconcerned with germs.

Reason held him back though and he had to ask, “Dan… if you’re going to bed, would you like me to leave? I’d still like to take care of you since you don’t feel well, but I could go home and come back tomorrow. It’s my day off, so… But do you want me to stay with you tonight, or go?” Without hesitation, Dan reached for Phil’s hand and tugged him a step closer, making Phil chuckle again. Phil said, “Okay, I’m staying I guess. Um, let me just take off my jeans.”

Dan nodded. He was wearing a comfy pair of gray sweats, so he slipped under the sheets without changing. After placing his laptop on the floor on the other side of the bed, he settled against his pillows and waited for Phil to join him.

Phil slipped his jeans down his thighs and stepped out of them. He put a hand on his glasses since he also needed to take those off, but he paused for a moment, taking in the sight of Dan in perfect focus, looking so cozy and sleepy and sweet as he stared back at Phil. Not wanting to wait another moment, Phil took off his glasses and put them on the nightstand. He turned off the light and crawled under the covers beside Dan. 

As they lay together in the dark, Phil just breathed slowly for a moment. The sheets smelled so much like Dan, a scent he had nearly forgotten in the week since he had been in this bed. Then Phil realized something odd about the way that he felt, as he started to relax against the pillows. Normally he didn’t fall asleep so easily in an unfamiliar bed, and whenever he went on vacation he always had to pack one of his pillows to help himself sleep. 

Oddly, he didn’t feel like he needed his pillow right now. Phil felt at home in this bed. As he rolled to face Dan, Phil impulsively confessed, “I dreamed about you.”

There was a swish of hair against a pillowcase as Dan turned to face him. He reached out to trace his fingertips across Phil’s cheek, silently encouraging him to continue.

“I dreamed of you almost every night since I met you,” Phil said softly. “In the dreams, I was mostly just lying here beside you, just like this. We would talk. It was nice. Dan… I really missed you.”

Dan swallowed so hard that Phil could hear it. Then he wrapped his arms around Phil and pressed himself tightly against Phil’s side. Smiling, Phil ran his fingers through Dan’s hair and enjoyed the feeling of having him so close.

 

 

Phil stretched his fingers across the sheets, searching for skin. He didn’t find any, and he opened his eyes a bit. It was morning and the bed was empty. Phil sat up and put on his glasses, and just as he did Dan walked in the doorway.

Dan’s hair was combed and he’d changed into a different pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. His complexion also looked much better, now a normal healthy slight tan. When he noticed how carefully Phil was watching him, Dan smiled and looked down at his feet before crossing the room. He sat on the edge of the bed beside Phil.

Phil ran his fingers through Dan’s hair as he said, “You look much better. How do you feel?”

Dan nodded and hummed softly.

The sound of his hum made Phil perk up and he asked, “Are you getting your voice back?”

Dan frowned. He lifted a hand in a ‘so-so’ gesture before placing the hand on his throat and rubbing. Then he started to talk. In a very high squeaky voice, he said, “ _I can talk like this_!” Next, his voice dropped to a gravely baritone, “ _Or I can talk like this._ ” And finally, in his normal pitch Dan attempted to force out the words, “I… can’t talk… like this.”

“Oh my gosh, you sound like you’re dying. It’s like your last words on your deathbed.” Phil couldn’t help snorting with laughter at the display of Dan’s vocal range. “Well, let’s get you some more tea. Maybe that will help.”

Dan nodded, and they left bedroom and walked to the kitchen. After Dan had another mug of tea with honey in it and they had both had a bowl of cereal, Phil’s eyes flicked over him in appraisal. He looked like he was feeling much better, so Phil suggested, “Do you want to play a game? If you feel up to it, I was thinking we could turn on your PS4…”

“Uhh huh,” Dan squeaked in response.

They went to the living room and Dan sat on the sofa while Phil set up the PS4. He saw that Dan had ‘Act It Out’ and shouted, “Oh, this is perfect! You can act some stuff out and I will try to guess what it is.” Dan nodded in agreement, and they waited as the game loaded. In a teasing voice, Phil taunted, “I don’t wanna boast, but I think I’m pretty good at playing Charades.”

Dan smiled and mouthed the words, “Oh, really?”

Phil nodded.

“Miming or guessing?” Dan asked, but this time he tried to talk, and the words came out as a strangled squeak.

“ _Miming_ ,” Phil mimicked, unable to resist mocking Dan a bit. Dan glared, looking completely done with him, Phil burst with laughter. Then he said more seriously, “I’m sorry. Really, I’m good at both of them.”

Dan nodded as they returned their attention to the game. After selecting a category, they started playing. They were in synch and easily able to communicate without words. Occasionally though, Dan lost his patience and screeched in frustration, “ _What is wrong with you_?”

Phil laughed as he asked, “Are you actually in pain, or is that just the noise you’re making?”

“Every moment I speak is agony,” Dan croaked.

“You should just not speak from now on,” Phil said as he covered Dan’s mouth with his hand, and he smiled as he felt Dan’s soft lips curve under his palm.

A while later as they were on a winning streak, Phil boldly declared, “If we get this next one right, we get to order pizza for dinner tonight.”

When Phil was able to guess what Dan was miming after less than a minute, he excitedly pulled Dan into a hug and felt Dan melt against his shoulder. They stayed like that for a long moment, enjoying the feeling of being beside each other. Then Dan leaned away, but his warm chocolate eyes were glowing with fondness. 

Phil bit his lip, hesitating for a moment. There was something he wanted to say, but the last time he said it Dan’s response had wounded him. But Dan couldn’t respond now, so was this the perfect time to say it? As he stared into Dan’s eyes, Phil said, “I really like you.”

Dan blinked before whispering, “Do you really?”

Phil nodded and sucked in a sharp breath when Dan leaned forward, resting his face once more against Phil’s shoulder. Dan whispered softly, so soft that Phil almost didn’t hear it, “I’m starting to believe you.”           

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic just passed 100 kudos and 1500 hits. Thank you!
> 
> Also, I'm working 10 hours of overtime at my job this weekend. Any inspirational words to get me through it?


	13. Chapter 13

_Siren fact: In one prose translation, the Sirens speak of “the sweet voice from our lips,” despite the word στομάτων directly translating to the less sensual “mouths.” Another adds flowery descriptors of “each purling note/like honey twining/from our lips.” But unlike the Odyssey’s other island temptresses, Circe and Calypso, the Sirens get no admiring description of their faces or hair. Only their voice is described, and their field of bones and flowers._

_That’s a pretty strong indicator that the Sirens are not meant to be read as offering a sexual temptation… You can kiss lips; mouths devour. [https://www.audubon.org/news/sirens-greek-myth-were-bird-women-not-mermaids]_

 

 

 

Phil was stirring beside him as he started to wake up. Dan continued to stare at his face. It was hard to comprehend, but Phil had slept here for two nights in a row. Phil was caring for him – Phil cared about him. This was despite the fact that Dan hadn’t been able to use his siren voice. Dan didn’t quite believe it; he felt like this was a dream.

Phil’s eyelids fluttered. His gaze fixed on Dan’s face and he smiled. He lifted his hand, movements still a bit sluggish with sleep, but he managed to place his hand on Dan’s cheek in a caress, and Dan smiled under the touch. Phil asked, “How do you feel today?”

“Much better, thank you,” Dan said, his voice only cracking slightly towards the end. His throat twinged with pain, but only a bit and Dan thought that he would be completely back to normal in another day or two.

Phil’s eyebrows creased with worry when Dan’s voice cracked, and he seemed to be only looking closer for signs that something was wrong. He asked, “Are you sure? Because I’m scheduled for work tomorrow. If you aren’t feeling well, I can ask to be off work – I’ll say it’s a family emergency. Dan, tell me. Do you need me to take care of you?”

Smiling because the offer was sweet, Dan shook his head. “I’m okay but thank you. Really, I’m good.” Then Dan bit his lip as a thought crossed his mind. He shifted so that he was nearer to Phil and started to search under the sheets between them. Dan said, “I’m actually feeling well enough to take care of you, if you’d like.”

“Hmmm?” Phil was confused until Dan’s groping hand connected with the front of his boxers and made his meaning clear. Phil gasped, “Oh!”

Dan started to rub Phil through the fabric, but Phil looked more surprised than aroused, so Dan hesitated. It seemed odd to hesitate in this role. He’d always been so confident sexually, but things with Phil had never been simple – Dan found himself tangled in a mess of urges and feelings, and somehow Phil had become entangled in this knot with him. The odd thing was that Dan wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere or with anyone else. Shyly, he asked, “Do you want me to?”

Phil nodded, and Dan rushed forward. This seemed to surprise Phil, who was probably expecting more gentle rubbing through his pants. Instead, Dan rolled on top of Phil, positioning himself between Phil’s thighs. He peppered kisses along Phil’s neck, up his cheek, and then settled on his lips as he started shifting his hips. Phil moaned against Dan’s mouth before deepening the kiss.

They kept this up for a few moments before Dan pulled out of the kiss, panting for breath. Then he asked, “Phil, I want you. Please?”

The words made Phil shudder with pleasure and he didn’t hesitate to reach between them, slipping his pants down his hips. Dan lifted himself up so that Phil could easily kick his boxers the rest of the way off, and then he discarded his own, too. Neither of them had worn a shirt to bed, so they were both nude now, except for a pair of mismatched socks. Before returning to place between Phil’s legs, he grabbed the bottle of lube and a condom from his bedside drawer. His gaze flicked over the pretty, pale flesh of Phil nude beneath him.

Dan was having trouble remembering why he had spent so much time apart from Phil when they could have been doing this the whole time. As he stared for a bit too long, the pale skin got a bit rosy as Phil flushed. He said, “Um, are you going to…”

“Sorry,” Dan shook off the distraction with a rueful smile. He put the supplies aside for now; he wanted Phil desperately, but not so much that he wanted to rush this. As he ran a hand across Phil’s chest, feeling the fine hairs there, he said, “I missed this. I missed you.”

“Me, too. I… Oh!” Phil’s words cut off suddenly in surprise as Dan leaned in and latched his lips to the nipple that his hands had grazed across.

Dan sucked as Phil squirmed beneath him. It seemed like Phil was enjoying this, which pleased Dan who remembered how good it had felt when Phil did this to him the last time. But Dan was unsure – he would confidently declare himself a good kisser, yet he wasn’t sure about this. He just felt so much pressure right now, an overwhelming need to make this moment perfect for Phil, yet he felt more confident in the abilities of his hands than his mouth.

And then he knew what he needed to do. Dan released the nipple from his mouth and trailed kisses up Phil’s chest, across his collar bone, and then settled on the side of his neck where he started sucking a mark. Once he had settled into this new position, he moved his hands between their bodies. As one hand played across the tender skin along Phil’s ribs, the other moved to the nipple that was already hardened by the attention from the sucking.

Dan’s fingers played gracefully across the skin beneath him. In these movements, Dan felt sure of himself. He didn’t press his fingers into the flesh in a hard or demanding way, but with gentle touches as he explored. He was attuned to the body beneath him as he continued to kiss Phil’s neck. He felt the body tense when he touched a particularly sensitive spot, and Phil let out little pleasured groans. As the sounds Phil was making vibrated Dan’s lips where they were latched to his neck, he quickly became addicted to them. He teased his fingers across Phil’s chest, wanting to hear more.

“Please,” Phil said in a breathy whisper. “Want to feel you somewhere else.”

“Okay,” Dan agreed as he released Phil’s neck, and grabbed for the bottle of lube. While he coated two of his fingers in lube, Phil shifted his hips to a position that would give Dan easier access. Then Dan leaned over him because he wanted his face close to Phil’s as he started to slowly press his fingers into him. He carefully watched Phil’s face for signs of discomfort. Phil’s breathing got a bit heavier, but he seemed alright, so Dan moved closer so that he could softly brush his lips against Phil’s.

Phil responded to the kiss and their mouths moved together as Dan continued working his fingers into Phil’s body, searching deeper for that spot inside him. Phil gasped against Dan’s lips when his fingers finally found it, and Dan chuckled. He placed a kiss on Phil’s cheek before resting his face on his shoulder, inhaling against the skin and enjoying the sweet scent of him. Phil continued to pant beneath him for a moment, and once he caught his breath he mumbled, “I knew you would be good at this.”

“Hmmm?” Dan had been so distracted by the body beneath him that it took him a moment to realize that Phil spoke, but then he supported his weight on his elbow, propping himself up so that he could see Phil’s face again. He asked, “What was that?”

The pale cheeks flushed once again under Dan’s gaze, and he squirmed a bit, the movement not going unnoticed since they were both still very aware of the fingers moving in and out of his body. Phil looked away as he repeated himself, “I said, I knew you would be good at this… after seeing your hands. The way they move across the piano, so graceful… mmmh, I knew your hands would feel good in me.”

“Seriously?” Dan felt his own cheeks getting pink. The compliment moved him and thrilled him at the same time, as he thought back on the times he had played the piano before Phil and imagined Phil in those moments envisioning Dan’s hands on his body. The words were a bit too much for him to process and appreciate now – he was still having trouble believing the fact that Phil truly liked him – so he shook his head and teased, “You’re a bit of an odd guy, you know?”

“I know,” Phil said with quirked lips, as his ocean eyes returned to Dan’s face. He seemed to appreciate the teasing, so maybe the sentiment behind his words had been too much too soon for him as well. He started moving his hips with the rhythm of Dan’s fingers. “Ah, Dan! I think I’m ready. Please.”

“Okay.” Dan leaned in for one more kiss before he pulled away to open the condom and slide it onto his erection. He felt Phil’s eyes on him and had a brief moment of wishing that he had gotten out of bed to comb his hair before initiating this – he didn’t feel deserving of the admiring looks Phil was giving him. But fuck it, it was too late for that now. He slicked his length in lube before returning to rest between Phil’s thigh, slipping his cock into place and teasing but not pressing in yet. He asked, “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Phil said with a nod, and he put his hands on Dan’s shoulders, pulling him closer.

Dan started to press in slowly. He groaned as Phil’s walls squeezed him. Once he was fully inside, he paused and said a bit breathlessly, “Tell me when…”

Phil shifted his hips experimentally and his fingertips dug into Dan’s shoulders so hard that Dan thought they might leave marks – not that he minded, he liked the idea of Phil marking him. Phil sighed, “Hmmm, you can move.”

After taking a tighter grip on Phil’s hips, he started pounding into Phil with a steady rhythm. Phil squeezed his eyes shut tightly as his mouth fell open to let out little breathy sounds, and Dan stared openly at him and he continued thrusting. It seemed strange to him that he had Phil here, warm and solid beneath him. He could drink Phil in with all of his sense, yet Dan could still hardly believe he was real. Phil was a real man who knew Dan and liked him – and Dan liked him, too.

“Ah!” Dan gasped as he felt tingles running up his spine and the muscles of his thighs tightening. “Phil… close.”

The finger pressed harder against his back. Phil’s eyes opened as he whispered, “Good, want you to…”

Dan groaned as he thrust once more deeply inside before coming. He had settled some of his weight on Phil as he tried to even his breathing, so he felt Phil’s cock pulsing between them and he knew that Phil must be close. Carefully, Dan slipped out of Phil’s body. He only paused to pull off the condom before returning to Phil, assuring him, “I’m going to take care of you.”

“Oh?” Phil ran a hand across Dan’s arm, looking blissed out and unconcerned. He asked in a carefree voice, “What are you going to do for me?”

“You seemed to like my hands earlier…” Dan said hesitantly. Perhaps Phil would him to suck him off, which Dan would be happy to do, but he had been so focused on using his hands on Phil’s body at the start of this that he wanted to finish this that way.

“Love the feel of your hands on me, Lovely.”

That was all the encouragement that Dan needed to reach between them and grasp Phil’s cock. His wrists were quite flexible, so he didn’t need to reposition himself – he could just stay here, propped on an elbow as he watched pleasure wash over Phil’s face. He continued to utilize the skill of his fingers as he started to stroke Phil, squeezing softly at first and then a bit harder when he sense that was what Phil wanted.

As he worked his way up to the tip, he felt precum leaking and knew how close Phil must be. He circled his thumb over the slit and Phil shuddered. Then Phil’s hips tensed and Dan knew he must be at the edge. He cupped his large hand securely around the erection and gave a couple more firm strokes, and then Phil was coming. Dan’s hand was wet and slick with it as he worked Phil through his orgasm – his eyes were squeezed shut tightly and his mouth was open, letting out little gasps with each of the strokes. When it seemed like he was finished, Dan released him and settled onto the pillow beside him, still watching as Phil’s breathing started to even.

Finally, the ocean eyes opened again and his eyes fixed on Dan’s face. They both breathed heavily in silence for a moment, but Dan felt a mounting desire to say something. When he couldn’t hold it in anymore, Dan blurted, “Sorry.”

Phil stared at him with wide eyes. “What are you sorry for?”

With a laugh, Dan gestured to their nude bodies. “Well, I did just jump you first thing in the morning.”

“Oh,” Phil said, and his gaze lingered on Dan’s body. “Don’t apologize. I loved it. Though I did wonder why.”

“Um,” Dan hesitated and he felt his cheeks blazing. “Well, I wanted to thank you. For everything you’ve done for me lately.”

Phil bit his lip for a moment before asking, “Was that all this was? A thank you?”

The ocean eyes were locked on his face. Dan couldn’t escape that gaze. Then suddenly he realized that he didn’t want to escape. He met Phil’s gaze as he said, “No. It was so much more.”

Phil smiled at his eyes sparkled. “It was for me, too.”

 


	14. Chapter 14

_Siren fact: Sail too close to the island of Anthemoessa, and you will quickly find out what a Siren is. These bird-women can stop any ship that approaches their coast, bewitching the sailors with songs that make them forget everything else: the rocking ocean, the sails and tackle, the families waiting for them at home, even life itself._

_If you search the internet for images of Sirens, you’ll probably get a flood of beautiful women with fish tails. In many ways, the modern Siren is a creepy version of the mermaid. Her long hair and scaly tail are darkly colored. Her eyes and skin are ghostly pale. And she is set against a stormy background—a shipwreck waiting to happen. These images are a far-cry from the original Sirens. Instead of having fish tails, the first sirens had bird features: feathered wings, clawed feet, and sometimes sparrow’s tails. They were not particularly beautiful, especially compared to the sea nymphs who frolicked in the waters below them. [https://mythology.net/greek/greek-creatures/siren/_

 

 

 

Phil never wanted to move from this place. He was lying beside Dan in a nearly-perfect moment… but the lube on his skin felt sticky, and he desperately wanted to brush his teeth. Sitting up with a stretch, Phil asked, “Ready to get out of bed? I’d like to clean up a bit.”

“Sure,” Dan said as he got out of bed. He only paused to put on a very long t-shirt that was lying on the floor, which fell to his thighs. Then he smiled at Phil, who had been watching him, and nodded at the doorway to show that Phil should follow him.

Phil pulled on his boxers from last night, since he was planning on hopping in the shower in a minute. Then he followed Dan to the bathroom and found him retrieving a tube of toothpaste from the cabinet. He smiled when Phil came in and handed him the spare toothbrush that he had been using since he started sleeping over. They brushed their teeth in silence beside each other for a couple moments, during which Phil mostly stared at Dan, baffled by the fact that he could even make brushing teeth and spitting look attractive.

Once Phil had rinsed his mouth and put away the toothbrush, he couldn’t resist taking a step closer to Dan, who was drying is mouth on the back of his hand. Dan blinked in surprise when Phil got closer, but then his eyes glinted with amusement as he dropped his hand. Phil leaned in, enjoying Dan’s mouth which now tasted of mint, and the scent of it filled Phil’s nose as he lingered. When they pulled apart, Dan rested his face on Phil’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around him. 

Phil smiled and also wrapped his arms around him. Knowing what Dan was wearing, he couldn’t resist sliding his hands down Dan’s back, and then slipping them under the hem of the t-shirt. As he cupped Dan’s cheeks, Dan sighed and melted against him. Phil gave the cheeks a soft squeeze before suggesting, “Want to get in the shower with me?”

The effect these words had on Dan was instantaneous – he stopped breathing and his soft body became rigid. Sensing that he had done something wrong, Phil released him so that Dan could take a step back. His mahogany eyes were fixed purposely on an empty corner of the room. In answer to Phil’s question, he shook his head and whispered, “No, thanks.”

Phil gently put his hand under Dan’s chin, tilting his head so that their eyes met. In a soft voice, Phil said, “Please don’t push me away. If I do something that makes you uncomfortable, just tell me. You don’t even have to tell me why. I’ll stop because I never want to do anything that upsets you.”

Dan’s eyes widened. “You mean that?”

“Of course. So, you don’t want to get in the shower with me. Do you mind if I use your shower though?”  

Dan shook his head. “Go ahead. All yours.”

 

 

When Dan left him alone in the room and Phil stepped into the hot stream of water in the shower, Phil’s mind cleared. He always felt focused in the shower and was better able to plan the things he needed to do. Thinking about tomorrow, Phil knew that he couldn’t spend much longer at Dan’s home. The time he had spent here felt a bit surreal as he thought about it – on the day he set out to find closure, he had gone to Dan’s home in a panic after hearing he was sick. And now they were… something.

Normally, Phil liked to label his relationships, but he was nervous to pressure Dan with that. He had a sense that Dan was someone fragile and precious, and that if he held onto him too tight then something might break. What Dan had said this morning seemed to imply that he wanted more, but Phil was still concerned that pressuring him would cause it all to fall apart. So, Phil wasn’t going to force Dan into anything. He wasn’t going to label them yet. He would hold Dan gently until he was sure that Dan was ready for more. That funny surreal feeling came over him again, and Phil realized that Dan was his. Dan was his, and Phil was ecstatic.

After he got out of the shower, Phil grabbed a few towels from Dan’s linen closet. He rubbed one across his hair, wrapped another around his hips, and draped the third over his shoulders. When he walked back to Dan’s bedroom, which was now empty, Phil’s nose wrinkled at the sight of his dirty clothes on the floor. He was hoping that Dan would let him borrow some clean clothes, so he went to find him.  
  
Dan was in the kitchen, making sandwiches for lunch since it was too late in the day for breakfast. He turned around with a smile when he heard Phil come into the room, but then his eyebrows rose. As Dan leaned against the countertop, his eyes pointedly flicked up and down Phil’s body. He asked, “What are you wearing?”

Phil glanced down at himself to make sure that the towel around his hips hadn’t slipped. Looking back to Dan’s eyes, he said, “Um, a towel. I was going to ask you if I could borrow some clean clothes, since we’re probably the same size.”

“Sure, of course you can borrow some clothes. But I’d like to point out that you are wearing more than one towel.” Dan didn’t look angry – he actually seemed amused – but Phil’s cheeks still flushed in embarrassment.

 As he nervously adjusted the towel around his shoulders, Phil said, “Sorry, didn’t mean to use all your towels. I can help with the laundry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Dan said, waving away the offer. “I was genuinely just curious. What is the third one for? Shoulder drying? Ankle drip protection? General emotional support?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know. I always use three towels.” Phil shook his head and laughed. He took a step back in the direction of Dan’s bedroom, but paused to say, “Thanks for the clothes. I’ll return them the next time I’m here.”

Dan’s eyes widened. “Are you going somewhere?”

Seeing the concern on his lovely face, Phil stopped walking. “I’m going to stay a bit longer, like until after dinner. But then I was going to go home.”

Dan bit his lip before saying, “Did I do something wrong? Are you leaving because I wouldn’t shower with you? I know that’s a normal thing people do together, but I…”

“Oh, Dan, no,” Phil said as he walked around the counter to give Dan a quick hug. Then he assured him, “It’s because of work. I have to go to work tomorrow, and my laptop is at home. I’d like to get some things done on my laptop so that I’m prepared. And it will also be easier getting ready in the morning if I’m waking up in my own home with my own alarm clock, products, clothes, and even my cereal. I’m a creature of habit and I’d like to start out my morning before work in a familiar space.”

“Oh okay, that makes sense,” Dan said with a nod. Then he smiled. “Sorry I freaked out on you. I’m just feeling a bit vulnerable. Admitting to you earlier that being with you meant so much to me… I just kind of expected rejection, so…”

Phil placed a soft kiss on Dan’s pink cheek. “I’m not rejecting you. I’ll be back soon. I promise.”  
  


Leaving that night after dinner hurt, but Dan soothed the ache in his chest with soft kisses to his lips at the door before he left. The parting this time wasn’t as awful as the others, since now they were both sure that they would see each other again soon.

That night when he was working on his laptop, Phil’s phone buzzed with an incoming call. He picked it up excitedly, expecting a call from Dan perhaps, but it was his brother, Martyn. Phil answered the phone in a cheerful voice, “Hello?”

“Hey, Philly! Can you talk for a sec?”

“Sure, what’s up?”  
  
“Mum asked me to go over our plans for this weekend, just to make sure that everyone is on the same page,” Martyn said.

“Oh?” Phil asked, pulling a notepad on the coffee table closer in case he needed to write anything down. “Has anything changed? Are we meeting at the same time?”

“Yup, same time, same place – I’ll be seeing you in Brighton this weekend. The only big thing that has changed is that Dad isn’t coming. Something came up at his job, so it’s just going to be you, me, mum, and Corn.”

“Oh, that’s too bad he won’t be there,” Phil said as he tapped the pencil he was holding on the notepad, but he didn’t write anything down.

After a moment of silence, Martyn asked, “Are you okay?”

“Sorry!” Phil hurriedly said. “I was just thinking about someone.” When Martyn didn’t respond, Phil was forced to explain, “A guy I’ve been seeing.”

“Are you thinking of bringing him with you?” Martyn asked. “Mum would be ecstatic if you did. You should invite him.”

Phil shook his head. Then because Martyn couldn’t see him, he said, “No, that’d be weird. I’ve only been seeing him for a week, and we spent most of that week apart. It’s too soon for him to meet my family.”

“Okay, well, I hope we get to meet him someday. And you can tell us all about him this weekend.”

Phil snorted, knowing that if Martyn mentioned Dan to Mum that she would then proceed to interrogate Phil about his relationship. Still, he was looking forward to seeing his family, so he said, “Alright, sounds like fun. See you soon!”  
  
“Night!” Martyn said, and he hung up.

Just as Phil was about to put his phone down, he saw that he had gotten a text while he was talking to his brother. Dan’s sleepy sick face from his profile picture was beside the message, _hey thanks again for taking care of me im feeling much better because of you_

 _Of course :) I’m happy you’re feeling better,_ Phil responded.  
  
Dan replied immediately, _yes i already told my boss i feel like i can work tomorrow_

Phil bit his lip. He had already been entertaining the idea of seeing Dan tomorrow after he got off work at the radio station. Dan’s work hours at the bar were a bit later, but eating really late seemed worth it if he could eat with Dan. He asked, _Could I take you out to a late dinner after you perform?_

_sounds perfect :)_

 

           

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're not going to want to miss the next chapter. It's a good one... *evil grin*
> 
> ____  
> I'm working another 10hrs of overtime this weekend at my job, but I'm desperately trying to get some more chapters done so that I can keep up with my current upload schedule (I have 6 more chapters pre-written). The story is outlined, I'm excited to write it, I love posting here, but I'm getting a bit stressed as my pre-written chapters are dwindling.  
> I hope to write a lot this weekend despite work, but I was just wondering something.  
> Hopefully it doesn't come to this, but if my supply of completed chapters starts to run low, would it bother anyone if I just posted on Fridays instead of twice a week? I hate that idea since I love posting as much as possible, but I know it would stress me even more to run out of chapters completely. I am going to do everything I can to write quickly so that doesn't happen. But if it does, is 1 chapter a week enough? Sorry, just asking since knowing would relieve some pressure...


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: read with caution

_Siren fact: The first century Roman historian Pliny the Elder discounted Sirens as pure fable, "although Dinon, the father of Clearchus, a celebrated writer, asserts that they exist in India, and that they charm men by their song, and, having first lulled them to sleep, tear them to pieces." In his notebooks Leonardo da Vinci wrote of the Siren, "The siren sings so sweetly that she lulls the mariners to sleep; then she climbs upon the ships and kills the sleeping mariners."_

_In 1917, Franz Kafka wrote in The Silence of the Sirens, "Now the Sirens have a still more fatal weapon than their song, namely their silence. And though admittedly such a thing never happened, it is still conceivable that someone might possibly have escaped from their singing; but from their silence certainly never." [http://www.crystalinks.com/sirens.html]_

 

 

 

As he sat behind his piano and his fingers started to move across the keys, Dan was looking at the crowd in the room. Phil hadn’t said that he would be coming in to watch Dan’s performance before they went to dinner that night. While Dan hadn’t wanted Phil here – he wanted to have dinner with the real Phil, not a Phil who he had inadvertently hypnotized when he walked in on Dan’s performance – but at the same time, Dan wasn’t sure how to ask him to stay away. They met when Phil saw him perform. How could he ask Phil to stay away, without exposing the truth?

Scanning the crowd, he saw that he had gotten lucky. Phil wasn’t here. As Dan continued scanning the room, he saw that most of the people here weren’t paying much attention to him – in fact, only one patron leaning against a wall was currently looking at the stage as Dan stroked the keys. Dan’s shoulders relaxed as he played. He wasn’t performing for Phil tonight, just the usual people. As he continued to watch his audience, he saw the usual: flirting couples at the tables much more interested in each other than him (he had a much better understanding of that feeling since meeting Phil), Johnathan scurrying behind the bar to wait on people who wanted drinks, and then finally Dan’s gaze returned to the man who was watching him.

The guy was big. Since Dan was tall, he didn’t usually look at people and think this about others, but where Dan was tall and wiry, this big man was burly. His shoulders strained the leather jacket he was wearing as he crossed his arms, his short dark hair was slicked back with product, there was stubble on his chin, and he was watching Dan with an intent, dark gaze.

Dan resisted the urge to shiver. The man looked familiar, and Dan was pretty sure that he had been coming in regularly for the past few weeks, though he was usually standing farther back in the bar. If he always stared like that, then Dan had never noticed before now. 

Dan looked away from the dark eyes – something about this guy gave him a bad feeling, and suddenly he wished Phil was here for some reason. Shaking off his discomfort, Dan returned his attention to his performance. As the piano portion of his performance finished, he leaned towards the microphone mounted to the piano and started to sing. He glanced at his audience as he sung, seeing bliss wash over their faces. Nervously, his eyes also flicked to the big man’s face. The man looked just as entranced as the rest of the room, but his stare seemed to have intensified. It was unsettling.

Dan’s throat tightened and it was hard to get out the next notes of his song, but if the tempo was thrown off, his audience didn’t seem to notice. Purposely, Dan kept his eyes to his piano keys. He had to focus on getting through this song. The sooner he was off the stage, then the sooner he would be away from that unsettling gaze. Dan continued to sing.

 

 

Finally, it was over and Dan leapt from the stool, making it scrape noisily across the wooden stage. He walked briskly for the door beside the stage and shut it quickly behind him. The room was empty. No one was staring at him anymore. As he leaned against the door, Dan shut his eyes and took a deep breath. His phone buzzed in his pocket, making him yelp in surprise.  

Dan pulled his phone out of his pocket to check the message.

It was from Phil. _Hey! I hope your performance went well. Looking forward to seeing you. <3  
_

He took another deep breath, which this time came easier as he looked at the words Phil sent him. Dan smiled as he typed, _thanks it went great :) looking forward to seeing you too_

Phil responded, _I’m actually hailing a cab and I’ll be there soon. Meet me out front?_

 _sounds good,_ Dan said and then he returned the phone to his pocket.

As Dan turned around and touched the doorknob, he worried for a moment that the man who had stared at him would still be out there. But no, that was ridiculous paranoia. The man had only looked at him, he hadn’t done anything, and the bar usually emptied pretty quickly at this time of night after the entertainment was over. He turned the doorknob and exited the back room.

As he looked around, he saw that the bar had settled down and indeed that most people seemed to be getting ready to leave. The flirting couples at the tables were paying their bills and gathering their things. The bar area was empty except for Robert, who was sipping on a beer. Johnathan appeared to be chatting idly with Robert while he wiped down the bar. Dan wondered what they were talking about, but he didn’t feel that he could go over to find out or say ‘hi’ – Robert hadn’t spoken to him since they argued.

As he finished scanning the room, Dan gratefully noticed that the big man was gone. Taking one more deep breath and deciding that he had been acting ridiculous tonight, Dan headed for the door and out of the bar. It was a bit chilly outside – as he exhaled, his breath ghosted in the air – so Dan zipped the black jacket he was wearing all the way up and tucked his chin into the collar. It was dark out here. The nearby streetlamp was broken and most of the light in the area was dim and yellow, filtering through the grimy windows of the bar behind him.

As the dark sent a spike of anxiety through him, Dan reassured himself that everything was fine. Phil would be here soon. To keep warm, he started pacing in circles out front of the door as he waited for Phil’s cab to arrive. Glancing down the street, he didn’t see any cars approaching. No headlights in the distance. A couple blocks away, the door of a nightclub opened, sending a boom of bass out into the peaceful night. Dan watched as a giggling group of girls exited the nightclub.

A hand closed over his mouth and another hand snaked around his waist. Dan felt his back being pressed against someone who held him tightly and then started to drag him backward a few steps. Dan grunted and squirmed, but the person holding him was stronger. He tried to plant his feet firmly on the ground, but his sneakers just scraped on the pavement as he was dragged into the mouth of the alley beside the bar.

Panicking as the darkness of the alley swallowed him, Dan clawed at the arm wrapped around his middle, but his fingernails scraped uselessly against leather and the grip didn’t loosen. Then Dan sank his teeth into the hand across his face. The person behind him grunted in pain, and the moment that the hand on his mouth moved, Dan shouted, “ _Get the fuck off_ —”

His words abruptly cut off as the hand that had been around his mouth gripped his neck and slammed the right side of his head into the nearby brick wall of the alley. Pain bloomed in his temple and Dan whimpered. He couldn’t focus on anything and became limp and pliant in the arms of the man who continued dragging him down the alley.

Moving made his head throb and black spots swim over his field of vision, which was going in and out of focus. It took all of his effort, but Dan managed to make his lips form the words, “Why are you doing this? Wha… what do you want?”

The man dragging him down the alley snorted. “Isn’t it obvious, little bird? I want you to sing me a song. You sound so pretty doing it on the stage, but now I want you all to myself. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I need to make you mine.”

Dan’s shirt had ridden up, and the man’s hand around his waist was pressed against the bare skin of his side. He shuddered under the touch as it all became clear – this was an unbalanced person who had been pushed over the edge and become obsessed with Dan’s voice. He had no idea what this man wanted to do with him, which only made the situation more terrifying. As his vision cleared, Dan saw that they were nearing a car parked at the end of the alley beside a dumpster, and his heart started pounding.

The man noticed when Dan tensed at the sight of the car, so he tightened his grip on his waist. He dragged Dan around the back of the car and to the trunk, and a whine caught in Dan’s throat as he thought about what was going to happen if he didn’t escape. The man reached out to tug on the latch of the trunk, but it was locked. He sighed and Dan heard a _jingle_ of keys as the man reached into his pocket for them. 

This was it. This was the perfect moment. Dan elbowed the man as hard as he could. He heard a wheeze in response and the arm around his waist loosened. Dan wriggled free and started sprinting. Only once he reached the mouth of the alley did he look back, seeing the big burly man who had been staring at him earlier. Their eyes locked for a second, and the big man’s hand dropped from his side, where he had been rubbing the spot struck by Dan’s elbow. 

Dan had looked away as he started running from the alley, but he heard heavy footsteps following him. _Fuck, fuck, fuck…_ Belatedly, he realized that he had run the wrong way when he left the alley, and that if he had gone the other way he could have run back into the bar where Robert and Johnathan were and he would be safe now. It was too late now. His lungs were burning and he didn’t think anyone would hear him if he tried to scream. His best chance was to hide. 

Ahead, there was an old shop that had been a drycleaner’s before it closed. Recently someone broke the glass windows and the owner hadn’t bothered to have them replaced or boarded up yet. Dan darted through the opening. He winced as broken glass shards crunched under his shoes. Every sound was too loud right now. Even his breathing and the beating of his own heart. He felt sure that the man chasing him would hear it, and that when he caught him those sounds would soon stop. 

Dan looked around for some place he could get out of sight in case the stalker looked in the shop. Perhaps there was an abandoned desk he could hide under? Then Dan realized that the only furniture in the room was a large wardrobe near the back of the room. He crept towards it and hesitantly peeked inside, expecting a family of rats to come spilling out. Luckily, there were no rats and he thought that it was big enough for him to fit inside.

Was this a mistake? Should he have kept running? There was a psycho kidnapper looking for him and he had run less than a block before stopping. As Dan looked over his shoulder to the street visible through the large broken window, he knew that it was too late to rethink this – the man could appear in that window at any moment. Dan crawled into the wardrobe and shut the door as much as he could from the inside. There was still a slight crack and a sliver of light from the street filtered through. He shuddered at the sight of the light, feeling exposed.

Dan’s breathing was ragged and his heart continued to pound. As the adrenaline shaking his body was wearing off, he felt his head pounding with pain. It was too much. He thought he might pass out from it if he didn’t distract himself. 

As he closed his eyes, Dan focused on where he was, hiding in a wardrobe like a child. But not all children go to wardrobes to hide. He thought of the books he read as a child – about the siblings who walked through a wardrobe to visit a magical land, and when an evil witch threatened them a brave lion defended them and even died for them. He took a deep, calming breath.

Dan’s phone buzzed and he screamed. Then he clapped his hand over his mouth, but it was too late. His heart was racing again and his temple was pounding in time with it. He was sure that he had been overheard and that footsteps would be crunching over the glass at any moment. Nothing happened.

Dan extracted his phone from his pocket and saw that there was an incoming call. It was Phil. He answered in a whisper, “Hello?”

“Where are you? I’ve been texting. We’re still meeting out front of the bar, right?” Phil’s asked.

The sound of Phil’s voice drew tears to Dan’s eyes, and he covered his mouth to stifle a whimper. He was so scared and all he wanted was for Phil to hold him.

“Dan?” Phil sounded alarmed. “Are you crying? Where are you? Please answer me, Lovely.”

“I’m… please help me.” Dan’s words were interrupted by another sob. He had to steady himself before continuing, “I’m in the old drycleaner’s a couple doors down from the bar. The one with the broken windows.”

“Okay, I’m coming.”

“Phil!” Dan hurried to say before Phil could hang up. “Be careful. There’s a man. He’s wearing a leather jacket. He tried to kidnap me.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you read the beginning of chapter 9 carefully, then I hope that these events don't seem like they came out of nowhere. I've based this scenario on a thought that came to me:  
> So, the ancient sirens sang to sailors on ships, making ships crash on rocks and the sailors drown as they tried to reach the sirens. But I thought, what would happen to a siren on land? A siren without a body of water between him and the men listening to his song? That siren would seem pretty helpless to me, when the listeners can so easily run up and grab him.  
> Of course Dan isn't entirely helpless, but I liked the idea of making his "power" the thing that also makes him vulnerable, since he is a siren out of his element.  
> ________  
> I got a bit of work done over the weekend on this fic, so don't worry -- it hasn't been reduced to 1 chapter a week and the next chapter will be up on friday as usual :)


	16. Chapter 16

_Siren fact:_ _Mermaids are sometimes associated with perilous events such as floods, storms, shipwrecks and death by drowning, but they are also seen as benevolent or beneficent, bestowing boons or falling in love with humans. It is said that Mermaids are born when someone who has a great love for the sea dies, thus the stories of sailors and mermaids. They are only born during solstices or equinoxes._ _But only from those that had a peaceful death, if they died while fighting they would become Sirens. Sirens were dangerous creatures, which lured nearby sailors with their enchanting music and voices to shipwreck on the rocky coast of their islands, said to inhabit the most dangerous islands surrounded by cliffs and rocks. [https://oddlearning.com/difference-between-a-mermaid-and-a-siren]_

 

 

 

“I’m here, Lovely,” Phil said into his phone. He was looking through the window of the drycleaner’s, but he didn’t see Dan inside, and Dan didn’t answer him. The sniffling just continued on the other end of the line. After looking up and down the street and seeing no sight of the man Dan described, Phil stepped through the large broken window at the front of the store. He called into the barren room, “Dan?”

No one answered and he just heard his own voice as it echoed off the empty walls.

Phil swallowed, which sounded louder than anything else in the room. He tried again, speaking both into the phone and to the room, “Dan?”

There was still no answer, but he thought that he heard something shift in the wardrobe near the back of the room. Phil approached it hesitantly, unsure why Dan wouldn’t be answering if he was inside. When he was about a foot away from the wardrobe, he reached out slowly to rap his knuckles against the wood.

Someone inside shrieked.

Phil had heard Dan scream in rage during video games, but he had never heard so much terror in the sound before. Still, he knew him and Phil flung open the door. The sight of Dan huddled in the corner of the wardrobe made the phone slip from his hand to clatter to the floor.

Dan flinched at the noise and shrunk into a smaller ball in the wardrobe. His knees were pulled up to his chest, his arms were wrapped around them, and he was shaking as he stared up at Phil with wide eyes. It was hard to tell in the dark, but Dan’s phone was resting beside him on the floor of the wardrobe, and with the bright screen illuminating the phone call with Phil, some of the features of Dan’s face were visible in the light. It looked like there was something dark running down the side of his face. Blood?

Phil gasped and reached out to touch Dan’s head near what might have been an injury, and his fingers brushed curls that were wet with a sticky substance. It looked like blood and felt like it, too. Phil whispered, “Dan?”

Dan winced and cringed away from his touch. He whimpered, “Please don’t hurt me.”

“It’s me, I would never…” Phil drew his hand away, as he realized that his touch might have caused Dan pain if he was injured. He wanted to get closer to Dan, but not to hurt or scare him. Looking at where Dan was sitting, he saw that the wardrobe was spacious, and there was room enough for him. Phil sat down in the wardrobe beside Dan. His legs were dangling across the floor and there was now only a foot of space between them.

Dan’s face was half hidden by shadows as he watched Phil move closer. His shoulders relaxed when Phil just looked at him. Then he whispered, “I… I’m sorry. I wanted you to touch me, but my head…”

“I know, it’s going to be okay,” Phil chanced placing his hand lightly on Dan’s knee and squeezing softly. This didn’t seem to hurt Dan, so he left his hand there. “What happened? I don’t understand.”

“It was my fault,” Dan said in a soft voice. “This is all my fault.”

Phil shook his head. None of this made sense. Was Dan disoriented? The thought made Phil’s heart pound faster in his chest and his palms started to sweat – how bad was Dan’s head injury? Phil moved his hand from Dan’s knee and grabbed for the phone lying next to him. As he disconnected the call with his own phone that had fallen a few feet away, Phil dialed for help. He told Dan, “We’re going to get you to a hospital. Everything is going to be alright.”

Dan only whispered again, “This is all my fault.”

Phil swallowed heavily. What had that man done to him?

 

  
“Your tests don’t show any sign of a concussion,” the doctor reported, as he checked Dan’s paperwork and also glanced at the four butterfly bandages on his forehead, making sure that they had been applied correctly to the cut. Dan was sitting up on an examination table while Phil stood anxiously beside him. They’d been here for hours and their nerves were frayed. The doctor commented, “I’d say you’re very lucky.”

“I don’t feel lucky,” Dan sniped, making Phil worry that the pain killers hadn’t kicked in yet or that his headache had gotten worse.

The doctor glanced between Dan’s face and the clipboard, seeming unsure how to respond. Finally, he looked at the doorway and nodded as he said, “The police are waiting to take your report if you’re ready.”

Dan’s eyes widened. “Do I have to do this now?”

The doctor seemed surprised. “They like to talk to people immediately following an attack, so that the memory and details of the event are fresh. I’ve instructed the cop not to pressure you now while you’re tired. You should try to talk, but if it’s too much you can always ask the cop to leave and try talking again later at the police station once you’ve rested.”

Phil reached out and squeezed Dan’s hand to reassure him. “I’ll be here.”

Dan returned the squeeze and then nodded at the doctor. “Okay, you can send the police in. I’ll talk to them. I want to get this over with.”

As a police officer walked in, Phil felt himself relax in the presence of her authority – he had been on edge for hours, and finally it felt like everything was going to be okay and he could allow himself to be exhausted. Phil zoned out as Dan described the appearance of the man who attacked him, and the only thing he was attentive of were the subtle shifts in Dan’s expression as parts of his story brought up bad memories that were still raw with emotion.

At one point, Dan bit his lip and didn’t answer a direct question.

Phil’s eyes unglazed and he looked between Dan’s face and the cop’s. She said, “Mr. Howell, did you hear me? I asked you if your attacker said anything.”

Dan nodded. He looked at Phil and swallowed heavily. Then he looked at the cop and said, “Yes, he spoke once. I asked him what he wanted and… and I remember every word of what he said: ‘ _Isn’t it obvious, little bird? I want you to sing me a song. You sound so pretty doing it on the stage, but now I want you all to myself. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I need to make you mine_ ’.”

Bile rose in the back of Phil’s throat and he shivered. That monster almost took his Dan away. His hand tightened convulsively around Dan’s at the thought, drawing Dan’s eyes to his face. The mahogany eyes were wide with alarm, and the last thing Phil wanted to do now was make Dan more anxious, so he loosened his grip on Dan’s hand and gave him a small smile.

“Any other details you can remember?” The cop prompted as her pen scratched across a notepad.

Dan blinked at her and then shook his head. “I’ve told you everything I remember.”

She made one last note and then looked up with a nod. “I think we have a good start here. There was an ATM machine right across the street from where you were grabbed, and with luck it got a good picture of the man who grabbed you. I’m also going to ask the people who were at Oasis Bar and Grill if they remember this guy – maybe someone knows his name. I think there’s a good chance we can find him, and once we do I’ll call you to ID him, so we can put this guy away.”

Dan paled and a crease appeared between his eyebrows, making Phil think that his headache was getting worse.

The cop noticed and she asked, “Is something wrong, Mr. Howell?”

Dan shook his head, but that seemed to make it hurt because then he lifted his hand to his forehead, blocking some of the light glaring from the fluorescent lights above. He said softly, “I’m sorry, I’m just struggling with the idea of pressing charges and locking this guy up. I feel like…” Dan hesitated, but the cop waited patiently, pressuring him to go on with an expectant expression. “I feel like this is all my fault. He said he did this because he saw me on stage. If I hadn’t been up there, none of this would have happened. I brought this on myself.”

“Dan, no!” Phil gasped. “Don’t you dare think like that. Not for one second. You’re perfect and you’ve done nothing to deserve being treated like this. That man is an awful person and he needs to be put away, so you can feel safe. You deserve to feel safe.”

The cop nodded in agreement. “He’s right, Mr. Howell. Listen to him. Putting a criminal like this in jail is the right thing, for your protection and also for others he might try to harm.” She reached into her pocket for a card with some contact information on it, which she handed to Dan. “Call me at that number if you think of anything else. I hope that I’ll be able to give you some good news about your case soon.”

“Thanks,” Dan said as he tucked the card into his pocket and looked away, still seeming troubled.

“Thank you for your help,” Phil said as he stepped closer to shake the cop’s hand as she left the room. She nodded and left, ponytail swishing behind her as she closed the door. Then they were alone again. Phil turned to face Dan, who was rubbing his eyes – understandable since they had been at the hospital all night and it was now the early hours of the morning. Phil asked, “Want to go to bed?”

“Uh huh,” Dan mumbled with a nod. Then he grimaced. “Remind me not to nod or move my head at all while I feel like this.”

Phil moved to stand before Dan. He smoothed Dan’s hair back from his forehead with the lightest of touches, making Dan look up at him. “You’ll feel better after you get some rest, Lovely. Come on, let me take you home.”

Dan’s eyes widened. In a small voice, he asked, “Do you have to?

“What do you mean? What’s wrong?”

“It’s just…” Dan paused as he bit his lip. “Um, I walk home from work. What if he followed me home one night? He might know where I live. He could be in my house right now.”

Phil’s breath rushed out of him in a hiss, and he looked at the door that the cop left through. “Maybe she hasn’t left yet. We can ask her to come check out your place and make sure it’s safe.”

Dan shook his head. “I wouldn’t feel safe even if she did. Not until this guy is caught. Um, Phil… Please can we just go somewhere else?”

Finally, he realized what Dan was shyly asking, and he smiled at him. “Of course. I’m taking you to my home, Dan. I’ll keep you safe.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you live in the U.S. I hope you have a wonderful Labor Day weekend! I'm going to the State Fair tomorrow :)


	17. Chapter 17

_Siren fact: The Sirens appear in Greek’s oldest works of literature. Homer, Virgil, Pliny the Elder, Ovid, Seneca, and Hesiod all describe these bewitching singers. By the end of the Greek period, Grecian scholars had concluded that the women were no more than fable—yet their legend lived on for centuries after the Greek civilization crumbled away._

_Writers as far back as William Shakespeare began to merge Sirens with mermaids, combining the sweet, vibrant appearance of the fish-maidens with the dreamy voice of the Sirens. Over time, the link between these two creatures has grown tighter. Today, it’s hard to find a feathered Siren in popular culture. Although the original Sirens have gone out of fashion, Siren-mermaid hybrids are still incredibly popular. They can be found in all sorts of works of fantasy. [https://mythology.net/greek/greek-creatures/siren/]_

 

 

 

By the time they got in a cab to go to Phil’s home, the sun was glaring through the cab’s windows, sending a spike of pain into Dan’s head until he held his hand over his eyes. Peeking through his fingertips, he saw Phil watching him with his brow furrowed in concern. Dan asked, “What is it?”

“Nothing, it’s just…” Phil shook his head. He bit his lip as he looked at Dan for a moment before saying, “It’s just that the bruise is starting to set, and it looks really…”

“Oh? Do I look awful?” Dan asked. He hadn’t looked at himself in the mirror yet, but the skin around the cut on his head felt tender, and even the pressure of the butterfly bandages on it was almost too much. He felt awful, so he was sure he looked the same.

“I wouldn’t say that, I just…” Phil lifted his hand, and with the lightest of touches he shifted Dan’s curls aside to get a better look at the bruise. “I just hate that this happened to you. I wish I’d been there for you, so that none of this had happened. I just want to keep you safe.”

Carefully, Dan started to lean his cheek into Phil’s palm. When the touch didn’t make anything hurt, he rested his face against Phil’s hand. Dan said, “You did keep me safe last night. If you hadn’t found me and taken me to the hospital, who knows what would’ve happened. Maybe he’d have found me.”

Involuntarily, Dan shivered at the thought. Phil twitched in response as he felt it. He held Dan in a steady gaze as he assured him, “Nothing like that is ever going to happen again. I’m not going to let anyone take you away from me. You’re going to be okay.”

 

 

As he leaned against the wall in the hall outside Phil’s apartment, Phil searched his pockets for his keys. His movements were slow and sluggish, and Dan could tell how exhausted Phil was after a night of trying to be strong for both of them. When he finally found his keys, Phil made a stab for the lock twice, but missed it both times. He swayed on his feet and took a deep breath before looking at the lock with determination.

Silently, Dan stepped behind Phil, who looked curiously over his shoulder when he felt Dan standing close. “Let me help,” Dan said as he placed his hand over Phil’s, which was poised before the lock. His large hand swallowed Phil’s, and he guided the key into the lock and turned it. He gave Phil’s hand a squeeze before letting go. Phil was still staring at him, so Dan said, “I’m excited to see the inside of your place.”

“Oh, right. You’ve never been here before.” Phil turned the knob and pushed the door open.

Dan walked into Phil’s apartment with wide eyes as he took in the room. The hallway opened into the living room, so he could see a bit of the room from where he stood. There was a large gray sofa with a poster hanging above it. The poster looked familiar at a distance, so Dan walked closer until he was sure. He smiled as he said, “Muse.”

“Oh, yeah,” Phil said, his cheeks a bit pink as Dan observed his decorating style. “They were my favorite band when I was a teenager.”

“Mine too,” Dan said, his smile widening. He looked at the bookshelves beside the sofa next, seeing action figures, box sets of tv shows that Dan also loved, and numerous sets of board games. Dan gestured to them. “I love your things.”

Phil snorted and shook his head. “You don’t have to be nice. My house is a total nerd den, I know.”

“Really, I wish I had half this stuff,” Dan said as he reached out to touch a box set of Studio Ghibli movies. It was true. As a performer, he didn’t have a lot of disposable income. He didn’t even have a proper piano in his apartment, just a keyboard. Most of the money that was left over after he paid the bills went to purchasing nice clothes, and there was none left over to buy collectables like these.

Phil shook his head, though he smiled and looked pleased at Dan’s interest in his possessions. “If you’re that impressed by all this, I can’t wait until you see my bedroom.”

Dan was pretty sure that Phil had said that innocently, but he still narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “Phil, you make me scared about what I’m going to see. Do you have a kinky sex toy collection? A mirror mounted to the ceiling? Am I about to walk into a Red Room?”

Phil’s face flushed fully at this, and he shook his head quickly. “No, no that’s not what I meant! Um, if you’re not too scared, I should just show you…”

Dan snorted and teased, “I’ll trust you not to scare me with the worst of your kinks right now. Okay, show me.”

Phil shook his head and led Dan to his bedroom with a smile. Once there, Dan’s eyes locked on the bed, and the blue and green duvet was too alluring, so he sat down with a sigh. Dan closed his eyes for a moment as his tense muscles relaxed. He felt it when Phil stepped closer and ran his fingers through his curly fringe. Phil asked, “Are you tired? Do you want to lie down?”

Dan opened his eyes and looked up, seeing the concern on Phil’s face. He shook his head slightly as he said, “I’m tired, but I can stay awake for a bit longer. What did you want to show me?”

“Oh, that…” Phil’s cheeks got a bit pink. “I was just joking when I said that I had something more interesting in here, I didn’t mean to bring you in here to show off, I was just…”

Dan smiled to reassure him. “I know you weren’t trying to brag. Phil, just show me please. I’m curious.”

Nodding, Phil walked over to the floating shelves mounted to the wall. They held minimal decorations – a scented candle, a succulent, and a few other items which Phil brought over to show him. As he sat down on the bed beside Dan, he handed him a comic book in a plastic sleeve. “This is my prized possession,” Phil explained as Dan examined the Buffy comic. “I met Joss Whedon at an event through the BBC, and he signed it for me.”

“That’s really cool,” Dan said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster, but it was getting difficult to keep his eyes open. He placed the comic on the bed between them and looked at the other items in Phil’s hands. “Is that a tiara?”

“A cat ear tiara,” Phil said, as he held up the black tiara so that Dan could get a better look at it. He eyed the top of Dan’s head like he wanted to place it there, but he thought better of it because of Dan’s injury and handed it to him instead. “Ariana Grande gave this to me. Wasn’t that nice of her?”

Dan smiled as he put the tiara on Phil. “She has good taste. It goes well with your hair.”

“You think I should wear them more often?” Phil said with a grin as he reached up to touch the cat ears perched on his head. “Is it a good look for me?”

“Mmm hmm,” Dan hummed in response. “You pull it off.” Then he nodded at the last item that Phil brought over from the shelf. “What’s that?”

“Oh, my golden headphone award.” Phil picked the headphones up from the bed to show Dan. “I was awarded them at the Sony Radio Academy Awards. When I got them I was kind of disappointed that the headphones can’t be repositioned so I can wear them.”

Dan smiled because of course that was what Phil thought about, rather than the glory of winning an award. He really was adorable.

Phil blinked when he noticed Dan staring at him. “What is it?”

“Nothing. I just realized how special you are,” Dan said as he shook his head.

“Oh, no, it’s not like that. Really, this award isn’t anything important and I wasn’t trying to show off.” Phil hastily hopped off the bed and returned the tiara, headphones, and comic book to the shelf on the wall. As he turned back to face Dan, he said, “I’m not anything special.”

“You are.” Dan patted the bed, hoping to encourage Phil to sit beside him. “Can we lie down please? I’m exhausted.”

“Of course!” Phil’s face lit with concern. He hurried to Dan’s side and quickly pulled back the sheets so that Dan could slip between them. Dan laughed as he had to remind Phil to take off his shoes and jeans before getting into bed, since he was so preoccupied with caring for Dan. Even when he rested his head on his pillow and his body relaxed, Phil seemed to fight to keep his eyes open so that he could watch Dan to be sure that he was okay.

Dan leaned in to place a kiss on Phil’s forehead. “I’m alright. Thanks to you. Go to sleep.”

Then he curled into Phil’s side as their breathing evened and sleep took them both.  

 

 

The next morning, the light streaming in the curtains in Phil’s bedroom window sent a lance of pain into Dan’s head. On any other morning, he would have stayed in bed longer to enjoy the feeling of the warm body beside him, but Dan couldn’t endure the pounding in his head. He crawled from the bed, careful not to wake Phil, and went to the kitchen where they left the bag of pills his doctor gave him. 

As he waited for the pain pill to kick in, Dan also helped himself to a mug and the container of instant coffee in Phil’s cabinets, thinking that caffeine withdrawal would only make him feel worse. He popped the mug full of water into the microwave and leaned against the counter as he waited. His eyes passed over Phil’s kitchen, not noting much as the ache in his head distracted him, but his eyes lingered on the calendar held to the fridge. There was something written on this weekend. He walked closer to see it.

Across the boxes for Saturday and Sunday on the calendar, Phil had written in an excited scrawl: _Meeting Mum, Mar and Corn in Brighton!_

It felt like the floor had dropped out from under Dan’s feet. Phil hadn’t mentioned anything about taking a trip in a couple days. He had expected that Phil would be around for more than the next few days, while there was still a psycho on the loose. Not that Phil had promised to protect him or comfort him, but Dan had somehow come to depend on him, though the idea of depending on anyone for anything scared him. And now he knew why: whenever he started to depend on anyone, they let him down. Dan would just have to take care of himself.

As he started to walk back to the microwave, his forehead throbbed again and he touched the skin around the cut lightly. No, he couldn’t do it. Dan needed help right now. Even if the police took care of the kidnapper and Dan wasn’t physically hurt that badly, he couldn’t take care of himself. He needed Phil’s support emotionally right now.

And was asking for help really that hard?  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had fun describing adult Dan and Phil's apartments, trying to decide what things they would own if they hadn't spent their lives together :)


	18. Chapter 18

_Siren fact: Competition with the Muses: After some time, Hera came to visit the Sirens on their lonely island. She had heard praise for their songs, full of beauty and anguish, and she was not disappointed by the live performance! So the goddess decided to give the girls a challenge. She invited them to enter a singing contest against the nine muses. After consulting together, the Sirens agreed to enter the contest. Of course, they had heard of the Muses’ legendary music, but they also knew that the power of their own songs._

_The competition produced some of the most haunting music that the Greeks had ever heard, with the Sirens pouring all of their arresting heartache into their music. Still, the Muses—goddesses of music, where the Sirens were mere mortals—won the competition. To celebrate, they plucked out the Sirens’ feathers and made crowns for themselves. The Sirens returned to their island in humiliation. [https://mythology.net/greek/greek-creatures/siren/]_

 

 

 

By the time Dan finished his coffee, the pain killers had kicked in and he felt more like himself. After putting the empty mug in the sink, he walked to the bathroom to see if Phil had an unopened toothbrush he could use. He found one in a linen closet with the towels and tore open the package. When he was spitting foamy toothpaste into the sink, he heard Phil’s alarm clock going off in the next room. As he rinsed his mouth, the alarm stopped making noise and he knew that Phil must be awake.

Dan looked at his reflection in the mirror. There was a smile on his face, put there at just the thought of seeing Phil. Dan hastily combed his fingers through his tangled fringe, wanting to look good when Phil saw him this morning, but his fingers got caught in the dried blood he hadn’t realized was clumping his curls. He winced and the motion tugged at his sore scalp as he extracted his fingers from the knots.

Sighing, Dan gave up on the idea of looking good. It’s not as if fixing his hair would improve his looks much, since his forehead under the curls was black and blue around the cut. Really though, Phil had seen him at his worst last night. Hopefully the morning after wouldn’t come as a shock. Dan was startled from his thought when the bathroom door was flung open. Phil stood in the doorway, gaping at Dan for a moment before sucking in a shuddering breath. He had a funny look on his face as he continued to stare.  
 

Dan asked, “What is it?”

“I didn’t know where you were.” Phil swallowed heavily before continuing, “I woke up, and you weren’t there. I didn’t know what had happened to you.”

“Oh, Phil, I’m fine.” He stepped closer to give Phil a hug, but Phil leaned in for a kiss instead.

Phil’s lips were warm and soft, and the kiss was gentle. When Phil leaned pulled back from the kiss, his eyes roved over Dan’s face. Dan was watching Phil carefully too, seeing how he had relaxed a bit but still looked worried. He lifted a hand like he wanted to touch Dan’s face, yet didn’t want to hurt him and his eyes lingered on the bruise. Phil asked, “How do you feel?”

Dan shrugged. “I woke up with a headache, but it went away after I took some pills and had some coffee. I feel okay.”

Phil bit his bottom lip. “Maybe I should call out from work? I’m supposed to leave soon, but I can…”

Dan smiled and shook his head. “Go to work. I’ll be fine. I’ll probably just take a nap, and when you get home…” Dan’s eyes widened as he realized he had made an assumption. Would Phil feel comfortable leaving Dan here in his home? This was only the first time Dan had spent the night here, so maybe not. If he couldn’t stay here, where would he go? Not to his own apartment, where the psycho might be waiting. Nowhere else seemed safe. Tentatively, Dan asked, “Is it okay if I stay?”

Phil leaned in to place a kiss very softly on Dan’s cheek. Then he said, “Of course. You can stay as long as you like. And it would make me happy to think that you’ll be here when I get home from work.”

“I’ll be here,” Dan said with a smile.

 

 

After Phil went to work, Dan knew what he wanted to do – he located Phil’s game console in the living room and started playing Mario Kart. Whenever he felt frustrated, nothing helped him to relax more than kicking the asses of random strangers online on Mario Kart. As he joined an online race, Dan smiled. He was picturing the possibility that perhaps he and Phil had unknowingly crossed paths in this way before. Or they may have even been nearer than they thought before, since they both lived in London.

That’s not to say that they met before – Dan felt sure that if he had seen Phil he would remember him – but he liked the idea of them both moving around the city, perhaps standing in the same line at Starbucks, or sitting a row apart in the movie theater, or just randomly walking down the street. As they unknowingly passed nearer and nearer to each other, they moved like ships in the sea being pulled by the current until they finally came to this common destination. The thought warmed Dan’s heart. It felt like fate.

Dan’s phone rung, startling him from his thoughts. The game was on the menu screen, so he just muted it before answering his phone. He hadn’t bothered to check the caller ID, and his heart pounded as he realized it might be the police calling to tell him that they had caught the man who tried to kidnap him. In a breathy voice, Dan asked, “Hello? Who’s calling?”

“Dan! It’s me, Robert.”

“Robert?” Dan’s voice rose in surprise. While he had been forced to see Robert at the bar where they worked, they hadn’t spoken a word to each other since the day Robert accused him of not caring about music and Dan had flipped him off. Unsure why he was calling, Dan asked, “Do you need something?”

“Just calling to check up on you, man. The police knocked on my door this morning to ask me if I saw anything suspicious last night. They told me that someone attacked you! Are you okay?”

“Oh…” Dan’s eyes got a bit misty as Robert’s concern touched him. “I’m going to be alright. Thanks for asking.”

“I am so sorry. I wish I hadn’t let you go outside alone. I could have left the bar with you when you walked home. If I had, then you would have been safe.” Dan started to make a sound of protest because that was ridiculous, but Robert talked over him, “And the worst part was that I saw that bastard! I noticed him staring at the door when you went in the back. He was obviously waiting for you and it was suspicious, but I didn’t do anything! Dan, I’m so sorry. Don’t worry, I gave the police a good description – they’re going to catch this guy.”

“Thanks, Robert. And please don’t blame yourself. None of this was your fault.” Dan bit his lip as he thought about what he’d said to the doctor and Phil at the hospital, as he blamed himself for his attacker’s insanity. Phil had been horrified as he said, _Don’t you dare think like that. Not for one second. You’re perfect and you’ve done nothing to deserve being treated like this_. As he listened to Robert irrationally blame himself, Dan had to wonder if he had sounded the same way. Did that mean that Dan was wrong to blame himself and Phil was right? Was none of this his fault either?

“I’m just glad to hear you’re okay,” Robert said. “You’re not in the hospital? Are you recovering at home?”

“Oh, I’m at Phil’s actually.”

“Phil… wait, the BBC guy?” Robert laughed in surprise. “How did that happen? The last time I spoke to him he said you didn’t like him.”

“Yeah, the BBC guy,” Dan said, and he chewed on his lip as he thought about what he might have done to make Phil think that. Well, the answer to that question was obvious. He told Robert, “I was being an idiot. I realized that after I got to know Phil a bit better recently.”

“He’s seemed like a nice guy whenever we’ve spoken.” There was a pause in the conversation.

Dan could tell that Robert wanted to ask if he and Phil were just friends or more, but he didn’t want to be rude. Appreciating that Robert wasn’t being nosy, Dan offered, “Yeah, Phil’s a really nice guy. The nicest guy I’ve been with in… well, my whole life. He’s great.”

“That’s awesome,” Robert said with an audible smile. “He sounds like just the sort of person you need in your life right now. I’m glad you’ve got someone like him around, taking care of you.”

“I’m glad, too,” Dan said, thinking about how amazing Phil had been.

There was a pause before Robert said, “Listen, I’ve got to go. But give me a call if you hear from the police please? I want to know the second they catch this bastard. If it seems like they’re not giving your case the attention it deserves, they’re going to get a complaint from me.”

“I’ll call you,” Dan assured him. “And I’ll see you the next time I come to work. Bye!”

As Dan hung up the phone, his stomach squirmed at the thought of going back to work. He couldn’t go back until this kidnapper was caught. He couldn’t even go home. He didn’t feel safe and the only thing grounding him right now was Phil.

Thinking of the note on the calendar on Phil’s fridge, Dan resolved to ask him about it when Phil got home. He couldn’t be alone right now.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a bit of a shorter chapter. Things are about to start happening soon, I promise :)


	19. Chapter 19

_Siren fact:_ _Mermaid and Siren are mythical beautiful female creatures, which differ in their appearances. A ‘mermaid’ is a half-woman, half-fish mythical creature; while a ‘siren’ is a half-woman, half-bird type of creature. Both used to attract the sea sailors and navigators with their alluring and fascinating nature._

_Mermaid and Siren stories were common among the 16th centuries. Both were mythical myths, who looked inevitably beautiful. Also, these were imaginary creatures who belonged to the historical and mythical stories. Both the creatures dwelled near oceans and islands. These were unique and odd appearing creatures with extraordinary body features.  Often, a mermaid and siren are considered to be the same and hence people remain confused between due to their similarities. [http://www.differencebetween.info/difference-between-mermaid-and-siren]_

 

 

 

“I’m home!” Phil called as he pushed open the front door, not walking to startle Dan by sneaking up on him. He inhaled and a savory scent filled his nostrils. “Something smells good!”

“I’m cooking dinner!” Dan returned his shout. “I’m in the kitchen! Come here if you’re hungry.”

Phil’s stomach rumbled and he started for the kitchen. He found Dan in front of the stove, turning the items in a skillet with a spatula. He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Dan from behind. As he placed a kiss on the side of Dan’s neck, he murmured, “Looks delicious. You didn’t have to. Was going to order something.”

Dan stiffened in surprise when Phil wrapped his arms around him, but he relaxed with the kiss. He poked at the veggies and strips of chicken in the skillet again – they were turning golden brown in places and the stir fry looked almost ready. Dan replied, “I wanted to cook. To do something for you. You’ve been really great to me, so I wanted to repay you.”

Phil squeezed Dan tighter. “You don’t need to do anything to thank me. The fact that you’re here with me and you’re safe… I couldn’t ask for anything more than that. That’s all I need. Please don’t try to repay me.”

Dan nodded and poked once more at the stir fry before turning off the heat. “Um, Phil, would you mind getting some plates?”

“Sure!” Phil released Dan and went to the kitchen cupboards, pulling out two plates which he placed on the small kitchen table. Normally, Phil only had breakfast here and he ate dinner on the coffee table in front of the tv – he had a dining room table for when company was over, but it was currently covered with papers and things from work – so hopefully Dan didn’t mind eating here.

Dan didn’t comment as he brought the frying pan over to the plates to dish their dinner. He put the frying pan in the sink and glanced at the fridge. He said, “I didn’t make us anything to drink. What would you like?”

“Ribena?” Phil suggested. They both grabbed a glass from the cupboard and poured themselves drinks before returning to the table. The stir fry had cooled enough to eat, and Phil speared a crispy chunk of zucchini with his fork. The delicious teriyaki sauce flooded his mouth as he took a bite, and he moaned in appreciation of Dan’s cooking. After washing down the zucchini with a bit of Ribena, he said, “This is so good.”

“Thanks,” Dan said with a shy smile.

Phil had to resist the urge to shake his head because he had noticed by now that Dan had a funny way of handling praise, like the way he had acted when Phil had complimented his music. It made him wonder what would happen if he… Phil smirked as he decided to see what would happen because it was something he wanted to say anyway. “Hey, Lovely?”

“Hmmm?” Dan looked up from his plate in surprise. His pretty mahogany eyes were wide as he watched Phil warily.

“You’re so beautiful.” Phil watched as Dan’s face flushed and he looked away. As expected, it seemed like Dan didn’t know how to handle receiving a nice comment, and it made him shy and nervous. This made Phil resolve to shower Dan with compliments until he got used to hearing them.

Dan fussed nervously with his hair before smiling. Then he said, “Thanks. You are too. I’ve never told you that before, have I? But I mean it. The first time I ever saw you, I couldn’t stop staring at you.”

“Oh, really?” Phil asked, voice high with surprise.

When Dan nodded, Phil’s chest filled with warmth to hear this. He’d been unsure of what Dan thought of him in those early days, but now he thought that maybe Dan’s shyness had had something to do with their rocky start. Things seemed so much better now, and Dan seemed to totally reciprocate his passion. Their lives would be perfect if the police caught that psycho.

As the thought of Dan’s stalker and worry over this distracted him, Phil didn’t keep up with the dinner conversation and they finished their meal in silence. This didn’t seem to bother Dan, who also seemed distracted by something, maybe the same thing. Maybe they would both be worried and distant until the police finally called to tell them Dan was safe.

Dan washed down the last bite of the stir fry with his Ribena before breaking the silence. “Um, Phil, could we talk about something?”

The words filled him with dread. He’d heard this before so many times, when people he couldn’t love had broken up with him because of that. Meanwhile here was a person who…. Phil bit his lip, afraid that Dan was about to offer bad news. Was the relationship over again? Or was Dan just going somewhere else? If he didn’t feel safe, it made sense that maybe he would want to leave London. Phil barely knew anything about Dan’s family, and it made sense that maybe Dan wanted to stay with family while he was in danger.

Dan seemed to notice the fear on Phil’s face. “I’m sorry, I just wanted to ask you about something on your calendar.”

“Oh?” Phil turned in his chair to see it where it hung from his fridge. He was unsure what Dan could have noticed on it until he saw the note written on the weekend and suddenly he remembered. He gasped, “Oh!”

Dan nodded. “Yeah, so I know you’re going away in a few days…”

Phil turned back to face him. “I forgot all about it…” He shook his head in resolve as he saw the dejected look on Dan’s face. “No, forget it. I’m not going to leave you right now.”

“We could get a call any day now saying that creep has been caught,” Dan said with a shrug, but he was holding himself stiffly. It was so obvious that he was just trying to look strong, so Phil wouldn’t see how desperately he wanted him to stay. Dan insisted, “There’s no reason to cancel your vacation, when everything might be fine in a day or two.”

“And if it isn’t? If the police don’t catch him before this weekend? No, I’m not leaving you here alone.” Phil opened his mouth to announce that he would call his mum right now to tell he that he wasn’t coming, but then he had a better idea. “Come with me!”

Dan’s eyes went wide. “What?”

“Come with me. That would be best. You shouldn’t stay in London when this guy is around. You’ll probably feel safer with me in Brighton and you’ll be able to get your mind off things. This is perfect… Dan, please come with me.”

Dan blinked as he seemed to think about it for a moment. Then he nodded. “Okay. Um, if you wouldn’t mind having me along. I don’t want to spoil your vacation.”

“Of course not. I’d love it if you were there.” Phil beamed at him.

 

 

Phil purchased two train tickets to Brighton for Friday night. The trip would only take about an hour, so the tickets were cheap, and once they got there they would be staying in the rooms at the hotel that his mum had rented for the next couple days.

After Phil got home from work, they had a quick dinner before grabbing their suitcases. The police hadn’t called yet to say that Dan’s attacker had been caught, so Dan was still too nervous to go home for his own things. Instead, he would be borrowing some of Phil’s clothes for this weekend trip. They had two suitcases open on Phil’s bed, and as Phil filled his with jeans and a few colorful t-shirts, Dan grabbed the darkest shirts from Phil’s wardrobe.

“You’re going to get roasted by the sun,” Phil teased as he looked at the dark fabric of the shirts that Dan had selected.

“But I’ll look good doing it,” Dan said as he turned his attention to pants. He pulled off the jeans he had been wearing – his own that he had been wearing the night of the attack – and stood in his boxers before pulling on a pair of Phil’s capri pants to see how well they fit.

The movement had been so casual and trusting of Phil’s presence here, yet Phil couldn’t help ogling Dan’s backside in his boxers as he pulled up the capris. It was more of Dan than he had seen in all the days since he had been sleeping over.

They had been sleeping cuddled in the same bed, but Phil hadn’t pressured Dan for sex, unsure how the suggestion would make him feel after almost being kidnapped. Phil still didn’t understand it… what had the kidnapper wanted from Dan? The thought scared him too much to think about or ask Dan about, just in case Dan was also bothered by the thought. So, Phil had decided to let any sex be instigated by Dan if he was in the mood for it. It seemed like he hadn’t been, which wasn’t surprising since the head injury was still giving him regular headaches.

As the sight of Dan trying on pants aroused Phil, he pointedly looked away to give Dan some privacy and to calm himself down. There would be time for thoughts like that later. And perhaps the trip to Brighton would put Dan in the mood. Refocusing his thoughts on preparing for the trip, Phil tossed two pairs of swimming trunks into the suitcase, one for himself and one for Dan. Phil smiled, picturing all the thing they would do together in Brighton. This was going to be a great trip.


	20. Chapter 20

_Siren fact:_ _The reality of mermaids was assumed during medieval times, when they were depicted matter-of-factly alongside known aquatic animals such as whales. Hundreds of years ago sailors and residents in coastal towns around the world told of encountering the sea maidens. One story dating back to the 1600s claimed that a mermaid had entered Holland through a dike, and was injured in the process. She was taken to a nearby lake and soon nursed back to health. She eventually became a productive citizen, learning to speak Dutch, perform household chores, and eventually converted to Catholicism. [https://www.livescience.com/39882-mermaid.html/]_

 

 

 

Phil put his phone back into his pocket after sending a quick message. He looked up, saw Dan watching him and smiled. “My brother and his fiancée are going to be meeting us at the train station. They’re bringing a car to help us with our bags.”

Dan smiled, since he hadn’t liked the idea of carrying his bag from the train station to the hotel where they were staying. He said, “That’s nice of them. Your family sounds very thoughtful. My mum probably wouldn’t have thought to ask what time my train was coming in, let alone come meet me at the station.”

Phil frowned. “I’ve been meaning to ask you, is it just you and your mum?”

“Yeah, just her.” Dan nodded, and he smiled fondly as he thought of her. “I don’t have any other family. She’s all I have.”

Phil opened his mouth to ask something but closed it in hesitation.  

“What is it?” Dan asked with a chuckle. Then he guessed, “You want to know about my dad? It’s okay, you can ask about him. Honestly, I just don’t know… I never met him.”

Phil swallowed heavily. “I’m sorry, but is he dead?”

Dan shook his head. “I don’t know who he is. When I was 5 or 6, my mom left the man who she had been living with for my whole childhood. I thought he was my dad, so I asked her if I would still see him sometimes. She told me no – he didn’t care to see me again. He wasn’t my dad and he’d just been taking care of me while he was with her. She didn’t know who my real dad was, but she said I’d have a new dad someday when she got remarried. And she did. A few times. But by then I was a cynic and I never trusted any of the men that she brought into my life. None of them were family.”

Phil’s frown deepened. “That sounds lonely.”

If anyone else had said that, he would have denied it – said that he liked being on his own and didn’t need a big family around to be happy. But this was Phil, and Phil had been there for him when he needed him most. Dan admitted, “Yeah, it was. We moved around a lot whenever she got remarried or met someone new, so I didn’t even stay in one place a long enough to make and keep friends. That’s why I meant it when I said my mum is all I have. It’s true.”

“No.” Phil shook his head. “Now you have me.”

The words made Dan’s heart squeeze in his chest and his throat felt too tight to respond, so he didn’t try. This moment didn’t feel completely real. It was too perfect and he felt like he had sung this moment into existence, casting a spell on himself. And if none of this was real, then Dan hoped that the spell never ended. He didn’t want to wake up from this dream.

Phil turned to the window and gasped, “Oh, look!”

Dan looked out the window beside him, seeing the landscape roll past as the train sped down the tracks. It was dusk but the scattered streetlamps had already been turned on, so he could easily see the landscape – trees and green shrubs that looked vibrantly green to Dan after spending so long in a metropolitan city. Then he saw what Phil had noticed: the buildings in the landscape were appearing more and more frequently, until finally the train rolled into the metal structure that covered the station. Dan looked up, seeing the last gleams of the day’s light filtering through the glass ceiling.

As the train came to a stop beside the platform, Phil announced the obvious, “We’re here.”

Dan nodded and looked at the people waiting on the platform for those arriving. He asked, “Is your brother there?”

Phil shook his head as he gathered his things. “I don’t see him yet, but he should be out there. Let’s go find him and Corn.”

As they stepped off the train, Dan saw him first – a tall sandy-haired man who was watching Phil intently and Dan knew that this had to be Martyn. Phil was looking down, carefully watching his feet as he bridged the gap from the train to the platform, so he didn’t see as the man rushed forward to tackle him with a surprise hug. Phil shrieked as the tackle knocked him back a step just when he had been nervous of falling in the gap, but Martyn held him securely in a tight hug until Phil relaxed.

Once he realized he wasn’t in imminent danger of falling, Phil chuckled and returned the hug. He said, “What are you doing, you nutter? You scared the pants off me.”

“Not my fault you’re so jumpy,” Martyn said as he released Phil. He also glanced behind him at Dan.

While the brothers had been embracing, Dan took a step to the side so that he wasn’t blocking the stream of people disembarking the train. As he lingered less than a foot away from Phil, it was apparently obvious to Martyn that they were together. Dan flushed as Phil’s brother looked him over curiously, and his eyes lingered on the fading bruise on his forehead.

Phil noticed his brother’s gaze and glanced over his shoulder. “Oh! Martyn, meet Dan. Dan, this is my brother.”

“I gathered,” Dan said, as he extended a hand to shake.

Martyn took Dan’s hand with a smile. “Nice to meet you. Phil told me a bit about you. Good things of course.”

Dan smiled politely as he shook Martyn’s hand, but he had to wonder how much Phil had told his family about their relationship. Did Phil’s family know why Phil had invited him? Did think they were boyfriends? Dan wanted to ask these questions earlier, but he’d been too nervous to bring it up. If he had asked Phil if he’d defined their relationship to his family, that could’ve prompted the conversation to come up between them. And Dan wasn’t sure if he was ready for that, or what he would say to Phil if asked. Dan knew that he wanted them to be together, but words like “boyfriend” seemed to carry a certain amount of trust. And how could he let Phil feel that for him when Phil could never know everything about him? It wasn’t fair. 

Dan was shaken out of his thoughts when another person stepped forward for introduction, and he clasped the small hand of Martyn’s fiancée, Cornelia, as she was introduced to him. She was a short woman with vibrant red hair and a broad, contagious smile.

After they shook hands, Martyn nodded in the direction of the exit, “Our car is parked in the lot out there. Come on. You guys are probably tired. Let’s get back to the hotel.”

Phil nodded, and Dan hitched his bag higher on his shoulder before following the family as they left the train station. Martyn was leading the way with Phil at his side. He mumbled something under his breath which only Phil could hear, and Phil laughed and shoved his shoulder playfully. Meanwhile, Cornelia fell into step beside Dan, lengthening her strides to keep up with his longer legs. He looked at her nervously, worried that he would have to make small talk, but she just smiled sweetly as they walked in silence. Dan smiled too. He had thought that meeting Phil’s family would involve a lot of probing questions from them, but this was nice. It was w comfortable. 

As they got in the car and Martyn drove them the short trip to the hotel, Cornelia only said one thing as she looked out the window of the car, “It’s beautiful here.” 

Dan looked out the window, too. It was a very colorful city – he could tell that even though it was night. Homes and businesses were painted in bright cheerful colors, and lights were strung through the trees lining the sidewalks. The city was glowing. 

The curve of Cornelia’s cheek was rimmed with light, and Dan glanced at Phil who had called shotgun – he saw that Phil’s face was also glowing as he stared out the window. His ocean eyes were shining with excitement as he watched the landscape roll past them. He was so gorgeous. Then Dan noticed that Cornelia’s eyes were flicking between his face and Phil’s, which she could see in the rear-view mirror. Dan flushed, unsure what she had seen on his face. He nervously rearranged his curly fringe before saying, “This is a really interesting city. Have you ever visited here before?”

She shook her head. “First time.”

“Mine too,” Dan said, and he swallowed heavily, thinking about how close they now were to the water. He imagined that he could already hear the rushing of the waves on the beach, though he knew that was impossible. 

Cornelia was still watching him carefully, and whatever she saw on his face put a sudden end to the conversation. They were close enough to the hotel that the rest of the ride wasn’t long and awkwardly silent. Soon the car was pulling into the lot of the hotel and Martyn parked the car. Martyn turned in his seat and gestured to the doors at the end of the row on the ground floor. He said, “That’s us.”

Cornelia opened her door. “I’m going to check in on Kath. She said she was tired and might be asleep by the time we got back.”

As they watched Cornelia sprint to the rooms, Martyn gestured again and said, “Mum rented these rooms weeks ago, back when she thought it was just going to be the four of us. There are two rooms with two single beds in them, and she wasn’t able to get a third room or a room with another bed since the hotel is fully booked.”

Dan winced. “Sorry, I screwed everything up, didn’t I?”

Phil reached back through the seats and put a hand on Dan’s shoulder. “No, don’t say that. Of course you didn’t. We’ll work something out.”

“Mum already thought of that,” Martyn said. “She got extra quilts and pillows from housekeeping in case one of you wants to sleep on the floor, instead of trying to fit in one bed.”

Dan glanced at Phil, who didn’t seem bothered by the idea. Dan relaxed, since it seemed like maybe everything would be okay. They got out of the car, grabbed their bags, and walked to the rooms. Cornelia came out of the door that was second to the end. She saw them and held a finger to her lips as she carefully closed the door to not make a sound. She turned to Phil and whispered, “Your mum is asleep. Sorry you won’t get a chance to say ‘hi’ until tomorrow.”

Phil nodded and glanced at the last door on the end. He asked, “Corn, are you bunking with Mum?”

She nodded and glanced at Dan, and he figured she wasn’t comfortable sleeping in the same room with a relative stranger – he couldn’t blame her for that. He just felt bad that because of his presence she had to sleep in Kath’s room instead of with her fiancée; if he weren’t here, Phil would probably be in Kath’s room.

Phil linked arms with Dan as he smiled at Cornelia and nodded at his brother. Then he took a step to the room where they would be spending the night and he said, “We’ll let you two say goodnight then. See you tomorrow, Corn.”

Dan allowed Phil to lead him to the room. As he closed the door behind them, Dan smiled and said, “That was nice of you to give them some alone time.”

“Well, it wasn’t entirely selfless.” Phil reached out and lightly placed his palm on Dan’s cheek. “Maybe I just wanted a moment alone with you.”

Dan didn’t hesitate to lean in and brush their lips together, as it finally hit him how little privacy they would now have with Phil’s family around. As his mouth moved against Phil’s, Dan realized what a fool he’d been this past week at the apartment. Phil had been there beside him the whole time, yet he barely touched him. Logically, he knew that during that time he had been hurt and recovering from a trauma. Emotionally though it just felt like lost time as he felt the body pressed against his and wanted Phil so badly – wanted him at the worst possible time.

Phil seemed to have realized the same thing, as he leaned away from the kiss. He glanced at the closed door beside them, knowing it could open at any second. He whispered, “We should…”

Dan nodded and reluctantly took a step back. He touched a pouch on the side of his bag which held his toothbrush. “Want to get ready for bed?”

Phil nodded and also reached in his bag for his toothbrush. They went to the bathroom and shared the sink. By the time they were done and had changed into pjs, Martyn had returned, crawled into the bed he’d claimed, and was browsing the web on his phone.

For the first time, Dan looked at the other bed. It was small and he didn’t think that there was enough space for them both to lie beside each other without risking one of them rolling out of bed. He looked at the floor, considering just starting out the night sleeping there instead. Phil didn’t stop to analyze the situation as he just hopped on the bed and beckoned Dan closer with a brilliant smile. He patted the minimal space beside him and said, “Come on, Dan. There’s room.”

Dan couldn’t resist, and he only stopped to turn off the lights at Martyn’s request. As he slipped beneath the sheets, they found that the only way they fit was by Dan lying slightly on top of Phil. Phil didn’t seem to mind as he wrapped his arms around Dan; however, Dan _did_ mind as his own body started to react, his arousal from the kiss earlier not quite forgotten yet. Phil didn’t comment, though he must have felt the way Dan’s body was reacting. 

Dan just sighed and tried to ignore it as well. This was going to be a long weekend.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was deeply troubled by the news that rocked the phanfiction community yesterday night (9/13), so much so that I was having difficulty finding the motivation to edit and post this chapter tonight.  
> I hadn't realized that toxicity like that existed in our community, a place that before had seemed so pure and wonderful to me.  
> As I was trying to focus on my fic today, I kept getting distracted by what had happened, and I felt I couldn't ignore it and post my chapter tonight, acting like nothing major had happened in the phanfiction community last night.  
> So, this is just my small way of wanting to make this community a better place because I just want to spread positivity here:
> 
> \- If you leave a comment on this chapter (no creative pressure, just a " :) " will do) I will respond with something positive. I will say something nice to you, give you a small compliment, say your username is cool. Something like that. 
> 
> I just want us all to be nice to each other <3


	21. Chapter 21

_Siren fact:_ _Modern mermaid reports are very rare, but they do occur; for example, news reports in 2009 claimed that a mermaid had seen sighted off the coast of Israel in the town of town of Kiryat Yam. It (or she) performed a few tricks for onlookers before just before sunset, then disappearing for the night. One of the first people to see the mermaid, Shlomo Cohen, said, "I was with friends when suddenly we saw a woman laying on the sand in a weird way. At first I thought she was just another sunbather, but when we approached she jumped into the water and disappeared. We were all in shock because we saw she had a tail." [https://www.livescience.com/39882-mermaid.html/]_

 

 

 

Phil woke slowly as he became aware of sounds around him. There was the soft rapping of knuckles against wood and then heavy footsteps shuffling across the carpet. A door opened and a woman said, “Morning, Mar. Hope I didn’t wake you.”

There was the sound of a quick kiss before Martyn responded, “You didn’t wake me. I was just coming to you actually.”

“Oh?” She sounded pleased. “Since I’m here, should I just come inside?”

“No, actually.” Martyn’s voice dropped to a whisper. “Phil and Dan are still asleep. Let’s go before we wake them.”

Too late, Phil thought with a smile as he heard the door click shut. At the mention of Dan’s name, Phil had remembered where they were, and he realized whose warm weight was pressed against him in the bed. There had been a tickle near his jaw, and when he opened his eyes he saw that it was curls. Dan had fallen asleep with his head pillowed on Phil’s chest, and all Phil could see was his wildly disheveled hair. His head rose with Phil’s inhalations, and the curls shifted when he exhaled.

Phil was overcome suddenly by a funny feeling. It made him want to squirm, but he restrained himself because he didn’t want to wake Dan. Still, he felt restless as conflicting feelings ran through him… On the one hand, he had never felt so content before. This bed might be small and strange, but he felt so blissfully warm with Dan pressed beside him. It felt like Dan had invaded his senses – the heavy weight of his soft body, the way his brown hair shined with the morning’s light and gleamed with more colors than seemed possible, the scent of him that had become so familiar, and Phil thought that he could even taste him on his tongue. All of these things made him feel so content that he never wanted to move from this spot.

But on the other hand, the feeling of having Dan so close filled him with a sense of wanting more. Phil felt like a starving man who had a feast laid out before him. He had never wanted anyone so badly… and this is what had him wanting to squirm: the conflicting feeling of being so satisfied with a moment but unsated at the same time. It was maddening.

On top of this, he had resolved since Dan was attacked that he wouldn’t initiate anything until Dan was ready. So, he knew that nothing should happen right now. His brain knew this, but his body didn’t, and he couldn’t help the way that he was responding to having this person he adored so close. He couldn’t help it then – he did squirm.

“Mmhh,” Dan sighed. His arm that was wrapped around Phil’s side gave him a squeeze. His warm breath drifted across the skin of Phil’s neck as he said, “Hmm, morning. You’re up early… and when I say up, I mean in more ways than one.”

The warmth of the bed suddenly seemed to be too much as Phil’s cheeks flooded with heat and he felt on the verge of sweating. All he could do was stammer, “I, um…

Dan turned his head and his face was finally visible. His eyes were heavy-lidded and sleepy, but they glinted with sly amusement. He bit his bottom lip adorably as he regarded Phil’s face. Then he said, “What is it? Why do you look so nervous? I’ve felt that part of you before, you know. Like, within an hour of the first time we spoke.”

“I know,” Phil said, feeling his cheeks get hotter. “Sorry, it’s just I’ve been trying to give you space. If you want it.”

Dan’s eyes widened. “What made you think I want space?”

Phil tried to shrug, but he could only shift one shoulder in their current position. He hadn’t wanted to bring this topic up and have Dan feel pressured sexually when he should be focusing on recovering from a trauma, but as his lovely eyes were fixed expectantly on Phil’s face, he had to admit, “After what happened to you, I didn’t want to ask you for that. I didn’t know if you would want to. The man who tried to take you, um, I don’t know what he wanted with you. I don’t know if you wanted to be with me after…”

Dan frowned and some of the sparkle left his pretty eyes, but he shifted so that he was lying a bit more on top of Phil with his hardness pressed between them. Dan said, “I don’t know what that man would have done with me if he had taken me, but no. Phil, no, that doesn’t have anything to do with us. The only reason I haven’t started anything with you since then is because I wasn’t feeling well. But I feel better now.”

“Oh?” Phil asked in a rough voice, though the way Dan’s hand was rubbing his side left no room to question what he meant.

“Oh indeed,” Dan repeated with a smile. Then he sat up, straddled Phil’s thighs, and put his hands on the hem of the shirt he’d slept in. He asked, “Do you want me?”

Phil put a hand on one of the thighs that was now wrapped around his hips and squeezed. He said, “More than anything.”

He slipped a hand under Phil’s shirt, both to feel him and to brace himself as he started to rock himself, riding Phil’s body and making him harder. It was the view and not just the movements that were turning Phil on – the sight of Dan above him, looking so sexy and confident as he returned Phil’s stare. He was intoxicating.

Phil said, “Dan, I—”

The door to the room swung open suddenly without warning. Phil turned to look, expecting to see an embarrassed cleaning lady who would quickly exit when she saw the people in bed. Instead, he saw his mum standing in the doorway with her mouth hanging open, and his cheeks flushed. Dan saw her too, and he froze, stiff with shock.

No one spoke for a moment as Kath’s eyes flicked over the room, taking in their position, Phil’s flushed face, the placement of Dan’s hand under his shirt, and Dan – her eyes flicked to his face again and again, like she wanted to take it all in, but she wouldn’t allow her eyes to rest on his face for more than a few seconds. Finally, the scene flustered her enough that she retreated a step and started to shut the door as she left. Kath nodded in the direction of her room, “Um, I just wanted to tell you that I ordered breakfast for all of us, which is being delivered to my room. So, if you’re hungry, it should be here soon.”

Before Phil had time to formulate a response, she had waved in farewell before closing the door, and Phil frowned – why hadn’t they thought to lock the door?! It was too late for that now, so Phil just sighed and returned his attention to Dan. Dan was sliding off Phil’s lap, since clearly neither of them had any interest in continuing what they had been doing before. To give Dan room to sit on the tiny bed, Phil sat up and crossed his legs. He noticed that Dan’s face was beet-red, so he gave him a smile to reassure him. Phil said, “Really, it wasn’t that bad. I’m not a teenager – my mum knows I’ve had sex.”

“Maybe not so bad for you,” Dan whined as he looked at the closed door. “I just met your mum for the first time and she saw me like _that_!”

He tried to hold it in, but Phil couldn’t help giggling at Dan’s distress. Shaking his head at the look Dan shot him, he assured him, “It’s going to be alright. She’ll get past the awkwardness, have a nice conversation with you, and then she’ll love you.”

“She might get past her awkwardness, but what about me and mine?” Dan gave a short laugh and shook his head. “This is the worst…” Then his voice got high with anxiety as he asked, “What does she know about me? Like, what did you tell her about why I’m here?”

Phil shrugged as his eyes flicked to the fading bruise on Dan’s forehead. “I didn’t tell her much. I didn’t know if you would want me to tell my family about what happened to you. So, I just told Mum that something had happened to my boyfriend and I wanted him to come on vacation with us.”

At the word ‘boyfriend’ Dan stiffened. There was a moment where their eyes met and they both knew that they were thinking about the same thing. 

Slowly, Phil said, “Um, I know you said you don’t do the dating thing, but I was hoping we were past that?”

Dan nodded, “I think we are. It was just that word…”

“You don’t like ‘boyfriend’? Well, that’s alright. It’s an odd word. Neither of us are _boys_ anyway.”

“Manfriend?” Dan mused with a smile and a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Phil laughed. “Maybe not. We’ll find a word we like. Until then, I suppose the only thing that matters is that we want to be together. That’s the only thing that’s important.”

Dan nodded and looked down at their crossed legs. A smiled tugged at his lips as he agreed, “Yeah, that’s right. The word doesn’t matter for now.”

Biting his bottom lip, Phil wondered if there was another word that _did_ matter. If Dan was uncomfortable with a label for their relationship, he couldn’t imagine that a label for their feelings would be any easier for him. Still, Phil couldn’t stop himself from hinting as he said, “You know, I really like you so much. More than I have ever liked anyone.”

Dan looked up and his eyes were shimmering. “Me too,” he said.

He hesitated once more before saying, “I mean that. When I say I like you, I mean I’m falling for you. And that’s something really serious for me. Tell me right now if this isn’t something you want.”

Dan’s skin suddenly looked pale, especially in comparison to the flush he had been wearing a few minutes ago. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, but didn’t say anything, which made Phil feel awful as he knew he’d put Dan on the spot. What was Dan supposed to say? ‘No’, right in the middle of a family vacation? Of course not.

“You know, don’t worry about it.” Phil reached out and took Dan’s hand to squeeze it. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to put that on you right now. We should just get dressed so we can go to my mum’s room. Breakfast is probably here.”

Phil had started to get off the bed, but Dan held tightly onto his hand. He looked at Phil with eyes that were suddenly fierce and shook his head. “Wait, no, one second. I don’t want you to think… Um, this should be so simple. I think that both of us know how serious this is. Our bodies know it and our hearts do, too. But it’s the words… I don’t know why, but they’re hard. Phil, you said that we are going to find the word to describe what we are to each other. I think with time, I’ll find the word for this feeling, too. Phil, can I have the time to find it?”

“Yes! Of course, Lovely.” Phil returned the squeeze. There was a smile on his face that wouldn’t quit.  

 


	22. Chapter 22

_Siren fact:_ _With most of our blue planet covered by water, it's little wonder that, centuries ago, the oceans were believed to hide mysterious creatures including sea serpents and mermaids. Merfolk (mermaids and mermen) are, of course, the marine version of half-human, half-animal legends that have captured human imagination for ages. One source, the "Arabian Nights," described mermaids as having "moon faces and hair like a woman's and they had tails like fishes." [https://www.livescience.com/39882-mermaid.html]_

 

 

 

After getting dressed and quickly arranging their hair, Dan and Phil left their hotel room. It was only a few paces from the door of their room to Phil’s mum’s room, but he noticed that Dan was lagging behind. Phil grabbed Dan’s hand and gave it a squeeze, trying to reassure him with a smile as he tugged Dan one last step forward until they were finally standing in front of their destination. He didn’t say anything since he had said it all before to Dan, letting him know that Kath wasn’t going to make a big deal about what she’d seen.

From what Dan had said in response, it sounded like his own mum was a very different person, whom would never let him hear the end of it if she’d caught him fooling around. So, he was understandably nervous, not knowing what type of person Kath was.

Knowing that it would all be fine, Phil turned the doorknob and pushed open the door. They were greeted by cheerful shouts from Martyn and Cornelia, who were sitting at a small table in the minuscule kitchenette area of the room. The tiny table was laden with food, and Martyn pushed a plate full of waffles nearer to Phil in invitation as he entered the room and said, “We were worried you were going to miss out.”

“Seriously, Mar? You don’t know me that well if you think something could come between me and waffles,” Phil said as he went to the table, leaving Dan to close the door. He scanned the choices on the table: besides the waffles, there was a pot of coffee, a bowl of fruit salad, and a serving plate of scrambled eggs beside toast. He quickly took a stack of waffles and transferred them to a plate for himself, as if he had to grab them before they were gone. Dan had sat beside him, so he offered the remaining waffles to him with a smile.

Before Dan could return the smile, Kath joined them at the table and Dan’s shoulders stiffened. She looked at the faces around the table with a grin and said, “Well, isn’t this nice?”

They all murmured in agreement, and just as Phil had expected, the awkwardness of this morning passed in a moment. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Dan’s tense shoulders relax, so Phil did the same. This was finally starting to feel like a true vacation – a break from all their problems and worries, which was exactly what they’d both needed. 

After breakfast had been mostly finished, Kath moved some of the empty plates aside to make room for the guidebook, which she slapped down on the table. It was full of sticky tabs and when she opened it there were sections of it that had been highlighted and had notes scribbled in the margins. She found the sticky tab marking the page she wanted and started reading activities that they could perform in Brighton today. 

Cornelia got up to stand behind Kath’s shoulder so she could lean over and look with interest at the guidebook. She murmured in agreement with some of the things suggested.

Sighing in exasperation, Martyn shook his head though he was smiling fondly at Kath. .He said, “Mum, you’ve been planning this trip for months! There’s nothing more to decide! We’re here now. Let’s go. Or do you want to spend the whole trip looking at a guidebook instead of at the city?”

She returned his smile as she closed the book, glancing to the window and the glorious view outside. Kath nodded, “You’re right, we’re wasting time. All we have to do is pick an activity and place we’ll all enjoy.”

They all glanced at the closed book under Kath’s hands dubiously. Martyn suggested, “Why don’t we just head to Kemptown? There’s loads of things to do there.”

She smiled, grabbed her purse, and stuffed the book inside. “Sounds like a plan!”

 

 

Phil wasn’t very familiar with Kemptown, so he didn’t know what the activities promised by Martyn entailed. Once they got out of the cramped cab, Kath immediately spotted a nearby garden full of flowers and she started strolling towards it. Martyn glanced at the pier in the distance wistfully, made eye contact with Phil, and shrugged. They started following Mum down the twisting paths of the luscious garden.

Mum had taken her camera out of her purse, and when she found a particularly fiery patch of cock’s comb, she declared that this was the perfect place for a photo and tugged Cornelia into place before it. She started snapping photos, and then pushed Martyn into place beside Cornelia, encouraging them to pose together.

Phil turned around, searching for Dan who had seemed a bit distant and distracted. When the rest of them had been excitedly shouting at the sight of the sea as it drew nearer outside the window of the cab, it had seemed like something was wrong with Dan, but Phil hadn’t known how to ask in front of his family. Now, he spotted the top of Dan’s curly head around a corner, and he went to join him.

Dan looked up in surprise when Phil came around the corner. He raised a finger to his lips, signaling Phil to be quiet, and then he pointed to something in the garden. Curious, Phil crept closer. When he was at Dan’s side, he peered into the flowerbed. Oblivious to the two men towering over them, two brown mice were snuffling in the dirt below a flower that had gone to seed. As they located seeds, the mice picked them up with their front paws, sat up on their haunches, and munched as their whiskers twitched ecstatically.

“Oh!” Phil gasped – he couldn’t help it; the mice were too cute. Luckily, they didn’t seem to hear him and they continued enjoying the seeds.

 “They’re adorable, aren’t they?” Dan whispered.

Phil nodded, but then frowned. “I want one,” he whined softly. It had been far too long since he had had his pet hamsters, and he missed having a fuzzy companion he could pet.

Dan snorted. “There’s plenty of mice in London. I’m surprised you didn’t see any when you were staying at my place. I’m pretty sure there’s a family of them in my cupboards, eating all my cereal.”

Biting his cheek to hold in the confession that he had eaten most of Dan’s cereal when he stayed over, he looked at Dan. Whatever had been bothering Dan earlier seemed to have passed, as he now looked completely back to normal. His eyes were warm and creased at the corners as he smiled, his skin was glowing golden in the sunlight, and a breeze shifted his curls.

The urge to pet something soft shifted to an undeniable urge to stroke Dan’s hair, so he reached for it. Dan looked up with wide eyes as he felt Phil’s hand, fingers entwining with the curls. The expression on Phil’s face seemed to confuse Dan, who asked, “What is it?”

Phil shook his head. “It’s just you. You’re so cute.”

“Oh.” As Dan smiled widely, another part of him became irresistible, and Phil leaned in to feel his lips. His heart fluttered while they kissed and Phil remembered it flipping over the first time – now his heart felt like it was ready to do more than flutter. It felt like it soon might take flight.

“ _Mum, leave them alone! Give them some privacy_ ,” came a whispered hiss not far behind him. Phil ignored it as he continued kissing Dan. He threaded his fingers deeper into the curls, not wanting to let go.  


 

By the time they rejoined the others, Kath seemed to have finished with touring the garden, and they started following the path out. Dan and Phil were sneaking glances at each other, and Phil wanted nothing more than to drag him back to the hotel and enjoy some time alone with him, but there was no excuse he could make to his family without being obvious. So, he tore his eyes from Dan’s face and returned his attention to the others.

They were standing on the sidewalk just outside the garden, and Mum’s hands were teasing at the clasp of her purse – he knew that she was itching to retrieve her guidebook but was restraining herself. She looked at the shops and marketplace down the road and said, “Looks like there might be something interesting going on down there.”

“Nope,” Martyn said, barely glancing down the street before dismissing it. He nodded up the street instead. “Come on, Mum. I know about something fun we can do. Follow me?”

“Oh?” She said brightly, and they started following Martyn up the road. Cornelia was walking hurriedly to keep up with Martyn’s longer stride and stay at his side.

Phil was happy to fall back in an easy pace to stay with Dan, as he brought up the rear of the pack. As he did, Dan smiled down at their feet. If they couldn’t be completely alone right now, Phil thought that this was enough. No matter where they were, as long as they were together Phil was happy.

They walked in comfortable silence as the chatter from the others filled the air, mostly Kath commenting on the scenery around them as she noticed things like, “ _I can smell baking bread! Do you smell that? We simply must get some bread later,_ ” and “ _They paint their houses the most interesting colors here! Don’t you think they’re pretty?_ ”

Phil murmured in agreement with her words occasionally, but mostly he was acutely aware of the body of the beautiful man beside him, the way shadows and light danced across his face as they walked beneath a tree and the sunbeams filtered through the leaves to kiss Dan’s face. He was so tuned into Dan that he instantly noticed when something was wrong. 

There was a slight stiffening to his shoulders and the rhythm of his strides broke for a moment. Dan’s eyes widened slightly in alarm as he looked ahead. Phil looked too, searching for what had bothered him. They were walking down the street of a business district, about to go around the corner. The street was full of tourists like them, but no one stood out – what stood out to Phil was actually the birds. He had never seen so many seagulls before. They perched on the tops of buildings, calling to each other, and they swooped down to pick up food the tourists had dropped on the sidewalk or chucked in bins.

Phil noticed the scent next: the briny scent of sea that tickled his nose as a breeze swept past. The ocean must be near. Then he heard it, a rushing noise that was subtle in comparison to the chatter of tourists and cawing of birds, but once he noticed it he couldn’t hear anything else. Had Dan heard it, too?

He glanced at Dan again, and saw that he looked even more anxious than he had a moment before. Phil reached out and took his hand to give it a reassuring squeeze – he didn’t understand what was wrong with Dan, but he would offer whatever comfort he could until Dan told him what was wrong. Swallowing heavily, Dan met his eyes and attempted a quick smile as their group rounded the corner. Then they both looked forward as the full force of the sea painted a dazzling scene before them: they had arrived at the marina. 

Seagulls drifted in a flurry in the distance, carried effortlessly by a breeze. It was a cloudy day, so the sea wasn’t as radiant as it might have been if the sun was sparkling on the water, but still it was undeniably beautiful. The waves lapped across the sand, and Phil wanted nothing more than to run up and sink his toes into the silt. In his excitement, he forgot his concerns about Dan for a moment as his hand gripped Dan’s hand tighter. He felt like a giddy child.

Martyn was caught in a moment of childish glee too as he sprinted towards the boats.

“Wait for us!” Cornelia shouted as she ran behind him.

Kath just snorted, used to Martyn’s antics after seeing him this way on many vacations before, and she followed at a slower pace.

Phil started forward too, dragging Dan by the hand, but he glanced over his shoulder. He asked, “Are you okay?”

Dan just nodded and didn’t say a word. They finally caught up with Martyn as he stopped beside a boat that was docked there. He turned to them with a grin and nodded at the boat. Martyn declared, “I’ve rented it for the day.”

“What?” Kath gasped, sounding a bit peeved that after all her careful planning for this trip, her son had impulsively made his own plans. “When? And how?”

Martyn waved at a building in the distance, “There’s a rental place down there. I looked them up and called this morning. It’s all arranged.”

Kath sighed and looked wistfully in the direction they had come, seeming to long for the marketplace they had walked away from earlier. She said, “That sounds like a lovely time. For you. And I appreciate that you have come up with such a fun activity. But Martyn, I get seasick. Would you mind very much if I passed on this? I’ll just go back to the shops.”

Martyn looked fine with this arrangement, but Cornelia frowned and she said, “We can’t let you do that after you organized this whole trip. No, that wouldn’t be fair. I’ll come with you!”

Kath smiled and linked arms with Cornelia. “Thank you, sweetie.”

After a brief longing glance at his fiancée, Martyn composed his face and nudged Phil with an elbow. “Just us guys then?”

Phil nodded and glanced at Dan, who he noticed had gone very pale. “Dan?” he asked.

Dan shook his head and swallowed heavily. He was staring at the water lapping at the side of the boat. He looked like he was about to be sick.

Squeezing his hand in an incessant demand for attention, Phil persisted, “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Everyone was staring at Dan now, which he obviously noticed as he swallowed heavily again. Phil felt bad for putting him in the spotlight, but if something was wrong he had to know now. Finally, Dan stammered, “I… I, um, don’t like the water.”

“Oh?” Kath asked curiously. “Do you get seasick like me?”

Dan shook his head. “Not exactly. I don’t just like the water. I, um, I’d rather not get on the boat.”

“You can come to the shops with us!” Cornelia suggested cheerfully.

Phil squeezed Dan’s hand once more, gently this time. He tried to convey a lot with the pressure of his palm: _are you okay, I’ll stay with you if you want me to, tell me if something else is wrong, I like you so much, I want you to be okay, talk to me please._

Dan smiled and nodded in acceptance of Cornelia’s offer. He unlinked hands with Phil as he took a step closer to the women who he would be spending the day with. Twitching with eagerness beside Phil, it seemed like Martyn was feeling giddy once more.

“I’m ready to go!” Martyn declared. He waved in farewell to Cornelia before climbing up the ladder and onto the boat. Then he started fiddling with the controls. 

The glee was starting to return to Phil as well at the thought of riding the waves with his brother in this boat, but he glanced once more at Dan, hesitating before climbing the ladder. He asked, “Dan, are you sure you’re okay?”

Casting one more nervous glance at the water nearby, Dan came closer. He gave Phil a chaste kiss, seeming wary of the eyes on them, but as he leaned back to stare at him the mahogany eyes spoke volumes. The sight made Phil’s heart flutter… so close, nearly soaring now. Dan said, “I…”

Phil waited, but Dan didn’t say anything else. All Phil could do was nod. He wanted to say something, even just ‘Me too,’ but the words would seem so meaningless. So, he didn’t say a word. With one last smile, Phil climbed up the ladder of the ship, leaving Dan on the dock.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it's not obvious that I only visited the sea once when I was a kid? But I'm having fun writing these seaside chapters :)  
> And to make up for my lack of knowledge I researched Brighton before attempting to write about it, so hopefully my lack of first-hand experience isn't showing too badly!
> 
> Also, thank you so much for 200 kudos <3 <3


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my favorite chapters and I am excited to share it with you all! Enjoy please <3

_Siren fact:_ _Types of Mermaids and Sirens by their abilities:_

**_Mermaids_ ** _\- Lovely, wise and very shy creatures of the sea that in stories often fall in love with sailors and bear them children._

**_Sirens_ ** _\- Dangerous spirits of the sea that can conjure storm and fog, foretell death, read minds and wreak havoc of every level. For a long time, they were one of the sources of blame for many shipwrecks and deaths on long sea journeys._

**_Ship Savers_ ** _\- Sirens that are bound to help guide ships trough rough waters filled with dangerous rocks. Some scientist and historians claim that they represented nothing but migration patterns of manatees and dugongs, animals that were traditionally often mistaken for mermaids and sirens. [http://www.realmermaids.net/mermaid-facts/mermaid-types/]_

 

 

 

The nervousness he felt at watching Phil sail away and leave him with near-strangers soon faded, mostly thanks to Cornelia. She smiled at him like they were old friends, linked arms with him, and started chatting about herself as they strolled down the sidewalk, and within a few blocks, he had already learned what she did for a living, where she went to college, and how she met Martyn. This sweet, bubbly woman made him feel like he was walking with a friend in mere moments. She was quite remarkable. 

Dan still was unsure about Kath. It seemed like there was an awkward tension in the air between them. Not that Kath was doing anything – she had been nothing but civil towards him. This was what had Dan confused. Was there really no tension? Was it all in his head? He didn’t think so. He sensed it, just below the surface. Something was wrong between them.

Pulling her guidebook out of her purse again, Kath led the way and soon they had returned to the marketplace that she spotted earlier when leaving the garden. She turned to Dan and Cornelia, asking, “Up for a bit of shopping, dearies?”

Cornelia quickly nodded, so Dan did the same and followed them into the marketplace. Looking around, Dan honestly didn’t see anything he wanted here – the place was mostly filled with touristy crap. He felt like he was just killing time until Phil came back because nothing would be interesting until they were together again. Sighing, he looked around for something to occupy his time.

Nearby, Kath _oooh_ -ed in delight at the sight of a silk scarf. She took Cornelia by the hand and pulled her closer to the scarf, wrapping it around her neck and tying it in an elegant knot. Cornelia turned to a mirror so that she could see, and Dan looked at her reflection, too. The scarf was a dark purple that went well with her ivory skin and made her vibrant red hair pop in contrast. She ran a fingertip across the fabric and seemed to like it, but then she checked the price tag and shook her head. Kath waved a hand in dismissal and pulled out her wallet to buy the scarf for Cornelia, whose eyes went wide.

Dan looked at what another vendor was offering while Kath paid, and he walked closer to check out some scented candles. He picked up one labeled ‘fresh linen’ and unscrewed the lid to sniff it. His nose wrinkled at the soapy scent of the awful candle, and he put it back down in disgust. Just as he was about to leave, he spotted something else on the table: a basket of stuffed animals that resembled hamsters. A sign said ‘Pull our tails!’ so he picked one up in curiosity. The small fuzzy body filled his palm and he located the tab on its bottom. As he pulled, it vibrated furiously, making him gasp in surprise, “Oh!”

The only person who noticed was the middle-aged woman manning the booth, and she raised an eyebrow at him. He smiled politely and she returned her attention to her magazine.

Dan started to put the hamster, which had gone still, back into the basket, but he took a closer look at it. It was brown and reminded him of the mice he had seen earlier. He remembered Phil’s whine, ‘ _I want one!_ ’ and wondered… would Phil like a present like this? He thought he had a good idea of who Phil was by now. He was a sweet guy, easy to please, and any little thing that Dan gave him to show him he thought of him would fill Phil’s heart with delight. So, Dan pulled out his wallet to pay for the hamster, then he put it in the pocket of his jacket.

He found Kath and Cornelia where they were now trying on hats at another booth. They didn’t buy anything else, and their group slowly made its way through the market until they got to the end, coming out at a business district full of midday shoppers. The sky above was gray and several people were toting umbrellas as they hurried along. Kath was peering in the windows and at the signs of cafes. She announced, “Well, we’re not anywhere near the place that I had planned for us to go to lunch, but it’s getting late. I don’t see the point in walking all the way over there when we’re already hungry and this place looks good.”

Dan nodded enthusiastically. He didn’t even bother to see what type of café it was – he felt hollow and would eat anything right now. Cornelia was agreeable as well, so they went inside. They picked a table near the door, and Dan took the chair facing the windows. He stared idly out the window for a long moment as the pedestrians hustled past, casting nervous glances at the sky above.

“Daniel?” Phil’s mum said with an edge in her voice. She sounded like perhaps she had had to call his name several times to get his attention.

“Sorry!” Blinking in surprise, he saw that a waitress had arrived at their table and was waiting on his order. There was a menu on the table, but he hadn’t looked at it yet. “Oh, um,” he didn’t want to look at the menu while everyone was staring at him, so he anxiously said the first thing that came to mind, “Fish and chips, please.”

Dan wasn’t really in the mood for fish, but it seemed likely they would have fish in this port-side city. It seemed he was right, since the waitress wrote down his order without correction and then left. He took a deep breath in an attempt to relax.

“Zoned out there for a bit, didn’t you,” Kath commented.

Dan nodded and took a sip from the glass of ice water on the table before him.

“Not very interested in what we were talking about? More interested in the view?” Kath asked in a deceptively playful tone.

That had sounded like a borderline accusation, and as Cornelia’s eyes widened it seemed like she had heard it, too. Nervously, her eyes flicked between their faces. She bit her bottom lip as her eyes settled on Kath’s face.

Dan shook his head. “Of course not, Mrs. Lester. I’m sorry, but my mind just wandered for a moment there.”

Kath narrowed her eyes, looking suspicious rather than appeased. Once more, he was filled with the sense that not everything was alright between them. She didn’t like him at all. After a moment, the conversation resumed between her and Cornelia. They had been discussing a wedding that was going to happen sometime in the next couple years – Cornelia didn’t look interested in deciding details of the far-off future, but Kath was excitedly suggesting wedding decorations. Hoping to get back in her good graces, Dan murmured in agreement with her suggestions, but Kath ignored him.

Their lunch arrived soon later: Dan’s fish and chips, a sandwich for Cornelia, and a salad for Kath. The fish looked okay, despite him not being in the mood for it, but he started by picking up a chip and dipping it in ketchup. In a light tone, he asked, “How is your salad?”

“Fine,” Kath said curtly as she stabbed a cherry tomato with more force than necessary. She narrowed her eyes as she chewed the tomato, seeming to decide something. After she swallowed with a sip of water, she said, “So, this thing with Phil… it’s new, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it’s been less than a month,” Dan answered evenly. He wasn’t sure what her suspicions were. Was it just that she was a protective mother wanting to know more about the person sleeping with her son? He said, “Um, I’m not sure what Phil has told you about me…”

“Plenty!” She said with a short laugh, and she shook her head. Whatever Phil said, it clearly had left her with a bad impression. “For example, I know what you do for a living.”

That made Dan blink in surprise. She had said it like a dirty thing, something to be ashamed of. But he was just a musician. Sure, he didn’t make a lot of money, but Kath didn’t strike him as the type of person to place too much emphasis on a salary. What could be the problem? Outside, lightning flashed, making Dan blink again.

“Dan?” Cornelia’s cheerful voice filled the silence, and she attempted to defuse the situation with a smile. “I heard that you play the piano as a professional entertainer. Is that true?”

Dan nodded. His mouth felt dry and he wanted another drink of water, but Kath was watching him warily and he thought he should answer as quickly as possible. “Yes, I play the piano as an entertainer. I work in bars mainly. I make a modest living, but it’s important to me that I’m doing the thing I love.”

Cornelia smiled widely in response, but Kath just looked more suspicious, and as Cornelia started to say something the older woman cut her off. In a voice loud enough to be easily heard over the storm starting to rage outside, Kath demanded, “Tell me how you met my son.”

“I, um…” His mouth was definitely too dry to talk now, so he took a quick sip of water. Then he responded simply, “I met him in the bar where I worked. He listened to me perform and we talked after.”

As he bit the inside of his cheek, nervous that she was going to ask him something that would force him to lie, she shocked him by demanding, “Did you know that my son worked for the BBC when you first spoke to him?”

Cornelia’s eyes went wide as she quickly turned to Dan to see his reaction. He had started to like her, and it broke his heart to see sudden distrust appear in her eyes.

Dan tasted blood as his teeth broke the skin inside his mouth. He swallowed heavily and opened his mouth to answer, but thunder boomed outside, so loud it shook the glass in the window. He couldn’t help looking past Kath to the scene outside – the streets were now abandoned, and so much rain had fallen that the gutters had already formed small rivers that rushed down the streets, pulling debris upset by the powerful wind. He couldn’t believe that it had looked so clear this morning.

“I said, did you know who my son was?!” Kath’s face was flushed with anger at being ignored. Absentmindedly, he noticed that she sounded very Northern when she was upset. Cornelia reached across the table and put a hand on her arm in an attempt to calm her.

“Yes,” Dan admitted. “But that had nothing to do with us getting together.”

Kath shook her head. “I find that hard to believe, given your profession.”

At least he knew why she was so mistrustful of him now, and it made sense: she was just being a loving and protective mum, and he felt oddly jealous of Phil in this moment. His own mum had never cared enough to ask who he was sleeping with, let alone make sure they weren’t taking advantage of him. Hoping that he could fix this, Dan assured her, “Mrs. Lester, I knew Phil worked for the BBC, but I promise you that his job wasn’t at all important to me when we first talked.”

“You’re lying!” She cried in indignation. Outside, the rain was beating against the glass, the droplets sounding so hard and fat that they might crack the glass, but he carefully kept his focus on Kath’s face. She insisted, “How could it not have mattered to you? You’re a professional musician. If you started dating my son because he works for a radio station, at least just admit it. Then maybe I’ll respect you for your honesty. And then you can tell me that he’s grown to mean so much more to you, but don’t lie to my face!”

Dan had lied about so much in his life, but this was the one thing he hadn’t been dishonest about: he hadn’t started something with Phil because he was a radio DJ. But Kath’s points were valid and he didn’t know how to explain this, not without revealing what he was, so he just whispered, “I’m not lying.”

“What was that?” Kath had seen his mouth move, but she hadn’t heard him over the storm outside.  

“It’s raining really hard,” Cornelia commented as she looked out the window.

Kath frowned and turned in her chair to look out the window. They sat in silence for a moment, just watching the way the wind whipped at a small tree planted across the street. Near the front door of the café, a dripping young man had just walked in out of the rain, and the waitress who apparently knew him ran up to hand him a towel to dry his face and hair. 

The young man said, “Thanks! It’s a mess out there. I just came from the pier. You should see it! The waves are 9 feet high.”

Kath turned around. The three people at the table stared at each other with wide eyes for two heartbeats, and then they all got up. Pausing only for Kath to toss some money on the table, they ran out into the rain. Dan tucked his hands in his pockets, careful to keep them dry. Cornelia pulled up the hood of her jacket and Kath held her guidebook over her head, but it was no use – they were all as soaked as Dan within moments, rain streaming down their cheeks like the tears they were all too afraid to shed.

With his longer legs, Dan quickly pulled ahead of the pack, leading them back down the twisting path that they had traveled to get here from the marina. Even with the rain, it seemed like the trip should have been quicker since they were now running and the streets were cleared of people. But it seemed to take far to long to make progresses, as if they were running in molasses, because they needed to be there _now._ Because it felt like they were already far too late…

Finally, they were once more racing around the corner that had been covered with seagulls earlier. The seagulls were still here, but they were now all perched on top of the buildings, beaks tucked under their wings as they hid from the rain. Dan started to lead the charge down the marina, closely followed by Kath and Cornelia, but he stopped halfway and pulled them under the awning of a closed bait shop. There didn’t seem to be much point in running further, unless they planned on flinging themselves into the sea like lemmings.

As they stood under the awning, wiping the rain from their eyes, they were all starting to shiver as the breeze continued to assault them. Cornelia was squinting through the rain, trying to see the spot where the boat Martyn rented had been docked earlier. She tried to shout to be heard over the storm, “ _Can you see them_?!”

Dan shook his head.

“ _Phones_?!” Kath pleaded.

All of them took their phones from their pockets. Dan tried Phil’s number while Cornelia and Kath tried Martyn and then Phil. No one picked up. They were forced to return their phones to their pockets. Helplessly, they stared at the storm that raged in the sea before them.

 

 


	24. Chapter 24

_Siren fact:_ _Many children are perhaps most familiar with the Disney version of "The Little Mermaid," a somewhat sanitized version of a Hans Christian Andersen fairy tale first published in 1837. In some legends from Scotland and Wales mermaids befriended — and even married — humans. Meri Lao, in her book "Seduction and the Secret Power of Women," notes that "In the Shetland Islands, mermaids are stunningly beautiful women who live under the sea; their hybrid appearance is temporary, the effect being achieved by donning the skin of a fish. They must be very careful not to lose this while wandering about on land, because without it they would be unable to return to their underwater realm." [https://www.livescience.com/39882-mermaid.html/]_

 

 

 

As Kath’s knees became weak at the sight of the horror before them, Cornelia had to step to her side to offer support. Dan saw her lips move, forming words that were stolen by the wind before they reached his ears, but he read her lips and understood what she said, “ _What are we going to do?_ ”

Dan’s eyes flicked over the marina. He thought he had seen something earlier today when they were here, but he wasn’t sure where it was – his thoughts were scattered by panic. All he remembered was that the structure was dark blue. Turning back to Kath and Cornelia, he shouted to be heard above the rain, “Lifeboat Station!”

Then they started back out into the rain, searching for the dark blue building on the marina. At one point, Cornelia stopped walking to stare at an empty space on the doc, and Dan knew that this must be the place where they had last seen Phil and Martyn. She stood there, frozen in place, as the rain beat down on her.

“Corn?” He walked over and placed a hand on her shoulder.

She looked up at him with shimmering eyes, and he didn’t think that the moisture on her cheeks was just from the rain. She sucked in a shuddering breath as she fought to keep her composure and said, “He was supposed to be here. They both were. Where are they?”

“I don’t know, but we need to find the Lifeboat Station. They’ll help.” He took Cornelia by the hand and started leading her down the marina.

Ahead of them, Kath hadn’t paused in her search. The wind carried her surprised shout to them, “Oh!”

Dan saw her scurry into the door of a dark blue building and hurried to catch up, feet splashing through puddles as he and Cornelia ran. Finally, they rushed through the open door of the blue building, panting and dripping. Cornelia’s short red hair was plastered to her forehead, water streaming down her face. She unlinked hands with Dan to swipe the water from her eyes, but then she got a funny look on her face. Her eyes narrowed in apparent confusion, she flexed her fingers, and then started to look down at the hand she had just grasped. 

Realizing what she felt just in time, Dan hastily stuffed his hands in his pockets. Normally, a simple rainstorm didn’t cause the webbing to appear between his fingers – one drop of water wouldn’t do it – but he was soaked from head to toes that he didn’t doubt were now webbed. With his hands out of sight now, Cornelia lost interest and returned her attention to what was important right now. Dan wanted to do the same. He didn’t care about his hands right now or being exposed as a siren – he just wanted to get Phil back.

They went to join Kath, who was anxiously talking to a group of men near a boat. The blue building seemed more like a large shed on the inside. It was build to house an orange boat that could be quickly launched into the water for rescue missions, and it had the bare necessities needed to keep a small crew comfortable here as they waited to be needed.

Kath had run up to the crew of three men, and she was anxiously explaining the situation to them as she pointed to the thrashing sea visible through the open end of the building. She seemed to have exhausted her control and just as they were approaching her she started to lose it. Her voice was cracking and her pointing hand was shaking. She wailed, “My sons… Oh, my sweet boys, please find them. I don’t know what I would… I don’t know what to do!”

Cornelia wrapped her arms around Kath and started making shushing noises to soothe her. Unable to take his hands out of his pockets, Dan just stood there, feeling useless. He couldn’t comfort Kath or help Phil and Martyn. He was powerless and he was so frustrated and he felt like he might start screaming at any moment. Or maybe crying.

Two men in the crew were readying the boat to leave, while the third was saying, “Just stay calm. Andy and Ernie are going to go look for your men. I’ll to take you back to the office. There are some reports to fill out. We need to get as much info from you as we can about the situation. Come with me. We’ll help.”

 

 

The third man on the crew named Dale took them to Brighton’s Lifeboat office. Dan couldn’t hear what was being said and he couldn’t see the faces of the people trying to help. They wrapped him in towels, sat him on a sofa, and thrust a mug of something warm into his hands. He only glanced at his hands after the fact, vaguely noting that the webbing had disappeared between his fingers when they dried in his pockets. Dan barely registered a single sensation – his senses felt dulled and he couldn’t focus on anything. He felt removed from this moment.

In his mind, none of this was real. This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be. The room looked so desaturated, so this moment wasn’t real. How could it be, when in comparison he could close his eyes and see Phil bloom vibrantly in his mind’s eyes: creamy skin spotted with freckles in odd places, inky black hair, and eyes that had looked blue at first, but were really blue, green, and yellow all at once. With his eyes closed, he imagined that if he reached his hand before him he could touch Phil’s face – the memory felt _that_ real. And when he opened his eyes he saw the blandness of the grey office that was strewn with stacks of paper. Phil was gone right now, and he had taken all of the color in the world with him.

Dan’s hands went limp, and he was startled by a sudden clatter at his feet. He looked down, seeing that his numb hands had lost their grip on the tea he had held long enough for it to go cold – he knew since the tea splattered over his shoes and soaked his already damp socks.

“Oh, sweetie, you spilled your tea.” Kath rose from her chair. She grabbed a roll of paper towels from a nearby table and came to stand before him.

Dan had expected her to hand him the roll of paper towels and return to her chair, but instead she started ripping paper towels off the roll and placing them on the mess. To help he picked up the mug and placed it on the table beside him – the mug had bounced off his shoes instead of hitting the tile floor directly, so at least it wasn’t damaged. He started to reach for the paper towels in her hands. Dan insisted, “I can do this. It’s fine.”

“Nonsense,” Kath batted his hand away. After she tossed away the paper towels sodden with the mess from the floor, she knelt on the floor and tugged off his wet trainers. Then she started to slip off his socks.

“Um, wait, I’m self-conscious about my feet!” Dan said honestly, thinking of the webbing since his feet hadn’t dried yet. He twisted his foot in her grasp, desperate to get free, but it seemed like wrenching his foot from her would be rude. He begged, “Please leave my socks on.”

“Are you sure, sweetie? You might catch a cold in those wet things.” At his nod, she relented and left his sodden socks in place. Instead, she tore more paper towels from the roll and started dabbing at his socks to dry them.

As he looked at his boyfriend’s mother, knelt before him drying his feet, he was unsure how to process this scenario. And since when had he been ‘sweetie’ to her? He glanced at Cornelia to see what she thought of this, but she was just smiling sadly as she looked at Kath.

Finally, Dan understood as he returned his attention to the woman drying his feet: she was a mother who didn’t know where her sons were, so she was taking care of him right now. He felt like crying again – _Phil, where are you? –_ but he just smiled as Kath completed her ministrations of his feet, and he said, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, sweetie,” she said as she went back to her chair. The clock on the wall across from them ticked, like it had been doing for the past couple hours as they sat here in silence with no word of their missing men. It went on and on, incessant as the blood dripping from a severed artery. Dan shuddered at the mental image and tried to ignore the ticking, but now it filled his ears.

The door opened and all of them jumped in their chairs. The man from earlier, Dale, entered with a wave. Before he could even open his mouth, Kath demanded, “Did you find them?”

Dale shook his head. “I’m just here to give you an update. We have three boats out searching in the areas we suspect they might have gone – it’s tricky since we don’t know for sure what direction they headed in this morning. Ideally, it’s easier to find someone by air, but we can’t send out a helicopter until the weather calms down. Hopefully they drew in their sails and know to just sit tight until the storm passes or we find them. We’re optimistic.”

“Optimistic?” Kath shrilled. “These are my _sons_. You do everything you can to find them.”

The words ‘everything you can’ made Dan flinch like they had been directed at him, though Kath had been glaring at the man now spluttering to assure her that he’d made every effort possible to find Phil and Martyn. Dan looked down at his feet, flexing his webbed toes in his socks.

“Promise me you’ll bring them home!” Kath pleaded with tears in her eyes.

“Um, of course, ma’am.” He was retreating for the door as he nodded. “I’ll give you any news as soon as I hear it.”

As the door shut behind Dale, the ticking of the clock on the wall sounded loud once more in the small office. Dan gritted his teeth and resisted the urge to stick his fingers in his ears – that would only be denying the truth. He could ignore the sound, but not the passage of time. Every second ticking might be one of the last seconds of Phil’s life, and here was Dan, sitting in a chair doing nothing but fighting to hold in his tears.

“I can’t, I can’t, I can’t…” He muttered under his breath, fisting his hands at his sides, gripping the towel that had been draped over his shoulders to keep him warm. He was warm and dry, yet Phil might be cold and soaked right now.

“What did you say?” Cornelia asked. “You can’t what?”

Dan ignored her as he took the towel from his shoulders and stood up. His socks squished on the tile floor as he got up and started for the door; one of his feet slipped and he had to grab the desk to stay upright.

“Dan!” Cornelia shouted in alarm. She rose from her chair but didn’t come closer. “What are you doing?”

Dan glanced at her, but she was painted in shades of grey. Not real. Steadying himself on his slippery socks, he started for the door again and left the room.

The last thing he heard was Kath say in a disappointed voice, “He’s leaving.”  
     

 

On the pier, Dan finally saw color: the blue of churning waves. He knew that in the dark with storm clouds above blocking the light of the moon that they couldn't really be that blue, but in this moment where he was surrounded by a colorless reality the blue seemed vibrant. Phil was in that water, and his eyes were the color of the ocean struck by sunlight.

Dan stripped off his jacket and his jeans, wanting to be able to move freely in the water. As he placed his clothes on the pier, he felt a lump in the pocket. It was his phone – water-resistant and with luck not ruined – and also the toy hamster he had bought Phil earlier. He patted the pocket before standing, determined to bring Phil home.

“Dan!” a woman shrieked in the distance.

He turned, seeing that Cornelia had followed him and was now racing to stop him. Taking a deep breath, Dan faced forward, looking out at the churning sea above him. As he watched, lightning flashed in the distance and illuminated a cloud with spiderwebs of light. His hands shook at his sides and he couldn’t deny that he was terrified.

The thing was that he had now realized that the most terrifying thing in the world would be living a life without Phil. So, he took one last deep breath, and then he leapt from the pier.  

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working 12 hours of overtime this weekend...... wish me luck!


	25. Chapter 25

_Siren fact:_ From _The Little Mermaid_ by Hans Christian Andersen (1836) _:_ _“Do you not love me the best of them all?” the eyes of the little mermaid seemed to say, when he took her in his arms, and kissed her fair forehead._

_“Yes, you are dear to me,” said the prince; “for you have the best heart, and you are the most devoted to me; you are like a young maiden whom I once saw, but whom I shall never meet again. I was in a ship that was wrecked, and the waves cast me ashore near a holy temple, where several young maidens performed the service. The youngest of them found me on the shore, and saved my life.”_

_‘Ah, he knows not that it was I who saved his life,’ thought the little mermaid… and the mermaid sighed deeply, but she could not shed tears. ‘He says the maiden belongs to the holy temple, therefore she will never return to the world. They will meet no more: while I am by his side, and see him every day. I will take care of him, and love him, and give up my life for his sake.’ [http://hca.gilead.org.il/li_merma.html]_

 

 

 

The second he was submerged in water, the current dragged him down. He locked his lips, holding desperately onto the air in his lungs since he wasn’t sure when he would be able to reach the surface, and he started kicking. They were jerky sporadic kicks which wouldn’t have moved him far, but his toes were spread and the webbed skin was made for this. As he added his hands to the effort, his head soon broke the surface and he sucked in a breath. He swiped the saltwater from his eyes, feeling how the skin between his fingers had become webbed as well from the water.

Dan’s body was made for this, and that fact sent a thrill of panic through him. He had avoided water for so many years out of fear that his body would betray him as a siren, but that hadn’t been the only reason. He was also desperately afraid of how at home he felt in the water. It felt like he should have been in the water the whole time, and that feeling terrified him, like maybe he would never be able to get out.

Pushing those thoughts away, he focused on the task at hand. Cornelia would likely be reaching the end of the pier and searching for him, so he took another deep breath before diving below the water to hide from her searching gaze. Then he kicked his legs, pulled forward in the water with his hands, and started swimming like he’d been shot out of a cannon. As he swam like an Olympic athlete, he had to accept once more that his body had been built for this. For once, Dan was grateful for this fact as he was buffeted by the current of the sea, which was churned by the storm. If he were a normal man, he wouldn’t have been able to fight his way forward. There wouldn’t be the slightest chance he could save Phil.

Phil… he was all that was important right now. Dan focused all of his will on pushing himself forward in the water, faster and faster. He remembered that thought he had had about them living in the same city together for so long, passing each other on the street. As they unknowingly passed nearer and nearer to each other, they moved like ships in the sea being pulled by the current until they finally came to this common destination. It was like fate.

Now that Dan literally was in the sea, he hoped the current was taking him closer to Phil and that fate was once more helping him. Perhaps his body could help a bit more though… he could hear well underwater, and he focused on searching for a sound: the motor of a boat, water slapping against the side of a ship, and maybe Phil’s voice. Phil would be talking because he wasn’t dead. He was out here somewhere. And Dan would find him.

 

 

Dan had more stamina than the average man in water, but it wasn’t boundless, especially in this turbulent sea. It was hard to judge since it was night, but he was sure that hours had passed by the time a boat finally appeared in the distance. He cried out in relief at the sight – his muscles had been cramping and it had been getting harder to keep his head above water, so he had started to think that he would drown before he found the boat. He would sink beneath the bottom of the ocean, down beneath the waves, and he would never know what had happened to Phil…

Except now he could see the boat in the distance, and he really was crying. He convinced his tired muscles to drag him there as he fought his way through the waves, all the while trying to catch glimpses of the boat as he got nearer. Was Phil anywhere to be seen? Was the boat damaged? Did it look abandoned? He couldn’t tell, as it was taking all of his effort just to keep his head above water and the boat in his sights.

Finally, it was looming before him, and he shouted, “Phil!”

The wind was so strong that his shout barely reached his own ears, and as he opened his mouth to shout again a wave smacked him in the face and water forced its way into his mouth. Dan went under for a moment, feeling himself being dragged down. He kicked furiously to reach to the surface, and when he did he coughed and saw black spots floating across his vision – if he didn’t get out of here soon he would drown.

Remembering a detail about this boat from when he saw it earlier, Dan swam in a circle until he found it: a ladder. He grabbed the rungs and started to pull himself up, but his exhausted muscles shook in protest and refused to work. He had to loop his arm through one of the higher rungs of the ladder until he could lift himself high enough to add his feet to the effort. Then he was able to drag himself up the ladder and onto the deck.

Dan collapsed facedown on the deck of the boat as it rocked with the storm. The deck below his face was damp and he watched as his exhalations shifted a small puddle. The rain continued to fall. Now that he was out of the sea, the raindrops felt freezing and they hit his skin hard enough to sting. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to move right now, as all his muscles were burning. He focused on catching his breath and calming his racing heart.

Calming his heart wasn’t possible though, as he panicked with the realization that he was finally here on Phil and Martyn’s boat, yet he didn’t see either of them. Pressing his palms into the deck, he forced himself up onto his knees, and the exertion forced a pained whimper from his lips. He was so tired…

Dan looked around, but the deck was abandoned. Had Phil and Martyn fallen overboard? For a mad moment, Dan thought about leaping back into the water to search the bottom of the ocean for them. Then he forced himself to be rational and looked closer at the boat. The sail was tied, a sign that someone had been sensible enough to know that there was no use for a sail when the winds were this strong. The people on this boat had prepared when they saw the storm coming.

Then Dan saw the door that led below deck, and his heart jumped into his throat – that was the only place they could be if they were safely hiding from the storm. He swallowed heavily and started dragging himself over on his hands and knees, like a small child who hadn’t yet learned how to walk yet. He felt like child right now, so scared and helpless in the face of impending loss. He hadn’t felt like this in years, not since his mother left the man who raised him, and he’d realized that the man he thought of as his dad didn’t care about him – he’d lost half his family that day. As Dan felt the same thing right now, he knew that he had started to think about Phil in the same way, as family. Had he already lost Phil, too?

Dan gripped the door to the cabin, using the knob as support so that he could raise himself shakily to a stand. The knob started to turn under his hand – he didn’t believe it for a moment until he saw it shift under his webbed fingers – and he let go with a startled gasp. He stepped aside as the door swung open.

Phil stood in the doorway. His mouth hung slightly open and his eyes were wide, but that was all the detail that Dan could see in this dim lighting. It was all he needed to see anyway as he cried out in relief at the sight of Phil and launched himself at him. They tumbled backwards, and belatedly Dan realized that Phil had been standing at the top of a small staircase. There was a terrifying moment of freefalling, and through the disorientation of it he felt Phil’s arms wrap tight around him. Then they impacted. Dan’s teeth clicked shut almost painfully with the force and he heard the breath rush out of Phil’s chest, which his head was pillowed against.

It seemed to take Phil’s chest a moment to rise again, long enough that Dan got worried, and he sat up enough so that he could see Phil’s face. He had a clear view of him now that they were below deck, as there were lanterns hung from the ceiling above, casting a yellow glow on the space as they rocked merrily with the waves. Dan asked, “Are you alright?”

Phil only nodded. It seemed like the breath had been knocked painfully from his chest when Dan had landed on top of him, and he was still focusing on remembering how to breathe properly.

“Dan? How did you get here?” someone asked.

Dan looked to the side, seeing Martyn standing nearby as he stared at the door that was flapping in the breeze at the top of the staircase. Seeing him, Dan just smiled broadly, glad that Phil’s brother was also alright.

Martyn returned the smile as he asked, “Did you come with a rescue boat? Is someone here to save us?”

Dan didn’t know what to say to that, so he just stared at Martyn. No one was here to save them, no one but Dan, and there wasn’t anything he could really do now that he was here. Not waiting for an answer, Martyn stepped over their legs, which were tangled at the bottom of the staircase, and he jogged up the stairs and onto the deck to look for a rescue boat that wasn’t out there.

Returning his attention to the man lying underneath him, Dan saw Phil staring at him with a curious expression on his face. Phil asked, “What are you doing here?”

Back at the Lifeboat Station when there had been nothing to do but look at a clock and wait for Phil to be found, Dan had had a lot of time to think. He thought about the last words he had said to Phil, and how unjust it would have been if those really had been The Last Words. Phil deserved so much more, and Dan had prepared a whole speech to say when they were finally reunited.

As he opened his mouth to begin reciting it, he changed his mind at the last second. Instead what tumbled from his lips was the simple truth, “I love you.”

Phil blinked in surprise. “You do?”

Dan nodded. As he continued staring at Phil, he saw a drop of moisture land on his cheek and he thought that his wet hair might be dripping on Phil’s face. And then Dan realized that no, he was crying because he was so happy right now.

The door closed at the top of the stairs and Martyn’s feet shuffled on the steps as he started back down to the cabin where they were. Martyn said slowly like he didn’t believe it, “There’s no boat. No one is out there. There’s just… nothing. No one but Dan.”

Phil was still looking at Dan’s face, his eyes warm and wide like he wanted to drink in every feature of his face. He opened his mouth, though Dan wasn’t sure if he was going to say something in answer to what he had told him, or what Martyn then said.

Dan knew it was silly since he was lying on top of Phil, soaking him with his clothes that were wet from swimming, but he hated the way that his tears had dampened Phil’s cheek. So, he reached up with fingertip to swipe away the tears.

Phil’s eyes focused on the webbed skin between Dan’s fingers. “Oh my God…”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! As I am posting this chapter, you can see that I survived my overtime!  
> 55 hours of work... so, I only got about 500 words written of this fic during that busy week, even though I desperately wanted to get more done. Usually I like to complete writing 2 chapters in 1 week to keep up with my upload schedule, so I'm understandably feeling behind right now.  
> So, I was hoping that I could post on this friday (10/5/18) and next friday (10/12/18), but not do the chapter earlier in the week while I catch up on my writing. I'm not out of prewritten chapters, but I still feel behind right now.  
> Thanks! I promise I'm not going to leave you on a cliffhanger


	26. Chapter 26

_Siren fact:_ _Though not as well known as their comely female counterparts, there are of course mermen — and they have an equally fierce reputation for summoning storms, sinking ships and drowning sailors. One especially feared group, the Blue Men of the Minch, are said to dwell in the Outer Hebrides off the coast of Scotland. They look like ordinary men (from the waist up anyway) with the exception of their blue-tinted skin and gray beards. Local lore claims that before laying siege to a ship, the Blue Men often challenge its captain to a rhyming contest; if the captain is quick enough of wit and agile enough of tongue he can best the Blue Men and save his sailors from a watery grave. [https://www.livescience.com/39882-mermaid.html /]_

 

 

 

Phil started squirming to get out from under Dan, who seemed to realize what he wanted. Looking dejected, Dan rolled off of him so that Phil could escape in a panic. Phil scooted away from him, pushing himself backward across the floor on hands and heels. He was watching Dan carefully for any signs of sudden movements, but Dan just sat up and pulled his knees up his chest, looking small and tired and harmless. Phil’s shoulders relaxed at the sight.

Out of the corner of his eye, Phil saw the white-knuckled grip that Martyn had on the railing as he stood at the bottom of the stairs. Glancing at him, Phil saw that Martyn’s eyes were fixed on Dan’s hand as they held his knees tight against his chest – he was staring at the webbed skin between Dan’s fingers.

As his gaze returned to Dan, Phil saw more than the webbing this time. Dan was shivering and covered in gooseflesh. At any other moment, Phil would have gone over and rubbed those arms and held Dan until he was warm again, but the memory of those weird webbed fingers touching his cheeks made him hesitate. All he wanted now was to know what was going on.

There was a blue blanket resting on a nearby chair. Phil crawled over to grab it and then toss it at Dan, who just blinked in surprise as the blanket landed in a heap at his feet. Phil didn’t move closer, but he gestured for Dan to take the blanket and said, “You look cold. Warm up, Dan.”

Dan nodded and pulled the blue blanket over himself, all the way up to his chin. He looked even more fragile with just his head sticking out of the nest of blankets, topped with spiky wet curls. His eyes were heavy-lidded with exhaustion, and he looked like he would fall over if he hadn’t been sitting with his back against the wall.

Before he had made a conscious decision to do it, Phil started going back across the distance he had put between them when he crawled away in fear. Martyn whined in warning, “Phil…”

Ignoring his brother, he slid into the space against the wall beside Dan, leaving a foot of space between them. They were both watching each other, seeming acutely aware of each other, and Phil thought that Dan might be carefully reading his reaction to this odd situation. Meanwhile, Phil was adding up all the things in his mind that did and did not make sense about this situation: _Dan was here! But how could Dan be here? This wasn’t Dan – or at least wasn’t Dan as he knew him. There was something about Dan he hadn’t known, something different about him…_ Phil’s mind spun in dizzying circles as he looked at the man beside him, trying to put a label on him, my Dan, or not my Dan. He wasn’t sure if he knew this man.

“Feeling warmer?” He asked, since he had been worried earlier when Dan was shivering. Dan nodded in response, so Phil decided to ask something else. “Could I see your hands?”

Dan blinked, but after a moment he extracted a hand from under the blanket and held it up. He looked like he wanted to reach over and touch Phil, but instead he held himself back and just kept his hand where Phil could get a good look at it. As the light from the lantern above lit the scene, Phil watched Dan’s fingers spread. There was something between the digits: a thin, nearly see-through material that came up to the second knuckle of each of Dan’s fingers. It stretched like flesh when Dan moved his hands, but it was hard to think of it as such – the thin skin was shiny in the light, as shimmery and pearlescent as a soap bubble struck by sunlight. If he touched it, would Dan _pop_ out of existence?

Phil shivered at the thought. He tilted his head, getting a closer look at the shiny skin webbing Dan’s fingers, and licked his lips as he thought about what he wanted to ask. Finally, he said in a said in a soft voice, “You’re here…”

“What?” Dan blinked. His voice was much louder, clearly audible over the rain beating on the roof above them, waves smacking into the side of the ship, and the occasional crash of thunder in the distance. “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear what you said.”

Phil cleared his throat. He realized his statement had been stupid, so he asked in a louder voice, “How did you get here?”

Dan’s fingers, still raised in the air, twitched as he said, “I swam.”

 “You swam here?” Martyn demanded. He sounded incredulous, but his eyes were wide with fear. “From Brighton beach?”

Dan looked at Martyn and nodded. “I jumped off the pier and swam here. I couldn’t just stay there and…”

“And what?” Phil prompted him to finish.

Dan closed his eyes and took a deep breath as if to calm himself. His bottom lip shook as he said, “I didn’t know where you were. If you were okay. It was driving me crazy. I needed you to be okay, even if…”

“Even if?” Phil wanted so badly to reach out and touch him, but he held back.

Dan opened his eyes, and then his gaze dropped to his hand. The hand was still slightly raised with the fingers extended to display the shimmering skin. As he stared at it, he closed his hand into a tight fist and lowered it into the blanket across his lap. Dan said, “I needed to know that you were okay, even if you don’t want me anymore now that you know what I am. And if you needed help, I needed to come here and give it because the fact that you’re okay means more to me than anything. Even if you don’t want to be mine. That’s fine because I just want you to be alright. I can live without you if that means that you’re alive. So, it’s worth it now even though you don’t want…”

Phil reached out and put his palm on the back of Dan’s hand, making him jump. He smiled when Dan looked up at him with wide mahogany eyes. Phil said, “I think you’re getting a bit ahead of yourself. I have no idea what’s going on. Tell me please?”

“Dan,” Martyn insisted, as if he couldn’t hold it in anymore, and his arms were crossed like he was freaked out and trying to hold himself together. They both turned to look at him, as he demanded, “What are you? Like… are you some kind of merman?”

“Um, something like that,” Dan said.

Martyn shook his head. “How is that possible?”

“I don’t know, it just is,” Dan said with a shrug.

Phil gave a startled laugh, drawing the eyes of Martyn and Dan. He said, “I’m sorry… I just kind of liked the way you phrased that. Dan, when I opened that door and saw you, I was shocked. I didn’t know how that was possible, it just _was_. I’m happy that you’re here. Really. I was so freaked out, and now that you’re here it feels like everything might be okay.”

“Can you help?” Martyn asked in a softer voice, seeming less aggressive finally. He looked at Dan with hopeful eyes.

Dan shrugged, and the blanket slipped off one of his shoulders. “Maybe. There are people looking for you right now – maybe I could swim to find them and show them where you are. Or if this boat sinks and I’m here, maybe I can help you guys to keep your heads above water. The thing is… I’m exhausted right now. I used up all my stamina getting here and now I’m just…”

Phil’s hand was still atop Dan’s webbed hand, and he gave it a squeeze. “Rest then, Love. The boat is holding up fine in the storm right now, and people are looking for us. So, we’ll wait right here. We’re safe for now. You don’t need to worry anymore.” The words had a tangible effect on Dan, whose shoulders sagged and his eyelids lowered like he was having trouble keeping them open. Phil asked, “Want to take a nap? There’s a sofa over there.”

Dan nodded and got to his feet with Phil’s helpful hand under his arm, and Phil grabbed the blanket as it started to slide onto the floor. With Martyn’s wary eyes tracking their movements, Phil towed Dan to the small sofa that was fixed to the wall and he lowered him onto it. Dan started to lie down, but Phil stopped him so that he could peel the wet t-shirt off of him and drop it to the floor.

As the cool air made gooseflesh rise on the Dan’s newly exposed skin, he shivered. Phil put a hand on Dan’s shoulder and pressed him back until he was lying down with his head on a pillow at the end of the sofa. Dan’s long legs were hanging off the end of it, but he didn’t seem to mind as he shut his eyes and his breathing started to even as he gave into exhaustion. Phil pulled the blanket over him with a smile, and then took a step back. He stumbled a bit as the boat rocked beneath his feet, jostled by a particularly turbulent wave. The sea wasn’t showing any signs of settling yet, and thunder continued to crash overhead.

Phil saw that Martyn had left the stairs and was now pacing in the kitchenette area of the small cabin – and he couldn’t help but notice that this area was as far as Martyn could get from Dan on the sofa. Phil went over to him and asked, “You okay?”

Martyn stopped pacing to stare at Phil, and for a second Phil thought that maybe he hadn’t heard his question over the rain beating on the roof. Then Martyn shook his head and said, “No, no I’m not okay. I’m freaked the fuck out. I thought you knew this guy, and now…”

“I do know Dan,” Phil said with complete conviction. He glanced over his shoulder at Dan, who appeared to be completely asleep now; even if he were awake, Phil didn’t think that Dan would be able to hear this conversation over the racket the storm was making. Turning back to his brother, Phil said, “I know him, but just not this one little detail about him.”

“Little detail…” Martyn repeated with a shake of his head as his eyes flicked to where Dan was sleeping. He dropped his voice to what was almost a conspiring whisper and asked, “Do you think he’s going to attack us?”

“What? Dan? No, of course not. Why would you even think that?”

Martyn ran a hand over his face, and Phil noticed the dark circles under his eyes and the stress that had put bracket around his mouth. Martyn said, “I… I don’t know Phil. I’ve been scared for so long today that I can’t feel anything anymore. I’m just exhausted. I don’t know. If you say Dan isn’t going to do anything to hurt us, then fine. I believe you. But every movie I’ve ever seen tells me that when you’re stranded out at sea and something that isn’t completely human crawls on your boat… well, that’s not a good thing.”

Phil shook his head, though he had felt the same panic when they both heard someone moving around on the deck when Dan crawled aboard – there was something about being stuck out at sea during a storm that made one believe in monsters.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is about to hit 4K hits! I wasn't expecting this to happen so soon! Thank you <3


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being patient about the wait for this chapter :)
> 
> (The John Smith mentioned in the fact at the beginning is the John Smith who knew Pocahontas, how cool is that?)

_Siren fact:_ _Another mermaid encounter once offered as a true story is described in Edward Snow's "Incredible Mysteries and Legends of the Sea." A sea captain off the coast of Newfoundland described his 1614 encounter: "Captain John Smith [of Jamestown fame] saw a mermaid 'swimming about with all possible grace.' He pictured her as having large eyes, a finely shaped nose that was 'somewhat short, and well-formed ears' that were rather too long. Smith goes on to say that 'her long green hair imparted to her an original character that was by no means unattractive.'"_

_In fact Smith was so taken with this lovely woman that he began "to experience the first effects of love" as he gazed at her before his sudden (and surely profoundly disappointing) realization that she was a fish from the waist down. [https://www.livescience.com/39882-mermaid.html/]_

 

 

 

When he woke up, Dan wasn’t sure where he was for a moment. His eyes were still closed, and the first thing he registered was the gentle rocking sensation of the surface on which he was lying. The sensation was almost familiar, and for a second Dan thought that he had fallen asleep on the train – but then he suddenly realized where he was when thunder boomed. Then the boat rocked over a particularly violent wave, rolling Dan a bit forward until he was lying partially on his face and his eyes snapped open in alarm.

For a terrifying moment, Dan thought that the boat was lurching to the side because it was sinking, and he imagined a massive wave swallowing them. Nothing happened though, and he looked up, seeing the cabin lit with the cheerful yellow glow of the lanterns bobbing wildly from the ceiling. They weren’t sinking apparently, and a moment later the slant of the room subsided, and Dan rolled back onto his side. He shifted his face to try to get a better view of the room, searching. He whispered, “Phil?”

There was a shift nearby, and a second later Phil was kneeling before him – he must have been sitting beside the sofa where Dan was lying the whole time. For a moment, he just drank in the sight of Phil: quaffed hair that was a bit disheveled, black glasses that were crooked on his face, and dark circles under his eyes. Dan inhaled, trying to catch a familiar trace of Phil’s familiar scent, but his sinuses were filled with the briny reek of seawater. Phil smiled at him as he said, “Hey, you okay? Need anything?”

Dan was going to say ‘no’ but then he noticed how dry and scratchy his mouth felt; he realized that he had probably unintentionally swallowed some saltwater while swimming, and he likely a bit dehydrated. Dan asked, “Water?”

Phil frowned but nodded. He got up and retrieved a water bottle from his backpack, which was on a table across the room. Dan noticed Martyn in the shadows of the kitchen, his eyes tracking the water bottle as Phil handed it to him. As he sat up and took it, feeling the weight of the half-full bottle, Dan was afraid of something. He asked, “Is this all the water we have?”

Phil tried to shrug nonchalantly, but his shoulders were too stiff to be convincing. He said, “We’ll be alright. Help is coming with water soon, so go ahead. Have a drink.”

Dan’s grip tightened on the water bottle and the plastic crinkled under his hand. He shook his head. “No, I didn’t come here to…” His throat tightened with emotion and thirst, making it hard to get out the words, _I came to help, not to use up your resources. I’m such a useless burden. I’m sorry._

Seeming to understand, Phil smiled to reassure him. “Dan, we were freaking out before you got here. Now we know people are looking for us. You’ve helped. So, take a drink. I know you need it.”

Licking his chapped lips, Dan decided to take just a sip of water. He unscrewed the cap of the bottle and took a small mouthful that he swished around his mouth before swallowing. Then he handed the bottle back to Phil, who accepted it but looked concerned.

Phil asked, “Are you sure? You don’t want more?”

Swallowing heavily past the sandpaper in his throat, Dan shook his head. “I’m fine, thanks. No more.”

Phil put the water bottle on the floor. Then his brows pulled together as he stared at Dan, who just blinked, unsure what had captured Phil’s interest. He asked, “Dan, could I see your hands?”

“Sure,” Dan sat up and spread his hands on the blankets across his lap. As he did, he saw what Phil had noticed – his hands had dried and the webbing was gone. His hands twitched on the blanket as he remembered the webbing and the look of horror on Phil’s face when he saw it. Phil was being nice now, but Dan couldn’t get that look out of his mind. He was convinced that it was all over.

Phil reached out and his hand hovered above Dan’s. After a brief moment of hesitation, He picked up one of Dan’s hands gently and turned it over to exam it. Phil spread out the fingers that had curled into the palm and ran a fingertip between Dan’s fingers, feeling the empty space between them. He said, “Your hand looks normal.”

Dan nodded. “That’s because my hands are dry now. They only look like they did before when they’re wet.”

“I don’t understand… How? I…” He looked up from the hand. Phil asked, “Is that why you got upset when I asked you to shower with me?”

Dan’s eyes widened, impressed with Phil’s leap of logic, and he nodded in answer. “Yeah, I… um, I wasn’t ready to tell you then.”

“When were you going to tell me?” Phil asked.

“Oh…” Dan bit his bottom lip before admitting, “I don’t know. I like to think that someday, maybe I would have told you.”

Phil sighed, but didn’t seem too annoyed. Matter-of-factly, he said, “You never planned to tell me about any of this, did you? I guess I can understand that since it isn’t something that is easy to explain.” He seemed to notice the worry on Dan’s face, and he smiled reassuringly at him. “I’m not mad at you, Dan. Really, I’m not. You might not have planned to be honest, but when it mattered you forgot about all that to come help me and my brother. To me, that makes up for everything.”

Dan bit his lip again because Phil still didn’t know everything yet, but Dan resolved to tell him later. For now, it seemed like they could take comfort in each other’s company. The truth could come later, and it was fine for now if Phil just thought he was a merman with webbed fingers and toes.

Phil’s thoughts seemed to be running along the same path as he looked at Dan’s hand which he still held. He said, “I have so many questions though… Are you like Aquaman?”

Dan laughed. “In what way? Do you mean can I talk to fish? No, that’s crazy.”

Phil also laughed, and he looked down at their clasped hands. “I’ve never been one to dismiss concepts as ‘crazy.’ Like, even when I was a kid. My grandma once tome me that I was so good at swimming that I must’ve been part fish. So, I secretly ate fish food in an attempt to become fish boy.” He looked up, grinning wider when he saw the amusement on Dan’s face. “What about you? Like, can you breathe underwater?”

“No!” Dan laughed in surprise. “I’m not a fish. I’m a mammal. Even whales need to come to the surface to breathe.”

Suddenly, the grip tightened around Dan’s hand. “Then you could have drowned swimming here. The sea is so dangerous right now! You could have died.”

“I didn’t.” Dan repositioned himself on the sofa so that there was room, and then he tugged Phil by their linked hands, urging him to come up. Dan requested, “Sit with me?”

Without protest, Phil rose from the floor to sit beside him. He didn’t say anything else as they both looked up and just listened to the storm raging above. Ever since the moment in the restaurant when Dan first saw the storm and knew that something horrible was happening, he had learned how life could be altered by a constant sense of panic. He hadn’t known if Phil was alive and had been consumed by terror in the face of impending loss; Dan had forgotten how to live for a while. Now he had Phil back, but the situation was no less dire. He could lose him again at any moment.

As the boat rocked with another powerful wave, Dan felt a stab of fear. A moment ago Phil had made him laugh and he had almost forgotten his anxiety about their present situation, but it was back once more with the rocking of the waves. Thunder boomed – it baffled Dan that he had heard the sound so many times since this had all started, yet the sudden sound still made his heart beat faster and the hairs rise on his arms.  

“Is it getting worse?” Dan whispered, as if they were children hiding from an angry parent, and they had to be quiet because if the parent found them then something awful would happen. “It sounds like the storm is getting closer…”

“Shhh,” Phil hushed him. He gave his hand a reassuring squeeze as he continued to look up at the roof that the rain was pounding on.

“I’m scared,” Dan confessed.

Phil looked at him and he let go of Dan’s hand, making him whine involuntarily. But then he wrapped his arm around his shoulders and said, “It’s going to be alright, Love.”

They didn’t say anything else as the storm raging occupied all of their attention, but not long later Martyn stepped out of the kitchen nook where he had been hiding. As he came closer, Dan thought that maybe he wanted a drink from the water bottle, but Martyn just sat on the floor beside them. He pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged them as he also stared at the ceiling.

Finally, Dan understood why Martyn had come closer, and the three of them sat there, taking comfort in each other’s companionship as they waited for the storm to pass.

 

 


	28. Chapter 28

_Siren fact:_ _By the 1800s, hoaxers churned out faked mermaids by the dozen to satisfy the public's interest in the creatures. The great showman P.T. Barnum displayed the "Feejee Mermaid" in the 1840s and it became one of his most popular attractions. Those paying 50 cents hoping to see a long-limbed, fish-tailed beauty comb her hair were surely disappointed; instead they saw a grotesque fake corpse… To modern eyes it was an obvious fake, but it fooled and intrigued many at the time. Some researchers believe that sightings of human-size ocean animals such as manatees and dugongs might have inspired merfolk legends. These animals have a flat, mermaid-like tail and two flippers that resemble stubby arms._

_They don't look exactly like a typical mermaid or merman, of course, but many sightings were from quite a distance away, and being mostly submerged in water and waves only parts of their bodies were visible… When you add in the factor of low light at sunset and the distances involved, positively identifying even a known creature can be very difficult. A glimpse of a head, arm, or tail just before it dives under the waves might have spawned some mermaid reports. [https://www.livescience.com/39882-mermaid.html/]_

 

 

 

“Do you hear that?”

“Mmmh?” Phil groaned and opened his eyes a fraction of an inch. He was sitting in a slumped position on the sofa, with Dan sleeping cuddled against his chest. When they had both been too exhausted to be stiff with terror anymore, Phil had pulled Dan close and they had both fallen asleep. As Phil looked around, he noticed that Dan was still asleep, but Martyn was getting up from the floor and staring at the stairs. Phil asked, “What did you say?

“I hear something,” Martyn said, and then he ran up the stairs and out the door.

Phil blinked in the light that streamed down from the open door – it looked like a sunny day outside. He listened for whatever sound had alarmed his brother but heard nothing except for the soft swishing of waves. It sounded peaceful outside… Phil gasped and sat up a bit, jostling Dan who startled awake.

Dan looked around wildly before his eyes settled on Phil’s face. He asked, “What’s happening?”

“Um, I think that the storm is over. Martyn is up on the deck now… I think we’re okay!”

Dan tilted his head. “I hear something… Do you hear that?”

Phil started to shake his head because there was no thunder crashing, no pounding rain, and the sea sounded calm. But then he heard it: in the distance, Martyn was talking to someone. It was hard to make out what he was saying, but Martyn sounded excited.

“It must be someone from the Lifeboat Station,” Dan said with a smile, which then quickly faded. “Phil… how am I going to explain to them that I’m here? I was in the Lifeboat Station yesterday, but now I’m here being rescued. This is a disaster…”

“I’m sure it’s going to be okay. It will all be fine! They probably won’t even notice,” Phil said as he put a hand on Dan’s shoulder, but Dan stiffened under his touch.

Dan sucked in a sharp breath like he was trying to calm himself. He snapped, “Look, Phil, I know you’re trying to be nice, but stop! You can’t just say things like that!”

Phil removed his hand from Dan’s shoulder. “Are you angry with me?”

Dan sighed and shook his head. “No, of course not. It’s just that you don’t understand. Phil, this is my biggest secret, one that I have been protecting for my whole life. I’ve lived in fear of people discovering what I am for 27 years. And now you tell me that this risk is nothing? That it will all be fine? It sounds like you’re not taking this seriously.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” Phil bit his bottom lip as he thought. “Maybe you can jump off the side of the boat and swim to shore. Are you strong enough to do that?”

Dan opened his mouth to say something, but at that moment Martyn was bounding excitedly down the steps with a grin on his face. He was carrying two water bottles, which he ran over to give Dan and Phil on the sofa. He said, “Here, drink! We’ve got plenty of water now.”

As they both eagerly twisted the caps off the water bottles and took deep swallows, Martyn shifted in place before them, eager to share the news. Once they had both finished drinking, he blurted, “There’s a rescue boat here to save us! Since our boat is still operational, we are going to follow them as they lead us back to shore. We’ll be back on land within the hour.”

Dan swallowed heavily and asked, “Is the rescue boat from the Lifeboat Station?”

Martyn’s grin widened and he nodded. He didn’t notice the alarm on Dan’s face and he said, “Yeah, the guys from the Lifeboat Station were looking for us, just like you said. Thanks, Dan.”

Then Martyn started to pace the room like an excited caged tiger as he stared at the stairs like he was waiting for something to happen. Dan was staring at the door intently at the stairs too, maybe expecting one of the men from the Lifeboat Station to come through the door at the top of the steps.

Phil tapped Dan’s arm to get his attention. Then he mouthed the words, “Should you go?”

Dan nodded, though he didn’t look very sure of the prospect. Phil had hoped that since the storm passed that swimming would be easier, but Dan just looked like he would rather drown attempting to swim in this exhausted state than face the men of the Lifeboat Station and their questions. And suddenly Phil was terrified for him, as he was starting to understand what this secret meant to Dan.

Just as Dan looked like he had decided what to do and was bracing himself on the arm of the sofa to get up – not that Phil was going to let him leap off the boat if he was too weak to swim – there was the roar of a motor and the floor lurched beneath their feet. Phil gasped in surprise and said, “We’re moving! Mar, what’s going on?”

Martyn looked at them and smirked at the alarm on their faces. “Relax, one of the guys from the rescue boat is sailing us. I told you, we’ll be at the marina in less than an hour.”

Having no other choice, Dan settled down and took several deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself. Phil put a hand on his arm, but Dan didn’t appear to notice or be comforted by it. Now that he couldn’t jump unnoticed from the boat, he just looked trapped and miserable.    
           

 

By the time they arrived in the marina, Martyn had also noticed Dan’s distress – his tense shoulders, wild eyes, and the way he gripped the water bottle so tight in his hand that the plastic _crunched –_ and he was looking at Dan curiously. Just as Martyn opened his mouth and looked like he was going to ask what was wrong, they heard the motor shut off and the familiar sounds of the marina were suddenly audible. The three of them became very still, straining to hear familiar voices in the nearby chatter of people who sounded like they were gathered on the dock, awaiting their arrival.

“Cornelia?” Martyn gasped, and he ran up the stairs to see if he could find her.

Phil was eager to see Corn and Mum too, but right now he was more concerned about the person sitting rigidly at his side, and he turned to Dan with a reassuring smile. He was ready with the typical phrases “it will be fine” and “it’s all going to be okay” on the tip of his tongue but he remembered Dan’s reaction before. He decided on something more serious, saying, “I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

Dan’s mahogany eyes shimmered and he swallowed heavily. “I, um… I’m not just nervous of seeing the guys from the Lifeboat Station – and fuck, but I am really freaked out at the thought of that. But, um, the other thing is that after being in the sea, it hurts people like me to walk on land for a bit. It’s like a pins-and-needles sensation in the legs, but really painful. I’m probably going to cry, which is a bad thing for another reason…”

“You’re going to be in pain? For how long?” Phil’s mind was reeling. He still didn’t understand what Dan was, but he hated the thought of him being hurt.

“Dunno, about an hour maybe? I don’t do things like this a lot, so I don’t know…” Dan closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He looked like he had settled his mind on something when he reopened his eyes. “Well, it’s not like I can spend the rest of my life on this boat, so I guess I should get this over with.” Dan laughed at his own words, but the sound was hollow. As he got up, he picked up the blue blanket and wrapped it around his shoulders.

Phil also stood up and he opened his mouth to mock Dan for wearing the blanket like a superhero’s cape, but his teasing died in his throat as he saw the way that Dan clutched at the blanket, looking like a scared child who wanted to hide beneath it. He put a gentle hand on Dan’s arm and said, “Come on, it will be alright.”

Phil led Dan by the arm up the steps and then across the deck. They both froze at the sight of the marina as numerous curious eyes fixed on their faces – apparently it was not every day that a boat was lost during a storm and retrieved by the rescue services, and this was enough of a sensation to cause a crowd to gather to witness their return. There were curious locals, looky-loo tourists, a harried looking cop who was trying to keep the crowd back, two ambulances with lights flashing atop them, and several reporters who were holding cameras and eyeing them like hungry vultures.

At the sight, Dan whined, “ _Phil._ ”

“I know. But we’re almost out of here. And then we can go back to the hotel.” Phil scanned the crowd for familiar faces, and he saw his brother near one of the ambulances. He was having his pulse taken by an EMT. It looked like one of the men from the Lifeboat Station was trying to ask him questions, but Martyn was too distracted by Cornelia, who was at his side, to pay much attention to anything else. Phil tightened his grip on Dan’s arm and said, “There’s Mar. Let’s go.”

Dan followed him as they climbed off the boat, but he gasped the second his feet touched the dock and his legs buckled beneath him. “Oh… fuck,” Dan whimpered and pulled the blanket up over his head, covering his face from all but Phil’s view. “I can’t…”

“Dan, what is it?” Phil crouched before him, aware that an EMT had spotted Dan’s distress and was pushing through the crowd to get to them. Phil hadn’t forgotten what Dan had said about the painful sensation he would feel when attempting to walk on land, and now he was panicked at the idea that someone might try to drag Dan to a hospital, seeing him like this. “Is there anything I can do?”

Dan whispered, “Don’t let anyone see my face.”

“Why? Oh…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy International Phannie Day!!! I hope it's been a fun one for you 
> 
> Sorry I didn't post earlier in the week without warning. I was feeling tense from work at the time and wanted something fun to distract me, which meant working on another phanfic at the time. I didn't want to force myself to edit this chapter or write another one when I wasn't having fun doing it at the time, like I am now :)
> 
> That being said, I am mostly likely only going to be able to post the friday chapter again next week. Sorry! My mom's birthday is next week and I am going to be running a lot of errands leading up to that day, so I won't have much spare time. I am determined to get back to posting 2 chapters a week soon, I promise!  
> (In case you're wondering how many chapters this fic will be, I currently have 34 written, and I predict it will take 40 chapters to complete this story, I'll keep you updated).


	29. Chapter 29

_Siren fact:_ _Pearl Weepers - Popular myth of mermaids who can weep tears that instantly transform into the most beautiful pearls. Some believe that they are made when a mermaid walks on her newly formed legs on the shore, with each new step being more painful than the last. [http://www.realmermaids.net/mermaid-facts/mermaid-types/]_

 

 

“Ummm…” As Phil took a closer look into the shadows under the blanket, he saw that the tears rolling down Dan’s cheeks were forming solid white beads – they looked liked minuscule pearls, and Phil didn’t know how to process this information. There was no time for this right now, so he just nodded and thought of a plan. Phil declared, “Well, if you can’t walk without feeling pain, I should just carry you.”

Dan’s shimmering eyes widened, but he didn’t protest as Phil wrapped an arm around his side and swept the other around his bare legs. Dan continued to grip the blanket under his chin with one hand, but he looped his other hand around the back of Phil’s neck to help as Phil lifted him up. His breath tickled Phil’s neck as he whispered, “Hmmm, you’re strong.”

Dan sounded impressed and a bit aroused despite the situation, which made Phil laugh as he started to walk in the direction of Martyn and Cornelia, taking an indirect route to avoid the EMT who was still fighting to reach them. Phil teased, “Keep it in your pants, Howell. This isn’t the time.”

“How can I do that?” Dan quipped. “I’m only wearing boxer-briefs, no pants. I left my pants on the pier yesterday. This is all your fault, you know. You’re far too skilled at getting me out of my pants.”

Phil’s jeans were feeling a bit tighter as his body started to respond – there was something about talking like this, having Dan in his arms, and feeling so protective of him as his body coursed with adrenaline. This time he said to both Dan and himself, “This really isn’t the time for this…”

“Phil Lester!” a man shouted. “Phil Lester, is that you?”

Phil stopped walking and turned his head at the sound of his name. He was looking for someone familiar, but instead a young man with glasses and a hipster fashion sense jogged over. A camera bounced from a strap around his neck, and Phil knew that this was one of the men who he had mentally labeled ‘reporter’ earlier. As the reporter stopped to stand before Phil, he bounced on the balls of his feet excitedly.

Phil really didn’t want to stop for anything right now when he needed to get out of here, but the man wasn’t rudely shoving his camera into his face and he was reminding Phil of a hyper puppy, so Phil asked, “Do you know me? I heard my name.”

“I don’t know you. I just know who you are. You work for the BBC, right? You host a radio show.” The young reporter pulled a recording device out of his pocket and held it hopefully before him. “Mr. Lester, could I interview you? That must have been quite an interesting experience that you just lived through.”

Phil frowned, seeing the other reporters nearby perk up in interest. One of them turned on his camera, the red light of it flashing as he trained it on Phil and the hipster reporter. It seemed like they had just gathered here to get a local human interest story for their newspapers, news shows, and blogs, but now that this one reporter had recognized Phil and was treating him like a minor celebrity, the news story had just gotten more interesting for them all.   
  
As his arms were starting to feel the strain of Dan’s weight, Phil shifted to try to get a better grip on Dan, whose arm tightened around Phil’s neck as he tried to be less of a burden. Phil said to the young reporter, “I’m sorry, no interview.”

The hipster took a step closer, hope still shining in eyes made large by his glasses. “Please, Mr. Lester? I mean, we both work in media. You must see how important getting a cool story like this is for my career. Just give me a good comment to work with.”

“No comment,” Phil said, getting a bit annoyed that this kid was only thinking of himself, while Phil was literally carrying someone who obviously wasn’t alright – perhaps Phil’s first thought upon seeing the reporters had been correct: these people were vultures. “Look, I’m done talking to you. My boyfriend needs help.”  
  
“Come with me, sir,” said a voice behind him.

Phil turned to see that the EMT whom he had been avoiding had finally caught up with him. Her dark skin was glistening with sweat on her temples and she looked annoyed with him, but then she focused as she shifted her attention to Dan. Phil knew that he had no choice but to follow her as she used her authority to cut a path through the crowd, and he followed without protest. Luckily, she was headed for the ambulance where Phil knew Martyn was, and a moment later he saw him.

Martyn and Cornelia were sitting at the open end of an ambulance – a towel was wrapped around his shoulders and a blood pressure cuff was wrapped around his bicep, which was being pumped by the male EMT standing at his side. There was a smile on his face put there by Cornelia’s presence, but when he turned his head and saw Phil approaching, the smile faltered at the sight of Dan in his arms.

Just as Martyn opened his mouth to say something, the female EMT who had led Phil here stepped forward to examine Dan, blocking Martyn’s view. She said, “Bring him over here, you can lay him down on the gurney.”

Dan stiffened at the words and tightened his grip around Phil’s neck. His voice emerged muffled by the blanket that was still across his face, “No. I’m fine.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.” She tugged at the blanket, exposing his face. Dan gasped and blinked at her, and his eyes flicked between her face and Phil’s. Phil knew why Dan was panicking, but Dan wasn’t crying anymore and he looked normal – the few strange tears that he had wept earlier had been brushed away by the blanket. The EMT just gave him a patient smile as she asked, “What’s your name, sir?”

“Dan Howell,” he grumbled, still looking anxious as his face was exposed. “Really, I’m fine.”

“Well, Mr. Howell, I’m going to be the judge of that.” She grabbed his wrist to start taking his pulse. “This will go much easier if you lie on the gurney.

“Hey! Get out of here!” shouted the male EMT who had been tending to Martyn. He was glaring at someone standing to Phil’s left.

Phil was so tired of all of this – his heart hadn’t stopped racing since he stepped off the boat and he just wanted to calm down. Turning in the direction the EMT was glaring, he saw that the hipster reporter had followed them, and his camera was now raised. Phil blinked as it clicked, snapping a series of photos of him holding Dan. Then the person he wanted most in this moment stepped between him and the camera, her arms outstretched protectively. He sighed in relief, “Mum!”

She smiled over her shoulder at him, looking exhausted but happy. “Hello, sweetie. I think it’s time to get out of here, don’t you?”

Phil nodded in agreement, and Martyn also stood up, dropping the towel that the EMT had draped across his shoulders. He insisted to the man, “I’m okay, really.”

The female EMT had dropped Dan’s wrist, and she seemed too annoyed to protest as Phil walked away holding her patient. Kath stayed protectively at Phil’s side as the family pressed through the last of the crowd that had gathered to witness the return of the rescue mission. Cornelia stepped to the edge of the road, waving to hail a cab.

“Hey, it’s you.”

Once more, Phil’s heart leapt into his throat as an unfamiliar person snuck up on him. He was so tired of this… His arms were trembling, and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold Dan like this. Holding his breath, he turned to see who was trying to get his attention now. He was surprised to see a man wearing a reflective vest that marked him as a member of the Lifeboat crew that had saved them.

The man was staring at Dan, not him. Dan cringed into Phil’s shoulder as the man pointed at him and asked, “I saw you get off the boat. How did you get there? You were at our station… How did you—”

Just then a cab pulled up, and Phil gave the man a polite smile as he said, “I’m sorry, we have to go.”

Cornelia and Martyn piled into the front seat, while Kath got into the backseat, leaving the door open for Phil to follow her. Phil paused, unsure how to get Dan into the cab without letting his feet touch the ground. The man from the Lifeboat Station put a hand on Phil’s shoulder, halting his escape. He said in a hard voice, “Hey, wait a second. I have to know – how did he get on that boat? This is impossible.”

Phil swallowed heavily and stepped out from under the man’s hand. He hastily half-dropped Dan on the seat of the cab in his eagerness to escape. Once more, he just said to the man, “I’m sorry.” Then he clambered into the cab and slammed the door shut.

For a long moment, all he heard was the roar of the engine, his panting breaths and the sound of Dan also breathing heavily beside him. He turned his head, and their eyes met – it looked like Dan was feeling the same sense of relief, the budding realization that they might have gotten through this day.

Then Kath said slowly, “You know… that man was asking a good question. Daniel, how _did_ you get on that boat?”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a pretty sucky week and today was the absolute worst... but I've been looking forward to spending some time on AO3 today and posting this chapter. As always, you all are the best and thank you for brightening my day <3


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween! :)

_Siren fact:_ _A temple in Fukuoka, Japan, is said to house the remains of a mermaid that washed ashore in 1222. Its bones were preserved at the behest of a priest who believed the creature had come from the legendary palace of a dragon god at the bottom of the ocean. For nearly 800 years the bones have been displayed, and water used to soak the bones was said to prevent diseases. Only a few of the bones remain, and since they have not been scientifically tested, their true nature remains unknown._

_Mermaids may be ancient, but they are still with us in many forms; their images can be found all around us in films, books, Disney movies, at Starbucks — and maybe even in the ocean waves if we look close enough. [https://www.livescience.com/39882-mermaid.html/]_

 

 

 

Dan swallowed heavily. To stall, he asked, “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

Kath narrowed her eyes, looking like she knew he heard her the first time. “I asked you how you got on the boat.” 

“Oh...” Dan glanced at Phil. Unfortunately, he looked like he was just as clueless about an answer, so Dan just turned back to Kath. “Um, I swam.”

Kath shook her head. “No, that’s impossible. You couldn’t have…”

There was a gasp, and they all turn to see Cornelia in the front seat, where she had turned around to watch them. Her face was pale and her eyes were wide as stared at Dan. Slowly, she said, “You, um, jumped. Right off the pier. I saw you.” Her eyes flicked to the cab driver and she bit her lip before she could say more.

“We’ll talk at the hotel,” Kath said with a sigh. She rubbed her eyes, seeming completely exhausted for a moment, but then her eyes snapped open and her gaze flicked between her sons as she reassured herself that they really were here, both safe.

Dan suddenly felt the need to do the same thing, and he moved his hand across the seat until he found Phil’s fingers resting there and he gave them a squeeze. Phil’s hand twitched in surprise, but then he linked fingers with Dan and smiled. Dan just stared at him as his heart squeezed in his chest at the sight of him. They had made it back to land. Phil was safe. So, nothing else mattered.

 

 

Once they were at the hotel, Dan attempted to walk through the pins and needles sensation that was going up and down his legs with each step. Phil put a hand on his back and asked him if he was okay. It was only a few steps from the cab to their room, so Dan just nodded and tried to walk the short distance.

Dan managed to make it to the bed in the room and he sat heavily on the end of it, but a couple tears escaped his eyes. He swiped them from his cheeks, but Kath’s hawkish gaze didn’t overlook it. She stared at the tiny pearls that had gathered on the pad of Dan’s thumb and asked, “What are you?”

Dan swallowed heavily and rubbed his hands on the blue blanket he was still wearing to dry them, as if getting rid of the evidence that he wasn’t human would help at this point. He didn’t know what to say to her. He hadn’t even told Phil yet what he really was, and it seemed like Phil deserved the truth first. So, Dan didn’t say a word.

“He’s like a mermaid or something,” Martyn said. Everyone in the room turned to look at him, where he was sitting at a chair in the kitchen area. He frowned when his mum looked at him like he had lost his mind. “What? It’s true.”

Cornelia, who was sitting in the chair beside him, nodded and took a steadying breath. “I suppose that would make some sense.” She looked at Dan and her eyes shimmered. “When you jumped off the pier and into the ocean, I thought you had drowned. I didn’t see you resurface and the sea was so… I didn’t see how you could have survived. And now you’re here? You actually swam to that boat in the middle of the ocean during the storm? That shouldn’t have been physically possible… So, I believe you if you say that something extraordinary happened last night.”

Dan opened his mouth, once more unsure what to say in response. He wanted so badly to just have this conversation with Phil.

“Oh!” Cornelia chirped suddenly, and it seemed like she wasn’t waiting for a response. She got up to grab a bag that was resting near the front door. She brought it to Dan and gave it to him with a smile. “Your clothes from the pier and your shoes that you spilled tea on. Dan, I’m really glad you’re okay. You were saying ‘I can’t’ and then you jumped off the pier… I thought you’d drowned yourself and that I was too late to stop you. You have no idea how happy I am to see that you’re safe.”

“Thanks,” he mumbled as he took the bag from her, peeking inside to see his phone and wallet resting on top of his jacket. When he glanced up from the bag, he saw Phil staring at him, but his blue gaze was so intense that it burned and Dan had to look away. He busied himself placing the bag at his feet.

Cornelia returned to the chair beside Martyn, and Kath started pacing in the center of the room. As she did, Kath kept looking at Dan, seeming like she couldn’t figure him out and that this fact infuriated her. Finally, Kath stopped pacing and demanded, “So, you’re claiming to be some kind of magical creature? A mermaid did you say?”

“Martyn said that, not me.” Dan muttered.

Kath snorted.

“Oh, sorry, my bad.” Martyn interjected. “Back on the boat he said he was something like a merman, not mermaid. I got that wrong.”

Kath’s eyes flicked before their faces before settling on Dan’s. Then she demanded, “Prove it.”

Dan bit his lip as he thought. “Um, I could show you my hands.” All the eyes in the room flicked to his hands, which were resting on the blanket draped across his lap. His hands looked normal right now, though his fingers shook slightly with the thought of what he was about to do. In a small voice, he said, “I need a bowl of water though.”

Cornelia found a clear cereal bowl in the cupboard, which she filled with cool water. She brought it over and sat on the bed beside Dan, resting the bowl on her knees as everyone watched Dan, curious about what was going to happen next. The only one who didn’t look eager was Phil – probably since Dan had already told him what happened when his hands got wet – and Phil was just watching Dan’s face and frowning in concern.

Dan wasn’t sure what Phil was noting in his expression, though his hands were now visibly shaking. Kath had stopped pacing and was now standing a foot away as she waited expectantly for him to do something demonstrating what he was, and she looked like she was getting impatient. As he tried to stop the shaking in his hands, he felt compelled to explain, “I’m sorry, this is something I’ve never done before. Not in front of people. And I’ve never explained what I am to someone. I’ve spent my life hiding the truth, so this is… this feels difficult. It’s just going to take me a moment to find the courage to do this.”

Kath nodded, relaxing her posture, and some of the pressure of this moment lifted. She said, “Would it help if you talked first? You could tell us what the water is going to do.”

Dan took a calming breath before raising his left hand. “So, this looks normal right now, but something happens to my skin when I submerge my hands and feet in water. The skin gets webbing. That’s what I was going to show you.” Then because the pressure of all these eyes was getting to be too much, Dan thought ‘Fuck it’ and just lower his hand into the bowl of water Cornelia was holding. Instantly, the webbing appeared between his fingers, and he raised his dripping hand for the room to see. He flexed his fingers for them to see it clearly and then raised his dry right hand for comparison. He was unmistakably inhuman.

Kath looked pale. Cornelia’s eyes were wide. Even Martyn, who had seen this before, was gaping at him. But Phil was just glancing curiously at Dan’s hand in an almost distracted way; he seemed more interested in gauging his family’s reaction to Dan. Dan swallowed heavily at a thought – it was almost like Phil had accepted Dan already, and now he was looking to see if his family had, too.  
  
Kath came closer to look at Dan’s hands, but she stopped just out of his reach, as if she was worried that he would grab her. She shook her head and whispered, “This isn’t possible. I… I don’t understand. What are you? Are you human? And what do you want with my son. Why were you on that boat?”

Dan just swallowed and shook his head. He didn’t know how to handle this situation – this was the moment he’d feared: that one day he would reveal what he was to people and they would bombard him with questions and stare at him in suspicion. Dan couldn’t handle this moment and he felt himself shutting down. His throat was so tight that he didn’t even bother attempting to answer. He kept shaking his head as he dropped his gaze to the beige carpet on the floor.

“Mum, that’s enough.” There was a shuffle across the carpet as Phil came closer. When Dan glanced up he saw Phil’s arms were crossed and his eyes were narrowed. Dan flinched until he saw the look Phil was aiming was at Kath, not himself. Phil said to her, “That’s enough, no more questions.”

She protested, “But I have to know—”

“You don’t,” Phil gently cut her off. “Dan is _my_ boyfriend. That’s all you need to know right now. Dan doesn’t have to tell you anything. You and I can talk about this later, but right now isn’t the time. Mum, I would appreciate it if you would leave for now.”

As Kath stared at him in stunned silence, Cornelia got up from the bed. She put the bowl of water on the kitchen table and Martyn also got up. Martyn took Cornelia by the hand and he said to the room, “I’m going to head out, too. She and I have some things to say to each other, so…”

Kath turned to watch them leave and sighed when they left the door open for her to leave next. She turned back to Phil with a small smile. “Okay. I’ll go. It’s just… you know I love you, right?”

“I know.” Phil smiled, stepped forward, and pulled her into a tight hug. After embracing for a moment, he walked her to the door. “Love you, too, Mum,” Phil said as he closed the door. As he turned back to Dan, the smile was still tugging at his lips. It was a different smile than he had given his mum: one of amusement, endless patience, and fondness. The smile he gave Dan was a bit more mysterious – his eyes blazed with an emotion that Dan couldn’t pin a name on, which made him nervous. He had thought that he would have Phil figured out by now.

Dan swallowed past the lump in his throat and asked, “What is it?”

Now Phil looked a bit nervous, too. He said, “Um, I think there are a few things we have to talk about.”

Dan snorted in amusement. “That’s an understatement.”  
           


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Shakespeare!  
> I hope the title of this fic now makes sense, if it didn't before.

**_HAMLET:_ ** _I do not well understand that. Will you play upon this pipe?  
_

_**GUILDENSTERN:** My lord, I cannot…I know no touch of it, my lord._

**_HAMLET:_ ** _It is as easy as lying. Govern these ventages with your fingers and thumb, give it breath with your mouth, and it will discourse most eloquent music. Look you, these are the stops._

 **_GUILDENSTERN:_ ** _But these cannot I command to any utterance of harmony._ _I have not the skill._

 ** _HAMLET:_** _Why, look you now, how unworthy a thing you make of me! You would play upon me. You would seem to know my stops. You would pluck out the heart of my mystery. You would sound me from my lowest note to the top of my compass. And there is much music, excellent voice, in this little organ, yet cannot you make it speak? 'Sblood, do you think I am easier to be played on than a pipe? Call me what instrument you will, though you can fret me, yet you cannot play upon me._ [Wm. Shakespeare _, Hamlet_ ACT 3 SCENE 2]

 

 

As Phil crossed the room and sat on Martyn’s bed, which was a few feet away from where Dan was, he was watching him carefully. Dan smiled but he looked nervous as he clutched the blanket tighter across his chest. Finally, Phil realized something and he gasped, “Oh! That blanket is damp and you’re only wearing pants. You’re probably freezing.”

“A bit,” Dan admitted, and his smile looked more genuine. He tossed the blue blanket to the floor. There was a brief flash of skin that Phil would have enjoyed more if he didn’t see so many goosebumps, and then Dan had gathered the bed’s duvet around himself. He looked much more comfortable, as he assured Phil, “That’s better.”

“Good.” Phil bit his bottom lip and the silence that followed felt heavy. Then Phil decided that this awkwardness was stupid – talking to Dan had always been as easy as breathing – so he just asked, “You said you’re something like a merman… What are you exactly?”

Dan let his breath _hiss_ out from between his teeth. He looked like he was bracing himself, as he said, “I’m a siren.”

The word didn’t mean much to Phil. It conjured up the same image in his mind as the word ‘mermaid’, so he didn’t know how this was any different – he was still having trouble putting this label on the lovely man sitting across from him. Dan was just _Dan_ to him, and who he was as a person was far more important that any label that could be slapped on him. Still, the word might be important to Dan, so Phil was going to do his best to understand and take this seriously. Phil smiled and said, “That sounds interesting.”

Dan blinked. Though Phil had said that to encourage Dan to tell him more, Dan just looked stunned for a moment. “Um, so this is something you think you can be okay with? You don’t feel like I’ve deceived you? And it’s not too weird for you?”

Phil hadn’t considered either of those things. His mind was so full of the other confession that Dan had made recently, so all he could do was smile wider. “Dan, you said you love me?”

Dan’s cheeks got pink, but he nodded. He pressed his lips together like he was holding in the words, and he stared at Phil in silence.

Perhaps he should have been annoyed – yesterday morning, Dan had sat on that same bed and declared that he needed time to find a label for how he felt. Now, after everything they had just been through together, Dan was still holding the words in. They might as well have stayed in this bed since yesterday, for all the progress that had been made… still, Phil couldn’t be annoyed. Dan had said the word once, and it had been the truth. And now that Phil knew in his heart how Dan really felt about him, that was all that mattered and he couldn’t stop smiling.

As if Dan had said it again and not just nodded, Phil said, “Me too. I really do. I’ve loved you since we first met. You know, you’re my first love. I didn’t know that I could feel this way about anyone, and then I met you. You’re so… I don’t know. I just knew. I’ve known since that first morning we shared in your kitchen that you were the one for me.” Finally confessing all of this felt like baring his soul to Dan, so he glanced down at the plush carpet while he spoke. At the end of his speech when he finally looked up, he was stunned by what he saw. “Dan, are you crying?”

Dan swiped at his cheeks to dry them and he took a deep breath to steady himself, but his cheeks were blotchy and his eyes were red. It didn’t look like he had been crying happy tears and he looked like he might fall apart again at any moment. Dan forced out the words, “Phil… you don’t understand.”

“Then tell me.”

“It’s just… you don’t know what I am really, and hearing that you’ve loved me since we met is the worst possible thing you could have said. It breaks my heart to hear that.”

Phil stood up suddenly, hating the space between them, and he stood before Dan. Gently, he put his hand under Dan’s chin and tilted his head up so that their eyes me. “Dan, I’m sorry but I don’t see how this can hurt you. I love you. And you love me, right?”

Dan whispered, “I do.”

“Then, that’s all I need to understand.” Phil sat on the bed beside Dan and put a hand on his knee because he couldn’t resist touching him for a moment longer. He had just meant to place his hand there and feel the warmth of Dan’s skin, but then he couldn’t help running his fingers back and forth across the smooth skin, rubbing patterns into it. Phil knew that he was acting weird right now, but he couldn’t stop it.

Dan didn’t seem to mind though, and he just sighed and relaxed a bit. He sighed, “Hmmm, please keep touching me like that…”

“Oh?” Phil blinked in surprise but kept tracing his fingers across Dan’s knee.

Dan nodded. He swallowed heavily before saying, “Yesterday, there was a moment when I thought I’d lost you. I thought I would never feel your hands on me again. So now, don’t stop please.”

Suddenly, his fingers stilled on Dan’s knee. Phil hadn’t been touching him out of arousal, but at Dan’s words he felt the need stir in him and his jeans felt tighter already – there was something irresistible about the thought of having Dan now, right after they had both confessed how they truly felt. Phil had never wanted Dan so badly as he did right now, and he had to hold in a whine. Finally, he just asked, “Dan, do you want to…? Because I know you’re probably exhausted right now.”

Dan twitched in surprise at the question, and his hand went to his hair hastily to arrange it – there was no help for his curls that had dried in a tangled mess, but the self-conscious movement just made him look even more adorable in Phil’s eyes. Dan said, “I’m not too tired, but are you sure you want me right now? I should probably take a shower to wash off the saltwater…”

“No, that’s alright. I want you now,” Phil insisted, and he was honestly intrigued by the idea of tasting the sea on Dan’s skin when he kissed him all over. He put a hand on Dan’s chest, pushing him back in the bed. As he did, the blanket fell off Dan’s shoulders, leaving him bare except for the boxers. Phil reached out a hand to tease at the waistband of Dan’s boxers and said, “Do you want these off?”

“Mmmh, yes please,” Dan answered, and he lifted his hips to help as Phil peeled the boxers off of him and tossed them onto the floor. Now completely nude, Dan relaxed against the pillows at the head of the bed. His eyes were heavy lidded, and he looked more ready for a nap than sex.

Phil had been about to take off his own clothes, but he thought better of it. Instead, he sat on the edge of the bed and reached out a hand, lightly running his fingertips across Dan’s side, making him shiver. Phil asked, “Are you tired? Do you want to go to sleep?”

Dan’s eyes widened. “No! I want you. Um, do you mind doing the heavy lifting?”

“Of course not,” Phil said with a chuckle, and he hardened more in his jeans at the thought. As he remembered the last time they had slept together, he realized that he wanted something else though. “Dan… will you do me a favor?”

“Anything,” he said with a smile.

Phil picked up Dan’s hand from the bed – Dan’s fingers were long and elegant, and Phil took a moment to appreciate the feel of them before he moved Dan’s hand. Lifting his own shirt, Phil pressed Dan’s talented fingers against his bared skin. Phil requested, “Touch me please. Like you did last time.”

A fire sparked in Dan’s eyes at the words, and he sat up, helping Phil strip off his clothes. They were both anxious to keep going after that, but there was a frustrating moment when Phil had to leave the bed to retrieve the bottle of lube and a condom from his suitcase. Then he was rolling back into place between Dan’s knees. “Quickly,” Dan requested as Phil slicked up his fingers. “I want you in me.”

Phil gently pressed a finger into him, and then another when he seemed ready, but he was working faster than he usually would have. At the moment, it seemed like neither of them had the stamina or patience for teasing. It was an odd feeling because Phil was usually one for foreplay, and he thought that if he had ever rushed through it that it would be in a moment when he was consumed by lust. That wasn’t what he felt now – he was consumed by need for the person lying beneath him. Phil didn’t feel completely whole right now as space separated him from the person he loved, and he felt like this awful feeling wouldn’t leave him until he pressed himself into Dan’s body. So, he pushed a third finger into Dan, making sure he was ready.

Dan sighed and moved his hips with the rhythm of Phil’s fingers as they moved in and out of him. He also moved his hands across Phil, roving idly across him. Dan’s fingers explored Phil’s chest first. Fingertips grazed across nipples, making Phil shiver, and then the hands moved to his back and pulled him closer. Phil sighed in contentment, “I love your hands so much.”

“I love you,” Dan whispered. His cheeks were flushed a soft pink. It was the first time he had said the words since they were on the boat, and that had been followed by a brief moment of rejection. So, he looked understandably nervous.

Phil placed a quick kiss on the tip of Dan’s nose and said, “I love you, too.” Then he drew his fingers gently out of Dan’s body and grabbed the condom and lube. As Phil readied himself, Dan continued to run his hands over Phil’s body, exploring places that Phil hadn’t realized were so sensitive – the skin across his ribs, the soft undersides of his arms, his collarbone, and the freckles that dotted his shoulders. By the time he had rolled on the condom and slicked himself with lube, he was tingling all over from Dan’s touches. He shivered as he lined himself up, ready to press in when Dan said it was okay. He asked, “Dan…?”

“Yeah, now,” Dan said without needing the sentence finished. His brows furrowed in concentration and his hands stilled on Phil’s back. After Phil had pressed halfway into him, a crease appeared between his brows as he frowned. He asked, “Can I have a minute”

“Of course, Love,” Phil said with a chuckle as he paused in his movements, giving Dan time to adjust. He already felt so good, halfway home in the warmth of the body below him, but he requested, “Could you keep touching me please? Your hands are so amazing.”

Dan laughed, but obliged, and the hands that had gone still on Phil’s back started moving again. They explored Phil’s shoulder blades and then the bumps along his spine. He asked, “Since when have you been so into my hands?”

This time, Phil felt his own cheeks get pink. “Oh, um… since the last time we did this, I couldn’t get a thought out of my head. It’s the way you play the piano and the way your hands felt on me in bed. I had this thought about you being a musician and playing me like your instrument. You’d put your hands on me in different places to see what sounds I would make.”

Dan stared at him in stunned silence for a moment, his face cleared of all emotion except surprise. Then he moved his hands lower, cupping Phil’s ass in his palms. He gave a squeeze before pushing, encouraging Phil to move deeper, making him moan. Dan smiled at the sound. “Hmm, that’s a deep note. I was expecting one a bit higher. Where do I have to touch you to get a higher one?”

“Shut it,” Phil sighed, feeling a bit flustered by the teasing tone in Dan’s voice. He was fully seated in his body now and the pleasure crashing over him was making it too difficult to concentrate on anything. He gathered his wits to ask, “Can I start moving? Are you ready?”

“Yes. Move please,” Dan answered, and he gave Phil’s ass another squeeze which made him groan.

Once Phil started moving, he didn’t hold back, knowing that he wouldn’t have the stamina to draw this out for long. He was exhausted and hungry, and the only thing keeping him going right now was the desperate urge to claim this body below him with climax. He reached between them, grasping Dan’s cock to give him more pleasure.

Dan gasped and twitched beneath him, and his body squeezed around Phil. He whined, “Ah, Phil! If you keep doing that I’m going to come!”

“Good,” he said in a gasp. “Want to see it.” He redoubled his efforts, making sure he was hitting Dan’s prostate with each thrust as he continued to stroke his cock. Then Dan fell apart beneath him and the sight of him trembling in pleasure pushed Phil over the edge after him.

As Dan’s body squeezed him through his orgasm, his hands continued to caress him. The touch felt different though, no longer intent on giving pleasure – it felt like he was touching him purely out of love now, just enjoying holding him close. Dan sighed, “I really love you.”

From his current position, he didn’t have a good view of Dan’s face, so he propped himself up with a smile. “I really love you, too.” When Dan frowned a little in response, Phil thought that maybe he was uncomfortable, so he slipped his softening erection out of him. The skin of their stomachs came unstuck as Phil sat up, and now Phil was frowning too at the mess. He announced, “I’m going to get a towel from the bathroom to clean us up.”

“Okay.” Dan relaxed against the pillows and rubbed his eyes as he waited.

 

 

In the bathroom, Phil ran the water long enough for it to be hot, wanting the washcloth to be warm and pleasant against Dan’s skin. Then he squeezed the excess out of the cloth before turning off the water and returning to the bedroom. Dan was still on the bed, but he had retrieved the charging cord from his suitcase and plugged in his phone, which he was now staring at. He had a funny look on his face and Phil couldn’t tell what he was feeling.

He asked, “You alright there, Dan?”

Dan jumped in surprise. Then he forced a small smile onto his face. “Oh. I guess… I got a message from the police. Um, they caught the guy. The one who tried to kidnap me.”

“Oh, that’s…” Phil rushed over and sat on the bed beside him, ready to offer comfort if it was needed. He put the washcloth down on the bed beside them, momentarily forgotten. “This is a good thing. Like, really good. You’re safe now.”

The smile widened but didn’t reach Dan’s eyes. “Yeah, that’s true. I’m glad they caught him. I do feel safe now. The thing is I don’t feel anything else, no satisfaction… It feels like that night in the alley was a lifetime ago, and that he hurt someone else, not me. What happened over the last few days feels so much realer to me. It kind of makes me nervous to go back to London, since I feel like a different person than I was when I left.”

Phil nodded, since he felt similar and had almost forgotten about the man who hurt Dan, though now that he remembered him he had to wonder if what happened was connected to the siren thing – hadn’t he called Dan a ‘little bird?’ Phil pushed the thought away for now because comforting Dan seemed more important. He told him, “It feels realer to me, too. If things have changed for us and we’re going to be different people when we return to our lives in London, then it will be alright because we are going back together.”

Dan bit his lip. Then he said, “Could I ask you something?” When Phil nodded, he continued, “When I go back to London and my job, could you come with me? Just for a night. One performance. I want to show you something.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lovely beta of this fic, AmazingDandroid, just posted a fic under the pseudo Metta_Darling. She's done so much to help me with my fic, so please go check out her fic "Let's Be Friends, Until The End" here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16554242  
> and then let her know what you think of it :) Thanks!


	32. Chapter 32

_Siren fact:_ _A Siren, like in the mythology, lures in men. Her main goal is to provide whatever is your heart’s desire. Theatricality is where her strength lies. She will pursue whoever interests her and will seduce him with what he longs for most._

_May it be Cleopatra seducing Caesar, or Marilyn Monroe seducing the audience. They like to give their target what they desire, but only enough to draw them near, not enough to fulfill their desire completely and let them slip away._

_While the siren’s main goal is to fulfill her own desires by helping you fulfill yours, it does not mean they will engage their target only till their needs are fulfilled. Sirens too can love someone, but their method of seducing someone will be as above. [https://www.quora.com/How-can-one-identify-a-siren-type-of-female-seducer-Also-how-should-one-deal-with-such-a-person/]_

 

 

 

The bed was still too small, but neither of them complained as they snuggled close, and Dan soon fell asleep, cuddled in Phil’s arms. Phil was past the point of exhaustion and he also wanted to sleep, but his mind was racing too fast to turn off. He pressed his face into Dan’s hair on the pillow before him, inhaling his scent and willing sleep to come.

There was a knock at the door and Phil twitched in response. The rhythm of Dan’s breathing changed for a moment, but he didn’t wake up. As carefully yet quickly as he could, Phil unwrapped his arms from around Dan and climbed out of the bed without disturbing Dan’s sleep. He then hurried to cross the room before the person knocked again. He opened the door, not completely shocked to see his mum on the other side, and he only had a moment to regret that he was standing before her in only his boxers.

Phil was more concerned with disturbing Dan’s sleep than partial nudity, so he stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him. He whispered, “What is it?”

She sighed but gave him a small smile. “I was thinking about tomorrow, and I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking about how you’re going back to London tomorrow, and I was worried that we would miss our chance to talk. Phil, there’s so many things we need to say. If you’re not too tired, could we go to my room for a chat?”

“Sure,” he said and started following his mum to her room. He was still tired, but the soft way that she looked at him told him how much she loved him, how scared she had been when he was missing, and how badly she needed to have this talk. As they went into her room and he saw that it was empty, he asked, “Where are Martyn and Corn?”

“They were having trouble sleeping, too. They said something about going stargazing. I think they went down to the beach.” Mum sat at the kitchen table where they had first sat to plan their ill-fated day in Brighton, and Phil frowned at the thought but joined her at the table.

He asked, “So, what did you want to talk about?”

“I don’t even know where to start.” She laughed and rubbed her eyes. “I can’t believe that the first time I met Dan, my biggest worry was if he was using a relationship with you to advance his career.”

“Wait, what?”

She frowned when she saw his expression. “Oh. I actually confronted Dan about that. I asked him if he started dating you because he’s a musician and you work in radio. He didn’t give me a straight answer.”

“Mum, he’s not! That’s ridiculous. I was the one who approached him about being on the radio – my boss sent me to invite him on the show. Dan turned me down. So, you see, he’s not with me for the radio show. He doesn’t want to be on it!”

“Oh!” She gasped and covered her mouth with her hands. When she lowered her hands, she was wearing a chagrined smile. “I suppose I owe Dan an apology then.”

“Sounds like it,” he said with a smile.

Kath bit her lip, looking like she desperately wanted to say something but was holding back. Her eyes were flicking over him, making him feel a bit self conscious about his lack of clothes, but she was his mum and he knew that she was just reassuring herself that he was alive and safe after nearly losing him.

  
As the silence went on and she looked about ready to burst with the words she was holding in, Phil couldn’t help asking, “What? What is it?”

“Oh,” she sighed. “I don’t want to get into a fight about this… but I was just wondering how things are with Dan. Did you two talk after I left the room?”

“Yeah, things are great,” he said with a nod.

Kath still looked like she was about to explode. “But he’s a…” She hesitated, reluctant to say the word, but finally she finished, “Merman?”

“No, he’s a siren,” Phil corrected, though he still didn’t understand the difference.

She waved her hand in dismissal. “What about all that?”

Phil shrugged. “He’s my Dan.”

Her eyes widened a bit, and then she dropped them to her hands on the table. She contemplated the backs of her hands for a moment, and then asked, “He swam out there to save you and your brother?”

“Yes.”

She flexed her hands on the table, spreading her fingers. “If I could have done that, I would have, too.”

“I know.” There was a lump forming in his throat.

“Because I love you.”

He nodded. “I know. I love you, too.”

She sighed and closed her hands into lose fists. “Fine. I suppose I’m okay with this then. With Dan, I mean.”

He gave a startled laugh. “What? Really? We have your seal of approval?”

She looked up with a wry smile, since it was a bit silly that she was approving of her grown son’s relationship. “Yes, for whatever it’s worth, I approve. Dan seems like a good person to me and I’m happy that you have him.”

Phil grinned as he looked at the table top. “I’m happy, too.” He took a deep breath and let it out as his shoulders relaxed. “Listen, Mum, I should get back to my room before Dan wakes up and wonders where I am.”

“Right! One second,” she got up and went to the small fridge behind her. When she returned to the table she passed him a paper bag and smiled. “Some sandwiches for you and Dan, if he wakes up and is hungry.”

His smile widened because this was the mum he knew – the woman who always made sure that the people she cared about were well-fed. He took the bag as he got up from the table. “Thanks, Mum.”

Suddenly, she looked a bit sad and said, “If I don’t see you before it’s time for you to go, come get me please? I want to see you off. I’ll have your brother drive you to the train station.”

“Of course,” he said as he wrapped her in a tight hug.

           

 

Dan nervously eyed Phil’s family as they piled into Martyn’s car that night, and he didn’t say a word on the way to the train station. Reaching across the backseat of the car, Phil took Dan’s hand and gave it a squeeze, which made wide mahogany eyes flick to his face. With a shaky exhalation, Dan relaxed and glanced at Phil’s family. Cornelia was in the backseat with them, and she was looking out the window as the lights of the city flickered past as they sped down the road. Kath was in the front passenger seat, chatting with Martyn as he drove and laughed at something she said.

Phil gave Dan’s hand another squeeze, knowing what he had been worried about, but no one in the car was judging, excluding, or glaring at him. The Lesters were acting like a normal family right now, and if Dan wanted to do something to join in with the activities he would be welcome. Dan stayed silent as the others continued to talk, but he looked happy enough with the open atmosphere and soon he was smiling.

Eventually, they arrived at the station and Martyn pulled into the parking lot. Cornelia turned around in the seat to look at the city lights winking out the back window of the car. Then she looked to Phil with a small smile. “Are you going to miss it?” she asked. “You didn’t get to see much of the city while you were here.”

Phil looked out the back window of the car as he thought – this trip to Brighton had been full of terror and hadn’t turned out the way he had expected, but no. He wouldn’t change a thing. He felt so much closer to his family and to Dan now, and his stomach fluttered happily at the memory of that afternoon he had spent in the hotel room with Dan. He told Cornelia, “I guess we’ll just have to come back someday and see more of the city.”

Cornelia made a sound of agreement as she faced forward in her seat, and Martyn turned off the car. Martyn glanced in the rearview mirror at them, and Mum turned in her seat with a sad smile on her face. She said, “Well… I guess it’s time to go.”

“Um, wait.” Martyn also shifted in his seat and his eyes fixed on Dan’s face. “I need to say something. I want to say it now before I lose my nerve, and if I wait until we get to the train platform… I’m going to say it now, okay?” He waited while Dan swallowed heavily before nodding in response. Then he continued, “Dan, what you did out there on the water for me and my brother… no one has ever done anything like that for us before. You risked your life for us, and I’ve never known anyone that brave. I guess what I’m saying is thank you, and I’m glad you’re in my brother’s life.”

As Dan stared at him in stunned silence, Cornelia reached past Phil to put a hand on Dan’s knee. When she surprised him with the soft touch, she grinned and said, “I’m glad he has you, too.”

The atmosphere of the car became a bit awkward again as Dan didn’t seem to know how to respond to the positive words – even in the dim lighting Phil could see his cheeks flushing with a deep pink that he found adorable, despite the fact that Dan was squirming in discomfort. Phil would have helped if he knew how.

Luckily Kath noticed Dan’s dismay and she clapped her hands loudly, startling everyone in the car and breaking the awkward moment. “Right! We have to go now, or these boys are going to miss their train.”

They clambered out of the car and Dan and Phil grabbed their suitcases out of the trunk. After rushing along the platform, they halted a few feet away from the waiting doors of the train to exchange hugs, farewells, and promises to call soon. After stepping out of a rib-creaking hug with his brother, Phil was stunned to glance over at Dan and see him engulfed in the arms of Kath – Dan looked just as surprised, but he wrapped his arm around her and returned it.

She ended the hug after a moment and smiled at Dan. “Right then… you have to go. Sweetie, I didn’t get a chance to say everything I wanted to say to you. And also to unsay a lot of things I never should have said in the first place. I just hope that the next time we meet that we can do it on much nicer circumstances.”

Dan nodded. “That sounds nice. I’d like that.”

They really were cutting it close, and Phil was worried that the doors of the train were going to close any moment now, so he went up to Dan and took his hand. With warm smiles on their faces, they caught their last glimpses of Phil’s family as they stepped onto the train and the doors closed as they waved.

Dan sighed, and his shoulders relaxed. He said, “Should we find someplace to sit?”

Nodding, Phil started walking down the aisle of the train, still leading Dan by their joined hands. Finally, he found an empty pair of seats. They dropped their small suitcases in the seats across from them and Dan took the window seat. Phil’s tired body went boneless as soon as he sat.

Dan noticed and laughed. “Wow, you really mustn’t have gotten any sleep at the hotel.” When Phil shook his head, Dan scooted a bit closer. “You can lean on me and take a nap if you need it. I won’t let you fall over.”

Phil was too tired to argue, so he accepted the shoulder that Dan was offering and rested his head there, enjoying the way Dan’s scent filled his nostrils now that he was so close. The train rocked his body, reminding him for an uncomfortable moment of the way the boat had rocked during the storm, but no – that thought didn’t make him fear falling into a nightmare because Dan was here. Dan was always there when Phil needed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PUMLTP is about to pass 5,000 hits.... I'm stunned. Wow. Thank you!


	33. Chapter 33

_Siren fact:_ _Siren, in Greek mythology, a creature half bird and half woman who lured sailors to destruction by the sweetness of her song. According to Homer there were two Sirens on an island in the western sea between Aeaea and the rocks of Scylla…_ _In Homer’s Odyssey, Book XII, the Greek hero Odysseus, advised by the sorceress Circe, escaped the danger of their song by stopping the ears of his crew with wax so that they were deaf to the Sirens. Odysseus himself wanted to hear their song but had himself tied to the mast so that he would not be able to steer the ship off its course. Apollonius of Rhodes, in Argonautica, Book IV, relates that when the Argonauts sailed that way, Orpheus sang so divinely that only one of the Argonauts heard the Sirens’ song. According to Argonautica, Butes alone was compelled by the Sirens’ voices to jump into the water. [https://www.britannica.com/topic/Siren-Greek-mythology/]_

 

 

 

After coming home from the train station to sleep in Phil’s bed, Phil had gone to work that morning, leaving Dan alone with some time to think. Dan decided to go home, feeling safe to do so now that the police had caught his stalker. Then he had called his boss to tell him that he was available to work tomorrow night. He had practiced a song on his keyboard, deciding that he wasn’t too rusty to perform.

Once all of that had been settled, he had nothing else to help him procrastinate away from what was really important: Phil was coming to the performance tomorrow night. Dan wasn’t regretting the fact that he had asked Phil to come to the show. He knew that Phil needed to see this. It was just that Dan now had to accept what was going to happen when Phil saw this. It was all going to be over soon.

After he got off work, Phil came over to Dan’s apartment, carrying a bag of Thai food. They ate and if he noticed that anything was off with Dan, he didn’t comment. Then Dan took Phil to bed, and ran his hands over his body, memorizing every inch of his skin. If this was going to be the last night, then Dan would soak in every second of it. He fell asleep entwined in Phil’s limbs, unsure where his body ended and Phil’s began.

The next morning, Dan woke first and he felt the same impulse he had felt last night, on _the_ last night because now it was the last morning and he had to commit every moment with Phil to memory because he would never have this again after tonight. The sun was coming through the curtains, and all he could do was stare at the way Phil’s face was glowing in the light. Dan wanted to spend the rest of his life staring at this face, but once Phil saw him perform he knew that Phil wouldn’t want him anymore.

Dan had to take several deep breaths to stop himself from crying, not wanting his eyes to be red-rimmed when Phil saw him. He wanted this last morning to be perfect for Phil, too. After regaining his composure, Dan slipped out of bed. He made his way to the kitchen, where he pulled the milk and eggs he needed to make pancakes from the fridge. He worked quietly, wanting Phil to be awakened by the scent to cooking batter, not clattering bowls and pans.

By the time he was flipping the last batch of pancakes in the pan, Phil appeared in the doorway, wearing just a pair of pajama bottoms slung low on his hips. Dan smiled as Phil homed in on the plate of pancakes and looked ready to drool. He asked, “What’s this for? Oh my gosh…”

Dan just shrugged in answer. He didn’t feel up to making much conversation, afraid he would start talking and his tongue would keep going and he would soon be spilling how anxious and terrified and devastated he already felt about what was to come tonight, and then he would be crying and… and so he just shut up. He shoved a forkful of pancakes in his mouth and just made a sound of agreement whenever Phil mentioned something. Luckily, Phil was preoccupied with his breakfast, so he didn’t say much.

By the time they were putting their empty plates in the kitchen sink, and Phil had dressed to go to work, Dan’s tongue couldn’t hold back words anymore. He spoke slowly and carefully, not wanting to accidentally let too much slip, “Phil, um, about tonight…”

He turned away from the door, his ocean eyes bright. “Yeah? I’m still coming to see you sing, right?”

Dan nodded, and then he couldn’t help it – he walked up and wrapped his arms around Phil, holding him tight like it might be the last time. With his face pressed against Phil’s neck, he said, “I’ll understand if you don’t want to see me anymore after tonight.”

“What?” When Dan didn’t explain, Phil put his hands on Dan’s shoulders and pushed him back so that he could see his face. “I don’t understand.”  

“You will,” he said, and then went to the door to hold it open for Phil.

Phil frowned. “You’re not going to tell me what that was about? You just expect me to leave after that?”

Dan nodded, and then said what he knew he had to say to get Phil to leave. “Please.”

Then Phil left without another word.

 

 

On his way to work, Dan found himself frozen in place on the sidewalk, staring at an abandoned building. The broken glass had been swept off the sidewalk and the missing window at the front of the drycleaner’s had been boarded up. He wondered what would have happened if that window had been boarded up earlier, on that terrifying night when he was running for his life. If he hadn’t been able to hide in there, would he be dead right now?

“Dan?”

Dan jumped and whirled around. His hand was on his chest, clutching his racing heart. Then his frantic eyes settled on a familiar face. “Robert?”

“Hey, it’s been a while!” Then Robert noticed Dan’s hand on his chest. “Jeez man, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sneak up on you and scare you.”

“It’s okay.” He glanced back to the building, not knowing how to explain. It hadn’t been Robert’s fault that he jumped out of his skin – it was this place and the way it conjured up memories of that awful night.

Robert stepped into place at his side, also looking up at the empty building. “Is this the place?” He whispered, not needing Dan to explain why he had been so startled. “I heard that you hid in somewhere near the bar when that guy tried to grab you.”

Dan nodded and swallowed heavily, remembering when he climbed into the wardrobe in the drycleaner’s too scared to even breathe in case the sound betrayed where he was hiding. Suddenly, Robert wrapped Dan in a tight hug, and Dan realized that he had been holding his breath again as he gasped in surprise at the hug.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Robert said as he squeezed him tighter. Before Dan could respond, the hug was over and Robert released him, but he looked at Dan with an awkward smile on his face and nodded in the direction of the bar. “I guess we should get going before we’re late for work?”

Dan nodded and they started walking side-by-side down the sidewalk, as Dan bit his bottom lip, contemplating how to fill the silence. Finally, he asked, “How has the bar been while I was out?”

“A bit boring. Not as many people have been coming in to watch the entertainment. So, the crowds have been small.” Robert shrugged, and then glanced at Dan. “Are you going to be alright to perform tonight? Like, I don’t mean to make you anxious, but that would freak me out… knowing that someone who watched me perform wanted to hurt me. I know that asshole has been caught, but, um, it would probably take me some time to get the courage to get back on the stage. Dan, you’re not pushing yourself too hard, are you?”     

“Oh,” Dan thought about it, feeling some anxiety stir at these thoughts. He hadn’t considered any of this, not thinking about the other people who would hear him sing tonight because tonight’s performance was all about Phil. But would someone else hear him sing and try to hurt him? He couldn’t think about that now. He had to do this. So, he shook his head in answer to Robert’s question and said, “I think it will be alright.”

Robert bumped his shoulder against Dan’s. “It will. You’re going to be safe. Johnathan says he’s going to keep an eye out for creeps paying too much attention to you. And if you don’t feel safe walking home, I can drive you. I’ll give you a ride tonight if you need it.”

Dan started to open his mouth to say that he would be leaving with Phil tonight, but then he remembered that Phil might not want to see him after this, so he nodded. “Thank you.”

As Robert held open the door of the bar for him, he glanced at Dan’s face and his brows furrowed in concern. They stepped into the empty, and he waited until they were nearing the back room to ask, “Are you alright, Dan? Um, I’m sorry, man. I probably made things worse by bringing up that stuff about other creeps, but I just wanted to tell you that stuff about how John and I are going to be looking out for you. You know, in case that stuff was already on your mind and you were nervous.”

Dan nodded. “I know. Thanks. It’s nothing.”

Robert stopped walking and faced him, his expression still twisted with worry. “Is something else bothering you? Is it something to do with Phil? You guys alright?”

Not expecting Robert to mention the thing that was actually bothering him, all Dan could do was shrug. He said, “We’re good. He’s actually coming to see me perform tonight. And, um, it’s the first time he’s going to see that since we started dating, and I want him to see this but I’m also scared. I don’t know…”

Robert nodded, understanding enough that he didn’t need to press Dan further. He said, “It will be alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About 3 inches of snow fell here today! I can't believe it, it's only November!
> 
> Look out for the chapter I'm posting tomorrow, it's one of my favorites :)


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the link to Robert's cover of Havana. Enjoy! https://youtu.be/XJNHjz2E17s

_Siren fact:_ _During his ten-year voyage home, Odysseus passed by the island where the Sirens lived… so as his ship drew near the rocky coast, he ordered all of his sailors to pug their ears with beeswax. Odysseus, however, was determined to hear the legendary music of the Sirens—and live to tell the tale. With this goal in mind, he ordered his sailors to tie him to the mast of his ship. He then gave orders that he should not be untied, no matter how he begged or threatened them…Odysseus heard voices, unimaginably high and clear, calling to him,“Come hither, renowned Odysseus, hither, you pride and glory of all Achaea! Pause with your ship; listen to our song!”_

_Odysseus was, understandably flattered, and he began to wish to meet the beautiful women who sang so sweetly to him. After a few more lines of the siren music, Odysseus was in a frenzy to be released. He raved at his sailors—who, fortunately, could not hear him since their ears were full of beeswax—and strained at his ropes until they cut into his skin. But the ship drifted on, and in an hour, the island was behind them and the spell subsided. [https://mythology.net/greek/greek-creatures/siren/]_

 

 

 

Dan leaned against the bar to watch as Robert climbed the stage. While Robert fiddled with the mic stand to adjust its height, Dan took his phone out of his pocket to check his texts. There was a message from Phil, which said, _Hey Dan, I’ll be leaving work soon. I should be there in time to see you get on the stage <3\. _

Despite his anxiety about the coming night, Dan couldn’t help smiling at Phil’s words and the fact that he would be seeing him soon. He sent Phil a heart and returned his phone to his pocket. As the microphone hummed with sound, the room quieted as everyone including Dan looked up, giving Robert their attention as he tapped his fingers nervously against his guitar, the hollow wood reverberating with the rhythm of his anxiety. He took a deep breath, and soon the fingers started tapping with a steadier beat and Dan knew this had to be the song he was about to perform.

Robert leaned into the microphone and said, “Hey there, I’m Robert. I’ve got a great show planned for you tonight. I’m going to be performing a song I love, and I hope I can do it justice.” Then he started strumming his guitar in the familiar tune of “Havana” by Camila Cabello. He leaned into the microphone and started singing. Impressively, he sung Young Thug’s lyrics as well, blending them seamlessly into the cover. The audience was on the edge of their seats and clapped enthusiastically as he strummed the final chords on his guitar.  

Dan joined in the round of applause, and he beamed at Robert when their eyes met across the room. In his time away from the bar, Dan had started to forget how gifted Robert was – he was a truly talented musician. It made Dan almost jealous, seeing the way Robert had the room captivated by his natural talents and his skill honed by practice and hard work. Robert didn’t need a siren’s voice to entertain this room, and he deserved every clap the crowd was giving him.

As Robert’s set continued, a movement at the door caught Dan’s eye, and he looked over to see Phil entering the bar. The ocean eyes roved the room until they settled on Dan’s face, and he smiled. As Phil made his way across the room as fast as he could push through the crowd milling near the bar, Dan tried to compose his face – there was no reason to spread his panic Phil, just because Dan felt like his world was falling apart.

By the time Phil had arrived at his side, Dan had slid off the bar stool and he took Phil by the hand. He leaned in to say in his ear, “Come with me.” Phil didn’t protest as Dan led him by the hand to the side room and shut the door behind them. Dan leaned against the door, the sound of Robert’s voice now muffled as his performance continued outside this small back room. Dan took a deep breath and looked at Phil.

Phil’s brows were creased with worry. “You alright?”

Dan shrugged, unsure what to say.

Phil took a step closer and cupped Dan’s cheek. “Do you have stage fright? It’s going to be fine, Dan. You’re a brilliant performer. I know you’re going to be perfect. And I’m going to be right there to cheer you on.”

“It’s not that,” Dan mumbled as he reached into his pocket. He pulled out a small cardboard box and showed it to Phil. In a stronger voice, he said, “Hey, do me a favor and put these in your ears.”

Phil moved his hand from Dan’s cheek to take the box, which he then just stared at for a moment. He looked up, his head tilted to the side as he stared at Dan. “Wax earplugs? Why? I thought I came here to listen to you.”

Dan bit his lip, trying to think of a way to explain. Finally, he said with a shake of his head, “I didn’t invite you hear to listen – I asked you to come here tonight to look. Phil, tonight you’re going to see what I am, but first you have to put these in your ears. I promise it will all make sense soon.”

Without further complaint, Phil removed the wax earplugs from the box and inserted them into his ears. “There!” he proclaimed once done, and his eyes widened. “Oh, that’s funny hearing my voice all muffled like that.”

Despite his anxiety, Dan smiled at the look on Phil’s face and couldn’t resist leaning in for a quick kiss. When he leaned out of the kiss, Dan moved his mouth carefully so that Phil would be able to read his lips, as he said, “I love you.”

“I love you, too!” Phil shouted, still thrown off by not being able to properly hear himself.

Dan chuckled, but then heard the crowd outside clapping as Robert’s set wrapped up. He swallowed heavily, tasting bile in the back of his throat. “It’s time…” He nodded in the direction of the door so that Phil would understand. “I have to go on stage.”

As they left the back room, Dan stiffened his spine and held his breath as he walked to the stage. Robert was just stepping down from it, and he noticed something off about Dan’s expression that made him whisper, “You okay?”

Dan nodded, but couldn’t find his voice, so he shuffled past Robert and up the short staircase to the stage. His piano waited there, offering comfort and familiarity like an old friend that would never leave him when he needed it. He sat on the bench and poised his fingers above the keys, knowing that if he waited too long he would start thinking again and he would hesitate and think about the fact that maybe he was throwing away Phil right now, and then he would run screaming away from the stage.

So, without waiting a moment longer, Dan started running his fingers across the keys. A fast-paced melody poured out of the piano, the tempo seeming to match Dan’s racing heart as he had yet to calm down. Nervously, his eyes flicked up to the room. He usually started his sets with something simple and soothing, so he was used to seeing his audience look serene and subdued – this was very different. The quick jazzy melody he was playing had captured their interest, and the audience was giving him their full attention. Interesting… he usually had to sing to make them look like that.

Finally, Dan’s roving eyes located Phil, leaning near the wall not far from where they had parted at the door – he had wisely picked a place where he would have a view of both Dan on the stage and the audience members who were seated at the tables, though right now his ocean eyes were fixed on Dan. He was smiling. The sight broke Dan’s heart, knowing that Phil’s smile would falter before the end of this performance.

 _Fuck it_ , if Dan procrastinated too much longer he wasn’t going to be able to do this. As the melody reached a spiraling crescendo that seemed to have climbed to an unsustainable height, moments away from collapse, Dan leaned into the microphone and started to sing. He wasn’t looking at Phil anymore because he was too scared to see his face, but he glanced at the audience since he wanted to know what Phil was witnessing.

Across the room, people were falling under the spell of Dan’s siren voice. A moment ago, Dan’s audience had been watching him with a multitude of expressions. The people sitting closest to the stage had mostly been politely reserved in an attempt to not distract the entertainer, while the people sitting a couple rows back were rowdier (still listening, but their faces were animated and they had whispered conversations with friends), and then the people at the back by the bar had glanced occasionally at him but were more interested in their drinks.

Once Dan started singing though, everything changed. For a couple heartbeats, the people in the bar collectively held their breaths. Pupils dilated as all eyes turned his way. Faces became immobile. Someone dropped a glass that shattered, but no one turned to look that way. The people in the bar became still as stones. And then they all sighed as Dan’s song released a flood of endorphins in their brains. Dan continued singing for them as they barely twitched a muscle for the rest of his set. As he did, his eyes flicked to every face in the room except the face he wanted to see the most. He just… couldn’t. He couldn’t look at Phil yet.

Before, Dan hadn’t wanted to see Phil’s face and know if it was over. Now though, the longer he performed, the more he didn’t want to see Phil for another reason. As Dan sang for a room of drugged people with artificial bliss on their faces, he was ashamed and disgusted with himself. He was sure that Phil was going to feel the same, and he wasn’t prepared for that yet.

This was torment though. He would usually stay on the stage for the length of one more song, but he had been up here for as long as he could bear it. His voice died in his throat, he leaned away from the microphone, and his fingers flew through one last erratically spiraling melody before he took his hands from the keys, notes ringing in the air like the song of a wounded bird. Dan sucked in a deep breath, but it didn’t help anything. He stood from the bench and kept his eyes on his feet as he moved across the stage, unwilling to look up at the people who were now shaking off the effects of his song.

Dan knew that he was a coward, but he wasn’t going to run from this obligation – he headed to the spot by the wall where he last saw Phil, half expecting him to have already left. He saw Phil’s shoes first, the distinct fabric of them patterned with a galaxy, which only Phil could unironically pull off. Summoning every ounce of courage he had, Dan looked up. Phil was staring at him as he removed the earplugs from his ears. Seeing Phil’s red-rimmed eyes, he whined, “Phil?”

Phil just shook his head, hiding his emotions behind an unreadable expression – that uncertainty terrified Dan more than anything else. As Phil’s eyes welled with tears, he sucked in a breath to hold them in. The silence stretched on between them, and Dan decided that he wasn’t going to be the one to break it, since his voice had gotten them into this mess; this was Phil’s turn to say his part. After seeming to gather his thoughts, Phil said, “You… you’re a siren.” Dan nodded. “Those people… your voice did something to them.” Dan nodded again. “You did that to me, too. On the day we met. And after that also.” Dan bit his lip, and Phil sighed, as it seemed that was answer enough. He shook his head, saying, “Dan, I… I don’t know what to say. I… I really don’t know what to say.”

Dan nodded and whispered, “You don’t need to say it. I already know what you mean. This is it, right? You’re ending it?”

“Fuck, Dan,” the words were muffled as Phil rubbed his face, making his eyes redder and smearing the tears that hadn’t fallen yet. He shook his head as he said, “No, not that. Just give me a moment to think. I don’t know what I’m saying. I need to go somewhere and think. I have no idea… I need some time.”

Dan’s eyes squeezed tightly shut as he remembered something he said to Phil once, _Phil, you said that we are going to find the word to describe what we are to each other. I think with time, I’ll find the word for this feeling, too. Phil, can I have the time to find it?_ Now that he knew how he felt about Phil, it seemed like it was all too late – soon Phil was going to find the words to end their relationship. It was nothing that Dan hadn’t expected to hear though, so he opened his eyes and nodded. He choked out the words, “Okay. Time.”

Phil opened his mouth but hesitated. He leaned forward, looking like his instincts were telling him to kiss Dan, but he pulled back. Sighing, he said, “I think I should go.”

“Okay. Bye,” Dan said, wondering if this really was goodbye. He watched Phil leave the bar, walking slowly like he felt it was all really a bad dream. Then he was gone. Dan’s shoulders slumped and he made his way to the bar, not paying attention to the people around him except for Johnathan as he ordered a whiskey from him. Dan was debating just putting his head down on the bar as he waited for his drink.

“So, you’re Daniel Howell?” a woman asked. “I’ve been waiting a long time to speak with you.”

“What? How do you know my name?” Dan turned to the blonde in her 40s who was sitting in the stool at his side. The question was instinctive, though perhaps foolish since he was sitting in a bar following a performance where his name was announced.

She didn’t give the expected answer though – she pulled up something on her phone and slid it across the bar to him, displaying a news article. Dan read the headline and the blurb, which seemed to be about BBC Radio 1’s Phil Lester, who had ‘a harrowing weekend with his boyfriend, after surviving a dangerous storm’.

Dan looked up from the article. “Are you a reporter? What’s this to you?”

“No, not a reporter.” She chuckled. There was a glint in her blue eyes that he didn’t like. “I told you, I’ve wanted to meet you for a while now. I’m Regina Hans, you can call me Gina. I work for BBC Radio 1. You might recall my name from some letters I sent you.”

The name didn’t ring a bell and he wasn’t sure why she was here. He asked, “You work with Phil?”

She nodded as she took a sip from a glass of red wine. “Phil works under me. I’m the one who sent him to speak with you, offering the spot on his show. I’m the one who he reported back to, relaying your message that you weren’t interested.”

“You got my message then,” he said in a harder voice. “You know I’m not interested.”

The glint blazed again in her eyes, making her look obsessed and dangerous. “I didn’t come here to pressure you about that. I accepted it when Phil told me that you weren’t coming on the show, and I only came here tonight out of curiosity. I wanted to know what the fuss was about. But now that I’ve heard you, oh!” She laughed and her eyes looked almost as mad as the man who had dragged him into the alley, and Dan knew that she wasn’t going to be rational – his voice had done something to her. “Mr. Howell, I’m not going to let this go. I must have you on the radio show.”

“I already said ‘no’,” he said in a soft voice, though a sinking feeling in his gut told him that this wasn’t going to go well.

Gina shook her head and she tapped her phone with a pink polished fingernail. “I’m not hearing it. Daniel, you are coming on the show. I don’t care what I have to do. Even if it’s something to Phil.”

He felt his face pale. “What would you do to Phil?”

She shrugged. “I can think of something. You see, he never told me that he was seeing you. That’s something relevant to his job, I think. If he slept with you instead of contracting you as I’d instructed, that’s very unprofessional. It’s grounds to terminate his employment – something that is within my power. So, Daniel, are you going to come on the show?”

He felt sick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm watching Fantastic Beasts 2 tomorrow. I'm so excited!


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's no source beside the poem that appears at the beginning of this chapter because it's original piece that I wrote, inspired by the subject of this chapter. I hope you don't mind me sharing it instead of a fact about sirens :)  
> ________________________________________________________________________________  
> In other news, the 2018 phanfiction awards opened a couple days ago! I'm so excited to vote this year, since it's my first year since discovering phanfiction.  
> I also feel it's important to spread awareness about the blog running the awards, since they're unaffiliated with the original blog that ran it and they're just trying to keep the tradition alive.  
> Please see their FAQ page on tumblr here: https://phanfictionawards.tumblr.com/faq
> 
> And here is the nomination page:  
> https://phanfictionawards.tumblr.com/categories
> 
> If you feel that any of my fics are worthy of a nomination, I'd appreciate it. I've already gotten more love and recognition than I could have dreamed of on Ao3, and I'm not fishing for more attention. It's just that I'm very happy with what I've created in 2018, and I hope that you liked it, too :)  
> ____________________________________________________________________________________

_ Sugar Pill _

_Like dancers in a club who kiss_

_To share good times and vibes_

_You kiss my lips and slip_

_A sugar pill into my mouth._

_I let you do it – you are so sweet._

_Tell me, my love,_

_Are we playing Life or Candy Land?_

_Please tell me the rules,_

_I don’t know this game_

_And can’t play the way you do._

_I’ll roll the dice with you,_

_And take a chance on love._

_Your lie tastes sweet,_

_So I swallow it._

_I know it will do me no good,_

_But I can’t help myself._

_I fear this will be my only bite of love._

_Feed me more, my sweet,_

_And let me taste the effect of this placebo._

_If you can’t fool me, that’s alright._

_I’ll fool myself for us both._

 

 

 

_This moment didn’t feel entirely real. It was so shiny and fragile, and Phil was afraid that it would pop like a soap bubble if he so much as touched it with a tentative fingertip. So he stayed still, breathing softly as he stared at Dan, wondering if Dan was thinking the same thing. Eventually though, his contacts were bothering him too much, so he had to lift a hand to rub his eyes, and this broke the silent spell that had settled over them._

_When he dropped his hand from his eyes, he saw that Dan had sat up. As Phil took in Dan’s body language, he saw that the soap bubble really had popped. Dan was holding himself stiffly as he drew his knees up to his chest and stared at an empty corner of the room._

_Phil swallowed heavily. He cared about Dan so much already that the sight of him in obvious distress made Phil’s throat tighten. He croaked, “Dan, are you…?”_

_“We should get some coffee,” Dan said._

_The words were said casually as Dan continued staring at the corner, but at the sound of them Phil’s head swam. Coffee, coffee, coffee… echoed in his head and there was nothing in the world but that word and the enchanting sound of Dan’s sweet voice._

 

 

Phil startled awake, half-expecting to see Dan in bed beside him, but his bedroom was dark and empty. It had just been a dream… but no, that had really happened. He had no doubt now that Dan had hypnotized him in that moment, and probably a few times before and after then, too – he was uncertain what, if anything, had been real. Frustrated, he rolled onto his stomach and tried to sleep. He punched his pillow into a tight ball and buried his face in it, so hard it was difficult to breathe.

The fact that his phone lay charging a mere arm’s length away was tormenting him, and his palm was itching to reach out and grab it. He wanted to call Dan and ask him about all of the questions floating through his head. It seemed like the longer he waited to ask Dan for these missing details, his mind then supplied terrible answers instead. Once more, his hand twitched to grasp his phone, dial Dan, and hear the truth from him.

The thing was that with the memory of Dan’s siren voice ringing in his ears, he was unsure if he could trust Dan to give him the truth. No, he couldn’t talk to Dan until he had thought about this more. Phil tucked his hand under his pillow, avoiding the temptation of picking up his phone. He still needed time.  


Phil didn’t want to think about this anymore – luckily, he had his job to distract him. After chugging a caramel macchiato and splashing water in bloodshot eyes that he hid behind his glasses, Phil went to work. He was hoping for a busy day that wouldn’t leave him a spare moment to dwell on Dan, and he was quickly rewarded with a meeting.

“Good morning!” Gina chirped as she entered the conference room, taking a chair at the head of the table.

“Morning, Gin,” Phil said with a smile, and the others in the room murmured similar greetings.

Gina glanced at the stack of paperwork and notes that she had carried into the room with her and placed a hand on it, but didn’t flip through the pages. She said, “Well, I think we all know why we’re here. We have all been working very hard on this Music Weekend project and know what has to be done – this meeting is just to go over the material one last time, just to be sure that we’re all on the same page.”

Phil nodded to show he was listening, and a thrill shot through him at the thought of this weekend. Since last night, he had felt like he had nothing to look forward to in life, but the music festival was something. Maybe Phil hadn’t lost everything.

Gina was smiling as her eyes flicked across the eager faces in the room. “So, we have a big job coming up – broadcasting live music across TV, radio, and online, while hosting a massive festival. It’s up to us to showcase the range and diversity of live music on the BBC. Everyone feeling up to the job?” As the room cheered and clapped in response, Gina turned to Phil. “You know your part?”

Phil nodded in response. “It’s my job to film a backstage tour, interview artists, and once the concert starts I’ll introduce some people on stage.”

Gina nodded but she got a funny look on her face – he knew her well, but had no idea what she was thinking right now. She said, “I have some interesting people lined up for you to speak with. I’ll be interested to see how the interviews turn out.” Without waiting for a response, she went to the next person at the table and started asking her if she was clear on her role at the festival.

Phil uncapped his pen and started making notes on his legal pad, but he was distracted and stopped midsentence. His pen made dots and dashes on the page as he tried to focus and failed. The way Gina spoke had unsettled him, though he trusted her – he knew that he was just seeing and hearing betrayal everywhere since last night at the bar. It made him dig the tip of his pen harder into the notepad because when he was already upset about what had happened with Dan, the last thing he needed was to feel even more unsettled.

“Hey, Phil?”

He looked up at the sound of his name, seeing Gina’s concerned expression. He stammered, “I… uh, I’m sorry. Did I miss something?”

“No, are you alright? You look paler than usual. Are you coming down with something?” Gina peered at him curiously.

“Um,” he blinked, trying to organize his thoughts, but failed. He looked around the table at the faces of his coworkers who were all staring at him expectantly, but their features didn’t make sense and everything was starting to blur around the edges. He shook his head and stood from the table. “I’m sorry, I’m not feeling very well, I think I need to get some air.”

Gina reached out to grab his sleeve as he started to walk past. He couldn’t make sense of her face. She said, “Are you having pains? Do you need to go to the hospital?”

“No, fine,” he assured her as he shook off her grip. He wasn’t sure what was wrong with him, but he mumbled as he left the room, “Need to splash water on my face. Panic attack…”

Phil shut the door of the meeting room behind him and ran to the bathroom. Instead of turning on the tap, he rested his head against the cool granite of the countertop and focused on easing his breathing. He hadn’t had a panic attack since college, and whatever this was felt minor. Once he had evened his breathing, he started to feel better and stood up, staring into the mirror. His eyes had dark circles under them and his skin looked waxy and pallid. Faces… back in the room, all of the faces had lost their shapes. The emotions on their faces had been meaningless. Their words had been indistinct.

All he could think about was the one face he wanted to see, and the voice he missed so much. Unsure what he was hoping for, Phil pulled his phone out of his pocket. His phone had been on silent for the meeting, so he was surprised to see an unread message.

It was from Dan, _hey, Phil. i know you probably dont want to hear from me right now, but i had to say im sorry. about everything. if you want me to leave you alone, just tell me and i wont contact you again._  
  
Sugar pills… The thought came to Phil’s mind as he read the words, and he couldn’t shake it. Dan’s lies were like sugar pills – sweet deceptions that Phil knew did him no good, but he kept them on his tongue, unwilling to spit them out. He feared that this would be his only taste of love, and that fact made him both grateful and resentful. If it weren’t for Dan, he never would have known this feeling, but none of it had been real. Or had it been? Phil wasn’t sure, but he didn’t think that talking to Dan was the way to figure it out.

The taste turned bitter in his mouth as he stared at his phone. He typed back to Dan, _Please leave me alone for now._

Dan didn’t say anything after that.

Taking a deep breath, Phil tried to find his focus so that he could go back to work. Once he had pushed Dan out of his mind, things got a bit easier.

 


	36. Chapter 36

From _The Little Mermaid_ by Hans Christian Andersen (1836) _:_ _The little mermaid drew back the crimson curtain of the tent, and beheld the fair bride with her head resting on the prince’s breast. She bent down and kissed his fair brow, then looked at the sky on which the rosy dawn grew brighter and brighter; then she glanced at the sharp knife, and again fixed her eyes on the prince, who whispered the name of his bride in his dreams. She was in his thoughts, and the knife trembled in the hand of the little mermaid: then she flung it far away from her into the waves; the water turned red where it fell, and the drops that spurted up looked like blood. She cast one more lingering, half-fainting glance at the prince, and then threw herself from the ship into the sea, and thought her body was dissolving into foam._

_The sun rose above the waves, and warm rays fell on the cold foam of the little mermaid, who did not feel as if she were dying. She saw the bright sun, and all around her floated hundreds of transparent beautiful beings; she could see through them the white sails of the ship, and the red clouds in the sky; their speech was melodious, but too ethereal to be heard by mortal ears, as they were also unseen by mortal eyes. The little mermaid perceived that she had a body like theirs, and that she continued to rise higher and higher out of the foam. “Where am I?” asked she, and her voice sounded ethereal, as the voice of those who were with her; no earthly music could imitate it. [http://hca.gilead.org.il/li_merma.html/]_

 

 

 

Dan turned off the tap with a shaking hand and then looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. Despite his best efforts to look good for the performance today – he had styled his hair with product and was wearing his black sweater stitched with metallic gold thread – as he looked at his reflection, he just saw a mess. He’d barely slept due to panic since the moment Gina had forced him into this, and there were dark circles under his eyes. He couldn’t do this.

Dan had locked himself in the bathroom, and he didn’t think that he had the strength to turn that lock. He wanted nothing more than to cower in here like a child until everyone gathered for the festival was gone… but no, he couldn’t do that. He had made Gina a promise, and if he broke his word and didn’t appear on the stage, then Gina would fire Phil. Dan took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. It didn’t help.

Taking his phone from his pocket with a shaking hand, Dan scrolled through his contacts, hoping that there was someone there who could help calm the racing of his heart. Impulsively before he could talk himself out of this, Dan picked a name and dialed a number. He held his breath as it rung, and then there was a click as the call was answered. “Mummy?” he whimpered.

“Darling! It’s so good to hear your voice.”

Dan made a choked sound, unsure if he was on the verge of crying or laughing. He said, “It’s good to hear your voice, too.”

“I’m glad you called, honey.” There was the sound of ice clinking in a glass. “It’s been too long, and I’ve been meaning to call you. Daniel, I have news!”

“Oh?” He rubbed his eyes, drying any tears that might have been threatening to fall. “What’s up?”

“He proposed! Nathaniel and I are getting married. Soon, too. Daniel, please tell me that you’ll be coming to the wedding. You simply must come. It won’t be the same without you.” He could practically see the pout on her face as she paused.

“Of course,” Dan promised, trying to muster as much excitement as he could into his voice. It was hard to picture a wedding in the distant future, when he wasn’t sure how he was going to make it through the next few hours of his life. “I’ll be there.”

The pause went on for a few more heartbeats. “Daniel, what is it? I can tell that something is wrong. Do you hate Nathaniel? Please just give him a chance.”

“Mum, no. I don’t hate your fiancée. I’ve never even met him. I have my own problems to worry about. Not everything is about you!” There was more stunned silence, and the moment the words were out of his mouth, Dan regretted snapping at her. He took a calming breath and said, “I’m sorry, Mum. I didn’t mean that. I’m just under a lot of stress right now. I really didn’t mean it.”

“No, it’s alright,” she assured him, and there was a gravity in her voice that he hadn’t heard in a long time – it felt like she was finally listening to him and taking her role as mother seriously. “Is something wrong? You never said why you were calling.”

“I… um, was hoping you could tell me something.” He took another steadying breath. “Mum, you know how I’m a performer… well, I was wondering what would happen if my voice was recorded and played on the radio or on tv. Would that still hypnotize people?”

“Hmm, well, I wouldn’t worry too much about people watching on tv. That doesn’t seem too different from the people you usually perform for in bars, other than that you would be reaching more people, and that increases the chances of reaching the crazies. Oh!” She started talking faster as she realized something. “I would be more worried about the people listening on the radio. What if they’re driving when your voice entrances them? That might cause an accident.”

“Oh…” Dan bit his lip as he thought. She was right, and he was so grateful that she had thought of this in time for him to amend his contract with the BBC. He had agreed to Gina that he would do this one performance in exchange for the security of Phil’s job – that was the deal and there was no reason that his performance should also be played on the radio. He was going to insist that his voice never be broadcast. But while that took care of one issue, he couldn’t help the fact that there were cameras here to capture his performance, and he was going to be recorded today. Dan swallowed heavily, imagining more people attempting to grab him in the night, shoving him into the trunks of their cars.

His mum broke the silence after a moment. “Are you alright? Daniel, were you asking this out of curiosity, or is this a problem you’re having?”

He laughed sadly. “It’s fine, Mum. It’s just a something that I’m handling. I know what I have to do. And speaking of, I have to go.”

She sighed. “Well, alright then. Call me later so that I know you’re okay. I know that I don’t always show it, but I do worry about you and hope that you’re doing well. I love you.”

“I love you too,” he said with a smile. He hung up, more scared than ever about what he was going to do, but also determined. If someone attacked him after his performance, then fine. It was worth it if he could protect Phil.

 

As he paced the hallways backstage – it was a while before he had to be on stage, though they wanted him here in the event of a last-minute schedule change – Dan had to focus on evening his breathing. Along the hall, the musicians he occasionally passed were tuning their instruments or warming up their voices. Dan supposed that he should probably be doing something to prepare too, but he couldn’t… the hallway was starting to tunnel before his vision, his thoughts were fuzzy, and there didn’t seem to be enough air.

Then Dan saw a sign indicating an exit. He ran for the door, pushed it open, and took a deep gulp of the air outside. Dan leaned in the doorway as he looked up at the dazzling sunlight. As he watched a flock of birds float across the sky, he focused on evening his breathing because he wasn’t trapped anymore.

Wanting more fresh air, Dan stepped outside and let the door close behind him. Someone might notice that he was no longer backstage, but he didn’t care – he had honestly felt close to fainting in there and that scared him. Dan was gulping deep breaths of air as he strolled out into the sunlight. As his eyes adjusted to the light, he tried to get his bearings, unsure of where he was now, since this was nowhere near the entrance he had used to enter the building. In front of him, there was a small garden with a couple tables and chairs where employees probably sat to eat their lunch.

Nearby, there was also a fountain that had a statue of a leaping fish in it. The burbling of the water was calming him, so Dan walked closer, letting the sound of it soothe him. Inside the fountain, the bottom glittered with coins, which were tossed by hopeful people making wishes. He wondered if any of them had come true. Dan had never been the type to make wishes and he didn’t feel hopeful, but for a moment he thought about it.

He could reach into the pocket of his jeans, pull out a glittering copper penny, and flick it into the water. For a second, Dan’s fingers itched to do just that, but he didn’t do it. He desperately wanted something and wanted to wish, but he wasn’t sure… the wish wasn’t a concrete thing. He couldn’t put it into words. He couldn’t picture exactly what he wanted. The longing in him was just one word “ _Phil_ ”, and if he tossed a coin that is all he would say. From the moment that they had met, Phil had been all that Dan could have ever wished for. There was nothing else he wanted.

Sighing, Dan turned away from the fountain because even if he wanted to ask for, wishes weren’t real and his wish wasn’t going to come true. Dan wasn’t going to get a happy ending. He started walking through the garden, following the path that led around the corner of the building, and he smirked a bit as he thought of mermaids and happy endings. Disney would have people believe that mermaids get their happy endings. At least the original version of the story had the guts to be brutally honest – mermaids don’t get happiness… they get their hearts broken, but still want the best for the one they love, so they sacrifice themselves.

Years ago when he had first read that story, Dan had thought that the mermaid was a fool who died for a man who wasn’t worth it, but now Dan thought that he had been unfair to her. Like her, Dan now knew something about love and how it made a person act, and while he might be acting like a fool right now, there was nothing else he could do. He would walk this path, even if at the end of it he would turn into seafoam like the mermaid in that story.  

Dan was startled from his thoughts when he heard music. He still wasn’t sure where he was, but it didn’t seem like he had been walking in the direction of the stage, so he wasn’t sure why he heard someone singing. As he rounded the corner, his eyes flicked over the scene, trying to make sense of what he was hearing. Then he understood; he was looking at the parking lot, and a group of young people were gathered around a car. It looked like they had decided to have a drink before going into the concert. They were sitting on the hood of their car, beers in hand, and the doors of the car were open so that they could hear the song playing on the car’s stereo.

Dan leaned against the brick wall for a moment, watching the people sipping beers, singing along to the song, and laughing as they got tipsy. Seeing them, Dan tried to remember what it felt like to be happy and silly and carefree… he couldn’t. He sighed as he pushed off the wall, deciding that he had had enough fresh air and that it was time to go back inside.

Just as he turned around, a familiar voice said, “Dan?”

             
           

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm currently writing the last few chapters of this fic! Endings are always the hardest for me to write and take the most time. I know what needs to be written, but finding the words seems so much more important and challenging since they're the final words.  
> That being said, I'm officially dropping this fic down to 1 update a week. I hope you're okay with that!


	37. Chapter 37

William Shakespeare is believed to have written Midsummer Night’s Dream between 1590 and 1594. In it, he writes: _“I sat upon a promontory, and heard a mermaid on a dolphin’s back, uttering such dulcet and harmonious breath, that the rude sea grew civil at her song; and certain stars shot madly from their spheres to hear the sea-maid’s music.”_

_Soon after, he continues. “Come over here, Puck. You remember that time I was sitting on a rocky coast when I heard a mermaid? She was riding on a dolphin’s back. Her singing was so sweet and pure that the rough sea grew calm and stars sot madly about the sky on hearing the sea-girls song.” [https://www.theepochtimes.com/mermaid-hoax-columbus-shakespeare-and-pliny-the-elder-say-mermaids-are-real_82540.html/]_

 

 

 

Turning at the sound of his name, Dan blinked in surprise at the sight of Robert jogging across the parking lot to meet him. He gave Robert a smile, though he couldn’t hold it on his face for long, and said, “Robert! Hey! Did you get a spot performing today, too?”

“Nah, I’m not performing.” He looked sheepishly down at his feet for a moment, and then looked up as he lifted his hand, displaying the stamp on the back. “I’m just here to enjoy the show. If I’d know you were coming, I could have given you a ride. I’m glad I bumped into you, though! We can go in together.”

Dan’s smile became a bit more genuine. “I’m glad I bumped into you, too. I actually have somewhere I need to be in a while, but I hope I see you inside.

Robert smiled back at him for a moment, but then it faltered. “Wait a sec, did you say, ‘performing _too_ ’? Are you saying you’re going to be on the stage today?”

“Um, yeah…” Dan just nodded in response, feeling his cheeks flush under the intent gaze Robert aimed at him.

After opening and closing his mouth for a few moments, Robert finally spoke, “Oh… that’s great.”

Dan bit his lip, having no idea what to say.

Robert sighed in exasperation. “Dan, I know the things I’m supposed to say in this situation, like that I hope your show goes well, and I’m happy for you, and congratulations, and all of that is true, but…” He shook his head. “Man, what the fuck? Where the hell is this coming from?”

Dan shrugged and mumbled, “I don’t know.”

“Don’t give me that,” Robert said with a laugh, though he didn’t sound like he found anything funny. “What about not being interested in appearing on the radio? You distanced yourself from Phil and fought with me because it was such a hot issue for you. What the heck is going on?”

Dan dropped his eyes to their shoes. “Um, I guess it just wasn’t just that much of an issue…”

“Bull. Dan, what is going on? This isn’t like you.”

He didn’t know what to say, so he just shook his head. Then his shoes were turning around on the path. Before he knew what he was doing or had said a word, he was hurrying down the path and away from Robert. All he knew was that he was about to cry because the person who had stood up for his morals and turned down the spot on the radio had been the real Daniel Howell, and he didn’t know who he was anymore. He was about to cry and he desperately didn’t want to do it in front of Robert, so he needed to get back inside and shut the door between them.

“Dan! Hey, Dan, where are you going!” There was the sound of footsteps on the path behind him.

“Go away, Robert! I have somewhere to be.” He didn’t look over his shoulder.

“Wait a second! Stop! Dan, you’re really starting to piss me off.” Robert shouted.

Dan started to lengthen his strides, pretty sure that he could outrun Robert if it came to that. He was almost through the garden now and was about to pass the fountain – the burbling clatter of the water was filling the air, distorting Robert’s voice as he continued to shout for Dan to slow down or turn around so they could talk.

Dan didn’t turn around. Instead, he looked ahead and saw Phil. He was standing still in the doorway that led back inside. Phil hadn’t noticed them approaching yet, though his eyes were flicking around like he was searching for something. Seeing him there was so unexpected that Dan froze in place and just watched him. It was kind of magical, and for a moment Dan thought that maybe his wish by the fountain had come true, summoning Phil to this spot.

Then Robert ran into his back, unbalancing him. There was a startling moment of freefall in which Dan knew that he was going to hit the ground and that there was nothing he could do to stop it. Still, he flailed his arms because he was right next to the fountain and as time started to slow down he could easily envision striking his head or ribs on the fountain as he fell.

Dan didn’t hit the fountain as he fell. Instead his hip connected painfully with the ground while his palm slapped the water, making it splash. The fountain was shallow and his palm rested on the bottom, the cool metal of coins connecting with his skin. As he assessed the fact that nothing was broken and tried to slow the racing of his heart, he once more became aware of his surroundings and the people racing to his side.

“I’m so sorry! Are you okay? It was an accident! I didn’t mean to knock you over. Are you hurt?” Robert crouched at his side and put a hand on his shoulder.

Dan didn’t answer or look at Robert. He was too distracted by the man who knelt before him. Phil didn’t say anything. He just stared at Dan with wide eyes that were so deep and were a shade of blue that Dan thought he would never see again the day Phil walked out of the bar. Phil opened his mouth, but before he said anything he glanced at the fountain and became stiff. Dan watched the Adam’s apple bob in Phil’s throat.

Dan’s fingers twitched, shifting some of the coins around his hand, as he realized what Phil had noticed. His hand which was submerged in water was now webbed. He was once more obviously inhuman, and anything that Phil would have said to him had been negated by that fact. Of course… Dan sighed as he felt his heart fall.

Robert shook his shoulder. “Hey. Look at me. Are you okay? Come on, man, say something. I’m getting freaked out.”

He stiffened under Robert’s hand as a wave of anger hit him. It wasn’t rational, but all Dan knew was that he felt hurt and rejected by Phil and he wanted to be alone right now. “You know what, Robert? You should be freaked out. I’m not human.” He lifted his hand out of the fountain, and finally turned to face Robert, who paled as he stared at Dan’s hand. Dan continued his rant, “I’m a siren. Like the ones from mythology. That’s why everyone goes nuts from my voice. And you probably suspected this for a long time, so I’d like to tell you that you were right. You were fucking right the whole time, because I don’t deserve the attention I get. Not in the way that you do because you work your ass off to make a living, and I get money and attention and good gigs because people hear me sing and I hypnotize them.”

Dan felt some tears start to roll down his cheeks as the anger left him, leaving only despair. He continued, “I don’t deserve any of this. I never wanted any of this… It should be you up there on the stage today, not me. You’re the one with the real talent. I’m fake. I’m not even a real person. I’m an imposter. I don’t want this.”

Robert continued to stare at Dan’s hand in stunned silence. It was a better reaction than Dan had expected, thinking that Robert would have run away screaming by now.

Then Dan gasped as someone took his webbed hand, and he turned to see that Phil had taken his hand. Phil was smiling at him, and he reached out a hand to brush away the small pearlescent tears from his cheeks. Phil said in a soft voice, “Come on, let’s go inside. We should talk.”

Dan nodded in agreement, and let Phil help him to his feet.

Robert also stood and stuffed his hands in his pockets as he looked at his shoes. He stayed where he was as Phil started to lead Dan for the door back inside. Dan wasn’t expecting Robert to say anything to him, now or ever again, so he was shocked as Robert called after him, “Hey, Dan! I’ll call you later, okay? Once I think about all this…”

  
           

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow is the start of my favorite month :)  
> Also, PINOF is coming...


	38. Chapter 38

1797: William Munro, a schoolteacher in Scotland, writes a letter to a Dr. Torrance in Glasgow, which is published in The Times of London on Sept. 8, 1809 _:_ _About twelve years ago when I was… walking on the shore of Sandside Bay, when my attention was arrested by the appearance of a figure resembling an unclothed human female, sitting upon a rock extending into the sea… The resemblance which the figure bore to its prototype in all its visible parts was so striking, that had not the rock on which it was sitting been dangerous for bathing, I would have been constrained to have regarded it as really a human form… I had a distinct view of its features, being at no great distance on an eminence above the rock on which it was sitting, and the sun brightly shining. It remained on the rock three or four minutes after I observed it, and was exercised during that period in combing its hair, which was long and thick, and then dropped into the sea from whence it did not reappear to me. [https://www.theepochtimes.com/mermaid-hoax-columbus-shakespeare-and-pliny-the-elder-say-mermaids-are-real_82540.html/]_

 

 

 

As Phil led Dan down the corridor by his webbed hand, Dan asked him, “What were you doing in that garden? Before you saw me by the fountain you looked like you were looking for something.”

“I was,” Phil said with a smile as he glanced over his shoulder. “I was looking for you.”

“Why were you…” Dan didn’t finish his question, getting distracted as Phil led him into a room and shut the door behind them. Dan looked around the small space, seeing a mirror, an odd collection of mismatched chairs, and a table that held an open laptop, a coffee cup, and scattered papers. He said, “Someone is using this room for something. We shouldn’t be in here.

"It’s okay,” Phil said, walking over and shutting his laptop. “This is my stuff. I’m using this room. The BBC gave it to me for conducting interviews.” Phil frowned as he sat down and tapped a paper on the table. “Your name is on the list of people I’m supposed to interview. That’s why I went looking for you.”

“Oh,” Dan said as he sat in the chair across the table from Phil. He glanced at the paper that Phil was still touching. “So, this is about work? That’s why you wanted to talk to me?”

“No,” Phil gave a short laugh as he pushed the paper away from him. “I went looking for you because I was surprised to learn that you were here. And… and now that you are, I want to talk to you about things. Not work-related things. I just really want to talk to you.”

“Oh… I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore.” Dan bit his bottom lip. His eyes fixed on a corner of the room where cardboard boxes were stacked – ‘Christmas decorations’ was scrawled on the side of the box.  

“I didn’t say that.” Phil’s smile fell as he realized how hurt Dan had been by this situation. It shouldn’t be a surprise by now – Phil knew that whenever they were apart, they were both miserable. He said, “I just said that I wanted to think.”

Dan’s eyes flicked to his face. “And what did you think about?”

“Not much,” Phil said with a sigh. “All I kept thinking about were the worst possible answers to the questions I had about you and me and us. And, well, dwelling on that wasn’t doing me much good. I needed to hear these things from you. So, when I saw that you were here and I was supposed to talk to you today, I knew that I had to come find you right away.”

Dan blinked. “What did you want to ask me?”

Phil took a steadying breath, still feeling unsure. He knew that he _needed_ this answer – he was just unsure if he _wanted_ it or not. Hesitantly, he asked, “How many times have you hypnotized me since we met?” 

Dan also took a deep breath before answering. “Just a couple times. I almost exclusively use my voice on the stage, so whenever you’ve heard me sing, I’ve hypnotized you. I think that’s one time?”

“Twice,” Phil corrected. “I heard you sing once before I came up and introduced myself. Any other time?”

Dan looked at the corner again as he said, “One other time. After the first night we slept together. I used my voice on you that morning.”

Phil nodded since he had figured that part out already – if Dan hadn’t been honest about that, he would have walked away from this room and never looked back. For now, Dan seemed to be transparent, but just to be sure, Phil watched Dan carefully for signs of deceit as he asked, “That’s it? Those are the only times you used your siren voice on me?”

Dan looked up and met his eyes with an unwavering gaze. “Yes, I promise. Those are the only times.”

Phil’s shoulders relaxed. “So, everything after that has been real… But Dan, I remember that morning. Things were going so well. Why did you use your voice on me?”

“Oh,” Dan’s cheeks got pink. “Well, I was nervous. I thought once you saw who I really was and talked to me that you wouldn’t want anything to do with me. I thought that all we would have was that one morning, and if that was all the time I got with you, I wanted it to seem perfect for both of us. And yes, Phil. Everything since then has been real.”

“Okay,” Phil said, letting out a steady breath. “I think this might all be okay.”

“What, really? You mean that… you and me? You don’t feel like our foundation was built on a lie?”

“I did think that at first, but the more I’ve thought about this it doesn’t bother me. What you can do with your voice is magical, and what I feel for you feels like magic, too. I’ve loved you since the day we met. I know that bothered you the last time I said that, which makes sense now, but love isn’t just one instance where you fall for someone – it’s something that grows and we’ve been through so much together since that first day.” He smiled to reassure Dan, who was shifting nervously in his chair. “I had never fallen for anyone before you. I’d been alone for so long that I didn’t think it was possible to find someone. I thought the fact that I had never fallen in love meant that there was something wrong with me.”

Dan frowned. “Of course nothing was wrong with you.”

His smile widened. “I know that now, thanks to you. You’re my first love. I fell for you, and now that I have, I don’t mind if the catalyst for all this was a song you sung. Either way, falling in love with you has been the most magical experience of my life.”

Dan sniffled, and it looked like it was taking a lot of effort to keep his composure. He whispered, “Me, too. This also feels like magic to me. I do love you. I wouldn’t lie about that.”

“I know, I love you, too.” Phil reached across the table and took Dan’s hand.

With his other hand, Dan had to swipe at the tears that were threatening to spill from his eyes. He sucked in a shuddering breath and said, “Phil, you’re far too nice to me. I never expected you to be okay with any of this.”

“I am,” Phil insisted, and then glanced at the clock on the wall. “Did you need to do anything to get ready for your turn on the stage? I don’t mean to be distracting you from that right now. We can talk later.” Dan just shook his head, so Phil asked, “So, what made you agree to perform today? I thought you weren’t interested in doing shows like this. You said ‘no’ when I asked you to do one.”

Dan shook his head. “I, um… don’t think I should explain this and why I’m here. It’s… this is just something I have to do.”

Phil gave Dan’s hand a squeeze. “Please, no more secrets. That’s all I ask of you. Just tell me everything.”

“Alright. Um…” Dan started slowly, “The night you were in the bar, a woman from the BBC, Gina Hans, was also there.”

Phil blinked in surprise. “My boss? What did she want? Oh! So, she invited you to perform here today?”

“She, um, didn’t give me much choice actually. She was kind of fanatical… terrifyingly so… But it wasn’t her fault! She had a bad reaction to my voice, and it made her act like that.” Dan squirmed in his chair as he waited for Phil’s response.  
“What are you saying?” Phil asked as he narrowed his eyes. “She forced you to be here today?”

Dan nodded as he bit his bottom lip. Finally, he looked up and met Phil’s gaze, his own eyes widened with fear.

After taking a steadying breath, Phil said, “Don’t worry, Love. I’m going to take care of this. You won’t have to perform today if you don’t want to. I don’t know what Gina was thinking, but I’ll get it sorted out.”

“No, you won’t.” Dan shook his head, looking saddened and unreassured. “She isn’t thinking clearly at all – I told you, she had a bad reaction to my voice. It’s making her act impulsive and dangerous, just like the man who tried to kidnap me. This happens sometimes, and nothing you say is going to change her mind. I just have to do this.”

The breath caught in Phil’s chest as he finally realized what this performance meant to Dan and why he only performed in small bars, and also why he had turned down the radio performance that Phil once offered him. “This is dangerous for you. The more exposure you get, the more opportunity there is for a potentially violent person to hear you. And this concert is huge. Someone could kill you… Dan, you can’t do this.”

“I have to.” Dan glanced at the door, like he was contemplating leaving.

“No! This is insane. Why would you agree to this? What could Gina have possibly threatened you with that could be worse?”

“She didn’t threaten me.” He turned back to Phil with a sad smile on his face. “She threatened you. Specifically, she threatened your job.”

Phil felt a lump form in his throat, and he had to force the words past it, “Me… You agreed to do this to help _me_? And right after I left you at the bar like that? Why would you do that?”

Dan shrugged. “I love you, and I know how much your job means to you. I couldn’t cost you your job, not after everything I had already put you through.” He waved his hand when Phil tried to interrupt. “And I’m still doing this. You can’t talk me out of this. I’m going to perform today to save your job. I’ve already decided.”

“You’re crazy.” Phil sighed.

Dan shrugged again. “I prefer to attribute it to stubbornness.”

“You have to be on stage soon?” Phil asked, and Dan nodded in response. Phil stared at the door, calculating how much time he had to fix this. How likely was it that he could find Gina in time to talk to her about this? Would she be reasonable? Would she come with him to talk to Dan and free him of his obligation to perform? None of that sounded very likely, under this deadline… And then Phil thought of something.

Dan noticed the odd grin on his face. Warily, he asked, “What is it?”

“You told Gina you would sing, right? That’s all? You just have to get on the stage to fulfill this agreement?”

“Yes…?” Dan said slowly, obviously not understanding.  
  
Phil’s grin widened. “I have an idea.”  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delayed update! I wasn't feeling very well yesterday and needed the rest. I feel much better today. The magical healing powers of PINOF perhaps? :D


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recommend watching this cover by RoberIDK, before or after reading this chapter :)  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ludlt2sdaeI

_Siren fact: 2008: A sighting of a mermaid happened in Suurbraak, a village in the Western Cape of South Africa, reported Aldo Pekeur, a correspondent for the New Zealand Herald. A resident of the village, Daniel Cupido, said he and his friends were next to the river around 11:30 p.m. when they heard something like someone “bashing on a wall.” Cupido went toward the sound, and found a figure “like that of a white woman with long black hair thrashing about in the water”. Cupido said he tried to help the woman but the woman made “the strangest sound,” which Dina, Cupido’s mother, said was so sorrowful “my heart could take it no more.” The creatures are described as Kaaiman, or half human and half fish creatures living in deep pools. [https://www.theepochtimes.com/mermaid-hoax-columbus-shakespeare-and-pliny-the-elder-say-mermaids-are-real_82540.html/]_

 

 

 

“Oh?” Dan asked.

“I think that you should sing. I mean, really sing as you. Not in your siren voice. You can do that, right?”

Dan’s mouth opened and closed as he contemplated for a moment. Finally, he said, “I suppose I could. I don’t see why not… It’s possible.” Then his eyes widened. “Oh, but fuck, Phil, I can’t sing! Not for real as an entertainer. I’ve never done anything like before. I don’t know how.”

Phil covered his mouth to hold in a laugh, but it still bubbled past his lips. He dropped his hand and said, “I’m sorry. It’s not funny. Really, it’s not. I don’t know why I’m laughing.”

“I do, it’s okay,” Dan assured him, since he knew how anxiety and tension could mount to a point where a person felt like he was about to explode and all he could do was either laugh or cry. If Phil wanted to laugh right now, that was fine. It was better than seeing him cry.

Phil took a steadying breath and settled himself. “I’m sorry about laughing. But really, Dan… of course you can! Just sing.”

“I can’t. Not well.”

“Do you have to sing well?” Phil asked with an arched eyebrow. “I mean, I see what you’re saying – you’re not professionally trained. But do you have to be for this? I mean, if the options are sing like a siren and endanger your life, or sing like a normal person and… I don’t know. I’m just thinking that everything might turn out alright?”

Dan bit his lip as he thought. Then he nodded. “You’re right. This is better. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but at least I won’t be risking my life. And if I do this, then I’ve fulfilled my deal with your boss. She can’t fire you.”

Phil beamed at him. “See? Everything is going to be okay.”

 

 

As Dan waited just offstage, knowing his turn to step on stage would come any moment, his eyes flicked to Phil’s face, seeking comfort.

Phil took Dan’s moist hand in his. He whispered, “You’re sweating.”

Hearing this, a young woman working backstage grabbed a makeup compact from the dressing table. She inserted herself between Dan and Phil and held up a powderpuff. “For the shine,” she explained, and waited until Dan nodded to powder his sweaty face. Then she leaned back, tilting her head as she admired her work. Then she nodded as was gone as quickly as she’d appeared, hurrying around a corner intent on another task.

Dan’s eyes flicked to Phil as he nervously bit his bottom lip and then asked, “How do I look?”

“Lovely, as always,” Phil said with a smile, and he ran his fingers through Dan’s hair, arranging the curls.

“Thank you,” Dan whispered.

Before Phil could say anything else, a young man carrying a clipboard hurried over to them, and he squinted at Dan through glasses before asking, “Mr. Howell?” When Dan nodded, the man gestured in the direction he had come from. “You must come with me. I need you to stand on your mark and await your cue.”

“Oh, um, okay.” He started to move, but hesitated as he looked at Phil. Dan knew that his fear that Phil would vanish the moment he took his eyes off him was unfounded, but he couldn’t help asking, “Will you be here when I get off the stage?”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Phil promised. “Go break a leg.”

Dan swallowed heavily and nodded. He started to follow the man with the clipboard but had to stop and turn around. Phil hadn’t gone anywhere – he was still standing there with a smile on his face as he watched Dan. Feeling grounded by the sight, Dan shouted, “I love you!”

Phil’s smile widened. “Love you, too.”

As his breathing was coming easier and his racing heart fluttered once before settling, Dan started to believe that he could do this. Since Phil was going to be waiting for him once this was done, did anything else matter? Dan turned to follow the man with the clipboard.

“You’re on any second now. We should be there already,” the man said, sounding a bit exasperated as he grabbed Dan by the elbow to hurry him down the hallway. By the time they reached the black curtains concealing backstage, the crowd was applauding as the previous performer stepped off the stage.

Dan swallowed heavily and hesitated at the edge of the curtain. “Um, do I have time to get a drink of water?”

“No, you’re on,” the man with the clipboard hissed in a whisper, as he shoved Dan through the curtains.

Dan blinked for a moment at the lights, and once his eyes adjusted he saw the crowd… the massive crowd. He took a deep breath to find his focus, a trick he had first learned when appearing on stage, and while this audience was a lot bigger than any he had seen before, the breathing helped. He stopped looking at the crowd, and he walked to the piano that he knew was waiting for him on the stage.

There was no sheet music sitting on the piano, as Dan couldn’t read it and hadn’t planned what he was going to perform. When he sang as a siren, the song choice didn’t matter as his listeners wouldn’t remember what he had performed – this time, they would.

There was a microphone hanging above the piano, and Dan leaned into it. “Hi, I’m Daniel Howell. Thanks for letting me entertain you today.” As several people in the crowd cheered encouragingly, his eyes flicked over the audience that was staring at him expectantly before his eyes dropped back down to his hands resting on the keys. “I’m going to perform a cover for you today. It’s a song that has been running through my head for the past few days as I reflected on things that were going on in my life. I hope I do it justice.”

His fingers started moving across the keys, hesitantly and carefully at first, but the piano portion of his show was always the area that made him feel most confident and he quickly got into it. Then he leaned into the microphone. For the first time ever, Dan sung to this crowd in his normal voice with no hint of magic in it. It felt like he had to lower his guard to do this and that he was exposing his true self to these people. It was an unsettling experience, but Phil had thought this was a good idea and he trusted Phil.

“ _And I’m thinking about how people fall in love in mysterious ways. Maybe just the touch of a hand. Oh me I fall in love with you every single day, and I just wanna tell you I am_.”

His eyes flicked up from his hands moving across. Dan continued singing, but he was searching for a familiar face. The crowd was full of strangers, and though he tried to read their expressions, he couldn’t tell if they were enjoying it or not – he had gotten accustomed to seeing blissed-out faces on the members of his audience, and it was jarring to see them singing and swaying to the familiar song.

“ _I’m thinking about how people fall in love in mysterious ways. Maybe it’s all part of a plan. I’ll just keep on making the same mistakes, hoping that you'll understand.”_

A movement at the curtain caught his attention, and he stopped searching the audience as his gaze flicked in that direction. Phil… of course he wasn’t at the crowd. He was right there at the curtain a few feet away, silently supporting Dan. He had never left his side. Dan kept his eyes fixed on him as he continued to sing, unable and unwilling to break the gaze.

“ _Take me into your loving arms. Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars. Oh darling, place your head on my beating heart. I’m thinking out loud that maybe we found love right where we are_.”

Dan ended the performance with a flourish, the notes ringing from the piano as he lifted his hands from the keys. He stood from the stool and made a quick polite bow to the audience before rushing off stage. He plowed into Phil as he did so. 

Phil wrapped his arms around him to steady them, and then walked a few paces back, dragging Dan out of view of the audience. He chuckled, “Hey, was that a hug, or a tackle, or did I just get in your way as you were running off stage?”

“Kind of all three,” Dan admitted as he hugged Phil tighter. “I can’t believe I did that. Tell me, how awful was I?”

“You were really good!”

Dan leaned out of the hug with a frown. “Please don’t lie to me. Tell me if I just embarrassed myself in front of everyone.”

“You didn’t! I’m not lying.” Phil assured him with a laugh. “Your natural voice is really good, considering that you haven’t been trained.”

Dan bit his lip, considering a vision of the future where he could perform like this in front of crowds using his real voice. Perhaps he could make people happy without hypnotizing them. “You really think so?”

“I do. Your voice is…” Phil frowned as he seemed to carefully consider his next words. “I’m trying to think of how to describe it, and I keep coming back to metaphors. I like comparing instruments to animals sometimes. Like, a flute can sound like a bird – sometimes it’s chirpy and beautiful, and in other situations it could sound shrill. I feel like your voice is like that. It can be beautiful and calming, but if you don’t level and control it carefully, it can strain and get a bit shrill.”

“Oh…” Dan blinked as he processed that.

“Did I offend you? Sorry.”

Dan waved off Phil’s worry. “No, it’s okay. I’m glad you’re being honest.”

Phil’s tense shoulders relaxed. “Of course. I’ll always be honest with you.”

“Me too. So, I was just a little shrill?” Dan asked, considering if practice and voice lessons were all he needed.

Phil nodded. “Your range is impressive, but when going high you strain your voice a bit. When singing lower, you’re less likely to be shrill but may have a harder time being in tune. But you’re really good. You have natural talent.”

Dan felt a lump forming in his throat. People had complimented his voice before, but always his siren voice as they rode a high. No one had ever complimented his real voice like that. Hearing this honest opinion, it felt like a world of possibilities had been opened to him – he could be a real singer.

The ocean eyes widened as he watched Dan’s face. “Hey, you look like you’re about to cry. I wasn’t too harsh, was I? I’m sorry.”

“No, not too harsh.” He wrapped his arms once more around Phil.  “That was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to the critique of Dan's voice goes to the talented Amazing Dandroid (I don't know anything about music, and asked her for advice on writing that section). If you liked that section, let me know and I will pass along your words to her!
> 
> This fic is 5 months old!   
> *gasps* I can't believe I've been working on it that long! It will be finished soon though :)


	40. Chapter 40

Siren Fact: _The Sirens of Greek mythology are sometimes portrayed in later folklore as fully aquatic and mermaid-like… Sirens combine women and birds in various ways. In early Greek art Sirens were represented as birds with large women's heads, bird feathers and scaly feet. Later, they were represented as female figures with the legs of birds, with or without wings, playing a variety of musical instruments, especially harps. The tenth century Byzantine encyclopedia Suda says that from their chests up Sirens had the form of sparrows, below they were women, or, alternatively, that they were little birds with women's faces. Birds were chosen because of their beautiful voices. Later Sirens were sometimes depicted as beautiful women, whose bodies, not only their voices, are seductive. [http://www.crystalinks.com/sirens.html/]_

 

 

 

With his role on the stage fulfilled and no other obligations here, Dan returned with Phil to the room where he had been working for the BBC. As he shut the door behind them, Phil wrapped his arms around Dan and kissed him forcefully. He murmured against Dan’s lips, “Want to go home with you.”

“Then do that,” Dan replied between kisses.

Phil shook his head as he leaned out of the kiss. “I should. I really should just go home with you. When you decided to perform today, you put me and my job before yourself. You almost sacrificed yourself for me. So, in this moment that should be all about you and me, how can I think about my job?” He gave Dan a squeeze. “This is all that matters.”

Dan glanced at the open laptop on the table. “You have work to do for the BBC now, right? Before you can leave the festival?”

Phil shrugged, trying not to think about how he would pay his rent if he quit his job today. Still, he couldn’t help resenting his boss for the position she had put Dan, and he took a childish delight in the idea of making her pay by walking out on his job. 

While Phil was distracted by this notion, Dan smiled and shook his head. “Phil, I’m _here._ ” As his words drew Phil’s attention to his face, he continued, “I’m right here, in your arms, and I’m not going anywhere. If you need to work, then work, and I will be here waiting for you. We will go home together when you’re done.”

Phil beamed at Dan. “Okay. You’ll stay.”

The next few hours passed contentedly. As Phil’s fingers danced across the keyboard of his laptop, filling the room with the sound of clattering, he kept glancing up at Dan, who was slouched in a chair in the corner. Dan was browsing on his phone, seeming transfixed by whatever was on the screen, but Phil kept catching Dan staring at him, too. 

Occasionally, Phil had to leave the room, returning with a musician who sat down for an interview. The interviews would be published on the BBC’s website and also released in video format, so Phil had to set up a camera to record them. During this, Dan stayed silently tucked out of the camera’s sight in his corner, and he seemed to be doing everything he could to not distract from the interviews. 

Dan was a distracting man though. The simple look of wonder he had on his face as he watched Phil speak with the celebrities was enough to make Phil flash him a smile, unable to hold back though he knew it had been captured on camera. It seemed to help the interview run smoothly though – a smile never hurt anything. These entertainers were probably used to being interviewed by tense people too stiff to lighten the mood, but Phil’s happiness seemed contagious and soon the musicians were smiling, too.

Once the camera had been turned off and the final musician had been dispatched with a handshake, Phil closed his laptop and turned to Dan with a satisfied smile. He said, “I have one more thing to do before we can go home. I’m supposed to introduce one of the last acts in…” He glanced at his watch. “Well, I should be headed for the stage right now.”

Dan sat up attentively. “You should go then. Don’t want to be late.”

Phil bit his lip as he hesitated before asking, “And you’ll be here when I get back?”

“Of course.” Dan stood up with a frown and crossed the room to stand in front of Phil. “Where else would I be?”

Shrugging, Phil looked down at the floor. “I don’t know… I, um just sometimes have this silly idea that you’re going to disappear. Like, even now when you’re right in front of me and things seem so perfect, they seem too perfect and I’m afraid that if I reach out to touch you that you’ll pop like a soap bubble.”

“I won’t.” Dan reached out and took his hand. “I’m real, and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here when you get back. And then we’ll go home.”

 

 

Phil unlocked the door of his apartment, holding the door open for Dan, who stepped inside. Having Dan here was a sharp contrast to the night they spent apart. When Phil came home along last night, he had turned on the lights, but the darkness remained; he crawled under his duvet, but still felt cold. It just wasn’t the same. Dan brought the light and warmth with him when he entered a room, and Phil was basking in it right now. He never wanted them to be apart again.

After hanging up his coat on a hook on the wall, Dan turned to face Phil, his mahogany eyes fixed to Phil’s face. He seemed to be waiting for Phil to say or do something.

Phil glanced in the direction of his kitchen as he asked, “Are you hungry? Or thirsty?”

Dan shook his head. “No, I’m fine, thank you.”

As Dan was still staring at him expectantly, Phil said, “Are you sure? There’s nothing you need?”  
  
Looking down at his clothes that were dusty from a day spent backstage, Dan said, “I’d like to use your shower, if you wouldn’t mind…”

“Of course, go ahead!” Phil started to walk down the hall with Dan but paused as the hallway as it branched between the bathroom and the kitchen. Phil nodded in the direction of the kitchen. “I suppose I should get dinner started while you shower.”

Dan nodded and looked at his shoes. “Okay, I’ll see you in a bit.”  

After watching Dan disappear behind the bathroom door, Phil shuffled to his kitchen. He opened the door of his fridge and stared into its depths for a minute or three… he wasn’t sure how long he stood there mindlessly before he mechanically picked up the bottle of Ribena and carried it to the counter. His hands fluttered uselessly in the air for a moment as he failed to remember in which of his cabinets he kept the glasses.

Then he dropped his hands to his sides. He didn’t care about juice glasses or fixing dinner. There was only one thing he wanted right now, and it wasn’t in the kitchen. Abandoning the bottle of Ribena on the counter, Phil headed back to the hallway where he had parted from Dan and knocked on the bathroom door. It opened almost instantly. Dan was shirtless and his jeans wear unbelted and slung low on his hips. He looked like he was holding his breath, waiting to see what Phil would say.

Before he lost his nerve, Phil blurted, “Can I join you?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” Dan said with a grin, as he grabbed Phil by the front of his shirt and tugged him into the bathroom. The shower was already running and filling the room with steam. Dan quickly stripped Phil of his clothes and discarded his own pants before pulling Phil into the shower. As they stepped into the stream of water, Dan glanced shyly down. He held his hands between them and flexed his hands, which were now webbed. “It still feels strange to show you who I really am.”

Phil took both of Dan’s hands. “I think I’ve always known who you really are. You’re my Dan. Anything else is, well, just something that makes you special.”

Dan smiled. “Is there anything you’re curious about? We never got a chance to talk about it much.”

Phil frowned as he thought. “Oh. Hmm, I was curious about something… You’ve always been a siren, right? This is something you were born as?”

“No, I was bitten by a radioactive fish.” He laughed at Phil’s surprised expression. “I’m kidding of course. What kind of fish has teeth?”

“A piranha?” Phil suggested, but then refocused on the important topic. “No, alright… You were born a siren. Were you born in the sea? Do you have family there?”

Dan laughed again and shook his head. “I was born in Wokingham. I don’t have family in the sea. I just have my mum. And she’s the only other siren I’ve ever met. I get it from her, you see?”

Nodding, Phil _did_ see. This all fit with everything he already knew about Dan. One little detail had been changed about him – he wasn’t human – but he was still Dan. As the rest of his story fit neatly with this narrative, it seemed like Dan had been honest with him about the rest of his life, and Phil was able to relax, feeling like he wasn’t standing with a stranger.

“What is it?” Dan asked warily. “You look like you’re thinking about something very hard.”

Phil smiled, hoping to reassure Dan. “Oh, I was just thinking about the fact that I feel like I know you. Like, I really know you, if you understand what I mean.”

Dan gave Phil’s hands a squeeze. He lowered his gaze shyly, seeming to become momentarily distracted by the sight of their bodies which were mere inches apart, and the way that rivulets of water were running down the smooth planes of Phil’s stomach. Then he refocused, bringing his eyes back up to meet Phil’s gaze, and said, “I feel like I really know you, too. And I always want to know you.”

“Me, too,” Phil whispered, so softly that the sound might have gotten lost over the sound of the rushing water. Dan seemed to understand though, as Phil leaned into kiss him. As the water rushed over them, Phil lost himself in the kiss and let Dan invade all of his senses – the way Dan’s warm body felt pressed against his, the sound of his breaths which came in gasps between kisses, the taste of him on his tongue, and the sight of him with shower water glistening in his sodden and spiky curls because of course Phil wasn’t closing his eyes for a second during this kiss. It felt like they had spent an eternity apart, and now that he had Dan in front of him again, Phil wasn’t going to miss a moment of it. Never again.

Another thing he noticed while acutely aware of the way that Dan was pressed against him was the hardening of his cock. Phil reached between their bodies to give Dan a stroke, which made him gasp and his body quiver. Dan broke the kiss as he groaned and sagged against Phil. “You’re going to make my heart pound out of my chest,” Dan sighed against Phil’s neck.

“I feel it,” he said, enjoying the surreal sensation where their flesh was pressed together – as he felt Dan’s heart racing, it felt almost like they were 1 person in this moment. Two people, but one body sharing this moment of bliss. He continued to work Dan’s hard cock with his hand, wanting to see if his heart could beat even faster.

Dan twitched like electricity was coursing through his body and moaned. He hissed through his teeth, “Phil, it you keep doing that I’m going to come. Soon…”

“Good.” Phil squeezed Dan’s cock a bit harder. His palm was slick with water, so didn’t have to worry about friction. Then Dan spasmed against him, his hips thrusting against Phil’s hand. His groans echoed off the tiled walls as Phil worked him through his orgasm.

For a moment they just stayed pressed together as Dan worked to catch his breath. Phil’s erection was now aching for contact, but at the same time he felt perfectly content as long as Dan was here with him. Suddenly, Dan took a step back. As their bodies came unstuck and the cool air found Phil’s skin, he couldn’t help whining at the loss of Dan’s warmth.

“Where are you going?” Phil asked.

“Right here,” Dan responded, as he dropped to his knees before Phil.

As Phil felt Dan’s warm breath tickle his thighs, he knew that he wouldn’t last long once this started. For a moment he thought about asking Dan to wait. They could go to his bedroom and take their time there. But no… he hissed in pleasure and enjoyed this moment as Dan started to work on him, because there would be time to have that moment in the bedroom later. This was only the beginning. Of everything.

 

           

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all have a wonderful holiday/Christmas (if you celebrate it) !  
> I'm hoping for snow, and maybe PINOF bloopers :)  
> I hope that you get everything that you want this year <3


	41. Chapter 41

Siren Fact: _1842: Phineas Barnum, of Barnum and Brothers fame, got connected with what was said to be a mermaid who had been caught near the Feejee Islands in the South Pacific. In a portion of an autobiography written by Barnum, published by the Department of History and Art History at George Mason University, Barnum says that he obtained the specimen from the estate of a dead sailor, who had purchased it from Japanese sailors. Barnum recounts going to his naturalist to ascertain the “genuineness of the animal.”_

_Writes Barnum: “Then why do you suppose it is manufactured?” I inquired._

_“Because I don’t believe in mermaids,” replied the naturalist._

_“That is no reason at all,” said I, “and therefore I’ll believe in the mermaid, and hire it.” [https://www.theepochtimes.com/mermaid-hoax-columbus-shakespeare-and-pliny-the-elder-say-mermaids-are-real_82540.html/]_

 

 

 

For the longest time after Dan fell asleep, Phil just laid beside him in bed with his eyes wide open. He wasn’t exactly sure what made him do that – perhaps it was several things. Fear that Dan would vanish if he closed his eyes, despite Dan’s assurance that he wasn’t going anywhere. Fear that this day had all been a dream and that in reality they had never reconciled. And more than anything, Phil wanted to drink in every feature of Dan’s face, fixing each freckle in his memory. He always wanted to see this face.

Suddenly, his phone buzzed on the nightstand, making Dan twitch in his sleep. As quietly as he could, Phil lunged for his phone to silence it before it could wake Dan. Seeing Dan’s breathing even once more, Phil sighed in relief and rolled on his back as he checked his phone to see who had called. Just as he glanced at his phone, it _ping_ ed to tell him that the caller had left a message. Curious, he pressed ‘play’ before even looking at the caller ID to see who had left a message.

“ _Phil, it’s me._ ” Gina’s voice drifted from the speaker of his phone, making him suck in a surprised breath. “ _I, um… I’m sorry, but I just had to call. There’s something I have to confess. Not long ago, I figured out you were seeing Daniel Howell. I asked him to work for the BBC, and when he refused I forced him to do the music festival by threatening him. I told him I would fire you if he didn’t_.”

There was the sound of her taking a shuddering breath. “ _I really am sorry. I don’t know what was wrong with me. I don’t know why I would do something like that. It just… it seemed important at the time, but in retrospect, after watching Howell perform today, I don’t know why I did that. It doesn’t seem like me, and I’ve always thought of you as a friend. How could I threaten you? Phil, I am so sorry. I’m telling you this because I owe you the truth, and perhaps this will help to heal your relationship in case my actions damaged it in any way. I know that what I have done was unforgivable, and I understand that you will never be able to trust me as a friend again; however, I promise to behave professionally at work, and I hope that seeing me there will not cause you too much distress. I am truly sorry. Goodbye, Phil._ ”

Phil exhaled and dropped his phone on the bed beside him. He closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind – his brain felt fuzzy with muddled thoughts and fleeting emotions. Gina’s betrayal still stung, despite her apology, and he was unsure how he was going to face her at work.

“Phil?” Dan spoke softly, but still startled Phil who dropped his phone in surprise. His mahogany eyes were deep and filled with sorrow as he said, “It’s not her fault.”

“What?” His mind was racing, as he glanced at the phone lying on the bed between them, he made the leap of logic, “You overheard the message I was listening to?”

Dan nodded. “I hope you don’t blame her too much.”

“Of course I do. She used me to force you into something you didn’t want to do. I don’t care that she threatened my job – I’m not even sure if I want it anymore now. How can I go to work and look her in the face, knowing what she did to you?”

“Phil, tell me you don’t still love your job. You can’t, can you? Because I know you do, and so I’m not going to let you give it up.” Dan took a deep breath, pausing to let Phil comment, but Phil’s thoughts were reeling, and he stayed silent.

What Dan had said was true – he did love his work. That fact distracted him for a moment. He’d thought of himself as someone who lived without love for a long time, but that had never been true. He had the love of his family and friend, and he also had the love of his work. Now he had Dan’s love too, and it was the best feeling ever. He felt so very protective of this budding spark of new love, as if he were a man kindling a fire and he has to shield the crackling sparks of it from a breeze that might blow it out. Phil felt incredibly protective of his relationship, and a desire to lash out at anything that threatened it. That included Gina.

Seeming to understand, Dan smiled reassuringly and said, “Phil, I’m fine. What happened today was fine. I’m actually glad it went down like that.”

Phil blinked. “Wait, what? You are?”

“I am.” Dan beamed at him. “If your boss hadn’t forced me into it, I might never have gotten on the stage like that and sung as myself. I now know what I am capable of, and I’m so excited about the future because of it.”

Phil put a hand on Dan’s cheek, over his dimple as he cupped it. “That’s because you’re wonderful and talented, and you found the strength hidden inside yourself. You shouldn’t have been forced into that position by Gina, and I can’t help hating what she did to you. Perhaps I can go back to work, but I’m not going to be grateful for what she did and I’m never going to forgive her.”

Dan frowned, his mirth disappearing beneath Phil’s fingertips. “She used to be your friend, right? Gina was your friend, and I’ve cost you a friend.”

“That wasn’t your fault.”

“It was!” Dan shook off Phil’s hand and sat up in bed. He pulled his knees up to his chest and pinned Phil under an intent gaze, as if to be sure he was listening. “Phil, I hypnotized your boss. She heard my siren voice and reacted badly to it. You heard that message. She wasn’t herself. My siren voice twisted her mind and brought out that side of her.”

Phil also sat up in bed and shook his head. “I don’t think so. So many people have heard you sing. Why would Gina be different?”

“This happens sometimes with driven, obsessive, or unbalanced people. Remember the man who tried to kidnap me? The music brings out a bad side in people sometimes.”

Phil bit his bottom lip. Driven and obsessive? He’d thought of her in that way before, but she had always channeled those qualities into her work for the BBC, and she had done good things with that side of her. Unbalanced? He preferred to think of Gina as quirky, or he had until what she had done to Dan.

“It was my fault…”

The words brought Phil’s eyes back to his face.

Dan swallowed heavily. “I’m sorry, I really am. I bring out the worst in some people, and it’s my fault that this happened to Gina. Please don’t blame her.”

Belatedly, Phil remembered Dan saying this once before after he had nearly been kidnapped. He had felt it was his own fault that his kidnapper had hurt him. Phil reached for Dan’s hand and squeezed it. He asked, “You want me to forgive Gina?”

Dan nodded and returned the squeeze.

“Okay, I’ll try – and it will take time, but I promise I will try.” As Dan heaved a sigh of relief, Phil continued, “But you need to promise me something in return.”

Dan blinked. “Anything. But what is it?”

“You need to forgive yourself. For Gina. For the man who hurt you in the alley. And for any other guilt you might be carrying around. And if this ever happens again when you sing, you have to forgive yourself for that, too. None of this is your fault, Dan.”

Dan bit his lip as he thought. After a moment, he asked, “And do you forgive me? For what I did when I sang to you?”

“Always,” Phil said, and then he leaned in to kiss Dan’s cheek.

 

 

The next morning, Phil crept carefully into the bedroom, happy to see that the noise he’d made in the kitchen hadn’t roused Dan from his sleep. Stopping at the side of the bed, he gave Dan’s shoulder a gentle shake. “Wake up, Love. Breakfast is getting cold.”

Dan sighed, murmured something soft under his breath, and blinked sleepily up at Phil. With his curls tousled by sleep and his cheeks rosy with a soft flush, Dan was so lovely that it made Phil’s heart squeeze in his chest, just looking at him. Dan asked, “Breakfast?”

“Yes, I cooked.”

Dan sat up, rubbing his eyes. “Mmmh, sounds nice. I’ll join you in the kitchen in a second. Let me just stop in the bathroom real quick.”

“Okay.” Phil stepped to the side to give Dan room to climb out of bed. Seeing the way that Dan was already hastily finger combing his hair, he laughed and said, “Don’t spend too much time fussing with your hair in the bathroom. You already look pretty to me.”

Dan pouted, but dropped his hand from his hair as he disappeared through the door to the bathroom. The sound of running water came from the room a moment later.

With a smile that wouldn’t leave his face, Phil returned to the kitchen, where he carried the serving platter of freshly-made pancakes from the stove and placed them on the kitchen table. Next, he turned his attention to coffee. He had already placed two empty mugs on the countertop beside a canister of instant coffee. He filled the mugs with water and placed them in the microwave.

“Coffee…”

Phil turned at the sound of Dan’s voice, seeing him in the doorway of the kitchen. He responded, “Should be ready in a moment.”

Dan smiled. “I was just thinking about how things come full circle.”

“Oh?” Phil glanced at the pair of mugs rotating slowly on the turntable in the microwave.

“Yes. Coffee…” Dan bit his bottom lip and seemed to organize his thoughts as he sat at the kitchen table. “I was thinking about that first night when I invited you up to my apartment and made you coffee. That was the start of us.”

Phil’s eyes widened. “You’re right. It was.”

Dan laughed and came closer. He picked up the canister of instant coffee. “I remember you told me you had the same kind of coffee as me at home – I thought you were just being polite to save me some embarrassment since I only had instant.”

Phil shook his head with a smile. Then the microwave _beeped_ and Phil moved to take the mugs out and place them on the counter. As he did, Dan stepped even closer with a spoon he retrieved from a drawer in hand. It felt like they were in sync, able to work together effortlessly without uttering a word, and a moment later they were watching coffee crystals dissolve into their drinks. Dan carried his mug to the table, and Phil joined him.

As he took a sip of steaming coffee, he stared over the rim of the mug at Dan. He couldn’t suppress his smile, or what he was thinking. Phil placed his mug on the table, and said, “This reminds me of when I realized I loved you.”

Dan smiled. “I’m sorry I freaked out on you the last time you mentioned that. It is nice to hear you say that that of course… if you’re sure that it isn’t ruined by what you now know about that morning.”

“Not at all,” Phil reassured him. “Like I said, falling in love with you has been the most magical experience of my life, and it doesn’t matter to me anymore how that started. All that matters to me now is that I know I know my feelings for you are real. I’m able to look back on our time together, and none of that other stuff matters. I just feel happy.”

“I feel happy, too,” Dan whispered, gaze dropping shyly to the plate of pancakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I keep adding to the total chapters (I think this should be the last time I change that number). I realized how close I was to hitting 100k words and added a fluff chapter in an attempt to hit that milestone. We'll see... :)  
> See you in 2019! I'm excited for the new year!


	42. Chapter 42

Siren Fact: _2012: An official in Zimbabwe said that mermaids were hounding government workers off dam sites in several different areas. Water Resources Minister Sam Sipepa Nkomo told a senate committee in March that traditional chiefs were going to perform rituals to get rid of the mermaids believed to live in reservoirs in Gokwe and Mutare, where workers are afraid to go, according to Voice of America. Some workers reportedly went missing while others have refused to go back to install water pumps._

_Traditional leader chief Edison Chihota of Mashonaland East told the media outlet that mermaids exist. “As a custodian of the traditional I have no doubt,” chief Chihota said. “For anyone to dispute this is also disputing him or herself.” [https://www.theepochtimes.com/mermaid-hoax-columbus-shakespeare-and-pliny-the-elder-say-mermaids-are-real_82540.html/]_

 

 

 

They dug into breakfast after that, lapsing into a comfortable silence filled with intent looks and blissful smiles. After the last of the syrup has been sopped off the plates with the final forkful of pancakes and the last sip of coffee had been swallowed, they carried their plates to the kitchen sink. Seeming distracted, Dan glanced at his coat, which was still hanging on a hook by the front door. He didn’t move to go get it, though.

Phil stared at him, hoping that Dan wasn’t thinking about leaving already. He asked, “Something on your mind?”

“Hmmm?” Dan blinked and his gaze flicked to Phil’s face. “Oh… I was just considering getting my phone out of my pocket. Do you think Robert has called me yet? He said he might…”

“Only one way to know if he did,” Phil said with a shrug, and he gave Dan a hopeful smile. “Go check your phone.”

Biting his bottom lip, Dan walked over to his coat and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He stared at the screen for a few seconds and frowned.

“Any messages?” Phil asked, coming closer in case it was bad news.

Dan shrugged. “Dunno. Dead battery.”

“I can plug it in for you,” Phil offered, taking the dead phone from Dan. “Did you bring your charger?”

“I think so.” Dan started rummaging in the pockets of his jacket again. His jacket was black of course – a ridiculously oversized and overpriced fashion statement with deep pockets. As he rooted through them for his charging cable, he suddenly gasped. “I forgot I had this!”

“Hmm?” Curious, Phil came closer to see what Dan would pull out of the pocket.

Dan withdrew something, but kept his hand closed around it. He looked suddenly shy, dropping his gaze to the floor. “Oh, just something silly I bought you…”

“A present for me?” Phil chirped excitedly. “Can I see it please?”

Dan relaxed with a smile. “Sure. Of course.” Dan opened his palm, displaying something small and furry. “I bought it for you in Brighton. It’s… you know. One of those ridiculous impulse purchases.” Dan shrugged nonchalantly. “I just wanted to give you something. After we saw those cute mice and you said you wanted one, this seemed like the perfect gift. Then when everything got crazy during that trip, I forgot about it. I still wanted to give it to you later, so I kept it with me… even when things went bad between us, I kept it. You know, just in case…”

A smile bloomed across Phil’s face. “You never gave up hope that we’d be able to work things out. You always wanted us to get back together.”

Dan nodded and held out the fuzzy toy to Phil. “Here. It’s not much, but I thought you might like it.”

Phil accepted it and peered with interest at the little creature. It was a plush hamster with brown fur that reminded him of the ones he’d raised as a boy. Despite the fact that he was an adult and that was a lifetime ago, the toy filled him with a childish sense of joy, especially since Dan was the one who had given it to him. “Oh, it’s so cute!” He gushed, as he stroked the soft fur. “Thank you, Dan. I love it!”

“Wait,” Dan said with a chuckle, and reached for the toy. “You haven’t seen everything yet.” While Phil waited patiently with it in his palm, Dan reached under the toy and grasped a tab on its bottom.

The hamster started to buzz and vibrate furiously in Phil’s hand. He nearly dropped it in surprise and gasped, “Oh!”

Dan burst into a fit of laughter at Phil’s surprise. “I said the same thing.”

The buzzing of the toy ceased after a moment, but Phil still felt like his whole body was vibrating. Dan was standing so close, and Phil felt like his body was buzzing on the same wavelength. If he pressed himself against Dan, he thought that his cells might sing at the sensation. As Dan returned his intent gaze and seemed to be thinking similar things, Phil leaned in, so close that he could feel Dan’s breath on his face. Where their bodies brushed together, Phil’s skin tingled. He whispered, “You’re so lovely.”

“Love you, too,” Dan replied, as if he had always known what Phil meant when he gave him that compliment, back when it had been too early to declare what he truly felt. Dan pressed himself harder against Phil, who wrapped his arms around him.

 

 

Since neither of them had pressing plans today, they were able to spend the day together in Phil’s apartment. This time felt important to them. They had been apart for some time, and now they had come together again. While they still knew each other – knew each other better than they ever had before, Phil thought – there was still the sense that they were getting to know each other once more. With each lingering look and gentle touch, it felt like they were finding each other and coming closer to each other. They were reaffirming what they were to each other.

Before long, they found themselves in the bedroom again. Phil kissed every inch of Dan’s skin that he could reach around his clothes, but he didn’t try to remove them. They ended up lying on the bed, limbs entwined and wrapped around each other. For a long while, neither of them spoke. They just stared at each other, eyes flicking over features.

Dan was the one who moved first. His hand started moving in soft circles across Phil’s chest. He whispered, “This is nice. I just want to stay like this.”

“Me too,” Phil said, and his hand pressed firmly against Dan’s back, pulling him impossibly closer.

“Do you have to do anything to do today, or can we just lie here for the rest of the day?” Dan asked.

“I want to lie here,” Phil insisted, but a tiny crease appeared between his eyebrows, as something crossed his mind.

Dan’s hand moved from Phil’s chest and poked a fingertip at the crease between his eyebrows. “What is it?”

Phil shook his head. “I was supposed to type up the transcripts from my interviews, but I can do that later. I want this time to be about us.”

Dan smiled. “Same. If you can do it later, okay. I’ll be sure to make this time worth it for you.” Then Dan bit is lip, and he looked a bit cheeky.

“Hmm?” Phil inquired.

Dan released his lip from his teeth. “Well, it’s just that on the topic of you and me and the interviews, I remembered that you said you were supposed to interview me, and you haven’t done that yet. Well, besides what we did in the shower, and we kind of got distracted during that.”

“Oh, good point. I never did get to all the deep, probing questions.” He gave Dan a squeeze.

Dan squirmed in an attempt to escape and laughed. “I’m still not a fan of the word ‘probe’. Don’t probe me, please. Just interview me.”

Phil laughed and released him. “So, you want me to interview you? Now? Hmm… then I think you should try to be less distracting.”

Dan giggled and shifted his pelvis, grinding gently against Phil. “What did I do?”

Phil growled and rolled on top of Dan, pinning him to the bed. In response, Dan sighed and his eyelids fluttered with pleasure. Phil said, “All you have to do to distract me is breathe.”

Dan’s eyes opened, and he stared intently at Phil. He very deliberately sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. He didn’t say a word. He didn’t have to.  

“Okay,” Phil started, very aware of the way Dan’s chest pressed against his as he took another deep breath. “Interview…”

“Hmm?” Dan sighed. He still hadn’t blinked.

“First question. How does this feel?” Phil leaned in and kissed along Dan’s jaw. When the trailing kisses reached his ear, Phil sucked the lobe into his mouth, feeling the stud earring rolling against his tongue before he released it.

Dan quivered beneath him. “Amazing. Don’t stop.”

Phil ignored this request. “Second question. What is your favorite place for me to kiss you?”

Dan just panted for a moment before saying, “Anywhere. Just kiss me.”

“No can do. This is a professional interview, and I need a better answer.” He touched the side of Dan’s neck. “How about here?”

Dan laughed. “If you kiss me there, I’ll be incoherent. So, you’ll just have to take moaning as a response.”

Phil nodded. “That works. I could always write that ‘indistinct noises’ was the answer to my question when I type up this interview.”

Dan narrowed his eyes and his cheeks got pink. “Don’t you dare.”

“Or what?” Phil asked with a grin.

“Or…” His eyes flicked over the bed. “Or I’ll hit you with a pillow!”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Phil said smugly. In the next moment, he was surprised as Dan swiftly grabbed the pillow beside him and smacked Phil on the side of the head with it. He rolled off Dan, clutching his head as if gravely wounded. “I can’t believe you! I have never felt so betrayed.”

Something flickered behind Dan’s eyes, perhaps as he recalled the other time that Phil had really felt betrayed by him, but then the shadow behind his eyes passed and Dan smiled. In a soft voice, he said, “I’ll make it up to you.”

As he settled on his back and looked up at the ceiling, Phil sobered. The little crease appeared between his eyebrows again, as he stared so intently at the ceiling that Dan looked up to see if something was there.

“Phil? What’s wrong?”

“Hmm?” Phil blinked. “Oh. I was just thinking that I should probably interview you. Seriously interview you, since you’re thinking about singing with your real voice. It’s like you’re starting your career all over again, and I want to do this for you. Let me interview you please?”

Dan bit his lip. “What kind of questions would you like to ask me?’

Phil rolled on his side to face Dan and gave him a reassuring smile. “Mr. Howell, can you tell me what sparked your interest in music?”

Dan seemed to contemplate it for a moment. Then he said, “Well, Mr. Lester, my mother introduced me to music when I was a child. I wouldn’t say that she sparked my interest in it though. She viewed making music as a thing that people do to make money, so she encouraged me to study music in my free time since it might lead to a job. But it never felt like that for me.”

As Dan paused, memories swimming behind his eyes, Phil encouraged, “What does music feel like to you?”

“It gives me joy.” A smile spread across Dan’s face. “When I needed it, music has helped me to feel free. I pursued music as a career because I can’t imagine myself doing anything else. Music is a part of me.”

“And it’s a wonderful part of you.” Phil reached out and stroked the hair back from Dan’s forehead before he asked, “Dan, what is your favorite kind of music to perform?”

Dan paused to think before saying, “I like playing obscure videogame soundtracks on my piano. Or anything pretty that appeals to me. Music is something that I use to remind myself of happy times, and playing those songs is the best way to transport myself back to those times in my memories. So, I like to learn to play songs that I associate with good memories.” Dan opened his mouth to say something else, but hesitated. Phil waited until Dan continued, saying, “So, currently I’m performing covers, but I have this idea that maybe someday I might write and perform original music. Maybe it won’t be a complete flop… maybe someone will like what my original lyrics have to say.”

“I’m sure they will.” Phil reached for Dan’s hand lying between them and squeezed it. “Is it your dream to perform these original songs for your audience in the bar, or are you hoping to reach a larger audience someday?”

Dan rubbed his thumb across the back of Phil’s hand absentmindedly. “Recording songs, selling downloads on iTunes, just getting music out there for the sake of making money… none of that appeals to me that much. I want to perform in front of live audiences. Maybe bigger ones than in the bars. Maybe I could go on tour someday and travel the world, performing for people. That would be my dream.” He smiled and held Phil’s gaze. “Off the record of this interview, I specifically want to see the faces of the people I perform for because I want to see if something is possible.”

“Hmm?” Phil encouraged.

“As a siren, there was a look of bliss that passed over the faces of my audience when they felt the effects of my voice. I want to see if I can do something similar, but with my real voice. Like, maybe I can sing well enough with my natural voice that I can make them feel bliss and relax. I’ve heard that some musicians are good enough that they can do that. Not like a siren, but they can just make the people who hear them really happy. I’ve felt that before, have you? Do you think I can do it?”

“Of course.” Phil beamed at him. “I believe you can do it.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope your 2019 got off to a nice start :)


	43. Chapter 43

From _The Little Mermaid_ by Hans Christian Andersen (1836) _:_ _“Where am I?” asked she, and her voice sounded ethereal, as the voice of those who were with her; no earthly music could imitate it._

_“Among the daughters of the air,” answered one of them. “A mermaid has not an immortal soul, nor can she obtain one unless she wins the love of a human being. On the power of another hangs her eternal destiny. But the daughters of the air, although they do not possess an immortal soul, can, by their good deeds, procure one for themselves. We fly to warm countries, and cool the sultry air that destroys mankind with the pestilence. We carry the perfume of the flowers to spread health and restoration. After we have striven for three hundred years to all the good in our power, we receive an immortal soul and take part in the happiness of mankind. You, poor little mermaid, have tried with your whole heart to do as we are doing; you have suffered and endured and raised yourself to the spirit-world by your good deeds; and now, by striving for three hundred years in the same way, you may obtain an immortal soul.”_

_The little mermaid lifted her glorified eyes towards the sun, and felt them, for the first time, filling with tears. On the ship, in which she had left the prince, there were life and noise; she saw him and his beautiful bride searching for her; sorrowfully they gazed at the pearly foam, as if they knew she had thrown herself into the waves. Unseen she kissed the forehead of her bride, and fanned the prince, and then mounted with the other children of the air to a rosy cloud that floated through the aether._

_“After three hundred years, thus shall we float into the kingdom of heaven,” said she. “And we may even get there sooner,” whispered one of her companions. [http://hca.gilead.org.il/li_merma.html/]_

 

 

 

“Thanks again, Robert,” Dan said with pink cheeks, probably for the 20th time since Robert’s car pulled up to the curb and he helped them load their suitcases into the trunk.

“No problemo,” Robert responded breezily, as he homed in on a parking space, and turned the car in the direction of it.

Dan bit his lip and stared out the window, trying to bat down his anxiety. The air was thick with unsaid words and unresolved issues, but this didn’t seem the time to speak of them. Last night when they had been planning their trip to the airport, Phil had suggested asking Robert for a ride instead of calling for a cab. Dan had been shocked.

“ _But we’ve only texted a couple times since the concert!” He protested._

_Phil had rolled his eyes. “And he said that he still wanted to be friends. Giving a ride to the airport is the sort of thing friends do.”_

_“I’m not sure if we’re okay. We haven’t spoken about much besides that. I don’t want to ask him for a favor if we’re not okay.”_

_Phil smiled. “That’s exactly why you need to see Robert now. I want you to get this worry off your mind before we leave the country, so that you can enjoy this trip. You need to see that you still have your friend.”  
_

Now, Dan’s thoughts returned to the present as he felt someone’s fingers entwine with his own. He turned away from the window to see Phil smiling at him. He gave Phil’s hand a squeeze. As he stared into the ocean blue eyes, he felt like he could hear his voice without him needing to utter a word. _It will be alright. Just talk to Robert. There is nothing to worry about._

Dan smiled, hoping his face and eyes were just as expressive, so that Phil knew how grateful he was for the love and support. Having Phil by his side made all of this seem less scary, even as the car rolled into a parking space and Dan knew that the time of his conversation with Robert was drawing nearer.

After Robert turned off the car, they all piled out and went to retrieve their rolling suitcases and carry-ons from the trunk. Phil checked his watch and said, “We’re really early.” He smirked at Dan, all but saying the words, _As I’d planned._ “Once we get our suitcases to the baggage check, I can wait in line there. Why don’t you guys go to the café and get yourselves a cup of coffee? You have time to catch up before we leave.”

Dan opened his mouth, unsure what to say.

As Dan’s mind was still spinning in circles, Robert replied, “Sure, sounds like fun.”

Taking a deep breath, Dan focused on calming himself for what was to come.

 

 

“What would you like?”

“Hmm?” Dan jumped, jarred out of his thoughts by Robert’s voice. He blinked at the menu and at the barista waiting on his order. “Oh, um, caramel macchiato please.”

Robert also told her his order, and they shuffled to the register to pay for their drinks. Robert commented, “You seem distracted, Dan. Worried about the flight?”

Dan shook his head – the flight was the least of his concerns today. “No, um. I’m not worried about that.”

Robert nodded and looked away. They stood in an awkward silence, occasionally fiddling with their phones until their drinks arrived, and they took them to a booth in the corner. Robert scooted forward until he was sitting on the edge of his seat and he leaned across the table. He dropped his voice to a conspiratorial whisper, saying, “Dan, if it’s me you’re worried about, please don’t. I don’t want you to think I’m going to betray your secret. I promise I haven’t told anyone you’re a siren, and I won’t.”

“Oh.” Dan’s shoulders relaxed and he gave Robert a smile. “Thank you. I didn’t think you were going to say anything. I was worried, but not about that.”

“What then?” Robert took the lid off his coffee, releasing a puff of steam, and he blew on it to cool it.

Dan fiddled absentmindedly with a sugar packet that was left lying on the table. “I was just worried about us. Our friendship. Did you mean what you said? You’re okay with all this?”

Robert blinked. “Of course we are. I told you so over text. And I’m here today, having coffee with you. What makes you think something’s wrong?”

Dan shrugged. “Yeah, all that’s true. But it’s also true that you’re a nice guy who would never say or do anything to hurt me. So, maybe you’re just acting like this to spare my feelings.”

Robert smiled and shook his head. “Do you really think I’m that deceitful?”

“No, not that.” He took a sip of his hot coffee, which scalded his tongue a bit. Grimacing, he set down the cup on the table. “I think I’m the one who deceived you, and I wouldn’t blame you if you were upset with me, knowing what you now know about me…”

As Dan trailed off, Robert finished, “The siren thing?” Robert shook his head, as Dan’s cheeks flushed with shame. “Dan, what am I supposed to be upset about? It’s who you are, man. If I disliked you for being a siren – something you were born as and can’t change about yourself – I’d seriously be a dick. I hope that’s not who you think I am because I’m nothing but grateful that you trusted me with this secret. I feel closer to you now.”

“I do, too.” Dan took a sip of coffee so that he could hide his smile behind his mug. He had felt vulnerable around Robert since he revealed the truth to him. He didn’t know how to feel secure again, and avoiding the issue and his friend hadn’t helped. On impulse, Dan decided to open up a bit more and he confessed, “Besides my mum, Phil, and now his family, you’re the only one who know about me. I’ve lived in secret for my whole life, hiding who I really am from everyone in my life. I was scared…”

Robert frowned. “That sounds kinda lonely. I’m glad you decided to trust and share what you are with us.”

Dan smiled and looked down at the drink in his hands. “Me, too. I never thought I’d find people who I’d feel safe sharing this with. I thought I had no choice but to isolate myself. I was wrong, and now I feel like the world has opened up to me.”

Smiling, Robert took a sip of his drink and he asked, “So, does the world opening up for you include your career, too? Because I’m going to miss seeing you around the bar while you’re away.”

“I’ll be back at the Oasis soon,” Dan assured him. “Though once I am, I’m planning something a bit different. Do you remember what I told you about my siren voice?”

Robert nodded. “You said you didn’t think you deserved your success because your siren voice hypnotizes people.”

“Yeah, so I’m not as happy with my career as I could be. But the last time I performed for the BBC, I didn’t use my siren talent. Phil thinks that my natural voice – not my siren voice – is good enough that maybe I can perform using it. I hope he’s right.”

Robert’s smile widened. “I heard you sing that day. Phil is right.”

“I’m a bit nervous,” Dan confessed. “I’ve been relying on my supernatural skill for so long. I’ve never even had voice training. What if I’m not good enough?”

“You are,” Robert insisted. “And if you feel like a lack of training is holding you back, I could always help with that. I’ve given voice lessons before. Come over to my place sometime. We could hang out, jam on my karaoke machine like the professionals we are, and I could give you some tips.”

Dan gaped at him. “Are you serious?”

“Of course.” Robert laughed. “And despite my causal presentation of the offer, I do know what I’m talking about when I say voice lessons. I can offer you tips on voice control, give you breathing exercises you can practice at home, and more. I wouldn’t have brought up these lessons if I didn’t know how to give them.”

“I know that, I believe you. It’s just… you’d really do that for me?”

Robert’s smile faltered. “I would, Dan. Because it bothered me to hear what you thought of yourself the other day, calling yourself fake and an imposter. None of that was true. When I heard you sing for the first time on stage right after that, I knew how talented you were. It really upsets me to think that you can’t see that about yourself.” He took a deep breath, seeming to want to say something else, so Dan stayed silent. Robert continued, “Dan, what you and I have always had in common is a love of music, and I could see how happy you were when you were singing on stage. I’m your friend. So, I want to see you happy like that again and I want to help. Will you let me give you voice lessons?”

“Yes,” Dan said in a soft voice, stunned by Robert’s generosity. “Thank you.”

“Great!” Robert beamed at him. “So, it’s settled then. You’ll come over to my place once you get back from the States, and I’ll give you some lessons.”

Dan nodded. “Thanks. You’re a good friend. So much better than I deserve.”

Robert laughed and shook his head. As he took a sip of his coffee, he seemed distracted.

“What is it? You look like you have something on your mind.”

“Oh.” Robert put down his cup, a wistful look on his face. “I was just trying to pinpoint the moment we became friends. We were professional rivals for so long. When do you think the scales tipped over to friendship?”

Dan shrugged and smiled. “I’m not sure. This friendship kind of snuck up on me when I wasn’t looking. It was the same way with Phil.”

“Was it?” A muscle in Robert’s cheek twitched and then he stared pointedly at a nearby empty wall.

Dan blinked and also stared at the wall, trying to see what Robert saw there. Then a pair of hands landed heavily on Dan’s shoulders, making him let out a startled squeak. The person behind him leaned in to growl in his ear, “ _Rawr_!”

“Phil?” He guessed, still a bit breathless. The hands gave his shoulders one more squeeze before they moved off his shoulders. A moment later, Phil dropped into an open spot at the table with a wolfish grin on his face. Dan turned a scowl on Robert. “You saw him sneaking up on me and didn’t warn me.”

“Why would I do something like that?” Robert hid his smile behind his cup, which must be empty of coffee by now.

Dan turned a pout on Phil, but Phil was drumming his fingers on the table and glancing at the clock which was hanging nearby on the wall. Dan asked, “How did it go with the bags? Should we be going soon?”

As Phil’s eyes flicked to Dan’s face from the clock, he gave a slight nod. He said, “Bags are checked in. We should probably head over to the gate about now. But there’s time for you to finish your coffee.”

Dan picked up his cup and drained the dregs of coffee from it, now gone cold after sitting out for so long. He told Phil, “I’m ready to go.”

Phil glanced at Robert, who tipped his cup to show Phil that it was empty. Still, Phil hesitated and asked, “You guys sure you’re ready to go? Have you had a chance to talk?”

Robert’s eyebrows rose in confusion, and he glanced between Dan and Phil, sensing that there was some kind of secret, silent communication passing between the couple as they shot each other glances. 

Smiling, Dan explained to Robert, “Phil thought we should have a chance to talk before I got on the plane, so that everything was settled between us. I think we accomplished that.”

A wide grin spread across his face. “I think so, too.” Robert tossed his empty cup in a nearby trashcan. “Okay, then. Let’s go. I can’t see you guys off if instead you miss your flight.”

Dan laughed and also tossed his cup. “Right, let’s go.” He paused only to glance in his carry-on bag, making sure that his ticket and boarding pass were still at the top of his bag, resting on top of a tangled sea of wires that he had hastily tossed in his bag after procrastinating packing last night. Then they left the café.

Phil led the way, peering above heads in the crowd and glancing at the signs that directed them to their destination. Robert fell into pace beside Dan. Neither of them said anything – they didn’t have to, which made Dan feel a rush of fondness for his friend, and affection for Phil. Phil had been right to have them get here early and stop in the café. If this had been left up to Dan, he likely would never have settled things with Robert today, or he would have mumbled something awkward and inconclusive before they parted at the gate. It felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, which was all thanks to Robert’s forgiving nature and Phil’s careful planning. In this moment, Dan knew how amazingly lucky he was to have both of them in his life.

They reached the point in the airport where people without boarding passes couldn’t advance further, so it was time to part with Robert. Phil turned to him, “Thanks for giving us a ride today.”

“Happy to do it,” Robert told him. “I hope you guys have a nice trip.” Then before either of them could respond, he turned to Dan and pulled him into a quick hug. “I’ll see you when you get back. Take care of yourself.”

As the hug broke apart, Dan nodded to Phil and told Robert. “I’ll be fine. Phil and I take care of each other.”

That seemed to reassure Robert. As the pair started walking towards the gate, since they were out of time to dawdle before their flight. Dan’s last glimpse of Robert as he disappeared around a corner was of the wide grin on Robert’s face. He once more felt a rush of relief that everything had gotten settled before this trip. Dan huffed a sigh of relief.

Phil glanced at him, hearing it. “You okay? Did everything really get settled with Robert?” When Dan nodded, he asked, “Then, you’re worried about your mum?”

Dan laughed, since it wasn’t like he had forgotten why they were here in the airport: to travel to his mum’s wedding. “I’m always worried about her,” he told Phil. He couldn’t keep a smile off his face, though.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One chapter left! It's a long one which I'm still working on. I hope I can finish writing it in a week, but it might be a day or two late if I get attacked by writer's block. Hopefully I won't, wish me luck!


	44. Chapter 44

_The Myth of Orpheus: The mythological tradition names Orpheus as the pre-eminent musician of the "Golden Age" of heroes. Orpheus' music and song are said to have been so enticing that they could charm the very birds from the trees, soothe Cerberus and bring the Furies to tears. Orpheus' parentage is unclear and though all sources agree his mother was the Muse of epic poetry, Calliope, there is dispute over the identity of his father… although it appears as though his mother and aunts taught him to sing and play the lyre._

_Although one might not expect a famous musician to be a "hero" per se, Jason sought out Orpheus to join him and the other Argonauts in his quest to recover the Golden Fleece for King Pelias… Orpheus' sole weapon was his lyre, which he used to raise the spirits of his fellow Argonauts, and to charm fish from the sea as food for their long journey. Orpheus' most famous contribution to the quest was, however, his dealing with the Sirens._

_The Sirens were three bird-women, who lived on an island meadow scattered with the bones of their numerous victims. These monsters would sing a seductive song to passing sailors, luring them onto jagged rocks where their ships would be wrecked and the mariners drown. When the Argo neared this island, Orpheus began to play his lyre and to sing an echoing song in order to confuse that of the Sirens, thus preventing the crew from being seduced into a shipwreck. [http://www.ancientgreece.com/s/GreekMyths/Orpheus/]_

 

 

 

“How do I look?” Dan asked, straightening his tie as he stared at his reflection. Over his shoulder in the mirror, he saw Phil watching him intently and looking like he enjoyed what he saw.

“You look lovely,” Phil responded, and his voice had an odd intensity to it, which Dan had come to associate with arousal.

Noting this, Dan had to bite his lip to hide a pleased smile, and he also had to force down the stirring of his own arousal – this wasn’t the time for that, though it was good to know that he looked _that_ good to Phil. Dan turned to face Phil with a flippant response, “You always say that about me. Even when I have a cold and look all gross.”

As Dan turned, Phil continued to unashamedly check him out. He responded, “Maybe I wasn’t just talking about your appearance.”

Dan blinked. “What?”

Phil’s gaze rested on Dan’s face. “Maybe I meant you’re beautiful, inside and out.”

“Oh.” Dan took a step closer to him, and his gaze dropped shyly to Phil’s shoes. They were very nice shoes, black and polished to a shine. The rest of his outfit was just as nice – a tailored black suit that was buttoned at Phil’s trim waist. Dan’s eyes traveled up Phil’s body, noting how nicely the suit fit across his broad shoulders. Phil was wearing a brilliant blue tie that almost perfectly matched the color of his eyes, and Dan reached out to fuss with it, as if to straighten it. Really, he had just needed a task to busy his hands.

Dan wasn’t sure why he felt so vulnerable and fragile right now – Phil knew how Dan felt about him. Luckily, Phil also knew him well enough that he didn’t question the odd way he was acting. Phil just waited to see what Dan wanted to say.

Eventually, Dan cleared his throat and told Phil, “This is a really nice tie. It makes your eyes pop.”

Phil glanced down at his tie. “Oh, thanks.”

With the intense eye contact broken, Dan felt a bit more confident, and before he lost it he blurted, “You’re lovely, too. The most amazing person I’ve ever known, both inside and out.”

As Phil looked up, he smiled and his eyes sparkled with it. He leaned in to give Dan a lingering kiss. When they pulled apart, Phil was still smiling, but a shadow seemed to have passed behind his eyes and Dan could tell that he was holding something back. “Phil?” he asked. “What is it?”

Phil shrugged. “I was just thinking about saying something while we’re on the topic of heartfelt and borderline cheesy confessions. So, I’ve decided I don’t like the phrase ‘falling in love’. I didn’t know that before you, since you’re my first love. Whenever I was with someone before you, I always waited for this inevitable moment where I… fell, but it never happened. And then I met you, and it was nothing like I had expected. I had butterflies in my stomach and my heart beat so fast that I thought it was going to fly out of my chest. I feel like I flew in love with you, if that makes sense.”

“A bit more than borderline cheesy,” Dan said with a laugh, but he leaned forward so that his forehead rested against Phil’s. “I know what you mean though. And I like that. It’s kind of appropriate actually.”

Phil blinked and his eyes were so close that Dan could see every fleck of yellow in the blue, and the glint sunlight on his ginger eyelashes. He asked, “Huh?”

“I was thinking of the sirens from old Greek myths,” Dan said. “They weren’t from the sea like sirens you see in pop culture today. They were birds. So, you see they didn’t swim, they soared. It’s kind of fitting then that you say I made your heart fly.”

Laughing, Phil wrapped his arms around Dan’s waist, lifted his feet from the floor, and spun him in a circle in the air. Dan whooped in delight and held tight to Phil’s shoulders.  


  
Dan had been raised around the supernatural, yet still it surprised him sometimes. Perhaps hypnotizing a roomful of people with a voice was a true feat of magic, but Dan couldn’t help being more impressed by what he saw now: a wedding party at a 5-star venue in full splendor, all arranged and organized in less than a month. He stood in the parking lot by the event, and the scene before him looked fit for an appearance in any wedding magazine. Dan shook his head.

Phil noticed the gesture and that Dan had stopped walking, and he nudged him with a shoulder. “What is it? You okay?”

“Yup.” Dan nodded and started walking in the direction of the wedding party again, eyes on a chain of white paper lanterns strung between two nearby beach houses, the lanterns swaying in the breeze. “I was just thinking about my mum. I mean, how did she do all this in such a short time? She must have used her talent. There’s no other explanation.”

As they were walking between the houses, almost at the beach now, Phil opened his mouth to respond. He didn’t get the chance.

“But of course there is,” said a familiar female voice.

They both turned, and Dan saw his mum walking down the back-porch staircase of one of the beach houses. She was dressed in a white sundress that looked designer with a string of pearls looped twice around her neck, and her brown hair hung loose around her shoulders in carefully-styled waves. Dan nervously met her eyes, thinking she might be annoyed by his comment. Instead, he saw that her brown eyes creased at the corners with wry amusement as she beamed at him. Reassured, he walked over to give her a hug in greeting, as he said, “It’s good to see you, Mum. You look beautiful.”

She hugged him tight enough to make his ribs creak. “Thank you, honey. And thank you so much for coming.”

As his mum released him from the hug, her hands stayed on his shoulders like she was reluctant to break the contact, and this made Dan feel a rush of warmth in his chest. This was the one person in the world whom he knew he shared blood with and touching her seemed to make the blood thrum in his veins. Looking at the emotion on her face, it seemed like she might be feeling the same thing.

It had been a while since he had last seen her, but as they stood there the time they spent apart fell away, and suddenly he felt like a kid again, safe and happy in the hands of his mother. She had always seemed so strong to him, and the impressive sight of the party today had only reinforced this. Dan nodded to Phil, who had been standing a couple feet to the side to give the family some privacy during their reunion. He told her, “Mum, this is Phil, my boyfriend.”

Surprisingly, Phil looked a bit nervous – his cheeks even got pink – but he composed himself after a second and nodded. “It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Howell.”

“Please, if I’m going to call you Phil, then call me Monica.” She laughed and leaned forward to greet him with a friendly kiss on the cheek. “Besides, that’s not going to be my name for much longer. I’m about to be Mrs. Monticello.”

Dan glanced at the scene behind them and asked, “It looks amazing. How did you pull this together?”

“You mean without using my voice to hypnotize some hapless florists and bakers into getting free things fast?” She grinned at him. “Why, money. Of course, there’s nothing that can’t be easily acquired when money isn’t an issue – remember Nathaniel owns a vineyard? – and you can find good help.” She dropped her voice to a conspiratorial whisper, “My wedding planner, Fiona… now there’s a woman who must have supernatural talents. She’s the one who really organized this all, so she’s the one you should be impressed with. Oh! And speaking of, there is somewhere that I’m supposed to be right now. Fiona has a strict schedule for this party. She’s tiny, but scary, and I don’t want to get on her bad side.”

Dan laughed. “Don’t let me hold you up then. Go stand on your mark so this party can get started.”

She reached out to give his hand a squeeze. “Remember, you have a mark to stand on, too. I want my boy at my side when I get married, if you’re willing to do that for me.”

“Of course, Mum.” He returned the squeeze.

“Thanks, sweetie.” She laughed and dropped his hand. “I should go.”

“Yes, let’s avoid the wrath of the fearsome Fiona.”

Mum gave him one last smile before turning and hurrying in the direction of her party, nimbly navigating the path in her sparkly sandals.

Phil stepped closer, also watching her go. He commented, “She’s an interesting lady.”

Dan glanced at him. He had been so distracted by his own reunion that he hadn’t bothered to worry about the fact that his mum was meeting his boyfriend for the first time. Now he wondered, had they made a good impression on each other? Would they get along? As he looked at Phil, it seemed like the remark had been genuine. Everything had gone well.

Dan nodded. “She is. I’m glad you thought so. Um, are you ready to head over to the wedding?”

Phil smiled and took Dan’s hand as they followed the path that his mum had taken. Eventually, they stepped onto the beach, which had been carefully prepared for this event. It looked like the sand had been combed and evened as much as possible before the chairs, garlands of flowers, and archway had been placed here, all of which were a pure shade of white. The most vibrant color on display here was the vibrant blue of the ocean in the background, which was sparkling in the sunlight. It was breathtaking.

They had both paused a couple feet away from the chairs, looking around, but a man in a white suit rushed up to them and asked, “Bride or groom?”

As he gestured to the chairs – two groups on either side of the aisle – Dan realized that this man was an usher. Phil answered, “Bride.”

The usher started to lead them to two empty seats on what was apparently the section for the bride’s guests, but Dan said, “I’m actually the bride’s son. She said I’m supposed to stand with her, um, somewhere?”

As Dan scanned the crowd for his mum and some sign of where he was supposed to be, a woman overheard him and flew to his side. “There you are!” A short red-headed woman glared at him through her glasses, and he knew without introduction that this was the fearsome wedding planner. She beckoned him with an insistent gesture. “Follow me.”

After waving in farewell to Phil, who was following the usher to a chair, Dan turned to trail after Fiona as she walked brusquely. When she glanced over her shoulder to see that he was following, he smiled at her.

She shook her head before facing forward again, grumbling, “You know, you could have at least come to the rehearsal. This day would be much less chaotic if you had.”

“Sorry, I didn’t exactly get much notice about this wedding,” Dan said, bristling slightly.

Fiona snorted. “Tell me about it.” She stopped walking and turned to face him, looking less hostile – it seemed like she had decided to bond with him over the inconvenience of the hasty wedding. Her eyes flicked over him, and she nodded in approval. “Nice suit. I usually approve the outfits of those in the wedding party to make sure they look like a cohesive group. If I’d had a chance to approve yours, that’s exactly the kind of thing I would’ve hoped you would wear.”

Dan was wearing his white suit, which he thought made him look like a stormtrooper. His shoulders lifted slightly with the praise – it sounded like he had avoided the wedding planner’s wrath. Then, an arm looped through his. He glanced over, seeing his mum smiling at him.

“I told you my son would look nice,” she said to Fiona. Then she met Dan’s eyes and asked, “Ready to walk me down the aisle?”

He took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Let’s go.”

 

 

The reception was taking place only a short walk away from the beachside wedding – in the backyard of the beach house. Dan lost track of Phil during the walk to the reception, but he had a guess of where he might be. As most of the wedding party strolled over to pose for photos, listen to live music, or partake of the generous open bar supplied by Nathaniel’s vineyard, Dan headed in a different direction. The tables on the lawns, decorated with elaborate centerpieces and embossed name cards, were empty except for a few elderly people who sat down for a rest. Servers in bow ties flitted between the tables, carrying trays laden with hors d’oeuvres as they hurried in the direction of the guests. 

Tucked in a corner away from the chaos of the party was a white cake adorned with frosted flowers, fondant ribbons, and the figurines of a bride and groom. Phil was standing before the cake, seeming to be admiring it. Dan crept closer, until he was right behind Phil without having attracted his attention. Then he whispered, “I thought I might find you here.”

Phil gasped and whirled around. “Don’t do that!”

“Do what?” Dan teased. “Catch you trying to sneak a taste of the cake?”

His cheeks got pink. “I wasn’t. I swear.”

“Sure, you weren’t…” Dan drawled, but he relented as he turned his attention to the frosted confection. The figurines on top had such a likeness to his mum and Nathaniel that they must have been custom-made – the bride had brown curls hanging loose around her shoulders, and the groom had salt-and-pepper in his beard.

Phil was also staring at the cake. Slowly, he asked, “Can you see yourself having one of these someday?” He hesitated as Dan’s wide eyes shifted to his face, but continued, “A party like this… the cake, the ceremony, and the vows?”

“Phil, are you asking me if I’d want to get married someday?” He was sure that was what Phil was asking, but he stalled by saying, “What made you ask that?”

Phil shrugged. “When I saw you standing by that arch with your mum while she made her vows. You looked so beautiful up there in your white suit… it made me wonder what you thought our future might be like.”

“Oh.” Dan looked at the cake again, this time picturing it with a figurine of himself and Phil atop it. After a moment, he answered, “It’s a terrifying thing to envision – standing in front of all those people, making those oaths, and starting a new chapter of my life tied to someone. It’s not something I ever thought I wanted for myself, but with you? I think it’s possible. You’re the only person in the world who I can see myself doing something like that with. You make me brave.”

“You make me brave, too.” Phil opened his mouth to say something else, but then his phone buzzed. Sighing, he extracted his phone from his pocket, and read the name displayed on the screen. “It’s my mum.”

“Answer it!”

“Now?” He gestured between them with the phone in his hand. “We were in the middle of something…”

“Yes!” Dan whined. “I’ll marry you someday, and when I do I’d like to be on good terms with my mother-in-law. Now, pick up the call before she gets voicemail!”

Smiling, Phil accepted the call, which was a video call. He put it on speaker phone and Kath’s face appeared on the screen. “Hey, mum! I’m here with Dan.”

She smiled and creases appeared at the corners of her eyes. Her voice came, small and tinny from the speaker, “Philip! And hi, Daniel! I was just calling to make sure that your flight went safely.”

“Hi, Kath!” Dan said with a wave.

“We’re fine, as you can see,” Phil assured her. “The flight was great, and we made it in time for the wedding. Everything is going great. And I promise to buy you some nice American candy while I’m here!”

She laughed. “You might buy it, but I’m sure you’ll eat it before you get a chance to give it to me. Oh well, it’s the thought that counts!”

He opened his mouth to defend himself, but he was surprised to see Dan’s mum had approached them. She was grinning wide and grabbed the phone from Phil’s hand. Dan’s mum said, “Hi, is this Phil’s mother? I’m Monica. I thought I should introduce myself because based on what I just overheard, we might be in-laws someday.”

There was a pause before Kath said in an inscrutable voice, “Oh?”

Phil exchanged a look with Dan, who appeared apologetic. As Phil sorted through his own emotions, he just shrugged and decided to see what would happen next, as their mothers continued chatting on the phone. This might be entertaining…

“I’m Dan’s mum,” she said by way of explanation to Kath. “The boys came here for my wedding. Did they tell you that?”

“Yes, they did.” Kath was speaking in a firm voice, which she always used when trying to get her way. “Now, what was this you were saying about another wedding?”

“Oh, are you interested in weddings? Let me tell you about mine. Everything has gone perfectly today! The ice sculpture is stunning, the sun is shining, and the flowers are absolutely amazing. There are white roses everywhere. The centerpieces are _so_ beautiful. Let me show you one!” Monica wandered off in the direction of an empty table where a centerpiece was resting.

Phil blinked. “I’ve never seen someone deflect my mum like that before.”

“My mum has a talent for deflection,” Dan said with a sigh. Then as he watched his mum in the distance, rambling without pausing to take a breath despite Kath’s attempts to cut in, he couldn’t help laughing.

Phil joined in with the laughter, his blue eyes sparkling. When their laughter died down, Phil nodded to the microphone and speakers mounted on a small stage on the corner of the lawn. He asked, “Are you going to perform soon?”

Dan nodded and checked the time on his phone. “Yeah, I’m supposed sing in a moment.” He shot Phil a worried glance. “When my mom asked me to sing for her, I didn’t explain the choice I’ve made to use my real voice. What if she hates it? What if she doesn’t like the choice I’ve made for myself?”

“Dan, I’ve heard you practice this song for today.” He took Dan by the shoulders and squeezed gently. “Your voice is beautiful and your mum is going to be proud of you. I promise.”

Dan swallowed heavily before nodding. Then he smiled and said, “Thanks, Phil. For always believing in me.”

Dan glanced at the stage and sucked in a steady breath. There was a small orchestra playing, just a half dozen people performing relaxing background music for the people strolling around the yard, chatting with cocktails in hand. The orchestra seemed to be wrapping up the piece they were performing, and this seemed like the perfect moment to go over. Mum had already made the arrangements, so the orchestra knew that Dan would be performing, and even what song he would be doing so they could accompany them. There was nothing holding him back.

Dan locked eyes with Phil, finding his courage in the ocean eyes. He said, “I’m ready. Let’s go.” They pushed through the crowd of guests until they made it to the stage, where the orchestra had just wrapped up a song and were organizing their sheet music before the next one. Dan addressed a cellist near the edge of the stage, “Hi, I’m the bride’s son? She said she would like me to sing a song? Is this a good time?”

“Ah! You must be Daniel.” The cellist got up from his chair to carry a mic stand to the center of the stage, which he then raised to Dan’s height.

Phil took Dan’s hand and gave it a quick squeeze. He whispered, “You’re going to be great.”

Dan gave the hand a squeeze in thanks before releasing it and climbing onto the stage. He was breathing in slow and steady breaths so that he didn’t panic as his gaze swept the crowd, seeing the party guests turning to look at him curiously. For the first time in his career as a musician, he was facing the crowd without a piano before him and it felt like he was naked without it. This scared him even more than the fact that he was about to sing without his siren voice.

Dan’s eyes searched the crowd for familiar faces. He found his mum easily in her white dress. She was standing beside her new husband, Nathaniel, whom was also watching Dan expectantly. Mum waved, and then pointed to the phone in her hand. The phone was still displaying Kath’s face. Apparently, he would be performing for her today, too. His eyes roved further, and finally he found Phil’s face, shining bright with joy as he gazed back at Dan. That was all he needed to see.

He sucked in a deep breath before leaning into the mic. “Hello. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Monica’s son, Daniel. In honor of my mum’s happiness today, I’d like to perform a song. I hope you all enjoy it.”

The orchestra began to play a soft melody, and a few people in the crowd gave short, excited claps as they recognized the familiar tune. Dan began to sing in his normal voice, “ _I found a love for me. Darling just dive right in and follow my lead._ ”

Phil smiled at that line, and Dan could guess why – he had quite literally taken a dive when he fell in love with Phil. Knowing that their minds seemed to be in the same place, Phil shot him a wink, which almost made Dan laugh. 

Shifting his gaze to less distracting people in the crowd, Dan focused on his mum and her new husband as he sung, “ _Well I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know. She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I'll share her home. I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets, to carry love, to carry children of our own. We are still kids, but we're so in love._ ”

Mum clasped hands with Nathaniel, lifted them to her lips, and kissed the back of his hand. Nathaniel smiled at her and placed a kiss on the top of her head, but Mum never took her eyes off Dan and she didn’t even blink.

Dan had been worried what she would think about him singing in this voice, but he was starting to relax. His mum didn’t seem disappointed. Quite the opposite. “ _Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms. Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song. When I saw you in that dress, looking so beautiful, I don't deserve this, darling, you look perfect tonight_.”

As he came to the close of the song, Dan found his eyes drawn to Phil again. He had the odd urge to burst with thanks in the middle of this performance for Phil. If Phil hadn’t suggested singing in his real voice, then none of this would have been possible. This entire crowd would be hypnotized right now, and Dan would hate himself for it. Phil had given him everything. “ _I have faith in what I see. Now I know I have met an angel in person, and he looks perfect. I don't deserve this. You look perfect tonight_.”

It was hard to tell at this distance, but it seemed like Phil’s cheeks got a bit pink.

 

 

Dan’s fingers roved across the sheets, searching for warmth. He didn’t find the soft skin he was searching for, and he blinked sleepily before calling, “Phil?”

“Over here,” a voice answered from the other side of the room.

Dan rolled over, rubbing his eyes as they adjusted to the moonlight streaming in the window, which seemed impossibly bright as it glinted off the nearby sea and glazed Phil in blue light. As Dan fought to full consciousness, he took in the visage of Phil standing before the open window. His inky black hair was tousled from sleep, he wasn’t wearing his glasses, and he was nude except for his boxers. The planes of his leanly muscled body were washed out by moonlight, and he looked too lovely to be merely mortal. The sight of him made Dan’s heart squeeze in his chest. How had he gotten so lucky?

Dan asked in a sleep-roughened voice, “What are you doing there?”

Phil nodded to the view. “It’s not every day that I have a view like this outside my window. Sleeping and missing this seemed like a waste.”

Dan couldn’t argue with that, so he stayed silent.

“Hey, I have a crazy idea…” Phil crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed. His face was shining with excitement. He asked, “Will you come take a swim with me?”

“What? Now?” He glanced around the room for a clock but didn’t see one. It must be around 3am. Then his gaze flicked back to Phil’s face, and he saw how much he wanted this. Reluctantly, Dan said, “Alright.”

Helped by Phil’s hand, he slipped out of their warm bed in just his boxers. They didn’t turn on any lights and tiptoed through the beach house, wary of waking anyone. As they stepped outside, the chill of the night air nipped at Dan’s skin – like Phil, he was clad in just his boxers. He felt exposed now under the light of a bright full moon but kept jogging onto the beach. His hand was still linked with Phil’s and he felt brave with him at his side.

The tide was high, pulled in by the moon, and the sea had swallowed most of the beach. A wave rushed fast and foamy in the sand only a few inches from Dan’s toes. He gasped in surprise and stopped in his tracks, his hands slipping from Phil’s grasp.

Phil turned around. The wind was whipping at his messy quiff, and his brow was furrowed in confusion. He asked, “What is it?”

Dan bit his lip and looked at the water. “Sorry. It’s just that besides that one time that I went into the sea to save you, it had been years since I went anywhere near it. It scares me a bit.”

“Do you want to go back inside?” Phil stepped closer, and this time he took both of Dan’s hands in his. “Or do you want to keep going?”

For a moment, Dan considered it. He had avoided the sea for a long time not only out of his fear that the water would expose him, but also because it felt so good, like he might sink into the water one day and never come out. As he looked at Phil, those fears fell away. He didn’t have to worry about Phil rejecting him for his webbed hands, and he didn’t think that he would be tempted to never get out of the water. Dan smiled to show Phil that it was okay, and he walked into the water with him. Wherever Phil went, Dan knew that he would want to go, too.  
           

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for coming with me on this long journey!  
> And special thanks to the beta of this fic, AmazingDandroid (Stardust_Ti) who had no idea how long this would be when she offered to help me, yet she never complained even after 6 months. The music sections in particular benefited greatly from her knowledge.  
> I am so happy to have completed this work! If you enjoyed it, please let me know.  
> I'm still in the early stages of my next project (and I'd like to work on it for a while, maybe a month, before I post anything new to AO3). I have 3 ideas which I am eager to write, but I'm curious about what you would like to read. My ideas are:  
> 1\. A short smutty phanfic about an incubus and consensual somnophilia  
> 2\. An interactive phanfic set in 2009 with for possible endings which the reader can get based on the choices that Dan makes in the story (I have this outlined and wrote a few chapters already, but it's a challenge)  
> 3\. A serious, long phanfic that at first appears to be set in a normal universe, but there is a big twist later.
> 
> So, I was wondering what you might like to see me work on next, before I commit to a new project? Thank you so much for reading <3


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